


Pushing the Envelope

by kennac



Series: Decent Into Darkness [4]
Category: The A-Team (TV)
Genre: Gen, Vietnam War
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-22
Updated: 2015-02-01
Packaged: 2018-03-02 18:28:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 48
Words: 144,146
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2821931
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kennac/pseuds/kennac
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Colonel John ‘Hannibal’ Smith’s alpha team is like no other at Nha Trang. Small, agile and lethal they have the best mission record on base. They also get in the most trouble. The band of misfit soldiers that he’s assembled includes Captain HM ‘Howlin’ Mad’ Murdock, who’s prowess in the air, genius in black ops, and natural, quiet leadership ability have made him an indispensible part of Hannibal’s team. But when he’s lovesick, he can be a real pain in the ass to deal with.</p>
<p>And Murdock’s current love interest turns out to be a young, female CIA agent, Sydney Wilson. She creates a whirlwind of lust, longing and distrust when she arrives on the scene. Hannibal’s problem is that her usefulness in reconnaissance actually seems to outweigh the fact that she’s a troublesome woman. </p>
<p>Can Hannibal utilize another misfit to the advantage of the US in this conflict? Maybe. But Sydney has secrets and agendas of her own that may just lead to the downfall of Smith’s A-Team. </p>
<p>Third full-length story in my Decent into Darkness series. Follows Falling in Love with a Lie. It is very helpful, though not absolutely necessary, to read the previous stories in the series first.</p>
<p>This story is complete.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Sydney Wilson hurried along the edge of the main airfield at the Da Nang Air Base, scanning the choppers dotting the area. The sergeant had assured her she couldn’t miss the pilot she needed.

Catching sight of flaming red hair, she hurried toward the young man.

“Excuse me? Captain? The sarge told me you were flying to Saigon. Do you have room for one more passenger?”

“Shouldn’t be a problem,” he said with a grin. “Especially not for a little peanut like you.”

Unable to feel insulted by such an agreeable guy, Syd said, “Great! When will you be leaving?”

“Don’t know,” the pilot said. “We got roped into this taxi duty kinda last minute. Some bigwig needs a ride and we got pegged because we were headed south – forget the fact that we weren’t headed anywhere near Saigon.”

“Look at it this way, Ky,” a middle-aged man said, clapping the redhead on the shoulder. “The longer we play taxi, the less time we spend being shot at.”

“Personally I think we should charge a fare – say something like day passes to Saigon. Then we could spend the evening in the big city.” This from a compact, powerfully-built young man who jumped down from the hold of the chopper.

“I’m afraid I can’t get you any passes,” Syd said.

“Just ignore Cahill. We all do,” the pilot said with a smirk, ducking as Cahill took a swing at his head. “I’m Kyle Wright, by the way. What’s your name?”

Shaking the offered hand, she answered, “Sydney Wilson. It’s nice to meet you, Kyle.”

“Justin Cahill,” the other young man said, pushing forward with a wide smile. Kyle laughed and nudged him sideways as he shook Syd’s hand.

“We call him ‘Horndog,’” Kyle said teasingly.

Cahill smirked. “Better than ‘Virgin,’ man!”

Sydney chuckled as the third man stepped forward and gave her a little bow. “Don’t mind the boys, ma’am. They’re mostly harmless. My name’s Bill Harris.”

Kyle looked around. “Yeah, Bill here’s the mature one of the crew. Where the hell did Petey go? Damn, what’s his name again?”

“Mitch,” Harris supplied. “Mitch Lang. You know you sound more and more like Murdock every day, Ky? And that ain’t necessarily a good thing.”

Stunned, Syd stared at Harris. “Did you say ‘Murdock’ as in Captain HM Murdock?”

The three men turned and stared at her. Kyle found his voice first. “You know him?”

“Yes,” Syd said. “Obviously you do too.”

“Hell, Murdock’s the reason we’re together,” Cahill said.

“Are you all stationed at Nha Trang?” Syd asked.

“We are now,” Harris said. “I started out here in Da Nang as crew chief for Murdock. When he transferred to Nha Trang, he kinda drug me along.”

“That’s ‘cause Colonel Smith promised Murdock his preferred crew, and everybody knows you’re the best crew chief in ‘Nam, Bill,” Kyle said, and proceeded to explain the arrangement to Sydney.

Kyle flew routine missions as air chief, but when Murdock had to fly missions for Smith’s alpha team, Kyle would take the co-pilot seat and let Murdock take over the crew. The arrangement had worked pretty well so far.

“So tell me,” Kyle said. “How do you know Murdock, little lady?”

Syd stared at Kyle, stymied. Talking about Murdock threatened to overwhelm her with the intense muddle of emotions that she had managed to bury since leaving him in Cam Ranh. Unable to comprehend her relationship with Murdock herself, she was totally ill-equipped to articulate it to someone else. She decided it was safest to be very vague.

“We met a few weeks ago while I was at Nha Trang and got to be… friendly.” She shrugged off her discomfort, adding, “I thought I was headed to Nha Trang myself, but now it looks like I’m going to Saigon, instead.”

Syd waved the orders that she had received only an hour before, relieved to allow her more immediate problem to push the quandary of Murdock into the background. She was still perplexed by the implications. For the last several weeks she had been in Laos for training. She had thought she was being prepared for assignment to Nha Trang as a recon agent. Now she wasn’t so sure.

“Well something tells me Murdock’s gonna be real disappointed you won’t be visiting him,” Kyle said with a wide grin.

Knowing the heat in her cheeks was a dead giveaway, Syd had to admit that she was disappointed, too.

She flashed Kyle an impetuous smile. “Maybe you could deliver a message to HM for me.”

“Sure.”

“Tell him Syd, spelled S-Y-D, says ‘hi,’” she said, adding as an afterthought, “and tell him to stay outta trouble.”

Kyle snorted. “You do know Murdock, don’t ya?” His brow furrowed. “Do I really hafta spell your name for him?”

She just nodded, biting back a sudden urge to retract the message. It was just a friendly little message. Perfectly harmless. Kyle’s responding smile seemed vaguely teasing. Or was she imagining things? Geez, just talking about Murdock was making her act like a flighty school girl.  _Get a grip, Sydney._

With a chuckle, Kyle said, “Ok. I won’t ask.”

Smiling tightly at him, Syd said, “I  _really_ appreciate that.”

Kyle’s eyes focused behind her. He whirled a finger in the air.

“Looks like our fare’s here, boys. Let’s get this bird ready to fly.”

Turning, Syd was surprised to see Peter Quinn, her former FBI supervisor, striding toward the chopper.  _Focus, Sydney._ She pushed further thoughts of Murdock aside as she turned to face him. Quinn’s brow furrowed as he approached.

“Wilson? What are you doing here?”

When she had left him, not even two hours before, she had been headed to Nha Trang. That had been the plan all along and Syd suspected Quinn wouldn’t be happy to hear of her change in destination. Despite appearances, she did still answer to him. Kind of.

“I’m hitching a ride to Saigon,” Syd said.

Quinn took her arm and pulled her aside, hissing, “I thought you were going to Nha Trang?”

“So did I. Until I received this.”

She handed Quinn her orders. He skimmed them before handing them back.

“I wonder what’s going on?”

Shrugging, Syd said, “Maybe there’s something I need to do at CIA HQ before I get my formal assignment.”

“I suppose that’s a possibility.” Quinn sounded doubtful. “I’ll try to feel it out with Einstein when I get to Saigon. If I see him.”

Einstein – for the life of her, Syd couldn’t remember the guy’s real name. But he had been the one who had pulled strings to get her reassigned to the CIA.

On Quinn’s orders Sydney had accepted the change in employment. Quinn played the whole smuggling ring task force very close to the chest – even more so after what had happened in Da Nang – so Syd had no way of knowing if Einstein was a part of it or not. Quinn had made it quite clear that she was to trust no one.

Da Nang. She squelched her own feelings of personal guilt at the memory of what had happened. Half a dozen dead suspected smugglers wasn’t exactly something to put on your resume. All the information she had developed during her undercover stint with the USO had slid down the tubes just like that.

“Wilson!” Quinn’s sharp voice shook her out of her reverie. “I said, what’s your plan of action once you get to Saigon?”

“Well, CIA HQ seems as good a place to sort out this little SNAFU as anywhere else. I’ll work my way through official channels and see what needs to happen to make it to Nha Trang.”

“It’s worth a try,” Quinn said, just as Harris ambled up to them.

“Your chariot awaits, folks. If you could hop in and get settled, I think Kyle’s about ready to lift off.”

Quinn held out a hand toward the chopper. “After you, Wilson.”


	2. Let Saigon by Bygone

“Hey, Murdock, I been looking for you since yesterday.” The red-headed young man hovered for a moment, staring. “Man, how do you stay so skinny eating like that?”

Captain HM Murdock stopped shoveling food in his face long enough to look up at his friend and fellow pilot, Captain Kyle Wright. Still in his flight suit, with carrot-colored hair over a freckled face that was beet red from being out in the sun, Kyle resembled a Technicolor, GI Joe-style Howdy Doody. Dropping his tray in the empty spot next to Murdock, Kyle sat down.

Murdock chose to ignore Kyle’s question and said, “We got back late last night from a mission. Whatcha need, Ky?”

Unfortunately, his teammate, Second Lieutenant Ray Brenner, latched onto the eating comment and ran with it. With expressive dark eyes dancing in an obviously-amused face framed by blue-black, curling hair, Ray leaned forward to talk to Kyle across Murdock.

“You know, we ask ourselves that every day. He’s like a fucking garbage disposal.”

Murdock’s lips curled up on one side as he looked at Ray. “Heh, heh, heh, our own personal comedian.”

Kyle laughed. “It was pretty funny.”

Murdock cast a narrow look at Kyle. “Don’t you start.”

Then, out of the corner of his eye, he caught First Lieutenant Templeton ‘Face’ Peck, opening his mouth. He jabbed his fork across the table at the blond-haired, blue-eyed conman who was his best friend.

“Don’t even say it, Face. What is this, gang-up-on-Murdock day or somethin’?”

“You a li’l rèd today, gason?”

Sergeant Remington ‘Gravy’ Gravois grinned at fellow sergeant and team member, BA Baracus, who giggled in response. Gravy was a homely Cajun with chocolate-colored, pitted skin, whose easy grin was infectious. Though Gravy’s build was average, he looked skinny next to BA, whose bulky build and dark skin made him an imposing presence.  _When he isn’t giggling_ , Murdock thought wryly.

“Speak fucking English, Gravy. And I am not tense. Just sick and tired of you guys raggin’ on me ‘cause I’m a healthy eater. I got a high metabolism. I mean seriously, you don’t say a word about the fact that the big ugly mudsucker here titters like a little girl, but me you’re all over.”

“That’s because BA can kick our asses. You’re too fuckin’ skinny to be a threat,” Face said.

“I thought you were supposed to be my best friend, Face.”

Face sat back and grinned. “Just calling it like it is, Murdock.”

Kyle shook his head and laughed. “Maybe you’ll want me to wait to give you my news because something tells me it’s just going to add fuel to the fire.”

Dropping his fork on his tray, Murdock sat back and spread his arms.

“Oh, no, by all means, share. These guys will find out anyway. There’s no escaping them.”

"Now who’s acting like a little girl, huh?” BA asked. “You might’s well paint a bull’s-eye on your forehead the way you been lately.”

Murdock pouted. “I’ve been preoccupied.”

“Obsessed,” Ray corrected.

“Damou,” Gravy crooned.

“Horny,” Face said.

BA just giggled.

Murdock turned pointedly away from his teammates and looked at Kyle.

“So, what’s the news?”

“Well, actually, I guess it’s more of a message, from a cute little lady that happened to hitch a ride with me yesterday from Da Nang to Saigon.”

Murdock sat forward. Kyle had his full attention.

“Shy?”

Kyle’s brow furrowed. “Um, no. She said to tell you that Syd says ‘hello and stay outta trouble.’ She even spelled it, Syd – S-Y-D.”

“S-Y-D... S-H-Y... H to D, swap ‘em around a little... Syd. Sydney. Damn. I never woulda come up with that.” Murdock leaned on his knees and looked at Kyle seriously. “Did she tell you her last name?”

Now Kyle looked thoroughly confused. “Yeah, her last name is Wilson. You know, I got the distinct impression you two knew each other, I thought pretty well. So… why didn’t you know her name?”

“It’s a long story – ask me about it next time we end up on ass and trash together.” Murdock sat back with a thoughtful smile as he let the name roll around his tongue. “Sydney Wilson. Sydney Wilson. Perfect.”

Ray grunted. “At least now your obsession has a name.”

“Sydney Wilson, huh?” Face caught Murdock’s eye. “Want me to see what I can find out?”

As much as Murdock wanted to know everything he could about her – or better yet, grab the first chopper he came to and fly straight to Saigon – he knew it was a bad idea. Still, he thought about it for several seconds before shaking his head.

“I don’t wanna tip her supervisors off that I know who she is. She said she’d look me up. I gotta trust her to do that.”

“Suit yourself,” Face said, his tone disappointed.

A satisfied smile frozen on his face, Murdock stared at his half-full food tray unseeing and now uninterested. If he closed his eyes he could conjure an image of the cute little undercover agent that he had fallen hook, line and sinker for less than a month ago. At the time he hadn’t been able to convince her to tell him what her real name was. But now he knew,  _and_ he knew she was in Saigon.

His mood had definitely taken a sharp turn for the better with that message.

sssss

 Sydney Wilson stared out the window of a nondescript room at CIA HQ in Saigon. She had been cooped up at the campus for the last three days, ever since Captain Kyle Wright had delivered her there.

 Three days.

 The bureaucrat named Jones who had met her when she arrived in Saigon had quickly made it to the top of Syd’s shit list. The mousy little man had shown her to a room by way of the cafeteria, told her he would return with her official assignment shortly, and then promptly disappeared without ever providing his first name.

 Three days ago.

 A knock on the door caused Syd to jump and she rushed to open it, hoping that finally she would start getting some answers. Another bureaucrat stood there.

 “Are you Sydney Wilson?”

 “Yes.”

 He held out an envelope. “This is for you.”

 Snatching the envelope out of the guy’s hand, Syd swung the door shut with a muttered ‘thank you.’ Inside was a single sheet of paper.

  _ Ryan Jones, Building C, West Wing, office 225. You’re welcome._

It was signed simply, ‘Q.’ Had to be from Peter Quinn, her ‘former’ FBI supervisor. He must have heard she was looking for Jones, not that it was any secret. After waiting patiently for twenty-four hours she had begun combing the campus for the man. She didn’t have anything better to do. But not having his first name had made actually locating him very difficult.

She crumpled the note and walked to the bathroom. After burning it to ashes in the sink, she washed it down the drain. Within minutes she was striding down the hall. It was time she and Mr. Jones had a talk. She was tired of sitting around with her thumb up her ass – that wasn’t what she had signed up for.

sss

Stopping in front of Jones’s closed office door, Syd considered knocking but decided that she was short on manners after the last three days. Instead, she turned the knob and pushed in without preamble.

Partially hidden behind stacks of paperwork and files, Jones looked up with a startled, “What the hell?”

“Do you remember me, Mr. Jones?” Syd leaned on the front of his desk so her eyes were level with his. “Special Agent Sydney Wilson? You abandoned me three days ago in a shit hole of a room and said you’d be back shortly with my assignment.  _Three days ago_ .”

“Have you heard of knocking?” Jones asked.

“Listen, you little office rat, just give me my fucking orders to Nha Trang and I’ll get out of your hair.”

“Nha Trang? You aren’t going to be assigned to Nha Trang. You’re going to be here. Why did you think you were brought to Saigon in the first place?”

"What do you mean I’m going to be stationed in Saigon? I’m supposed to be going to Nha Trang.”

Sydney stared at Jones, doing her best to get her fury under control before she flattened the wisp of a man.

“That’s the information I have, SA Wilson. I was told you were assigned here to help with administrative duties associated with the regime solidification. I’m sorry if you were expecting something different.”

He didn’t sound sorry and the amused quirk of his mouth was starting to really tick Sydney off. She told herself that it wasn’t this guy’s fault, he was just the messenger. She counted to ten before responding.

“I was expecting to receive my orders for reconnaissance at Nha Trang. As I was promised when I accepted this position.”

Jones snorted. “Who told you that? I can assure you that Nha Trang is probably one of the last places _you_ would be stationed. Forget the fact that the Special Ops Group hates the CIA. But as a woman you can’t be on the front line. And that’s where recon goes.”

Sydney could feel her blood pressure rising. “I don’t believe this. You mean to tell me that I left undercover field work with the Bureau to push paper for the goddam Company? No fucking way. I want to talk to whoever is in charge.”

“Feel free to put in a request to talk to the Station Chief. If you’re lucky, you might even get to see him before the end of this particular military action.” The man’s smirk never faded. “Meanwhile, you have another free day or two before I’m prepared to put you to work. So why don’t you run along and relax until then.”

Jones bent back over his stacks of paperwork, oblivious to the fact that Sydney was close to knocking his lights out. She stood there for several seconds, opening and closing her fists. Punching Jones in the face, no matter how immediately satisfying, would only serve to move her further from her ultimate goal. She spun on her heel and left his closet of an office.

Back in her room, Sydney picked up an empty beer bottle and flung it against the far wall. It impacted with a satisfying crash, shattered glass flying in all directions.

Assigned to Saigon to push paper.

No way in hell was she staying here. She walked to the window, watching traffic on the congested street below as her mind chewed over the problem.

She was going to have to get back in touch with Peter Quinn. Hopefully he was still in Saigon.

He wasn’t going to be happy.


	3. Flaunting the Good Ol' Boys

“You’re no good to me if you don’t get to Nha Trang, Wilson.” 

Quinn paced the length of the gutted office where they were able to meet secretly.

“I realize this, but I’m not sure exactly what I can do about it. I thought Einstein said he’d get me stationed with SOG. So what the hell happened?”

“I finally managed to touch base with him. He said there’s no love lost between the Agency and the Army. SOG is so damn entrenched now that they run by their own rules. You may just have to make up some rules yourself to get in.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” Sydney stared at Quinn. “Make up rules about what?”

“About your role in this man’s war, Wilson. You’re an anomaly in a male-dominated world.” Quinn’s lips curved in a grim smile. “You know, in all honesty I don’t think anyone is going to care what you do as long as you stay out of the way of the war effort.”

“This is bullshit. When we talked about this undercover assignment, I thought you were going to get me assigned to Nha Trang – no problem. What the hell happened?”

“That was the plan, but unfortunately the reality of it is that you’re a woman,” Quinn said. “There are regulations and policy that made your reassignment to the front line impossible. At least officially. You’re going to have to get creative.”

“I have to get creative?”

“You know what we need, Wilson. And you aren’t going to find it in Saigon.”

Sydney stared out at the empty alleyway visible through the blasted-out window. So she was an anomaly, huh? Well, if they just wanted her out of the way, then they wouldn’t give a shit whether she was in Saigon or Nha Trang. Maybe she’d just reassign herself. That was creative – and could get her in big fucking trouble. She turned to Quinn.

“What are you going to do if I end up in the stockade?” Sydney had a pretty good idea that she knew the answer, but she wanted confirmation.

“You’re on your own, Wilson. Officially, you don’t work for me.”

Sydney crossed her arms and made for the door, stopping next to Quinn long enough to afford him a glare, her voice dripping with sarcasm. 

“Thanks for the help, Quinn. I’ll get to Nha Trang and I’ll get your intel like the good little junior field agent that I am.”

Quinn smirked. “You get yourself to Nha Trang and I’ll be able to do more to take care of you Wilson. That’s the best I can offer. I have damn little recourse as long as you’re in Saigon. The Agency runs things here.”

Snorting, Sydney nodded.

“Yeah, and we’ve seen how well they’ve done.”

She strode out of the office without another glance back at her unofficial supervisor. If that was how it was going to be, fine. On her way back to HQ she stopped by one of the local shops and bought herself ao dai, along with a couple more casual native outfits. She then detoured by the cafeteria, loading up on enough traveling food to hold her over for several days.

Back at her room, Syd took her meager possessions out of her battered suitcase and sorted through them to pick out what was important. She stowed those items, along with the food, into an Army-issue backpack she had snagged from a supply closet during her wanderings over the last couple days.

Once the pack was stuffed until it couldn’t hold any more, she shouldered it and walked out the door of the drab little room she had occupied for the last three days. She wouldn’t be coming back.

She needed to get to Cam Ranh. Maybe by way of Nha Trang so she could see Murdock.

Shaking her head as she broke out into the oppressive, wet heat of Saigon, she gave herself a stern ‘no’ to that idea. The side trip to Nha Trang was just indulgent on her part and totally unnecessary to her plan. She didn’t have time for the distraction of Captain HM Murdock. She had work to do.

Straight to Cam Ranh it was.


	4. Boys, Bullets & Babes

“S’it ever get easier, Ray?” 

Patting Murdock’s arm comfortingly, Ray gave him a simple answer. 

“No.”

“Damn.”

Ray drained his glass and slopped another couple fingers of whiskey into it. The ice had melted, but they still had a few shots left in the bottle. His young pilot friend had been inclined to get shit-faced after their last mission and Ray had decided to join him. 

Gravy and Face had even tagged along with them to Cam Ranh, but they were both long gone now. He imagined Face was dick-deep in one of the local bar girls he had picked up as soon as they’d arrived. The kid didn’t usually have to look too hard for an easy lay. And they all knew who Gravy was here to see – and it wasn’t Ray and Murdock.

That left him to commiserate with the pilot over a bottle of cheap whiskey. A bottle that was already mostly gone and had done little to dull the horror of the last seventy-two hours in the jungle.

It was supposed to be an easy extraction. It had turned into a cluster fuck of a mission. When they arrived at the camp where they were supposed to recover a high-ranking American official whose convoy had been ambushed near the DMZ, they had found that all of the intel they had was bogus. Not only was the official nowhere to be found, but there were upwards of a dozen dead POWs. They had moved through the camp quickly, checking for anyone who might still be alive and gathering dog tags as they went.

Lying in a pit, surrounded by human waste, likely his own, was a soldier that looked like a skeleton with skin. Even as Hannibal was warning of an approaching Viet Cong unit and calling for them to pull back, Murdock was jumping down into the pit, claiming he saw the soldier move.

And the guy had actually been alive, barely. He had told Murdock it was a trap, and then begged him to shoot him and leave. Instead, Murdock had called for help. While Gravy and Ray kept watch, BA had helped Murdock maneuver the soldier, a pilot named Virgil Ross, out of the pit as gently as possible. They were just getting Ross loaded onto a stretcher when all hell broke loose.

“Ya know, Murdock, we got damn lucky today.”

“Yeah, but Ross didn’t. Neither did that little boy dressed up like a fuckin’ VC,” Murdock murmured, and then downed another double shot of whiskey.

“I guess that depends on your definition of lucky,” Ray said as he filled Murdock’s glass.

Just as they were getting ready to leave, the VC had arrived. The Team’s primary saving grace had been that they really weren’t outnumbered – at least not if you only counted the VC soldiers that had hit puberty. Set up on a high point overlooking the camp, Face had managed to take out the officers first, leaving the young enlisted VC without any real direction. 

“Why didn’ that boy jus’ run away like the rest of ‘em?”

Murdock had knocked another drink back and was already filling his glass again. He’d been putting them down that way since they had arrived. It surprised Ray just how much the skinny pilot could drink and still remain coherent.

“I don’t know, Murdock.”

Ray shook his head. Most of the young VC had taken off into the woods in a panic when Face had started picking off the older soldiers. Meanwhile, with Gravy at point and Ray taking up the rear, they had begun to move out of the camp. Murdock and BA were moving slowly, trying to be careful with Ross who was in a lot of pain.

The kid had appeared out of nowhere, shooting Ross point blank in the head and ignoring the threat that the rest of them presented to him. Before either Murdock or BA could react, Face had dropped him – right at Murdock’s feet. 

“He’s still lookin’ a’ me, Ray,” Murdock slurred, and then slowed his speech, carefully enunciating his next words. “Ev’ry fuckin’ time I close my eyes that dead boy’s starin’ at me.”

“There wasn’t anything for it, Murdock,” Ray said soothingly. “In all honesty, that boy is probably better off dead. So is Ross. It’s you and me and the rest of us poor slobs still have to slog through this fucking war that I feel sorry for.”

Murdock snorted and raised his glass. “To us poor dumb fucks that still hafta, uh, still hafta –”

“Still hafta fight,” Ray finished for him as he clanked his glass against Murdock’s. 

They both shot their drinks. Murdock picked up the bottle, emptying it into their glasses.

Snorting again, Murdock laid the bottle on its side. “Look, i’s a dead soldier, Ray.” He dissolved into giggles.

Ray lifted his glass over the prone bottle. “To the dead soldier.”

Still laughing uncontrollably, Murdock tried to clink his glass against Ray’s and missed. Whiskey spilled out, and the kid actually tried to catch it in his mouth. He ended up lying across the table, gasping for breath.

“Damn shame wasting good whiskey like that,” Ray chided.

Murdock poked at the bottle. “This rot gut ain’ good, Ray.”

The next moment, Murdock was being lifted bodily out of his chair by Gravy.

“C’mon, timoun. I need you help.” 

“What the hell, Gravy,” Ray grumbled as the Cajun tried to wrestle an uncooperative Murdock to an upright position.

Ray wondered idly where Anh, Gravy’s young Vietnamese girlfriend, was. Wasn’t that where he had gone? Then it registered that Gravy was half-dragging Murdock out of the bar. He lurched to his feet to follow them, stopping only long enough at the bar to grab a large cup of stale coffee.

Catching up to the two men, Ray shoved the cup into Murdock’s hand. 

“Slow the fuck down, Gravy. Murdock’s in no shape for a forced march right now. Why don’t you let him at least get some coffee down and sober up a bit.”

“Koute, I no konprahn Anh’s peyi but she in gran troub, seten.”

“Jesus, Gravy, when you’re upset I can’t understand a word of what you’re sayin’! Calm down and speak English.” 

Ray had planted his feet and looked at the Cajun irritably.

Murdock shoved the drained coffee cup at Ray. “He said he thinks Anh’s in big trouble. I’m alright. C’mon.”

The haggard pilot stumbled away from them and they followed. 

mmmmm

At Anh’s family home, little more than a shack made of mismatched lumber and sheeting, Murdock dropped into the offered chair across from Anh’s mother. Worried dark eyes peered at him out of a deeply-lined face. He took a steadying breath and spoke slowly.

“Bạn tôi nói Anh đã biến mất. Bạn có biết nơi cô đến không?”

The elderly woman’s eyes widened and she responded in rapid Vietnamese. Murdock interjected several questions, becoming tenser and tenser as the conversation continued. 

“What is it, timoun? Anh es bon?”

Sitting back, Murdock ran his hands over his face before looking at his teammate. There was no easy way to tell him.

“She doesn’t know if Anh’s alright or not, Gravy. About a week ago an American woman that Anh seemed to know came to visit. Anh left with her and hasn’t returned.”

“An American woman?”

“That Anh seemed to know,” Murdock murmured thoughtfully.

He reached into his pocket and pulled out the photo of himself and Syd at the beach. Holding it out to Anh’s mother, he pointed at Syd and asked if she was the woman Anh had left with. 

Anh’s mother studied it for several seconds before giving a shrugging nod.

“Đó có thể là của cô.”

“The American woman might have been Syd.” Murdock looked down at the photo in his hands, his thoughts churning. 

“Li’l fi? Wha – why?” Gravy was obviously perplexed, too.

“I don’t know, Gravy,” Murdock said.

The elderly woman put a hand on Murdock’s arm, her expression hopeful. “Chờ đợi, cô để lại một cái gì đó có thể giúp...”

She called a little boy forward and spoke to him. He ran out of the room a moment later.

Murdock looked up at his teammates. “She said the woman left something behind.”

The little boy returned and walked up to Murdock, holding out something in his hands. Anh’s mother motioned to Murdock to take it. 

“Cô để lại này.”

“She left this,” Murdock translated offhandedly as he took what the boy was offering to him. His hands closed around the familiar leather and he groaned. “It’s my jacket. It was definitely Syd. This can’t be good. This just cannot be good.”

Ray’s expression was grim. “Where could they have gone?”

“I wish I knew,” Murdock said.

He spoke briefly to the woman who nodded. Standing, Murdock pulled on the jacket. The familiar odor of it enveloped him, but something about it was different. He buried his nose in the collar, trying to figure it out. That was when it hit him.

Underlying the usual leather smell was the lingering, light scent of lavender… of Syd. He closed his eyes as his heart sank further into his toes.

“What the hell are you up to, sugar?” he murmured.


	5. Reassigned North of the DMZ

Sydney sighed as she laid back in the shade near a small stream outside of Quang Tri. Stretched out next to her, Anh was already dozing. They had stopped to eat a small meal and rest during the heat of midday. It had become their routine as they traveled, but Syd was having trouble relaxing now that they had actually moved north of the DMZ. 

When Syd had arrived at Cam Rahn ten days ago she had not planned on this. She had hoped only for some guidance from Gravy’s girlfriend as she set out to put her vague plan of action into motion. But she had been unable to dissuade Anh from accompanying her on her travels. 

It had been a simple enough thing to dye her hair black and exchange her civvies for native Vietnamese dress. In the end, she had to admit she was glad Anh had come along as she found that what she had learned of the varied Vietnamese culture in her immersion training was not always accurate. Anh was helping her to assimilate and teaching her to be a truly invisible đúng lady. 

At first, Syd had felt guilty for leading Anh along the dangerous path that she had chosen. But she had quickly learned that Anh viewed it as a service to her country and her people. Devout to the American cause of democracy, Anh was willing to risk her life to help in any way. 

They had made their way progressively further north, Anh explaining the differences between the north and south. Amazingly adaptive with an agile intelligence, Anh had proved an excellent teacher and a natural spy. 

She was now introducing Sydney to a growing network of native women that were thus inclined. Women who were able to move as unseen ghosts through the entrenched North Vietnamese Army, offering assistance to the communist regime, while gathering much-needed information for the cause of democracy. The main hazard in their little mission was avoiding those women who were devout communists. And they were a very real danger.

Syd figured she was tapping into a primarily-ignored wealth of information. She seriously doubted the men who ran this war gave the native women more than a passing glance – and then only as bed-partners. Certainly not as a source of serious intel. Maybe, just maybe it would be enough to get her an in with SOG.

In fact, she was hanging her future on that hope.

mmmmm

Face had to jog to keep up with the furious pace Murdock set as they made their way out of CIA headquarters. After the last few hours, he was seriously reconsidering what he knew about the man he considered his best friend. Ready with a scam to get them through the door, Face had found himself in the odd position of observer. As he watched in awe, the quirky pilot had slipped into the CIA world like he belonged. And he had taken Face along for the ride. 

Face had known Murdock was trained in black ops, but the ease with which he had gained access to CIA offices and files had surprised the hell out of Face. The conman tucked the information away for future use. He knew that Murdock’s abilities would come in handy at some point and he wasn’t above using him for the benefit of the Team. 

Out in the humidity of the street, Murdock finally voiced his thoughts.

“So, not only is Sydney Wilson gone, but they don’t know where the hell she is.”

The expression on Murdock’s face had morphed from irritation to outrage as the afternoon wore on. He had talked to some lower-level agents who apparently knew him. According to Murdock they had worked together in the past, and Face was sure it wasn’t as paper pushers. These guys were disenfranchised field agents that had been relegated to the back office in retaliation for some SNAFU that may or may not have actually been their fault. As a result they were more than happy to dish dirt on the CIA’s current indiscretions. 

Face shook his head in sympathy. “Not only has the CIA lost her, but it doesn’t seem that they’re all that keen on finding her, either. I wonder what she did to piss them off?”

“A more appropriate question might be – what did they do to piss her off enough to make her leave?”

They had arrived at a bar just down the street from CIA HQ. Murdock didn’t even break stride, entering and ordering two beers. They took their drinks and found a booth in the back. Face would have welcomed the company of the two bar girls that followed them back, but Murdock waved them away. Face gave a despondent sigh and sank into the seat across from his friend. 

Face shook his head as he sipped tepid beer. “Well, we know she hitched a ride to Cam Ranh. She stopped to see Anh, and the two of them took off together. I had hoped that maybe we’d find orders for her that would give us a clue where they went. But apparently the whole mess is Syd’s idea. What the hell is she thinking?” 

“Your guess is as good as mine.” Murdock’s face was an emotionless mask.

Face let the silence stretch for a minute and then cleared his throat. 

“We should just give it up, Murdock. She said she’d find you when the time was right. We’re wasting our two-day pass in Saigon. Why don’t we buy those two young ladies drinks and chase some skirts that are right in front of us?”

Murdock drained his beer, then slammed the glass on the table and stood. “You do what you want, Face. I’ll see you back at base.”

“C’mon, Murdock. What more can you do?”

The intensity of the pilot’s gaze told Face there was no deterring him.

“I’m going to hop a bird to Cam Ranh and do some digging. See if I can pick up their trail.”

Face stood slowly, resigning himself to helping his friend. “If we’re lucky.”

Murdock rubbed his hands together, the wide smile returning. 

“I’m feelin’ pretty lucky today, Face. Let’s go.”


	6. Leveraging Your Asses

Murdock looked at Hannibal, irritation written plainly across his face. 

“I thought the spooks were pulling out? I thought we were on our own.”

“Lewis is sticking around. So are a couple of the other long-term reconnoiters. The agreement Morrison came to was that he got to hand-pick the agents that stayed.”

Murdock grimaced. “And we’re stuck with Lewis?”

“Lewis is a pain in the ass, yes. But he’s deeply connected in the spy network in Nam, Murdock. And he’s the only agent that has assets that encompass all of the north – you know how valuable that is.”

Murdock swung away from his CO. “Doesn’t mean I have to be happy about it.”

Hannibal put a fatherly arm around him. “You’ve been in a pissy mood for the last couple weeks, Murdock. First Gravy, now you. I’m waiting for Face to go on the rag. What’s up?”

Murdock glanced at Hannibal. Part of him wanted to open up and tell him all about Syd. About what they suspected. But something held him back. 

Hannibal was more than a commanding officer to all of them, even Ray. But as a father figure, he was still more authoritarian than nurturing. He wasn’t sure how Hannibal was going to react to the fact that Murdock had knowingly pursued a relationship with a spook. However, given his acceptance of their continuing reliance on Lewis for intel maybe it wouldn’t be as bad as he thought.

Hannibal stopped him, both hands on his shoulders, icy blue gaze intent.

“Listen, kid, let’s get something straight. Nothing you say is going to get you kicked off the Team. I keep thinking you’re getting the message and then this. I can tell you’re holding something back and it pisses me off. I wanna know what’s going on in that head of yours. What has you so preoccupied lately?”

Murdock ran his fingers through his hair, knocking Hannibal’s hands off his shoulders in the process. He turned away. 

“It’s... a woman.”

A bark of laughter escaped Hannibal. “A woman? Is that all?” 

Swinging around, Murdock fixed Hannibal with an irritable glare. “I suppose it is.”

Hannibal’s expression sobered. “Sorry, kid, it’s just –”

“I’m not a kid, Hannibal, and it’s not that simple.” 

Now appropriately serious, Hannibal nodded. “Alright. I’m listening.”

Murdock took a deep breath. “You remember that woman from the USO that I followed to Cam Ranh?”

“The piano player?”

“Yeah, well, she could play piano. Could sing too.” Murdock’s mind wandered to when he had met Sheila Downey, the shy little USO showgirl. If he had only known the truth. He shook his head. It wouldn’t have made a damn bit of difference. He didn’t really fall for her until he began to suspect that there was more to the pretty, petite woman than a talent for music.

“Spill it, kid, uh, Murdock. What’s going on with the girl?”

Murdock looked up and met Hannibal’s narrowed gaze. “She’s a CIA agent, Hannibal. Her name, I think, is Sydney Wilson –”

“You think?”

With a shrug, Murdock nodded. “Last I knew for sure, she was in Cam Ranh, I thought on a mission. But when Face and I went down to Saigon to try and figure out what her assignment was we found out that she’s AWOL, or whatever the CIA equivalent of AWOL is. And they’ve basically written her off. They aren’t even looking for her.”

Shifting under Hannibal’s searching gaze, Murdock had to concentrate to keep from looking away. 

“But you are.”

It was a statement, not a question. Murdock nodded.

“You said she was in Cam Ranh…”

“Yeah, she stopped to see Anh –”

“Gravy’s girl?” Hannibal’s eyes widened in surprise.

“Yeah. And they left Cam Ranh together. Face and I tried to get a line on them, but it petered out in Da Nang.”

“Da Nang? What are a couple of women doing traveling alone that close to the DMZ?”

Murdock ground his teeth until his jaw ached. “I don’t know, but the only reasons I can come up with are… worrisome.”

Hannibal’s gaze was ruminative. 

“Worrisome, huh? I can’t imagine why when your spook seems to be headed toward enemy territory with a native. Sounds like an infiltration mission… but with women?” Hannibal shook his head. “Seems strange. Could it be you just couldn’t find the orders?” 

“I suppose, but I think it’s unlikely. Word on the grapevine is that the Company was just as glad the token female, reportedly responsible for a cluster of an op at Da Nang, has taken a powder. I’d say the Company screwed up and decided that Syd would make a good scapegoat. Nobody is even looking for her. It’s way easier to pin blame on a ghost than on a living, breathing agent. They tend to balk at it no matter how patriotic they might be.”

“Sounds like you’re speaking from experience.”

“Yeah. None of it good.”

Hannibal crossed his arms. “So, what now, Captain?”

“Now, I guess I don’t have a whole lot of choice but to wait and hope like hell she comes back alive.”

“Have you considered talking to Lewis? If anyone could get a line on her, he probably can.”

Frowning, Murdock muttered, “Way to rub my face in it, Colonel.”

“Leverage your assets, Captain – even unfriendlies can serve a purpose.”

Murdock grimaced in response to his CO’s shit-eating grin. 

He hated it that Hannibal was right.

mmmmm

“Sydney Wilson?” 

Lewis’s predatory gaze kind of freaked Murdock out. Always had. He cleared his throat and forced himself not to look away.

“Yes. She left Saigon about six weeks ago. I picked up her trail in Cam Ranh and followed it as far as Da Nang, but then it petered out. I was just wondering if you’d heard anything –”

“She’s the one they’re saying fucked up that op at Da Nang. As I heard it, she was responsible for the deaths of several irreplaceable assets.”

“They weren’t assets, they were fuckin’ drug dealers.”

Lewis shrugged as if it made little difference to him. Based on what Murdock knew of the agent, he doubted it did. An outstanding CIA operative, Lewis habitually viewed people as assets, useful only for what they could do to attain Agency goals. Murdock hated that philosophy. 

Not that the Army was any better. To the brass, people, soldiers, were pawns on a huge Risk board, statistics to be used in developing the next strategy. Geez he was becoming jaded. Maybe Face was right. Murdock had been in Southeast Asia too long.

“So are you going to help or not?” Murdock asked irritably.

“I’ll keep my ears open, but I’m not going looking for your girlfriend. You need to get a fucking reality check. There’s a war going on out there.”

Murdock’s jaw locked and his fists clenched, but he managed to keep from launching at the agent. He hated Lewis.

“I get a reality check every damn time I run ass and trash. I see the results of that fucking war every fucking day. I’d just like to make sure Syd doesn’t end up one of the casualties.”

“If she headed north from Da Nang, that’s a goddam pipe dream, Murdock. Get a grip.”

Lewis turned and strode away, leaving Murdock fuming behind him. And worrying. 

Yes, he was definitely worried.


	7. All This Info and Nowhere to Go

Sydney felt the stick on her back and fell to her knees, dropping the tray of bread she was carrying. 

“Di chuyển nó!” 

Syd bowed her head, quickly gathering up the moldy and now dirty bread and putting it back onto the tray, muttering abject apologies in Vietnamese. She kept her head bowed as she scurried toward the hanging bamboo cages that held the POWs she had been tasked with feeding. 

The scraps of meat she had managed to steal from the kitchen felt like lead in her pocket. If she got caught giving the American soldiers more than allowed she knew the punishment would be severe. But this would be her last chance to help before she left. It was essential to move out tonight, or the information she had gathered would be useless.

As night fell, Syd served dinner to the NVA officer in charge of the camp and his lieutenants. He was an egotistical man who was fascinated by the North Vietnamese woman with the vivid blue eyes he’d met in a bar in Vinh Linh.

The colonel had wandering hands, but she had learned that the show of sexual bravado masked a severe case of limp dick. The whole thing made her laugh inside and she put up with the occasional grope because it was getting her just what she wanted – information.

When the meal was finished, Syd followed the colonel back to his quarters. An hour later he was passed out on his mat. Sydney slipped out of the colonel’s tent and moved quietly to his first lieutenant’s sleeping area. She had managed to manipulate both men into a tug of war over her and she planned to use it as her exit strategy. Tonight was the night. 

She woke the lieutenant up and coaxed him out of his bed and into the woods. He wasted no time as he began to rip her clothes off, unencumbered by the sexual problems of his superior. Sydney let it continue until he tore off her silk pants, revealing the stiletto she kept strapped to her thigh. She grinned at the shock on his face as she pulled the knife and plunged it into his chest.

The blood that gurgled out of his mouth was telling. He didn’t even have time to yell out before the life left him. It was the first time Sydney had ever killed anyone and though it shook her, she refused to feel guilty. She had witnessed this man doing unspeakable things to the POWs at the camp. His death was not worth mourning.

With shaking hands, Sydney wiped her knife and put it back into the holder. She left her torn native shirt as evidence of what had happened. It was her sincere hope that the colonel would shrug off the man’s death and her resulting disappearance. It was the best she could do.

She had noticed that the NVA seemed to be setting up more permanent accommodations at this location, which was odd. Then she had learned yesterday that they planned to keep the prisoners in this particular temporary camp for the next week – awaiting a dignitary visit, of all things.

They had never stayed in any one location for an entire week. It was just the opportunity that might allow rescue of the POWs. She needed to get the information she had to SOG. Unfortunately, she was to hell and gone from the DMZ, let alone the nearest base. But she knew that this was her best shot at making good use of the information she’d been able to gather. 

She had to move.  
sssss

The first thing Syd was aware of was that it was quiet. And then she felt a rough hand grazing the inside of her thigh. That brought her instantly awake and she slapped the hand away as she sat up. Even her sleep-blurred vision allowed her to recognize the pilot she had convinced to give her a ride from Tuy Hoa Air Base. 

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” she asked as she used her legs to push herself to a sitting position, kicking him away in the process.

“Hey, baby, I was just trying to wake you up.” He leered at her. “I got you to Nha Trang. How about a little payment for my services?”

“In your fucking dreams,” Sydney said. 

His grin didn’t fade and he began to advance on her again, despite her answer. She lay still, watching until he was angled over her and ideally positioned. Then she kicked him in the groin. 

As he doubled over on his side, she scrambled out of the hold of the chopper and right into the arms of his co-pilot.

“Whoa. Hey, are you a’right?”

Syd shoved herself away from him. “Get off me!”

He held up his hands and glanced into the chopper, an amused smirk curving his generous mouth. 

“Serves him right,” he muttered, and then turned back to look at her apologetically. “Mathers is an ass, but we aren’t all like that. Listen, we’re at Nha Trang, but it’s o-dark-thirty. Do you have a place to crash for the night?”

It took a minute for it to register that this guy wasn’t going to force himself on her. “Um, no, but I don’t have time, anyway. I need to talk to someone in charge…” Names swirled around her sleep-deprived brain. Quinn had told her to contact a heavily-entrenched CIA agent at Nha Trang… finally his name surfaced through the fog. 

“Lewis, I need to talk to Jeremy Lewis.”

Her rescuer acknowledged the request with a shrug. “Don’t know him, but I’m fairly new here. I can ask Mathers…” he grimaced. “He probably knows where to find him.”

“Just keep him the fuck away from me,” she said through gritted teeth.

The guy leaned into the chopper and it occurred to Syd that she didn’t know his name. When he stepped back, Mathers moved to the opening and stood slowly. 

“So the little bitch wants another favor, huh?”

“C’mon, man, let’s just take her to this Jeremy Lewis dude and be done with it.”

“Whatcha wanna see some CIA spook for, anyway?” Mathers asked, ignoring his peter pilot.

“C’mon, Mathers, I’m ready to hit the sack.

“Shut up, Jakowski,” Mathers sneered. 

Sydney turned away. “Never mind. I’ll find him myself.”

Hearing approaching footsteps, Syd braced herself. She needn’t have worried. The next second she heard a sickening ‘thwunk’ and turned to find Jakowski standing over Mathers’s prone, unmoving body.

“Son of a bitch, that hurt,” Jakowski said, cradling his right fist in his left hand. 

She walked back slowly. “Are you ok?”

“I’m fine. My boxin’ skills are jes’ a little rusty.” He toed Mathers, who appeared to be out cold. 

“Not too shabby, though,” she said.

“Thanks.” Jakowski stepped over Mathers and took Syd’s arm. “Come on. I know another way to find Lewis.”

She looked back over her shoulder as a low moan escaped the crumpled man. “He’s not going to turn you in or anything, is he? I could tell them what happened…”

“Don’t worry about it,” Jakowski said. “Brian Mathers is too much of an egotist to admit he was rejected by a woman and knocked out by his peter pilot all in one night. ‘Sides, he can only make my life miserable for a little while longer. I’m getting my own bird in a few weeks.”

He seemed to realize he was dragging her along and let go of her arm. Syd fell into step beside him and held out a hand.

“By the way, I’m Sydney Wilson.”

He took the offered hand and tipped an imaginary hat. 

“Dave Jakowski. Pleasure to meetcha, Sydney.”

His southern twang was oddly soothing, and Syd gave him a relaxed smile. This was the first time she’d felt truly safe in… with a jolt she realized she wasn’t even sure how long she’d been gone.

“This is going to sound like a strange question, but can you tell me what day it is?” Syd asked.

Jakowski peered at his watch for a few seconds before answering. “It is oh-three-thirty, Friday, August 14, 1970.”

Over two months – she had been in North Vietnam for over two months. She shook her head to clear it, and gave Jakowski a tired smile.

“Thanks. I was feeling more than a little disoriented not knowing when I was.”

“When you are, huh?” Jakowski shook his head. “You’re one odd little lady, Sydney.”

“I resemble that remark.”

“So, we know when you are, and we know where you are… in case you’re wondering, we’re in Nha Trang, Vietnam,” he said in an exaggerated aside. Then he held up a finger and cocked an eyebrow at her. “But can you tell me when and where you came from?” 

“I’m taking the easy out. I’m from Chicago. And I promise, I’m not a time traveler. How about you?”

“Middle o’ nowhere, Oklahoma,” he said with a smile. “I only been in country a little over a month so I’m still gettin’ my bearings. Luckily, not all the guys are like Mathers. In fact, most of ‘em are real nice.”

“Do you know HM Murdock?” Syd asked.

Jakowski’s eyebrows shot up and he looked at her. “Who doesn’t? Guy’s a living legend – not to mention that he’s Mathers’s arch enemy. How do you know him?”

Her cheeks flamed and Syd glanced away. What the hell had made her ask that? And how was she supposed to answer that question? How did she know HM Murdock? The only word that came to her weary mind was ‘intimately.’ That was hardly appropriate. 

She stammered, “He’s just a… a friend.”

“You’re friends with Howlin’ Mad Murdock. You don’t know when you are. And you’re askin’ to see some spy-type dude.” Jakowski ticked each point off on his fingers, and then looked at her, eyes burning with curiosity. “Who the hell are you, little lady?”

She blew out a heavy sigh.

“Some days I’m not real sure.”

lllll

Lewis squinted into the light streaming from the open door. Someday he was going to shoot out that goddam floodlight outside his hooch.

“Uh, SA Lewis, I hate to bother you, but…” 

Shit, it was that annoying corporal of Morrison’s. “What the fuck time is it?”

“Uh, oh-three-fifty, sir.”

Lewis swung his feet to the ground and glared at the mousy man. “You better have a helluva good reason for waking me up.”

He cleared his throat. “Uh, it’s just, well –”

“Spit it out, asswipe.”

“There’s this woman – ”

Lewis launched out of bed and grabbed the man by the front of his shirt, slamming him against the wall. 

“Don’t tell me you’re waking me up over some little bitch that came complaining about me to Morrison.”

The kid’s eyes swiveled in his head and panic pitched his voice high. “No, sir, not at all!”

Lewis felt a thrill at the obvious terror in the corporal’s face. Not unlike that little whore he’d had his way with last evening. Yes, that had been pleasant. He breathed in the smell of the little shit’s fear and then let the young soldier’s feet drop to the floor as he stepped back.

“Then what is it?” Lewis asked sharply.

“This woman…” Lewis gave the corporal a sharp glance, and he rushed to continue. “Sydney Wilson, she showed up here from Tuy Hoa about half an hour ago, asking to speak to you. She said it’s urgent.”

Lewis swung around. “Did you say Sydney Wilson?”

“Yes, sir, that’s her name.”

“Where is she?”

“Briefing room one, sir.”

Lewis pulled on his pants and strode out the door of his hooch. Why the hell was Murdock’s little piece of ass asking for him? He had several minutes to mull that over as he made his way to SOG tactical. He shoved into briefing one and stopped short when a lithe little woman with flat black hair turned to look at him.

She had broad, olive-toned features, not unlike the native women that Lewis tended to favor over the American women on base. But her large, wide-set eyes were a brilliant blue. 

“Jeremy Lewis?” she asked.

“Sydney Wilson,” he murmured. It was an effort to put on the usual, dispassionate demeanor he wore in these settings. Wilson was having a profound effect on his libido – awakening a desire he hadn’t felt in a very long time.

“I’m sorry to wake you at this time of the morning, but it couldn’t wait. I have hot intel on the location of a POW camp that I think is ideally positioned, at least for the time being, to allow extraction. But we need to move now. We only have a couple more days at most and the lives of ten men are in the balance.”

He recognized the intellect behind those gorgeous blue eyes, and that served to turn him on even more. No wonder Murdock was so intent on finding her. 

“Where?” 

She bent over the map on the table in the center of the room and picked up a pencil. His gaze traveled up her legs, lingered on her very shapely ass, and then made the remainder of the journey to focus again on her face. 

“It’s only about seventy miles north of the DMZ, and fairly close to the Ho Chi Minh trail. They’re due to receive a dignitary visit from the north, but it was going to take close to a week before their visitor arrived.”

“I thought you said we only had a couple days?”

Her full lips thinned to a tense line, her eyes tight with barely-controlled anger. 

“I left that camp nearly four days ago. I wasted a fucking day trying to get someone at Da Nang to listen to me.”

“And then you came here looking for me?”

“I’d heard of you, and I knew SOG was headquartered here. I figured if I could make it to Nha Trang, I could get someone to listen.”

“Fuck.” Lewis stepped forward and leaned over the table, gazing at the location Wilson had marked on the map. There was not nearly enough time to make the information useful. Unless…

sssss

Sydney studied Jeremy Lewis as he studied the map she had just finished marking. He was six foot three or four, and broad through the shoulders. His dark hair hadn’t been trimmed in some time and he was currently sporting at least a few days of whisker growth on his angular features. The border of dark hair served to highlight his eyes, which were an unusual amber color with a rim of black around the outside of the iris. Most disconcerting was the burning intelligence evident in those feral eyes.

He stepped back and turned his unsettling gaze on her. 

“So you’re saying that there are ten POWs in this camp and that they’re going to be in this location for at least a couple more days?”

“If we’re lucky. Definitely not much longer than that.”

It had taken her a day and a half of steady walking to make it south of the DMZ. She had then wasted time trying to get someone at Da Nang to give her the time of day. Finally, she had hitched a ride, unknown to the driver, on a truck headed to Phu Cat. There she had found a sympathetic flyboy who had given her a ride to Tuy Hoa where she had wrangled a seat on Mathers’s bird to Nha Trang. That had nearly been a disaster.

Lewis said, “That doesn’t leave much time for planning the extraction.” 

He paced around the table, looking at the map from all different angles as if that would help him puzzle out the problem. He looked like a lion planning his attack. It caused a shiver to slide up Syd’s back.

“Only one team on this base that has a chance in hell of making that happen,” he finally said. “You wait here.” 

He stopped and looked back at her from the doorway of the briefing room. 

“You better be right about this.”


	8. Not so Happy Reunion

Hannibal reared up out of a dead sleep, his gun trained unerringly at the head of the person who had just crashed into his hooch.

“Lewis! I nearly blew your fucking brains out. What do you want?” Hannibal asked as he lowered his weapon.

“I need you and your team in briefing one now, Colonel Smith.” 

Lewis’s voice, as always, was flat and emotionless, offering no clue to his thoughts or feelings. If Lewis had any feelings. That was a question up for debate among his men.

“What for?” Hannibal allowed his irritation at the interruption of his sleep full rein. It wasn’t that it was unheard of for them to be awakened in the middle of the night, but it was rare enough to be an annoyance.

“We have hot intel on the location of ten POWs – ripe for extraction. But we have a small window of opportunity.”

With a curt nod, Hannibal said, “We’ll be there in ten.”

Hannibal dressed and was at the Team barracks in less than two minutes. He flipped on the lights.

“Briefing room one in five minutes. Move it.”

He turned and strode out of the barracks. Less than five minutes after his rude awakening, he was pushing into briefing. His forehead furrowed at the presence of a young female clerk in the room.

Lewis looked up, an amused smirk on his usually impassive face. “Colonel Smith, I’d like you to meet Special Agent Sydney Wilson.”

Hannibal’s mind was chewing over the familiarity of the name Sidney Wilson. Where had he heard of that guy before and just where the hell was he? Under the damn table?

“Colonel, it’s a pleasure to meet you.” 

The clerk was holding out a hand and talking to him and finally it all clicked into place. He took her hand and found his voice. “You’re Sydney Wilson?”

“Yes, sir.”

His decision to run interference before Murdock walked in wasn’t made quite quick enough. The briefing room door opened and Murdock and Face entered, one right after the other. They both stopped short at the sight of SA Wilson.

“I’ll be damned,” Face breathed.

Murdock took a halting step forward, his eyes wide with surprise. “Syd?”

“Hello, Face. HM,” she intoned evenly.

Murdock overcame his shock and closed the distance between himself and the young woman, scooping her up in a bear hug. 

“Jesus, sugar, you have no idea what a relief it is to see you!”

That was barely out of Murdock’s mouth before Lewis was forcibly separating him from Wilson. The expression in Lewis’s eyes was one of unveiled and intense hatred, as he slammed Hannibal’s pilot against the wall.

“Back the fuck off, Murdock,” Lewis growled.

Murdock’s lanky frame was deceptively strong. He easily broke the grip on him and shoved Lew away.

“You back off, Lewis!”

Again, Hannibal’s decision to act came just a few seconds too late, as SA Wilson stepped between the two men, looking for all the world like a little wildcat between two sparring lions.

“Enough! Both of you,” she said, her voice ringing with quiet confidence. She gave Murdock a sharp look. “We’ll talk later, HM. Now isn’t the time.”

“You’re goddam right it isn’t the time,” Lewis growled. “It’ll never be the fucking time if I have anything to say about it.”

“Fuck off, Lewis,” Murdock muttered, but his gaze softened as he looked down at the young woman, who continued to fix him with a stern gaze. “Alright, Syd. But we will talk… later.” 

The hatred in the look he flung at Lewis was palpable. 

Hannibal was grudgingly impressed as both men went to their respective corners. The skirmish may have ended, but he knew the war between Murdock and Lewis was far from over. There had never been any love lost between them, and the little female firecracker that had just joined the party seemed to be a definite catalyst for intensifying the conflict.

But right now, they had more important things to worry about. Ray walked in a moment later. “I sent Gravy and BA to start weapon prep. I figured with this kind of awakening we were on a short schedule.”

Hannibal heaved a sigh. At least one of his officers was thinking clearly.

“Alright, Lewis,” Hannibal said. “Let’s hear this hot intel you promised.”

Ray stepped forward, oblivious to the animosity that still hung in the air. “Hi there. You’re way prettier than our usual sources.” He stuck out his hand. “I’m Ray Brenner.”

She took the offered hand, her broad mouth curving in a smile that lit her entire face. She really was very pretty – and disturbingly female. 

“It’s nice to meet you, Ray. Sydney Wilson.”

“Sydney… Wilson?” Ray’s eyebrows shot up as his gaze slipped to Murdock, who stood slouched against the wall, expression brooding.

“Yes,” Hannibal snapped, pushing Ray back and stepping forward. “Save the reunions for later. What have you got for us?”

“Well, I’ll be goddammed,” Ray hissed behind him. 

Hannibal shot his second lieutenant a sharp look that immediately shut him up and then turned back to Wilson. It was becoming patently obvious that she was going to be a pain in his ass.

“Let’s go, Wilson. What’s so all-fired important that it was worth getting my entire unit out of bed at o-dark-thirty?”

She wasted no time providing a succinct and detailed report on the intel she had. Ten prisoners of war in a mobile camp that was likely to remain stationary, at least for a couple more days. The detail she was able to provide regarding the camp schedule and routines was surprising.

“It took me a while to make my way here,” Sydney finished. “I’m afraid there isn’t much more time to make the extraction... if it isn’t already too late.”

Hannibal found the quadrangle map for the general area that Wilson had mentioned. “What were the coordinates, again?”

She leaned over the map and pointed at a penciled mark, in a location in the jungle in the no man’s land east of Dong Ha. It wasn’t too deep into enemy territory but it was uncomfortably close to the Ho Chi Minh Trail.

All of his men had ventured forward curiously. His pilot’s brown eyes were narrowed and thoughtful.

“What do you think, Captain?”

The slightly manic grin that indicated a Murdock buzzing with adrenalin made Hannibal’s mouth curve in response. They were both feeling the effects of the jazz. Murdock’s eyebrows quirked up as he cast a cocky look at his commanding officer.

“Don’t happen to still have that Hind, do ya, Colonel?”

Hannibal returned the grin. “Now, that’s not a bad idea. Face, see if the bird we used for that Hanoi job is still in storage up at Da Nang.” When Face didn’t immediately move, Hannibal reinforced the urgency of the order. “Now, Lieutenant.”

“Yes, sir.” Face hurried out of the room.

“Let’s assume it is, since I seriously doubt the Army has spared any resources to do anything with that wreck you flew us back from Hanoi in, Murdock. I want you to get Wright and your crew, along with BA and Gravy, ready to head to Da Nang tonight. That bucket of bolts needs to be air-worthy by eighteen hundred tomorrow.”

“Yes, sir.” Murdock spared Wilson one last glance before leaving to do as ordered.

“Ray, you and I are going to prep the hardware for this, but we’re going in light. We’ll need all the room we can spare on the chopper for moving the POWs. Damn, go catch Murdock and have him run some quick loading calcs so we know what we can carry.”

Ray tipped an imaginary hat to Wilson and Lewis before exiting the room. Hannibal turned to Wilson. “I sure as hell hope that camp is still there.”

“I do, too, Colonel,” Wilson said.

“Why didn’t you fly in from Da Nang?”

Wilson’s jaw clenched. “Lewis was the first person I could get to seriously listen to what I had to say, Colonel. I got here as quickly as I could.”

Hannibal ground his teeth, wishing he had asked Face for a cigar before sending him off on his errand. This situation was going to require some long, hard thought. He looked at Lewis. 

“We’ll debrief upon return. I’ll be in touch.”

He felt a hand on his arm as he turned to leave and found himself looking down at Wilson, her tight blue eyes reflecting sincere concern. It was so damn disconcerting to look into that very feminine face and acknowledge the intelligence agent that she had proven herself to be. Well, almost proven. The mission would be the test.

“Colonel, thank you for listening to what I had to say.”

“You just better hope that this mission is a success, Wilson. Because if it isn’t, despite your difficulties, the failure is going to be at your feet. I trust you understand what that means.”

Her responding shrug was uncaring, but her demeanor indicated that she understood the gravity of the situation all too well. 

“I’m concerned about the outcome of the mission, too, Colonel, but not for my sake. You and your men are the best hope for those ten POWs. Best of luck to you, sir.”

Hannibal nodded curtly and strode out of the room to catch up with Brenner. He was struggling with what to think about Sydney Wilson. She had more balls than many of her male counterparts, but that didn’t mean he was comfortable with the prospects of having a female recon agent working under his watch. 

He shoved the worry aside. Regardless of how this all played out, he was going to do his damnedest to ensure that this particular mission was a success – for the POWs, for his men.

And maybe even for SA Sydney Wilson.


	9. Counting Friends and Measuring Success

Sydney paced the tiny confines of the hooch Lewis had shown her to after the Team had left. She hadn’t slept much in nearly four days but she was far too keyed up and worried to sleep now.

Still unable to settle on the nature of her feelings for HM Murdock, she couldn’t deny that they were intense – and once again threatening to overwhelm her better judgment. Based on the reaction of Smith and Lewis to their reunion she knew she needed to be careful where the pilot was concerned. She sighed as she forcefully pushed thoughts of HM aside to focus on the immediate situation.

At this point her biggest concern was the success of the mission. Colonel Smith was right – her future hinged on the outcome of the POW rescue. The most galling part was that right now, she had done all she could to influence that outcome. Now she was forced to sit and wait. Patience never had been her strong suit.

Mission success should get her the in she was angling for. The CIA may not be happy with her, but even they couldn’t ignore her value if those POWs came back alive. She didn’t expect to be lauded for her actions, but she did think it likely that her indiscretions would be quietly swept under the rug. She also hoped that they would be willing to let her stay in Nha Trang, on the front line. Despite all of the policy bullshit that didn’t allow it. 

Failure would mean... what? That future was far less certain and a lot more worrisome to contemplate. No one, not even Quinn, was going to protect her from the consequences of her actions over the last couple months if this mission tanked. She had deliberately ignored her orders and struck out on her own – against standing CIA and military policy and norms. But what would they do about it? Throw her in the stockade? Make a mockery of her? Ship her home? 

Sydney sighed. In the end the worst thing about the possibility of failure was that she had done just that – failed. Those POWs were more than a ticket to what she wanted. She had met them, talked to them, fed them, nursed them... and when she was alone she had cried for them. Even if they came back alive they would carry the scars with them for the rest of their lives. However, Sydney knew that was preferable to not making it back at all. The lives of those men were the true cost of failure and contemplating it made her feel cold with inconsolable grief.

They had to come back.

Lying on the bed, Sydney took an inventory of her acquaintances at Nha Trang. Who could she count as a friend?

It was impossible to come to Vietnam and not become aware of the reputation of one Lieutenant Colonel John ‘Hannibal’ Smith. Harshly spoken words like ‘renegade,’ ‘insubordinate’ and ‘loose canon’ mingled with awed murmurs of ‘fearlessness,’ ‘loyalty’ and ‘unsung hero.’ Smith’s team had the highest mission success rate of all the teams based at Nha Trang, which was saying something given how many missions they had undertaken. 

Her final exchange with Colonel Smith had been perplexing. It had sounded like a warning and maybe, just maybe, cautious approval. Being able to count the unorthodox colonel among her allies would be a huge coup. She knew he was Morrison’s most trusted officer and she knew an in with Morrison was an in with the SOG at Nha Trang. 

Jeremy Lewis was a huge wild card. From Quinn she knew that Lewis was one of the most solidly entrenched intelligence agents in Vietnam. Though a CIA agent, he was friendly with the military and from what she had seen that was a rarity. While the rest of the Company personnel had been run off the base, Lewis and a few of his hand-picked men had stayed. They were working closely with the SOG teams to forward the unconventional warfare agenda. That was exactly where she wanted to be.

But she was having a hard time getting a read on Lewis. He had been a huge help to her when she arrived, friendly, solicitous even and she was aware that that was unusual. But the scene with Murdock before the briefing had definitely been a setback to the connection she hoped to forge with the intelligence agent. It was obvious there was no love lost between the two men. As important as Lewis was to her future at Nha Trang, Syd knew she was going to have to tread lightly with him where Murdock was concerned.

That brought her full-circle to Captain HM Murdock. The man was a total quandary. He provided a definite in with Colonel Smith. He was an obvious thorn with Lewis. And he was a huge personal distraction. The chaotic storm of emotions that he tended to provoke in her heart scared the hell out of her. She hadn’t seen him in months but he had never been far from her thoughts – not since the morning she had left him in Cam Ranh. 

Unable to afford the distraction of HM Murdock in her current situation, Sydney smirked at the irony of needing him. Yes, she needed him, with his personal connections to Smith, Morrison and the SOG at Nha Trang. Recognition of the professional need she had of Murdock did nothing to curb the unbidden and consuming awareness that she wanted so much more from him. 

Pressing the heels of her hands to her eyes, she groaned out loud. She absolutely had to get a fucking grip where the pilot was concerned. If she didn’t, she was going to blow everything she had worked for over the last two months.

Sydney sighed as her hands flopped back down to her sides. Exhaustion was finally catching up to her and her eyes drifted shut as she dropped off to sleep. 

Released from the stranglehold of her conscious mind, Syd’s heart took control and succumbed to the desire to be with HM, if only in her dreams.

hhhhh

Hannibal looked around the crowded hold of the Hind with a grim feeling of satisfaction. Just over twenty-four hours after Sydney Wilson’s arrival on their doorstep, and all ten POWs had been retrieved. The only thing that would have made it better was if they all could have been retrieved alive. If the evidence of the abuse that these men had suffered was any indicator, seventy percent live recovery was pretty damn good. At least they would be able to send those boys that didn’t make it home for burial. It was a sight better than a lot of men got in this hellhole.

“Alpha one tango to Da Nang base. Seven WIA and three KIA on board. Medical support needed at the heliport. ETA five minutes.”

Murdock’s voice over the headset shook Hannibal from his thoughts. Within minutes they were setting down at Da Nang. The men who were still ambulatory showed amazing resilience, jumping down from the chopper and turning to help their less mobile comrades as medical personnel swarmed forward and began moving the new patients toward the infirmary. Hannibal and his men lined up and saluted as the bodies of the three men who didn’t make it were respectfully unloaded from the chopper. 

As soon as they were refueled and cleared, they took off for Nha Trang. Hannibal wanted to get the Hind away from Da Nang and into his own coffers before anyone realized that it was gone. 

He had been livid, if not surprised, when they had arrived at Da Nang Friday morning to find the Hind in exactly the same shape as it had been when Murdock flew it back from Hanoi over a year before. Goddam waste of a perfectly good chopper in Hannibal’s opinion. So he had decided that he would abscond with it. They wouldn’t miss it, anyway.

Glancing around at the faces of his men, he could see that the anger at being too late for three men seemed to outweigh the satisfaction of having rescued seven alive. Perhaps it was just the fact that they were now nearly twenty-four hours without sleep and coming off the adrenalin high that always accompanied a mission in enemy territory. As the skids touched down at Nha Trang, the sun was beginning to rise but all Hannibal could think about was sinking into bed. 

“We’re home.” Murdock sounded as weary as everyone else looked.

They stumbled out of the chopper and gathered around Hannibal. Face handed him a cigar which he promptly lit, taking a long, satisfying draw. He waited until he saw Murdock and Kyle fall in at the back of the group before taking the cigar out and giving them each a critical once over. 

“That’s another success under our belts, guys. Good job. Stand down, pack it in and hit the hay.”

The Team began grabbing their gear as the chopper crew set about putting the bird to bed. While Cahill and Harris set to work in the hold of the chopper, Murdock and Kyle headed back to the cockpit.

“Murdock,” Hannibal called, trailing after his pilot who was urging Kyle forward double-time, obviously hoping to hurry through their post-flight work.

Murdock cast an impatient glance back at him. “Yeah, Colonel?” 

“Put this lady to bed in our bunker – make her inconspicuous.”

Murdock’s face fell. “Can’t BA take care of that –”

“I asked you. You can ask BA for help, but it’s your responsibility. Understood?” 

Hannibal gave his pilot a no-nonsense glare. He had a damn good idea why Murdock was in such a hurry to wrap up his work. He figured now was as good a time as any to drive home exactly what his first priority was.

“Colonel…”

“You heard me, Captain.” Hannibal jabbed a finger into Murdock’s chest. “Work comes first. When this lady is put to bed, you’re welcome to go visit with the lady I know you’re anxious to see, but not until your work is finished.”

Murdock sighed. “You’re the boss.”

“Damn straight.”

Hannibal shoved the cigar back in his mouth, small clouds of smoke marking his path as he strode away. Despite his exhaustion, it was time to face the dilemma that Sydney Wilson presented. He had come to a personal decision on that front, but ultimately it wasn’t up to him.

He would debrief with Morrison and Lewis, and hopefully get a read on how they felt about Wilson’s future at Nha Trang.


	10. Moment of Truth – Or Is It a Dare?

Sydney sat straight up in bed, awakened by the insistent knocking. She stood and padded to the door of the hooch, throwing it open. 

Lewis’s leonine eyes raked up and down her body, his openly lustful look causing Sydney to become uncomfortably aware of the fact that she was wearing only a tank top and a pair of very short shorts.

“As much as it pains me to say this,” Lewis said with a leering grin, “get dressed. They’re back.”

Sydney let the door swing shut on the agent’s lewd gaze. She hurried back to the bed and grabbed her pants, pulling them on. The door opened behind her and she turned to find Lewis watching her, arms crossed, leaning on the doorframe. She fastened the pants and hastily threw on a button-down shirt before dropping onto the edge of the bed to put on her shoes.

“Were they able to retrieve any of the men?” she asked.

“Yes. Seven alive.”

Syd looked up and tried to gauge Lewis’s expression. It was just as flat and emotionless as his voice. Usually an astute judge of character, she was stymied by Jeremy Lewis. 

In an eerie way, he reminded her vaguely of a boy she had dated briefly during her senior year of high school. At the time, she had thought he was nice and intelligent. She had learned differently a scant two weeks after they started seeing one another. The encounter had reinforced a lesson she had learned over and over in her life – do not trust men. 

Lewis had been helpful to her since her arrival in Nha Trang. In his own way, he had been thoughtful, obtaining a bed and clothing for the totally unknown woman that had shown up on his doorstep in the middle of the night.

But she’d instantly distrusted him and that initial gut feeling had been reinforced when she observed his interaction with Murdock. The hatred she had recognized in Lewis’s enraged face when he had shoved Murdock away from her in the briefing room had frightened her. It was obvious that it took little provocation for the agent to become violent. The question foremost in Syd’s mind was just how far would Lewis let a future confrontation with Murdock go? Contemplating the possibilities caused Syd’s gut to twist with worry.

The realization that the worry she was experiencing was a direct result of her feelings for Murdock really troubled her. Syd made a conscious decision not to allow herself to get too comfortable with anyone at Nha Trang Air Base – including HM Murdock. Her position was just too tenuous. She needed to live by Quinn’s advice and trust no one. 

Pushing to her feet, Syd nodded to indicate that she was ready to go. Lewis stood sideways in the threshold and held the door open wide, forcing her to brush by him to exit. Slowing her steps once she was out in the dim light of pre-dawn, she allowed him to take the lead. They didn’t have far to go. He stopped next to one of the many metal-sided buildings that housed the various operations that were headquartered at Nha Trang AB. 

“This is HQ for the Fifth,” Lewis said, referring to the 5th Special Forces unit – the unit that Colonel Smith and his team were affiliated with. “General Morrison is ranking officer over half a dozen SOG teams. Smith’s is the smallest team currently in operation, and is non-traditional in every sense of the word. The other teams all operate as standard ten to twelve-man alpha teams.” 

He opened a door and Sydney walked into a hallway. Through the first door on the right, she found herself face to face with Lieutenant Colonel Smith and another man who she surmised was Smith’s CO, General Russell Morrison. 

Morrison held himself with the air of a man used to being in charge. His dark hair, peppered with gray, was cropped in a standard crew cut, and his deeply-lined face, though not traditionally handsome, was rugged and full of character. 

Standing to lean across the desk, Morrison held out a hand that Syd stepped forward to grip. 

“General Morrison,” he said as he gave her hand a perfunctory shake. “Have a seat, Special Agent Wilson.” 

“I prefer to stand, sir,” she said.

“Suit yourself.”

Morrison retook his seat behind the desk. She didn’t miss the smirk that graced Smith’s face and looked at him curiously. 

“Lewis tells me the mission was at least a partial success.”

“Yes,” Smith said. “We brought all ten soldiers home.”

“But only seven alive,” Sydney couldn’t help the bitterness in her tone. She had known those men. “Who didn’t make it?”

“You mean you don’t know?” Smith asked.

So, they were testing her. Fine. “Naldo probably didn’t make it – he was in pretty bad shape when I arrived. So was Vanderpelt. But the others were all in reasonable condition. Unless something changed between when I left them and now.”

Smith’s lips formed a thin, rueful line. “Apparently Colonel Caldwell took the brunt of the torture after your departure, SA Wilson. He didn’t fare so well.”

Syd bit her tongue and willed herself not to react to the news. Clint Caldwell had been an incredible man, encouraging all of the soldiers, and keeping their spirits up despite the dismal conditions of their captivity. Even in the short time she had known him, she had come to admire him.

In order to keep her emotions in check, Sydney distracted herself with the first thing that came to mind. She cleared her throat.

“So, Colonel Smith, I trust you found the information I provided helpful. Is there anything additional that would have been useful to know before the extraction?”

Syd was startled by Morrison’s bark of laughter. “You talk like someone who thinks they’re going to be doing recon work behind enemy lines again.”

Rankling at the snide tone, she drew herself up to her full five-foot-three-inch height and cast a calm, confident look at General Morrison. 

“Of course I do. Why? Should I think differently?”

Morrison leaned back in his chair, fingers lacing behind his head. “Little girl, what possible reason could you give us for flaunting military and CIA policy like that? You’re damn lucky your cute little ass isn’t in the stockade right now.”

Sydney considered the smug look on Morrison’s face and the carefully guarded look on Smith’s. Lewis stood behind her so she couldn’t see his expression, though she doubted it would help her judge the situation anyway. She cleared her throat and turned purposely toward the door.

“I think the fact that I’m not behind bars is pretty telling. Follow me, gentlemen.”

Proud of the fact that her voice reflected a calm she definitely did not feel, she forced herself to walk out of the office without looking back. 

She didn’t break stride all the way to her hooch, even though her legs felt like jelly. By the time she opened the door, the three men were on her heels and followed her in. Pulling the string that turned on the overhead light as she passed underneath, she stopped in front of the map of Vietnam that hung on the wall. She had acquired the map after the Team had left to perform the extraction. And when she wasn’t sleeping, she had been working on it obsessively.

She nodded at it. “Here is your reason.”

Smith was the first to move forward and scrutinize the markings on the map. Small pieces of paper were tacked at numerous locations across the northern half of Vietnam, extending from north of Hanoi south to the DMZ. Each had coded information entered on it. Sydney’s own, personal shorthand.

Smith jabbed the stub of a burnt out cigar at the map. “What are these?”

“Asset markers,” Lewis said, his gaze narrow as he studied the slips of paper. “Is this your network?”

Sydney nodded mutely.

Morrison waved a dismissive hand. “So what? We have a network of spies twice as extensive as this.”

“Perhaps,” Sydney said evenly. “But I can almost guarantee that your network is nothing like mine.”

A low rumbling chuckle from Smith caught Syd’s attention. “I’ll bet it isn’t. Whose idea was it? Yours or Anh’s?”

“A little of both. The makeup of the network was Anh’s idea. She helped me set it up. She also helped me blend in.” 

Sydney allowed herself to smile slightly at the obviously-amused man. He knew exactly why her network was unique and she was certain that he also saw the efficacy – confirmed a moment later when he gave her a surreptitious wink.

“Who the hell is Anh?” Morrison snapped.

“Gravy’s Vietnamese girlfriend,” Smith said, having difficulty containing his mirth. “I knew she had disappeared with Sydney here. And they formed themselves a regular women’s auxiliary spy network.”

“And you think that’s funny, Hannibal?” Morrison asked sourly.

“C’mon, Russ, you gotta admit that this whole situation is fucking hilarious,” Smith was grinning broadly at the other two men crowded into the tiny quarters. “This little lady here has the collateral to totally screw with the Army and the CIA. And I think we’re just the guys to help her do it.”

Lewis’s emotionless voice sounded from a shadowed corner, tone firm. “I agree.”

Morrison gave a grunt, his gaze dark. “You expect to add to our spy network at a time when the 5th is supposed to be reducing its forces in Vietnam? And you want to do it with all females? You’re both fuckin’ nuts.”

“Don’t discount the effectiveness of utilizing females as spies, General,” Sydney said, gaining confidence with the approval of Smith and Lewis. “Part of the reason I was able to develop the information I did was because I lived at that camp for over a week – and not one of the men around me even noticed. These women move through the NVA world totally invisible to the men making decisions. If you ignore their usefulness as a source of information, you’re as moronic as the men they work for.”

Morrison stood up and stepped close in front of Sydney. She steeled herself so she wouldn’t flinch.

“Are you saying you think I’m a moron, SA Wilson?”

“No, sir,” Syd said. “At least I hope not.”

Smith guffawed. “She’s got you there, Russ.”

Morrison’s gaze never wavered from Sydney’s as he snarled at Smith, “You’re pissing me off, Hannibal.”

Smith gripped Morrison’s shoulder, pulling him away from Sydney who had to stifle a sigh of relief. 

“So what’s new?” Smith flashed his CO a cocky grin. “C’mon, Russ. Lewis and I can work this out.”

Morrison took a deep breath, eyes narrowed as he looked back at Sydney. He shook his head.

“This is a goddam bad idea.”

Smith steered Morrison toward the door. “Go on back to the office, Russ. Have a shot. Relax. Lew and I will work out our strategy.”

“I want a full report by the end of the day on just how you plan to sell this cluster to the brass, Hannibal,” Morrison muttered as he allowed himself to be escorted out the door. “You know they want us to pull out by early next year. They are not going to like this idea.”

“Not a problem,” Smith said. 

As the door closed behind Morrison, Smith turned to Lewis, who was silent, slouched in the corner. His expression was as unfathomable to Sydney as it had been since she’d arrived. Well, other than when he was leering at her – she had a good idea what he was thinking then.

“Well, Lewis, what do you think?” Smith asked.

Lewis’s eyes were the only thing to move in response to the question. They flickered from Smith to Sydney, where they lingered. 

“I think I can convince HQ to leave her here. But I don’t see how you’re going to convince the brass here to let her stay, especially in a recon position. No fucking way are they gonna go for that when they’re pushing force reduction so hard.”

Smith grinned broadly at Lewis. “The brass aren’t going to deny me a recon agent I want. Not with my success record. They need the good press to counter the cluster with Rheault. I can sell this, I know I can. You just worry about your end of the bargain.”

Lewis pushed away from the wall and stepped into the light. The satisfied smile on his face put Syd on guard. Was he pleased because she was going to be able to stay? A moment later she had her answer.

“Then you better tell Murdock to back the hell off,” Lewis said. “If she’s attached to your team, then she’s off limits.”

Smith’s smile dimmed. “You aren’t really going to push that, are you?”

“You’re goddam right I’m going to push it, especially given that he’s your intelligence officer.” Lewis got in Smith’s face. “She’s off limits. And if I find out Murdock’s not toeing the line, I’ll kick his ass… or worse. Make sure he understands that.”

“Are you threatening one of my officers, Lewis?” Smith didn’t flinch, eyes unblinking.

“Call it whatever you want, Smith,” Lewis said, crossing his arms. “Warning, threat… promise.”

Sydney allowed her anger at the macho bullshit taking place in front of her to override the near-panic she felt as her worst fears about Lewis’s intentions toward Murdock were confirmed. She cleared her throat and both men turned to look at her.

“Seems to me I have some say in this little debate,” she said, trying to keep her conflicted emotions in check. 

“You don’t have much of a say in anything,” Lewis said dismissively.

That was the last straw as anger won out over fear. She crossed her arms and glared at Lewis. 

“Perhaps you’d like me in a chastity belt and living in isolation while I’m here.”

His lips curled. “A chastity belt sounds like a good idea. Unfortunately, isolation probably isn’t realistic.”

“I can handle Murdock,” Sydney said, with more confidence than she felt. “And I can handle myself. If you want us to keep it platonic, that’s fine, but I refuse to totally shut him out.”

“Platonic, huh?” Lewis chuckled, the sound chilling. “That, I would like to see. The impulsive Howling Mad Murdock controlling himself enough to have a platonic relationship with you. Yes. I think I’d like to see that very much.”

Turning on his heel, Lewis walked to the door. There he turned to cast a suddenly stern look back at Syd. 

“You need to get that map into a secure location. We have a locked office next to briefing one – I’ll get you a key. Move it there before the end of the day.” 

As Lewis disappeared outside, Smith turned to her, shaking his head. 

“That was not smart.”

Syd looked at him blankly. “What do you mean?”

“Do you even know Murdock?” Smith walked to the door and pushed it open. “Get your ass in here, Captain.”

Murdock ducked through and cast a questioning look at his CO. “You think Lewis knew?”

“Of course Lewis knew, genius,” Smith muttered.

“Yeah, I kinda figured,” Murdock said with an accepting shrug. “This isn’t an official setting, right, Hannibal?”

“Huh?” Smith’s brows furrowed. “Does this look official to you?”

“Just makin’ sure.”

He took three long steps and engulfed Syd in a bear hug, lifting her feet off the floor. “You have no idea just how worried I’ve been about you, sugar.”

It took a few seconds for Syd to get over her surprise. She patted Murdock’s back awkwardly and managed a muffled, “I can’t breathe.”

He let her go and looked her up and down critically.

“I’m fine, HM,” she said. 

She caught movement out of the corner of her eye and watched as Smith moved back to the map on her wall, lifting a leg to sit on the corner of the small desk nearby. He seemed to be trying to ignore them, but was obviously amused by the reunion.

Then Murdock startled her by pulling her button-down shirt aside. He pointed at the large bruise that extended from her collar bone across her shoulder – visible only as a green shadow under her skin due to its age, but still evident. 

“Fine, huh? And how many more of these can’t I see?”

Syd pulled her shirt back up onto her shoulder and stepped away from him. “It’s just a bruise.”

“Dammit, Syd, this isn’t a game!”

Sydney stared at the pilot, the mixture of anger and longing impossible to reconcile and more than a little disconcerting. She crossed her arms, once again allowing the anger to crowd to the front of her thoughts. Who the hell did he think he was?

“You think I don’t realize that? I spent ten days at that camp, Murdock. The worst I got were a few bruises. In exchange, I was able to get the information that allowed you to extract those POWs – ten men who were being treated far worse than I ever was. I’d say it was worth it.”

“She’s right, Murdock, and you know it.” Smith’s voice held a quiet ring of authority with just a hint of sympathy.

Murdock glared at him. “Doesn’t mean I have to like it.” 

His eyes focused behind his CO and he moved next to him to examine the map on the wall. 

“What is this… shit, is this an asset map? Syd’s asset map?” Smith nodded at him and Murdock leaned closer, squinting at the markers, murmuring under his breath. “Huh, it isn’t Arabic, though the symbols definitely are…”

Syd tilted her head to look at him, struck again by the quiet intelligence evident in his eyes. “How do you know it isn’t Arabic?”

“Because it’s gobbledy gook,” Murdock said.

“Is that the technical term?” Sydney asked.

“As a matter of fact it is.” Murdock turned admiring eyes on her. “You used Arabic as a basis for your coded shorthand. Tricky.”

“You know Arabic?” Smith asked, eyebrows elevated.

“Black Ops one-oh-one, Hannibal.” Murdock grinned.

Grunting, his CO pulled out a new cigar and lit it.

Murdock’s eyes roved over the map. “Damn. You are stepping on all kinds of toes here, sugar.”

“Ain’t that the truth. Good thing Lewis likes her or she’d be out on her ear.” Smith’s icy blue eyes crinkled in amusement.

Syd looked from one to the other. “What are you talking about?”

Smith raised an eyebrow at her. “Have you met any of your, uh, colleagues?”

“No.”

Indicating the area north of Hanoi, Smith said, “Craig Reynolds has a secure network in this area that he handles remotely via radio. He rarely goes into the field anymore.”

Murdock snorted. “I think those headphones have grown to his head.”

“Les Jarvi handles the network from Ha Tinh to Hanoi, and Martin Vin handles everything south to the DMZ. The only guy you aren’t really encroaching on is Bill Cartwright, who is rarely here and maintains the majority of the assets along the Ho Chi Minh trail.”

“What about Lewis?” Syd asked.

“Lewis coordinates the handlers, as well as handling assets of his own – primarily along Ho Chi Minh, but he also has key assets in each of the other handlers’ regions. That’s why he’s in charge.” Smith crossed his arms and looked at her. “So you see, the only handler you aren’t competing with is Cartwright, but he already has competition from his own boss, namely Lewis.”

Syd stared at the map. “So basically what you’re telling me is I’ll be… disliked by my colleagues.”

Murdock snorted. “You’ll be a pariah, sugar.”

Syd raised an eyebrow at the pilot. “Pariah, huh? That’s a fancy word for a flyboy.”

Murdock smirked. “Fitting, though.”

“Don’t worry,” Smith said with a shrug. “You’ll be attached to our unit, so you’ll be in good company.”

“Yep,” Murdock said. “We don’t care whose toes you step on – we still like you. Right, Hannibal?”

Smith’s eyes locked on Syd and she forced herself to meet the intense gaze steadily.

“Well, I don’t really know you. But I tend to trust my officers’ instincts. No matter how motivated by hormones they may tend to be.”

The heat crept up her cheeks, uncontrollable and far too revealing of her vulnerability where Murdock was concerned. She absolutely had to get her shit under control or she was going to blow this whole thing. 

“I appreciate your support, Colonel. I really do.”

Smith shrugged, the corners of his mouth quirking up slightly. Syd was having almost as much trouble getting a read on him as she did on Lewis. 

“Ten POWs isn’t bad for a first showing.” He surprised her when he stood and put a hand on her shoulder. “However, you still have an awful lot of proving to do. I trust you understand that, Wilson.”

She recognized acceptance in Smith’s face and felt the first real flush of relief since arriving at Nha Trang. 

“I do understand, Colonel. I won’t let you down, sir.”

Smith gave her shoulder a brief squeeze before letting go. Syd took encouragement from the touch. Despite his gruffness, there was something about the man that engendered trust and respect.

“You can call me Hannibal, Sydney.” He turned and walked toward the door. 

“Thank you, Hannibal,” she said, inordinately pleased to be permitted the familiarity of calling him by his nickname.

“Now, I have several people I need to see before I can hit the hay.” He turned as he opened the door and fixed Murdock with a stern look. “I should be done in about an hour, and I expect to find you in your bunk, Murdock.”

“But Hannibal –”

“That isn’t a request, Captain.” Hannibal disappeared from sight as the door swung closed, but the sweet, smoky smell of his cigar lingered.

Something about the scent comforted Sydney.


	11. Knowing Your Limits

Murdock looked after Hannibal and gave an irritated grunt.

“Shit.”

Syd chuckled and he turned to find her shaking her head in amusement.

“I know we’ve had this discussion before, but apparently it bears repeating,” she said. “Most people do sleep several hours every day.”

Murdock smiled at the reminder of that conversation, which had taken place just before they had made love for the first time. He took a step toward her, the desire to fold her into him intense. Acutely aware that they were now alone in the privacy of her hooch, he was sorely tempted to ignore the whole off-limits issue. Who would ever know? 

The flash of panic in her wide blue eyes stopped him. Wrapping her arms around herself, Syd turned and moved away from him. Damn Lewis, anyway.

“I’m sorry, sugar,” he said with a heavy sigh. “I don’t suppose I should stay. It’s just that I’ve missed ya so much…”

The rueful smile on her face when she turned to look at him tugged at his heart. She was so beautiful. Being alone with her in the hooch like this was probably a bad idea. It was definitely a huge temptation.

“I’ve missed you too, HM.”

That didn’t help. Was it an invitation? He felt the flush of desire infuse his entire body as he watched her pull out the chair by the desk and sit down. He looked at her uncertainly before finally dropping onto the end of the bed to face her.

“I’m not sure about this whole platonic relationship idea, Syd.” His breath hitched when he met her eyes. “You know that’s not what I want.”

“I know, HM, but it’s our only option right now,” she said quietly. “You heard Lewis.”

Murdock shook his head. “Man, do I hate Lewis.”

“I get the impression he doesn’t like you much either. That kind of puts me in a no-win position.” 

“Yeah. Sorry about that.”

“HM, I know it’s difficult, but…” she leaned forward and caught his gaze, hers intense. “I think more than anything else, I’m going to need a friend here. Can you do that for me? Please?”

Rubbing the back of his neck, he stood and paced toward the door. 

“I don’t know.” He looked back at her, his visceral reaction immediate and nearly undeniable. He shook his head. “I don’t think I can be just your friend, sugar. I’m sorry. Maybe it’s better this way.”

He walked out of the hooch and broke into a run, needing to put distance between himself and Sydney as quickly as possible. Before he did something impulsive that got both of them into a shitload of trouble. 

A platonic relationship? Who was she kidding? Just the sight of her turned him on. Hell, after three months of not knowing where she was, just knowing she was on the same base made his head swim. 

Ten minutes later he was shoving into the barracks. Greeted by a chorus of snores, he stripped down to his boxers and t-shirt and dropped onto his bunk. 

“How’s Syd?”

He should have known Face would be awake. He sucked in a deep breath and blew it out noisily.

“Off limits,” he said.

Face rose up on his elbows and looked at him. “Are you shitting me?”

“I wish I were.”

“Damn.”

“Yeah.”

“I’m sorry, buddy.”

“Yeah. Me too.”

“Why’s she off limits?” Face asked.

“She’s going to be attached to our unit,” Murdock said.

“So Hannibal’s gonna be a prick about it, huh?”

“Lewis.” Murdock couldn’t help the bitter edge to his voice. “Lewis is being a prick about it.”

“That figures,” Face said. “At least you can take comfort in the fact that she’s off limits to Lewis, too.”

Murdock contemplated that for a few seconds and then gave a satisfied nod of his head. “Thanks, Face.”

“I’m here for you, bud.”

sssss

After Murdock left, Sydney spent some quality time feeling sorry for herself. Her self-pity sessions were generally few and far between, but Murdock’s outright rejection of the ‘just friends’ option had hit her very hard. She realized that she had been counting on his friendship when she returned to Nha Trang – even more so after learning that her colleagues weren’t likely to be very welcoming. When Murdock walked out the door she had been forced to admit to herself just how isolated and alone she was here. Ultimately, though, she decided it was for the best. 

Needing to work off her frustrations, she had changed for a good, hard run. It was now going on ten hundred and she was starting to feel more like herself. She didn’t need Murdock. She didn’t need anyone but herself. She was the only person she could trust, anyway. Tough exterior repaired – at least for the time being.

Sydney came to a stop outside of her hooch, chest heaving. It had been a while since she’d been running like that and she was definitely out of shape. Holding the stitch in her side with one hand, she paced around in a tight circle, cooling down.

“Where have you been, Wilson?”

Nearly jumping out of her skin, Syd turned to find Lewis leaning against the wall in the shade next to her door.

“I went for a run,” she said, trying to decipher the bland look on Lew’s shadowed features. “What did you find out?”

Stepping out into the sunlight, his lips turned up at the corners, though it didn’t really look like a smile. 

“If Smith is able to arrange things on his end, you’ll be staying here. I had to agree to partner you myself to make it possible, but I was finally able to convince HQ that you’d be safe enough.”

“You’re my partner?” Sydney couldn’t disguise her surprise. That was great. Just. Fucking. Great.

Lewis nodded. “Now get changed and I’ll take you to meet the others.”

Syd pushed her sweat-soaked hair out of her eyes. “I need a shower.”

A disturbing light entered Lewis’s eyes as one dark eyebrow rose suggestively. “Do you need help with that?”

What? Syd ground her teeth, mind racing. Murdock was off limits but Lewis had the gall to make a comment like that? Did she dare point out just how far out of line he was?

“Well, boss, or should I say partner? It seems to me that would be inappropriate, at best.” She managed to keep her voice even and unemotional. “In fact, I got the impression this morning I should just take vows and become a nun.”

His face didn’t betray any reaction to the roundabout rebuke. He took a step forward, encroaching on her personal space. 

“Get a shower. Get dressed. Be in briefing one in fifteen minutes. You remember where that is, right?”

“I remember.”

He turned and walked away. Sydney blew out a breath.

A nun. Right.


	12. Control is an Illusion

Murdock’s voice sounded hollow as he said, “So I told her I can’t do it. I think I’m just gonna play it safe and steer clear of her except when we’re working.” 

Ray stood at the foot of Murdock’s bed, feet planted shoulder width apart and arms akimbo. Even after being on the go for over twenty-four hours, it was difficult to sleep more than eight – especially in broad daylight. As a result, the entire Team had awakened late Saturday afternoon, but everyone was still feeling sluggish.

Gathered in front of him, Face, Gravy and BA had been making appropriately sympathetic sounds as Murdock related what had happened with Sydney Wilson that morning. Ray ground his teeth. Counting to ten, he made a valiant effort not to lay into the kid.

Counting to ten wasn’t helping, so he tried counting to twenty. Then he took one long step forward, startling the others who were offering Murdock consolation. He grabbed the pilot by the collar and dragged him out of the circle of concerned friends.

“Ray, what the fuck!” 

Murdock’s voice was strangled. Ray ignored him.

The rest of the Team knew better than to follow. Ray strode outside the barracks, maintaining a stranglehold on Murdock’s collar. 

He walked between their building and the next before he slammed the pilot against the wall. Hands on hips, he began pacing in front of Murdock who was rubbing at his neck and watching him warily. 

You better be fucking wary, Ray thought furiously.

“You pissed at me ‘bout somethin’, Ray?” Murdock finally ventured.

“Pissed? You haven’t seen me pissed, kid.” Ray stopped and faced him. “You’re lucky I don’t tear your goddam head off.”

Murdock straightened and swallowed. “What? What did I do?”

“Do you have a fucking clue what it means to love a woman?” He poked two fingers into Murdock’s shoulder with enough force to shove him back against the wall. “And I mean really love her. Not just fuck her and say you loved her.”

Doe eyes wide and staring, Murdock didn’t answer, he just slumped against the wall. Ray held the shell-shocked gaze and closed the distance between them. His voice was low and intense as he got in the kid’s pale face.

“She’s between a rock and a hard place and you were a fucking coward and abandoned her there. If you give a shit about her, get your head out of your ass and be there for her however she needs you to be. If that’s too fuckin’ hard, then you don’t deserve her.”

Taking a step back, Ray continued to glare at the pilot.

Murdock pushed himself away from the wall and ran his hands through his hair. 

“Maybe I don’t.”

The kid’s voice sounded hollow, but no less cowardly to Ray’s ears. Tone dripping with disdain, Ray sneered at him. 

“So that’s it? You can’t fuck her so you don’t wanna have anything to do with her? You’re pathetic.”

In a sudden show of emotion, Murdock punched the wall. 

“Goddammit, I know there’s more to love than sex!”

The anguish in those expressive brown eyes was unmistakable and served to cool Ray’s anger, but only a little. 

“Well you sure as hell aren’t acting like you know the difference, Murdock. She asked you to help her out. To be her friend. And you walk away? What the fuck?”

Murdock’s shoulders slumped. “I don’t wanna screw this up for her, Ray. Her work is really important to her. And you know my impulse control sucks. I can’t do it. I can’t be close to her and… and…”

Ah, shit. Ray supplied the word he suspected the kid was groping for, “Behave?”

“Yeah. Behave. I really don’t think I can do it. Hell, just knowing she’s in the same camp is drivin’ me nuts.” Murdock ran his hands down his face with a groan.

Ray shook his head. “Damn, kid.” 

Murdock shot him an irritated look. “That’s what you have to say? Big fuckin’ help you are.”

Heaving a sigh, Ray shoved his hands in his pockets. He felt like an ass. But then that was what happened when he let his temper get the better of him. Trish was always telling him to get his hot head under control.

Ray cleared his throat. “So the real problem is that you don’t think you can keep it in your pants – is that what I’m hearing?”

“Exactly.”

“Seems like a pretty simple problem to me,” Ray said. “Just keep a chaperone around.”

“Huh?”

“Don’t spend time alone with her, genius. You won’t be tempted to step over the line if someone else is with you, right?”

Murdock stared at him for several seconds before his gaze cleared. His generous mouth broke into a slow grin. 

“You’re right, Ray! I just gotta make sure I’m not alone with her. That could work. That definitely could work. Thanks, man!”

He gripped Ray’s hand and then began jogging away, backward. “Hey, Ray, you wanna come with us to dinner?”

“Sure.”

“Great!” Murdock spun and broke into a run.

By the time Ray caught up with him in the barracks, Murdock was already talking to Face about going with him to find Sydney for supper. Ray gave a satisfied nod as he, Gravy and BA followed the two young men back out the door.

This was more like it.

mmmmm

Murdock dropped his tray on the table and slumped onto the bench. Where could Syd be? It wasn’t like she knew a ton of people at Nha Trang. The only other person he could think of that she’d be with was Lewis. That thought soured his mood even more.

Ray sat down across from him. “Buck up, kid. It’s just one meal.”

Sliding in next to him, Face jostled his arm. “Yeah, Murdock. It’s not the end of the world. We’ll find her after dinner and head to the bar. I bet she could use a drink after the day she’s probably had.”

Gravy and BA joined them. Murdock listened as his teammates joked and laughed their way through dinner. Try as he might, he just couldn’t engage. Ray’s meltdown had made him realize just what an idiot he had been that morning. He wouldn’t blame Syd if she never spoke to him again.

“Hey, timoun, there’s li’l fi,” Gravy said.

Murdock turned and saw Sydney’s petite, lithe form standing in the chow line. A messy pony tail held her mass of hair back so her vivid blue eyes weren’t obscured. He could lose himself in those eyes. Had lost himself in those eyes.

“Lewis is with her,” Face muttered.

Total fascination with Sydney broken by his friend’s comment, Murdock’s gaze shifted to Jeremy Lewis – his tall, dark form a stark contrast to Sydney’s. He felt his heart constrict. Standing close behind Syd, Lewis looked almost possessive, and it hit the pilot that they made an incredibly striking couple. 

No, they aren’t a couple, he told himself. It was with intense relief that he noticed that Martin and Les, two of the other CIA handlers at Nha Trang, were also with them. Syd was just having dinner with her colleagues. That was easier to swallow.

Ray leaned across the table. “Why don’t you invite her over, Murdock?”

“Not with Lew standing there,” Murdock said. “It’ll just piss him off.”

“I don’t mind pissing Lewis off.” Face stood and waved a hand. “Hey, Syd, c’mon over and join us!”

Syd’s full mouth turned up at the corners and she returned the wave – just before Lew shoved a tray into her hands.

Stealing glances back, Murdock marked Syd’s progress through the line. Lewis didn’t let her venture far from him, and Murdock’s grip on his fork became white-knuckled. Syd got to the end of the line and made to turn toward their table, but Lewis stopped her with a hand on her arm.

Turning a disgruntled look on Face, Murdock mumbled, “I told you Lew wouldn’t let her come over here.”

“Sorry, bud,” Face said.

And then the next minute, Gravy was grinning and patting the seat between him and Ray. “I gotcha a seat ri’ here, li’l fi.”

Syd set her tray down and stepped into the small space between the two men. The smile she cast at Gravy made Murdock’s heart skip a beat. She had a beautiful smile.

“Thanks, Gravy,” she said.

“Any time. S’long as you promise to stop takin’ Anh on you li’l trips.” Gravy’s pockmarked, chocolate brown face was sporting a warm smile, taking all sting out of the already-mild rebuke.

“How’s she doing?” Syd asked. “Last time I saw her was in Vin Linh. She was getting ready to head back home. I really missed her company when she left.”

“She made it home,” Gravy said. “Then Howlin’, here, grilled her fer hours about what you was up to.”

Gravy’s accusation startled Murdock out of his contemplation of just how gorgeous Sydney was. He turned a sneer on the Cajun.

“Ha! I barely got a word in edgewise after you and Anh started arguing. Do you have any idea how difficult it is to translate for two people yelling at each other in different languages? Especially when one of them can’t speak English and the other one barely does!”

Syd choked on her food and Gravy pounded on her back, laughing. 

“S’ok, li’l fi. Anh and me made up all on our own. She talkin’ English perty good now thanks ta ‘ou. Course then Howlin’ wouldn’ leave so’s nou te ka fè lanmou.”

Ray caught Gravy’s arm to stop him from hitting Sydney again. “You’re gonna break her, Gravy.”

“Regrét.”

“It’s ‘sorry’ ya frickin’ coonass,” Murdock muttered. “And I left as soon as it became obvious that you and Anh were, uh, romantically-inclined.”

“Not soon ‘nuff,” Gravy said.

Syd cleared her throat. “I’m sorry about Anh, Gravy. Really. I tried to convince her to stay home, but she insisted on coming with me.”

Gravy waved the apology away. “Ah know. Anh se yon milèt.”

“I’m tellin’ ya, he can’t speak English.” Murdock jabbed his fork in Gravy’s general direction. “And I’m gonna tell Anh you called her a mule.”

Standing, Gravy smirked at Murdock. “Ale nan lanfè, ti gason.”

“Nice, very nice,” Murdock said. “If I’m goin’ you’re goin’ with me.”

“I thought we were already there,” Sydney said.

Gravy guffawed and knocked Syd on the back again. “You right!”

Murdock stared at Syd. “I thought you didn’t understand Creole.”

“I realized it’s Haitian based. You coulda clued me in,” she said.

“Ah, Christ,” Face said. “Two of ‘em. Really? I have enough trouble with the word games Murdock plays.”

Syd reached across the table and patted Face’s hand. “Don’t worry. We’ll use small words around you, Face.”

“Go to hell, Syd.”

Murdock chuckled. “Like she said, we’re already there.”

mmmmm

Sydney trailed behind the Team as they made their way to the bar. The realization that her gaze was fixed on Murdock’s backside caused her cheeks to flame. Biting her lip, she tried to find something else to focus on, but inevitably her eyes would return to Murdock.

“Hey, Syd.”

Jumping, she turned to find Ray Brenner had dropped back to join her. Though she had only just met him there was something about his easy manner and friendly smile that set her immediately at ease. It was also a relief to have something other than the pilot’s lanky form to focus on.

“Hi, Ray. It’s a nice night, isn’t it?”

“Actually is kinda pleasant tonight,” Ray agreed. He offered her his arm and she accepted. 

Syd smiled up at him. “I must admit I feel at a bit of a disadvantage. I have a feeling you know more about me than I do about you.”

“I don’t know about that,” Ray said. “’Bout all I really know is that you work for the CIA and that you’ve had my young friend over there chasing you all over Vietnam for the last couple months.”

Flushing, Syd turned away from Ray’s searching eyes. She once again found herself gazing at Murdock who chose that moment to glance over his shoulder. The warm smile he flashed at her before being distracted by Face grabbing the baseball cap off his head caused the heat in her cheeks to flow through her whole body. She sighed – she seemed to be totally incapable of controlling her reactions to the man. It was maddening.

Ray’s rumbling chuckle forced her attention back to him. 

Brow furrowed, she asked, “What’s so funny?”

“I thought as much,” Ray said with a wink.

“You thought as much about what?”

“You sure you want me to verbalize it?”

“I really don’t know what you’re talking about,” Syd said, shaking her head in frustration.

“You’re just as hung up on Murdock as he is on you. It’s obvious every time you look at him,” Ray said. “Should make the whole off-limits issue interesting, I will say that.”

Slipping her arm out of Ray’s, Syd shoved her hands in the pockets of her pants. It bothered her that he was able to read the truth in her face so easily. She smirked as she wondered whether being ‘hung up’ on a man was the same as being in love with him. She still wasn’t any closer to sorting that one out than she had been when she left Murdock in Cam Ranh. And she’d had lots of time to think about it.

Face and Murdock had run ahead and were already out of sight inside the bar. BA and Gravy were just entering. Stopping where she was, she looked up at Ray, who halted a couple steps ahead of her and turned back.

“Something on your mind, Syd?” Ray prompted.

She considered the man for several silent seconds before shaking her head and laughing. “So much going on up there, I’m not sure where to begin, as a matter of fact.”

Walking back to her side, Ray put a friendly arm around her shoulders and led her toward the bar. 

“Booze is good for loosening up the log jam,” he said. “Then we can sit down and talk.”

“Something tells me that could be very dangerous.”

“Trust me. It’s good for the soul.”

“The booze or the talk?” Syd asked.

“Both!”

sss

Inside the bar BA and Gravy had pulled together two tables for all of them to sit at. Murdock sat at one end, so Syd chose the opposite end. It was as far away from him as she could get without moving to another table. But she couldn’t seem to stop herself from watching the pilot.

A hand on her shoulder startled her from her contemplation of Murdock’s generous smile. Looking up, she found Ray leaning over her, amusement wrinkling the corners of his dark eyes as he took a seat next to her.

“Better learn to hide that when Lew’s around,” he said.

That goading grin of Ray’s was incredibly annoying. 

“I think you’re imagining things.”

“Hope you don’t mind warm beer.” Ray filled her glass from the pitcher on their end of the table.

“As long as it has alcohol in it,” Syd said. To her right, BA lifted a glass that held a white liquid. “Milk?”

After draining half of the watery-looking white stuff, BA set the glass down and grimaced. “It’s dry milk in water. Best you kin git ‘round here.”

“Herbie keeps the dry milk behind the bar just for BA,” Ray said. “Nobody else’ll drink that shit.”

“Mama always tol’ me to drink my milk ev’ry day,” BA said. “And I always listen to my mama.”

“That shit ain’t milk, brother,” Gravy said with a shake of his head.

“Does your mom still live in Chicago, BA?” Syd asked.

BA’s white teeth shone out of his ebony face like a giant half-moon as he turned his full attention to her. 

“Mama still lives in South Chicago, where I grew up. What about you, li’l sister? Where’d you grow up?”

“Mom and I lived in South Chicago for a couple years when I was eight or nine years old. Then Mom lost her job and we ended up moving to Fuller Park…” 

“Fuller Park?” BA repeated, eyes wide.

Fuller Park. The name caused an involuntary shudder to wrack Syd’s slim frame. The shabby one-bedroom apartment. The frequent lack of utilities due to inability to pay the bills. Hiding in the closet to avoid the landlord looking for back rent. The tattooed boys lurking in the alleys along her path to school, rapacious eyes following her. 

The only time the living nightmare faded was when she disappeared inside the middle school’s protective walls to spend a few blessed hours soaking up all the knowledge she could. Her natural curiosity had been recognized by several teachers, and she had found comfort in their desire to teach her and the other children like her, who gathered in ‘gifted’ classes – an oasis in a desert of want and despair. Then reality would crash back in on the long walk home.

A rough hand covered hers, shaking her from her thoughts. 

“S’ok, li’l sis. You ain’t there no more.”

The understanding and sympathy in BA’s dark eyes helped calm the disquiet, but the bitterness that lingered from that period of her life was undeniable. She decided to skip over the reasons for the moves and just provide BA with the context. 

“We were there for a few years, until I was twelve. We moved to Chatham after that… then Calumet Heights. Once I graduated, I moved to the Near West Side for college and Mom followed. We were there, in different apartments, until…” Syd swallowed. Maybe it was better not to talk about her past at all. “Well, until… the end, I guess.”

BA leaned forward, dark eyes tight with lingering curiosity. “You moved ‘round an awful lot.” 

Syd shrugged and looked away. She didn’t want to talk about it anymore.

“BA, stop,” HM said sharply.

mmm

Murdock glared at his teammate. BA had a heart as big as the sky, but he could be totally oblivious sometimes. 

Syd’s beautiful blue eyes slowly rose to look at him, though she was still pulled into herself. When she was uncomfortable with a topic of conversation it was like her entire being would contract in on itself. Her eyes would sink, full mouth pucker and shoulders pull in until she was as small as she could physically make herself without actually imploding.

“It’s alright, sugar, just tell the big, ugly mudsucker to mind his own business.”

“You mean like you do?” Face asked innocently.

BA looked at Syd and muttered, “Sorry. It’s just nice to talk to somebody from back home.”

A sincere smile graced Syd’s lips. “It’s ok, BA. There were some rough spots, that’s all – everyone has them. I just… I prefer not to dwell on the past.”

“So. Does your ma still live in the Near West Side?”

“BA!” Murdock was about ready to muzzle the big guy.

“It’s ok, HM,” Syd said. “My mother passed away early this year, BA.”

“I’m real sorry,” BA said. “What happened?”

Syd’s voice was tight, eyes shiny. “She’d been sick for a long time. I think she got tired of fighting.”

Murdock reached across Gravy and knocked BA in the shoulder. “Why dontcha go start a funeral dirge playing on the jukebox, big guy? Geez, drop the fuckin’ subject.”

“Don’t you think you’re being a little overprotective?” Face sneered.

Turning to his friend, Murdock grunted. “What’s your problem?”

“She’s a big girl, Murdock,” Face said. “I think she can handle her own conversation. Jesus, you act like you’re her keeper or something. You never even had sex with her.”

“What does that have to do with it?” 

Murdock slugged Face in the arm, practically knocking him out of his seat. His gaze slid down the table to where Syd sat, posture stiff and eyes wide. She stood abruptly, murmured ‘excuse me’ and stalked out of the bar.

“Way to go, Face.” Murdock pushed his chair back and launched out of it to follow her.

Outside he found Sydney, arms tight across her chest, pacing in a small circle, muttering to herself.

Without thinking, he walked up to her and put his hands on her shoulders, turning her to face him. The smell of her shampoo that underlay the light musky scent that was Syd enveloped him. It was a big mistake letting himself get this close to her. He shook his head to clear it.

“Face didn’t mean anything by it, Syd,” Murdock said, focusing on a point behind her to avoid looking into her eyes. “Come on back inside.”

They had to get back inside, where there were other people. But for the life of him, Murdock couldn’t remember why.

“Face isn’t the problem, HM,” she said.

Startled, he looked into her face. That was a bigger mistake than getting close to her had been. The only thing that kept him in check was the anger and frustration he recognized in her gaze. 

He grunted in consternation and asked, “Me? What did I do?” 

“You cannot protect me from everything, HM,” Syd said. “Face is right. I am a big girl. You need to stop this overprotective act. It’s really maddening.”

Murdock heard the irritation in her tone, even though the only thing to actually register from her little speech was that he needed to apologize. 

“I’m sorry, sugar.”

Her eyes widened, confused, and she licked her full lips. “You never told Face about us?”

Lifting a hand from her shoulder, he cupped her face, enjoying the silky feel of her skin under his fingers. 

“No,” he murmured, slipping his other hand up into her hair. “I wasn’t willing to share it with anyone. Not even Face.”

He cradled her head and leaned forward, eyes locked on those very kissable lips. Her eyes softened and then drifted shut as he closed the distance between them.

Sweet Jesus, but he loved this woman.


	13. The Chaperone Gets Blind-sided

“Aw, shit!” Ray said as he jumped up from the table and ran out of the bar. 

An argument with Face about the inappropriateness of his comments about Murdock and Syd’s sex life had totally driven from his head the fact that he had promised Murdock that he’d chaperone the couple. Then Ray had let them walk out of the bar – almost together.

As soon as he stepped through the door he saw them, right out in plain sight, standing too close and acting as if they were alone in the world. Ray broke into a jog, glancing around anxiously to make sure no one else was watching. Reaching the couple, he grabbed Murdock’s shoulder, jerking him away from Sydney who jumped back as if burned.

“You two are goddam lucky I’m the one that found you,” Ray growled, keeping a firm grip on Murdock. “What if I was Hannibal? Or worse yet, Lewis?”

Shrugging out of Ray’s grasp, Murdock backed away. “I’m… sorry.”

The pilot turned and jogged away in the direction of the barracks. Ray turned back to Syd who was still staring after Murdock, the fingers of one hand pressed against her lips.

“How the hell does he do that?” Syd muttered. “One minute I’m pissed at him… maybe a little confused, but mostly pissed. And then…”

Syd’s eyes slid sideways, taking in Ray’s presence and she trailed off to silence. The flush that crept up her cheeks indicated that she hadn’t meant for him to hear her. Ray chuckled.

“It’s alright, Syd. I know how it is when you’re in love.” 

Her eyes snapped to his face and for several seconds she just stared.

Licking her lips, she began backing away. “I, uh, I think I’m going to pack it in for the evening, Ray. Goodnight.”

She turned and hurried away. Ray raised his eyebrows in surprise before jogging to catch up with her. 

Falling in step beside Syd, he cast a sidelong glance at her. 

“Seems I hit a nerve.”

Her posture stiffened. “I think I can find my way to my quarters, Lieutenant Brenner. You should head back to the bar. The others will be wondering where you disappeared to.”

Ray shoved his hands in his pockets and shrugged. “Lieutenant Brenner, huh? I’m definitely trampling all over those exposed nerves of yours.”

“Do you act this way with every stranger you meet?” Syd’s voice held a definite sour note.

“Trish says I treat every woman I meet like a sister,” he shrugged. “Force of habit.”

“So this is what it’s like to have siblings?” she asked, tilting her head to the side. “I’m glad I was an only child.”

Snorting, Ray nodded. “Good one. I’m afraid the veiled insults won’t do you any good, though. I’m immune.”

“Veiled?” Syd’s eyebrows lifted. “And here I thought I was being pretty forthright about the insults.”

“I like you, Sydney.”

A resigned smile curved her lips. “Not gonna get rid of you, am I?”

“I’m afraid not,” he said. “I’d be breaking a promise if I let you go to your hooch unchaperoned.”

“Oh.” Her smile faded and she crossed her arms. “Colonel Smith put you up to this?”

“Hell, no, Murdock did. Doesn’t trust himself around you.” Ray chuckled. “Kid has horrible impulse control and he knows it. Based on what I saw outside the bar, I’d say yours isn’t the best, either. You two definitely need a keeper.”

Her face was awash in crimson, and Ray snickered. She shot an angry glance his way.

“My impulse control is quite good, actually.” She frowned. “Except where Murdock is concerned. It’s fucking irritating, to be perfectly honest.”

“Yeah, well, when you fall hard – like you two did – I’d imagine it’s difficult to step back and deny the need to be together again. I know if Trish was in a room there’s no way in hell I’d be able to keep my hands off of her. Damn but I miss that woman somethin’ fierce.”

Trish. Ray’s entire world personified in a no-nonsense, blonde beauty. It had only been a month since he had returned from a two-week turn home. He was still torn. Had it been better to go home to be with her for a couple weeks only to return to this hellhole, or should he have just stayed away? The temptation to take Trish to Canada had been hard to deny, but the spunky little woman never would have allowed him to do that. Neither would his loyalty to the Team. Still…

“Trish is your wife, right?” 

Sydney’s question startled him out of his thoughts and he turned to find her gaze had softened. 

With a sheepish smile, he said, “Yeah, yeah. We’ve been married three years. Told her I’d go AWOL if she didn’t tie the knot with me before I left for ‘Nam. I wasn’t taking any chances on her finding some other guy while I was over here.”

“You’ve been over here for your entire marriage?”

“Yeah… long story,” Ray said. “Hannibal recruited me and BA stateside. We, uh… well, neither of us had a whole lot of choice in the matter.”

“Oh.”

“Gravy joined us next,” Ray said hastily, hoping to avoid going into too much detail regarding his own sordid story. He grinned, warming up to the topic of how the Team had gotten together. It was easier to talk about that than about Trish. “He had gotten in some hot water up in Phu Cat and Hannibal rescued him from the stockade.”

sssss

The change of topic didn’t escape Sydney’s notice, but she let it slide. She was curious about how Smith had assembled his oddball team. Besides, she really preferred to avoid the whole relationship topic in general. 

“BA seems so laid back and quiet,” Syd said. “What did he do to get himself in trouble?”

“BA? Oh, well, when you put together a listening device and test it on the base brass, inadvertently recording a rather intimate encounter between a married general and his secretary, it can get you into trouble – no matter how good your intentions,” Ray said.

“And how were you involved, Ray?”

Ray’s face tightened. “Gravy, on the other hand –”

“I didn’t ask about Gravy,” Syd said firmly.

Taking a deep breath, Ray admitted, “I knew the secretary. She was a sweet, young kid – operative word here is ‘young.’ When BA came to me with the recording, he wasn’t sure what to do about it. Me, I’ve always been one to go with the direct approach.”

“Oh, geez, Ray,” Syd said with a shake of her head. “You didn’t confront him?”

Ray grimaced. “Not only did I confront him, I, uh, kind of tied him to a chair and had BA play the more embarrassing portions of the recording over the loud speakers for the whole camp to hear.”

Syd couldn’t stop herself from giggling at the image that conjured. “Really? What happened?”

“BA and I were both told that our actions were unbefitting our positions. I managed to shield BA from the worst of the fallout, but ended up demoted, though worse was threatened. That was when Hannibal stepped in. He was stateside recruiting for SOG, and convinced the base brass to let us go with him.”

“You have to be kidding me,” Syd said. “What about the asshole of a general…”

“Oh, he ended up reassigned to a base in Bumfuck, Egypt,” Ray said. “It’s not like he got off scott-free, but he had clout. If it hadn’t been for Hannibal’s intervention I have no doubt that BA and I would have been toast.”

Seeing her hooch up ahead, disappointment slaked through her. She was enjoying the talk with Ray and hated to see it come to an end. 

She stopped in front of her door and turned to him. “So what happened with Gravy?”

“Gravy’s got a hot head, kinda like me, only he tends to be more physical in his expression of it. He punched out the wrong guy, simple as that. And Face… well, you’ve met him. He’s the best supply officer in the Army, but he was pretty much in business for himself until Hannibal got hold of him. I don’t know the whole story there, myself, but I’m sure it’s interesting. Which brings us to Howlin’ Mad Murdock.”

A movement nearby caught Syd’s eye and she shook her head in amusement. “Speaking of…”

Ray nodded toward her room and said, “Should I check under the bed for him?”

“You won’t find him under the bed,” she said. “HM, are you going to come out and say goodnight?”

The pilot’s lanky form dissolved out of the shadows, his generous mouth curved in a sheepish smile. “Might’s well.”

His thick, Texas drawl was enough to curl Syd’s toes. She met his warm eyes and smiled grudgingly. “I guess Ray was smart to tag along, huh?”

“Yeah, well, Ray knows me pretty good, sugar,” Murdock said with a sensual smile, taking a tentative step closer.

Ray slapped him on the back of the head. “Stop it. I’m standing right here.”

“It ain’t workin’, man,” Murdock said, shaking his head, his chuckle self-deprecating.

“Yeah, I can see that,” Ray said. “I think we should wish the lady goodnight and head back to the barracks.”

Murdock’s evocative gaze was locked on Syd again, and reminded her uncomfortably of what she’d had to walk away from in Cam Ranh. Her entire body ached to be with him like that again. 

She gave herself a shake. Dammit. 

“Do we hafta?” Murdock asked quietly.

“Say ‘goodnight, Sydney,’” Ray said, taking the pilot’s arm and repeating with Murdock, “goodnight, Sydney.”

Leading Murdock away, Ray said, “I’m going to take Romeo here to the showers and ice him down.”

Syd watched the two men walk away, her heart pounding uncomfortably in her chest. Backing into her dark room, the last thing she saw was Murdock looking over his shoulder. She let the door shut, effectively blocking her view, and stood there in the darkness taking carefully regulated breaths while tensing and relaxing every major muscle group. 

It was no use. She flopped back on her bed, staring at the inky blackness above her. Like a reel-to-reel movie, unbidden memories of that intimate evening spent with HM in Cam Ranh began playing through her mind. 

There had to be something she could do to get this situation with Murdock under control… to get herself under control.


	14. For His Own Good

The door shut on Syd, and Murdock swung back around with a groan. 

“Damn, Ray.”

“You better get a handle on that libido of yours,” Ray said. 

Murdock took a deep breath and blew it out. “I don’ know how.”

“If Lew sees you two looking at each other like that he’ll blow a gasket. And then he’ll tell Hannibal, and he’ll blow a gasket. And then he’ll tell Morrison –”

“I get the picture, Ray,” Murdock snapped.

Ray stopped short and turned to face him. “Do you? Get the picture, I mean?”

Throwing his arms out, Murdock turned and walked away from his teammate and then spun around and walked back. 

“Maybe not… no. I mean, I love Syd. I love her. And making her off limits doesn’t magically change that. What the hell am I supposed to do, Ray?”

“I’m not sure, kid,” Ray said, his gaze sympathetic. “But we’ll figure it out. Ok?”

Murdock rolled his head. “We better figure it out soon.”

Walking toward the barracks again, Ray’s expression was ruminative. Murdock watched his teammate hopefully, then realized he was being left behind and jogged to catch up. Murdock knew if any of the guys could help it would be Ray.

“Until we do figure it out,” Ray said, “I think it might be best if you kind of keep your distance and only spend time with her in very public places. And I mean, like, crowded, noisy, public places.”

“Yeah. That could work… I guess.”

“You guess?” 

Thinking of their dance at the bar in Cam Ranh, Murdock looked at Ray and grimaced. “Maybe?”

“We could be in trouble,” Ray said as he entered the barracks.

Walking to his bed, Murdock lay down and closed his eyes. An image of Syd seemed to be etched onto the inside of his eyelids. He groaned.

“Ray?”

“Yeah, Murdock?”

“We’re definitely in trouble.”

“Yeah, I kinda figured.”

fffff

“Hey, Murdock.”

Face nudged his sleeping friend. After Ray and Murdock had left the bar, Katie Evans, a pretty petite nurse that Face had yet to successfully seduce, had arrived with a new dark-haired beauty. At his prompting, Katie had introduced her friend as Maddy Heidleberg, newest member of the nursing corps. Face had spent the next hour doing his damnedest to charm the beautiful woman, with marginal success. Now he was in desperate need of his best friend’s help.

“Murdock!”

Thumping the pilot roughly on the shoulder, Face was finally rewarded with a grunt. 

One brown eye cracked open. “What?”

“Good news, buddy,” Face said, fixing his friend with a smile, eyebrows raised suggestively. “I got you a date with the lovely Katie Evans.”

Scrubbing his hands over his face, Murdock stretched and then looked at Face. “That pretty little nurse that’s been refusing your advances for the last two months?”

“Yeah, well… yeah.” Face grimaced. Has Katie been turning me down that long? 

“Congrats, bud!” Murdock said with a smile. “You finally got her to go out with you, huh?”

“Uh, no.” Face took a deep breath and repeated, “I got you a date with the lovely Katie Evans.” 

“You say you got me a date with her? Why?”

“Because I figured it would get your mind off the fact that Syd’s off limits,” Face said. “A nice little lay to satisfy that over-stimulated libido of yours.”

“You’re the one that wanted Katie, Face,” Murdock said, rolling onto his side. “Leave me out of your sexual conquests, huh?”

“Was de only way tha’ other hot li’l number would go out widdim.”

Face scowled at the Cajun. Gravy always did try to speak clear English when he was goading him. Not that it would have mattered, anyway. Murdock could understand him no matter how incoherent he was.

His best friend sat up, laughing. “Now I get it. I really couldn’t figure out why you were getting me a date with a woman you’ve never even dated yourself.”

Face smirked at his friend. “Yeah, it probably is a big mistake. Especially since the last time I did that was when I introduced you to Sydney which has turned into a total fucking disaster.”

Expression sobered, Murdock muttered, “It isn’t a total disaster. Besides, I meant a woman you wanted to date yourself, Face. You were never interested in Syd.”

Says who, Face thought, though he exercised enough self-control not to say it out loud. He couldn’t deny that she hadn’t interested him as the demur USO showgirl, Sheila Downey. But the smart and capable intelligence agent, Sydney Wilson, definitely turned his head. Given his friend’s persistent attachment to her, though, he figured it was best if he kept his interest to himself. 

“See how touchy you are?” Face asked, eyebrows raised and expression appropriately concerned. “You really need to get laid, Murdock.”

“I said I’m not interested.” 

Crossing his arms, Face stood over his friend and said, “Come on, Murdock. Katie’s cute, petite – she could practically be Syd’s sister. Best of all, she’s not off limits. And I’d bet she’ll be more than willing to lay you. I mean, it’s been a while since she got any – she’s practically been a nun since she got here.”

Murdock flung an arm over his eyes. “I want Syd, not a substitute.”

“Christ!” Face said, throwing his arms out in frustration. “You have yourself so worked up over Syd that you’re determined you’ll be disappointed with any other woman. If you want my opinion, it’ll be just the opposite. You’re so stoked about the fantasy of sex with Sydney that the reality is going to be a huge letdown. Stop chasing the fucking dream and join me with some real, warm-blooded, sexy, and available women for a while, buddy.”

Murdock shook his head. “Sorry, Faceman. I’m really not interested.”

“Fuck!”

Whirling away from his friend, Face slammed out of the barracks and into the dark, relative quiet of midnight on base. Why did Murdock have to be so goddam bullheaded where Syd was concerned? She wasn’t the only woman on base. Or even the prettiest woman on base. She definitely wasn’t the easiest woman on base. He even doubted she was the best lay on base. Though he had to admit she might be the most intriguing…

“C’mon, Face,” Murdock’s cajoling tone broke his train of thought and he turned to face him. “Listen, I’m sorry I pissed you off. Not even too sure how I did, to be honest...”

His friend scratched his head, making his hair appear even wilder than it already had. Face looked at him thoughtfully and weighed his options. The conman had learned early in his relationship with the pilot that once he decided you were a friend, he became an incessant pleaser. Murdock didn’t like to have his friends angry, or even mildly irritated, with him. The knowledge was useful when Face needed to get his way, but he always felt guilty when he manipulated the easygoing man that way. This time, though, it was for Murdock’s own good.

“You need to let Syd go, Murdock. Why won’t you just go out for an evening with Katie? It’s not like you’d be cheating on Syd. After all, you two aren’t allowed to have a relationship.”

Murdock’s expressive eyes were wide, his mouth set in a crooked grin. “So what’s her name, Face?”

“What?” Face feigned ignorance, but he knew what Murdock was asking. Maybe they were getting to know each other a little too well.

Crossing his arms, Murdock just stared at him silently.

They definitely knew each other too well. “Maddy. Maddy Heidleberg. She’s drop-dead gorgeous.”

“I’m not sure I get it,” Murdock said. “How did this scenario end up with me goin’ out with Katie?”

“Maddy said she’d only go out with me if there was someone else along,” Face said. He tipped his head sideways, trying to remember the exact conversation. “Katie was actually trying to help me out by offering to go on a double date with Maddy and me… kind of surprised me. I was – I think I was the one that suggested you. I mean, you were the first person to leap into my mind.”

Going over the encounter with Maddy and Katie in his head, Face realized that it had actually been Katie that had suggested ‘Face’s pilot friend’ as the fourth in their foursome. His eyes widened. “I think Katie might be interested in you, buddy. Come on. For me? Maddy is incredibly hot and if you bail I think I’ll lose my chance with her.”

“I don’t know, Face…” Murdock rubbed the back of his neck, lips pursed and brow furrowed. “I mean, Syd may be off limits but I still feel like I’ve made a commitment to her. It may not be cheating but it sure would feel like it.”

“It’s one double date – it doesn’t have to go any further than that. What if…” Face snapped his fingers. “What if I talked to Syd and she said it was alright? Would you do it then?”

“I am not going to ask Syd for permission to go out with another woman,” Murdock said, crossing his arms. “Why don’t you ask somebody else to take Katie out?”

“Like who?” Face asked.

“Like Kyle or Cahill,” Murdock offered. “They’re both single. Cahill is a bit of a horndog, but Kyle’s a respectful kind of guy. Depends on what Katie’s looking for. I’m sure either one of them would be willing to show her a good time. She is a pretty girl, after all.”

Face grimaced. “Something tells me Katie’s looking to go out with you.”

“Me? Or someone like me? Obviously she doesn’t want someone like you. That eliminates Cahill,” Murdock said, grin teasing. “So ask Kyle.”

Face’s shoulders slumped. 

“Fine. I’ll ask Kyle.” 

fffff

Face vaguely remembered Kyle and his crew coming into the bar just as he was leaving, so he knew they’d probably still be there. After all, it wasn’t all that late. Walking in, he saw the young air commander in the corner with his crew chief and door gunner, Harris and Cahill. All three men looked strung out.

As he approached their table he heard Harris’s low voice. “Some days the shit just really hits the fan, boys. Ain’t nobody’s fault. I don’t know if we’re the lucky ones or not…”

That was when Face noticed the stricken looks on all the faces and the sling over Kyle’s arm. Eyes sunken into sallow flesh, lips devoid of color. It occurred to him that Kyle’s current peter pilot wasn’t with them and though he was curious about what had happened, he was hesitant to ask. It was easy to see it was something bad. And he didn’t want to get sucked into the grieving process that he recognized all too well. 

Choice made not to intrude on the air crew’s eulogistic drinking, Face hung right and headed to the bar. His beer had just been delivered when Katie and Maddy came walking over.

“Did you talk to your friend?” Maddy asked with an alluring smile.

“Uh, yeah, well… Murdock is kind of a wet blanket lately,” Face said, turning reluctantly away from Maddy to gauge Katie’s reaction to the news. Her entire face slumped, hazel eyes tightening in disappointment. Face glanced over his shoulder and lowered his voice. “You know, Kate, Kyle Wright is a super nice guy…”

“It’s alright, Face. I’d rather not if HM doesn’t want to go.” Katie put a hand on Maddy’s arm. “It’s ok, Mads, you should go. You’ll have a good time with Face. I’ll, see you later.”

Katie turned and walked out of the bar. Looking back at Maddy, Face could see that his chances were fading fast. Her full, ruby-red lips were set in a stubborn line as she watched until her friend was out of sight. Then her gaze slowly returned to Face.

“So what’s the deal?” Maddy asked, brows drawn and posture stiff. “Does your friend think he’s too good for Katie?”

“Murdock’s not like that,” Face said defensively. “He, uh, he fell real hard for a woman and he’s kind of lovesick because she’s… out of reach.”

Entire face softening, a whisper of a sigh escaped those perfect lips as Maddy dropped her chin in her hand. 

“Aw, how sweet. Just like Romeo and Juliet. So Katie’s got him pegged right. Murdock is a real romantic?”

Face’s eyes widened. Katie was totally hung up on Murdock. How had that escaped him? No wonder she had refused Face’s advances over the last couple months. She didn’t want the handsome conman, she wanted the goofy romantic. Huh? 

“Uh, yeah. Murdock is an old-fashioned, romantic kinda guy,” Face said. He leaned forward, propped his chin in his hand, and flashed his most charming smile at the raven-haired beauty. “So, what do you say, Mads? Up for a romantic evening – just you and me?”

Maddy fluttered her long, dark eyelashes at him. “You aren’t old fashioned are you, Face?”

It was something in the tone of her voice that set off the alarms in Face’s head. That was a loaded question. Was Maddy looking for a romantic like Murdock? Was Face willing to be that for her? 

Turning up the wattage on his smile, Face said, “I’ll be whatever you want me to be, baby.”

“Well then, here’s what I want,” Maddy said, running one silky finger in circles on the back of his hand. “Get your romantic friend to come to the movies Friday night. I’ll come and bring Katie. And together, maybe we can convince Murdock that Katie is his next Juliet.”

“We can try,” Face said, looking dreamily into Maddy’s wide, liquid chocolate eyes. 

But in the back of his mind he was thinking that Maddy didn’t know Murdock very well.


	15. Lots of Questions, But No Answers

Awakened by the thud-crack-thud-crack of someone knocking on her door, Syd staggered out of bed. It had taken quite a while for her to fall asleep the night before. Then when she had, her dreams had taunted her with the unattainable. She was frustrated in every way imaginable.

Outside Lewis leaned against the doorjamb, his amber eyes devoid of even a glimmer of emotion. Until she stepped into view. Syd wasn’t sure which was more disturbing – the cold emptiness or the lascivious hunger that replaced it. Shivering as Lew’s lustful gaze raked her up and down, she vowed to start wearing long underwear to bed despite the heat.

“Good morning, Lewis,” she said.

“Late night?” he asked. 

His tone sounded accusing to her ear, but Syd wondered if it wasn’t her guilty conscience playing tricks on her. Though she and Murdock hadn’t actually broken the off-limits rule they had come damn close. And the desire to do so had been near enough to undeniable to make her uncomfortable. 

She needed to embed the Murdock-out-of-bounds idea into her psyche and stop allowing herself to think about the pilot like she did. The fact that she didn’t really understand exactly what she felt for Murdock didn’t change the fact that the only way she was going to stay in her position at Nha Trang was to stop fucking feeling it.

Lew’s eyes had narrowed. “Who were you with last night?”

Startled out of her thoughts, Syd considered Lewis for several seconds. That had definitely been accusatory. She responded with what she hoped was an even tone. 

“I went out with the Team to the bar for a while… but I turned in fairly early. I just didn’t sleep very well.”

“With the Team… and Murdock.” Lew cocked an eyebrow at her and crossed his arms. “So did you turn in alone?”

Teeth grinding, Syd had to remind herself that Lew was not only her partner but also her boss. In that light, it was a fair question, but recognition of that fact didn’t make it chafe any less.

“Yes, I was alone all night.” 

Except in my dreams. Her insides warmed at the memory. Though she met Lew’s eyes without blinking, she knew the unbidden reaction probably showed in her face. Dammit. 

Lew’s gaze was probing, and held hers for several long seconds. Then his lips turned up in a mocking grin.

“So he behaved one night. I’m taking bets on how long it will last,” he said. “I’m almost looking forward to when Murdock steps over the line. It’ll give me a valid excuse for kicking his ass.”

Lew was looking for any excuse to lay into Murdock. Looking into those feral eyes, she knew it wasn’t just bravado. She may not have known Jeremy Lewis long, but she had no doubt that he was capable of deadly violence. The first kernel of fear wedged itself in the pit of her stomach at the thought of what he might do to Murdock if provoked.

Turning back into her quarters, she let the door swing shut on Lewis. She needed to stop letting herself think and get busy doing something. As she was stepping into her pants, she heard the squeak of the door opening. She hastily buttoned her pants and pulled a long-sleeved shirt over the tank top she’d worn to bed. Then she turned to take a seat on the bed and put on her boots. 

Déjà vu. Knowing that this was going to become a routine scene in her life at Nha Trang, Sydney heaved a resigned sigh. As much as Lewis disturbed her, she really needed to come to grips with the reality of her situation here. Like it or not, Lewis was her partner. Her boss. 

“So what are we doing today?” she asked.

“Interrogation,” Lew said. “Campbell’s team brought in a VC officer late yesterday. We’re going to see what we can learn from him.”

Syd shifted uneasily. Interrogation had been her Achilles’ heel in training. Though she was well-versed in the theory behind it and understood the psychological principles that backed up the various methodologies, she just couldn’t see herself participating in the more degrading techniques. 

The lessons themselves had dredged up memories of what had happened in Fuller Park. Memories of personal humiliation, degradation… pain. Memories she didn’t know how to cope with, so she put them in a box and ignored them. Compartmentalization complete, move on. 

Her voice was tight as she stood to face Lewis. “I’m not a trained interrogator. My specialty is investigative techniques. You might be better off with Les or Martin providing backup.”

When she met Lew’s eyes, the calculating look there put her on guard. He took two measured steps forward, encroaching on her personal space.

“Does interrogation make you uncomfortable, Wilson?”

Biting her cheek to keep from reacting, Syd was careful to keep her voice even when she responded. 

“The only thing that makes me uncomfortable is you standing so fucking close.”

Lew smiled and moved closer. “Is that right? Then why don’t you move away?” 

Leaning down, his breath tickled her ear when he whispered into it.

“I think you like it when I get close to you, Sydney. I think you like the danger.”

He pulled back slightly and looked into her eyes. It was taking a lot of concentration to keep her respiration even. Unfortunately her heart was thudding against her chest and she was sure he could hear it.

“You’re wrong.”

Stepping around him, she strode out the door and into the steamy mist of a rainy day. Moisture beaded on her face and eyelashes as she stopped outside to wait for Lewis. He appeared within seconds, the emotionless mask back in place.

“Have you eaten?”

“I’m fine,” Syd said.

“Good. Let’s go.”

Syd followed him, her head pounding with the adrenalin that the encounter in her hooch had sent racing through her veins. Lewis’s tall, muscular form moved ahead of her with a suppleness that was surprising given his bulk and she was forced to lengthen and quicken her stride to keep up. Thick, dark hair curled over the back of his collar, and his angular features would come into view periodically when he cast a look over his shoulder to ensure she was still with him.

He is very handsome. The thought flitted unbidden through her mind, and her jaw clenched. On some level she was attracted to him. It was maddening that he could read her that easily when she had so much trouble getting a bead on him. But he did have one thing wrong. Her attraction had nothing to do with the danger evident in the man. It had everything to do with the enigma that he represented.

Lew entered a low bunker near the outskirts of the base and led Syd down a narrow dirt-floored hallway with doors lining either side. A soldier near the middle of the hall turned and acknowledged Lewis and then cast a curious look at Sydney.

“Where is he?” Lew asked in clipped syllables.

The soldier waved to one of the doors. “He’s right in here, SA Lewis, but Colonel Campbell’s waiting for you in the bullpen.”

“He can wait,” Lew said tersely. “How long do we have?”

“The prisoner’s due to move to Saigon for interrogation this afternoon, but Morrison’s stonewalling so we’d have a chance at him here. We did just as you ordered.”

The cold smile that curved Lew’s lips made Sydney shiver. 

“He’s been without food since he arrived? And he’s out of his uniform?”

“Yes, sir.”

The soldier unlocked the door, allowing it to swing open. Lew snatched the key from his hand.

“We aren’t to be disturbed,” Lew said as he walked into the cell.

The soldier looked more than happy to oblige. “Yes, sir.”

Standing in the threshold, Syd took in the bare, dirt-floored cell in a glance. There wasn’t a lot to see. A single low cot hugged one wall and was the only furnishing. There were no windows, and the smell emanating from the corner indicated where the latrine was located. 

Lew motioned Syd in and then closed the door. Stepping to the side so she could see her boss’s face, Syd was careful to keep back against the wall and remain unobtrusive until he gave her a clue as to what he expected of her. Arms akimbo, feet planted shoulder width apart, Lew ignored her and gazed impassively at the North Vietnamese man who sat cross-legged on the floor in the middle of the room. 

The NVA officer was elderly, his face lined and full of character. He held himself rigid and did not look at Lew.

Lew started firing questions at him rapidly in Vietnamese. The man remained mute, sitting stiff and proud in the dirt, his dark eyes staring straight ahead.

Leaning down, Lew grabbed the man’s chin. Syd could see that it was taking intense concentration on the agent’s part to keep his actions controlled.

He jerked the VC officer’s head up, repeating the questions again, the anger in his voice unmistakable. This time he was rewarded with a clipped, “Không.” No, no, no, again and again. 

The questions went on for nearly an hour with Lew getting more and more derogatory. His growing impatience and waning control were evident and Syd feared that if they didn’t take a break soon, Lewis would physically lash out at the prisoner. 

Syd was certain that the elderly man recognized the threat that Lew presented. Yet even in the face of the growing danger, he sat there, providing little to no response. Despite the fact that this man was an enemy soldier, Sydney respected him for his quiet perseverance in the face of Lew’s ongoing interrogation.

Threatening no food until he received some information, Lewis finally ended the interview. Motioning Sydney out of the room, he followed, then slammed and locked the door.

Out in the hall, Lew’s voice was loud and clear as he said, “Time for lunch, Wilson. We’ll continue this later. Maybe hunger will loosen the old man’s tongue.”

Down the hall, instead of leaving the bunker, Lewis entered the office that took up the entire end of the building. Inside the room it was like a different world. The floor was scrubbed off-white linoleum. Desks lined the walls, and four large tables were positioned around the center of the room, laden with a myriad of items.

“What’ve you got?” Lewis asked. 

A broad-shouldered man stood from where he had been leaning over one of the large tables. Steel-gray hair was cropped close to his head, and his rugged face was lean and sunburned.

“General Đặng Văn Hội, second-in-command of the supply lines along the Ho Chi Minh trail. All of the personal effects we were able to gather are here. Unfortunately, Saigon is refusing to send up anything they have on him.”

The man’s eyes flicked to Sydney as she came into the room and then looked at Lewis curiously. “Who’s she?”

“Special Agent Sydney Wilson, meet Colonel Ryan Campbell and his second-in-command, Lieutenant Dan Miller. Their unit is the one that brought the prisoner in.”

Colonel Campbell held out a hand to Sydney, his expression guarded.

“SA Wilson. It’s nice to meet you.”

The colonel’s LT was a whip of a young man, with an overly large mouth set in a hawkish face topped by a shock of curly blond hair. His blue eyes danced with undisguised mischievousness as he stepped up next to his CO and held out a hand.

“What the hell is a beautiful woman like you doin’ here?” he asked, his grip lingering.

Lewis stepped between Syd and Miller, casting a warning glare at the young man. Miller smirked at him and gave Syd a wink before moving back to the table.

“She’s a new recon agent. Now let’s hear what you’ve got.”

“I thought you were going to be here an hour ago,” Campbell said, reproval evident in his cool tone.

“We’ve been down with the prisoner,” Lew said.

“What the fuck!” Miller spat, lunging toward Lewis, a finger jabbing at him forcefully. “You had no fucking business –”

Lew didn’t even flinch and his voice was blasé as he responded, “We have six hours remaining, at most, to get what we can from this guy before he disappears into the black hole of CIA HQ. I’ll do what I have to do to make the most of that time. I believe that’s my fucking business, Lieutenant.”

Miller’s teeth ground audibly as Campbell reached out a hand to grip his shoulder. A slight shake of the head from Campbell, and Miller physically backed off, but not before shooting Lew a look of pure hatred. 

Lew seemed totally unaffected by Miller’s ire. He looked at the contents of the table and asked again, “Now what have you got that we can use?”

“Not a whole hell of a lot,” Colonel Campbell said. “This is all we managed to get before we had to go. I’m sure they have reams of info on this VC piece of shit in Saigon, but like I said, they aren’t sharing. Told us to sit tight and they would send someone.”

Syd stepped forward, carefully surveying the items spread out on the table while the men continued talking. A wicker case was open, but empty. She surmised that the various smaller items scattered around it were its contents. Among the more mundane personal hygiene stuff was a small journal, currently open in the approximate middle.

She closed it and looked at the worn black leather binding. There were no markings on the front or spine. Opening the front cover, she saw General Hội’s name. Turning to the first page, she began skimming the details of the man’s day-to-day spiritual life.

“It’s useless.”

Lieutenant Miller’s voice snapped her out of her speed-reading trance, and she looked up at him.

“I’m sorry, what?”

“That journal, it’s useless. I spent a couple hours last night studying it. Reads almost like some kind of weird devotional.”

Syd stared at him for several seconds before saying, “Ok.” 

Miller shrugged and turned away almost dismissively to pick up the conversation that Lewis was having with Campbell. They continued discussing what they had been able to ascertain from their hasty search of the general’s quarters before having to leave to avoid their own capture. Going back to reading, Syd only half-listened. She found the journal far more interesting.

When she felt confident that she’d read enough to get a good feel for the contents, Syd flipped through the remaining pages to the back cover where she stopped. Peering closely at the paper glued to the rigid cover, she noticed two five-point stars with a symbol in between. Just above the marking was a slit that appeared to have been repaired with tape.

Pulling out her pocket knife, she used the sharp blade to slit the tape and widen the cut in the paper. It gapped open if she pushed on the cover just right, exposing a hiding place under the paper. She slid out a black and white photo of a man that Syd recognized as General Hội standing next to a beautiful Vietnamese girl. Turning the photo over, she found the names Hội and Diệu and the year ‘1963.’

“What do you have there, Wilson?” 

She was startled to find Lew standing right next to her, his face leaned close to hers to peer at the photo.

“It’s the general and perhaps a daughter, Diệu. It was hidden in the back of his journal.”

“I missed that,” Miller said.

Looking at Miller shrewdly, she added, “This ‘useless devotional’ as you called it is actually pretty telling. I think the general is an active follower of Bahá'u'lláh. We could use that to our advantage.”

“Are you sure?” Lew asked. “The Bahá'í faith is practiced primarily in the south. In fact, it seems to be falling out of favor with the Communist regime in the north.”

“I know, but look at this, Lew,” Syd said, pointing at the inside front cover. “The Haykal…”

“I thought maybe he was Wiccan,” Miller cracked.

“Well, a Haykal is a pentagram,” Syd admitted. “But here in the back, I’m almost positive this is a Bahá’ and the nine-point star is fairly specific to the Bahá'í faith. And his calendar seems to track.”

“What’s the significance?” Campbell asked.

Lew answered by repeating himself. “The Bahá'í faith is falling out of favor with the Communist regime in the north.”

“Not only that,” Sydney added. “It’s a non-violent religion with strict beliefs about justice.”

“Unity of God. Unity of religion. Unity of…” Lew stopped, eyes narrowing. “Isn’t there a third?”

Syd was surprised to find Lew’s feral eyes locked on her with a questioning look. That had to be unusual for the confident and virile spy – having to look to a woman for answers.

“Unity of humankind,” she answered. “They believe in true equality regardless of race, religion, sex –” 

Lew snorted and Syd looked at him sharply. 

He shrugged. “Sorry. Go on.”

Though he didn’t sound sorry, she figured there was no point debating equality in this setting.

“Anyway, his religion is probably why he’s entrenched in the supply chain. It’s a non-violent position that allows him to serve his country without totally breaking with his religious beliefs. That has to be a trick being a VC officer.”

“You think you have an angle to get him to talk?” Lew asked.

“Show respect for his faith. Explain how he would be following Bahá'u'lláh’s teachings – helping us by providing a service to humanity, to his fellow Vietnamese who live in the south, where the faith is much more widely followed. Possibly use his rank and position as a stick, but gently. He’s an elder and deserves respect.”

Lew picked up the photo from where Syd had placed it on the table. “What about her?”

“She’s obviously important to him,” Syd said. “Could be a personal connection, a friendly conversation to loosen him up. But it has to be totally non-threatening – anything else would backfire.”

Lew stared at her for what felt like an eternity, but was in reality only a few seconds.

“Sounds like a plan, Wilson,” he said suddenly. “Take food in to him. See what you can get out of him. We only have a few hours.”

“Me?”

Lew smirked. “Yeah, you.”

It was a few seconds before what he meant really sunk in. Syd crossed her arms. 

“Ok. Then there are a couple things I want…”


	16. Information, Dissemination and The Plan

“I’m telling you, Ray, Lewis is just waiting for Murdock to slip up with Sydney,” Hannibal said.

“Terrific,” Ray muttered, giving his CO a sour look. 

Hannibal leaned back on two legs in his chair, snagged the bottle of scotch off the corner of the desk behind him, and then slammed all four legs back onto the ground. Leaning towards Ray, he held out the bottle, and Ray held out his glass, accepting the unspoken offer.

“There’s gotta be a way around this off-limits bullshit,” Ray said. 

Hannibal shook his head thoughtfully. “Lewis isn’t bending on that point. The only reason Sydney is still here is because Lew vouched for her in the first place. One word from him and her cute little ass is headed home. Personally, I wouldn’t think that was a bad thing. But she really seems to want to stay. I don’t think I’ll ever understand women.”

“Has nothing to do with her being a woman. In fact, her motivation isn’t all that different from Murdock’s or Face’s, and I know you understand them,” Ray said. “She doesn’t have anything to go home to, Hannibal. Her mom passed away from cancer early this year and she has no other family.”

“Damn. Poor kid.” Hannibal shot his drink and shook his head. “We seem to attract strays, don’t we?”

“All this time I was thinking you sought them out.” Ray smirked.

“End up saddled with them one way or another.” Hannibal sighed. “My biggest concern now is keeping our impulsive pilot from burning himself on that torch he’s carrying for our new little spook.”

“Honestly, I think Syd’s as crazy about Murdock as he is about her. Why does Lew have to be such a prick about it?”

“Because he can. You know as well as I do that Lew’s always had it in for Murdock.” Hannibal leaned forward. “And between you and me, I think Lew is carrying his own twisted torch for Sydney.”

“I can guarantee you that if Murdock finds out Lew tried anything with Syd he’ll kill him with his bare hands,” Ray said with a shake of his head. 

“Hell, I think I might take Lew on myself for that. But that’s not the point.” Hannibal sat back and crossed his arms. “Murdock needs to back the hell off and behave. Let things settle down for a while.”

With a deep sigh, Ray sat back, too. “I know, I know, but when those two kids get near each other… Christ, talk about sparks flying. It’s like trying to keep a lid on a fucking napalm bomb, Hannibal.”

“You better figure out how to keep ‘em under wraps, Lieutenant,” Hannibal said, suddenly all business. “I don’t want the captain’s private life interfering with the smooth operation of this team. And I’m not running fucking interference so he can grab some ass.”

“Dammit, Hannibal, don’t go all CO on me. You know how Murdock is. Talk about setting me up for fuckin’ failure,” Ray snapped in irritation. 

He hated it when Hannibal tried on his commander mask – it just didn’t fit him right. As Ray watched, the mask slipped and Hannibal smirked.

“Yeah, I guess I was.”

“And right there is the reason you’re still only a lieutenant colonel,” Ray said snidely.

Hannibal’s smirk widened, “At least I made it past second lieutenant, Second Lieutenant.”

Ray didn’t get a chance to retort. The interrupting knock on the door was loud and insistent, and Hannibal barked an immediate, “Enter!”

General Morrison, himself, stood silhouetted in the entryway to the hooch. Ray and Hannibal both jumped to their feet.

“We have a briefing in the main conference room in forty-five minutes but I need to prime your team for a larger operation now. I’ll give you five minutes to round up the rest of your men, Colonel Smith.” Morrison turned and strode away, throwing over his shoulder, “Move it, gentlemen.”

Hannibal leaned over and screwed the lid on the scotch bottle before dropping it back into the drawer of his desk. As he stood, he looked at Ray.

“We’ll have to figure out the Murdock/Sydney/Lewis problem later, Lieutenant.” 

That was the cue that they were back in official roles. Ray said, “BA and Gravy are in the motor pool, but I haven’t got a clue where Face and Murdock are. Do you?”

“Maybe,” Hannibal grunted. “You retrieve BA and Gravy and head to briefing. I’ll go hunt down the truants.”

Ray smirked as his CO left. He knew the hard ass act was just that – an act. Hannibal had a soft spot a mile wide for the two youngest members of the Team. 

And he had a feeling that soft spot was starting to widen enough to fit in a certain little female CIA agent.

sss

Sitting in a chair across a small table from General Hội with the remains of a generous meal between them, Syd watched the man with unrelenting interest. A smile graced his lined face as he gazed at the photograph of himself with his daughter.

“She is doing her medical internship in Singapore,” the general intoned in perfectly cadenced English. He laid the photo on the table and looked up at Sydney. “You remind me of her.”

They had been talking non-stop for the last three hours and the discussion had yielded some definite rewards, including details of the current encampments and distribution points along the Ho Chi Minh trail. Details that would likely become useless as soon as the VC realized their current network had been compromised, which they likely already did, and were able to take corrective action. Time was of the essence.

But that wasn’t Syd’s problem. Lew had assured her when she came in here that he would be listening to every word. And she knew he would be working to make the most of the intel she was able to charm out of the elderly man who missed his daughter terribly, and had been becoming increasingly disillusioned with the North Vietnamese regime. 

Syd smiled at him. “I’m flattered, General. Diệu is a lovely young woman. And obviously very intelligent.”

“Yes. It was part of the reason that her mother chose to move to Saigon several years ago. Of course, that was before the conflict broke out. I have not seen my daughter or my wife in some time, but news of them periodically makes it to me.”

There was a knock at the door. Sydney stood. “If you’ll excuse me for a moment, sir.”

He bowed his head. “Of course.”

In the hall, Miller was bouncing on the balls of his feet. “I was told to warn you that the CIA interrogator just landed. Whatever you’re gonna do, you better wrap it up quick.”

“Bring me his uniform,” Sydney said. She watched until Miller disappeared into the bullpen and then turned back to the cell.

Inside, she flashed the general an apologetic smile. “I’m afraid our time is coming to a close, General.”

“Ah. That is too bad.”

“Yes, well…” 

A knock sounded on the door and the uniform was handed in to her. She walked over to him and held it out. General Hội stood and accepted it.

“Thank you.”

Nodding, Syd backed out of the room and closed the door. Miller handed her the medal that he had removed from the general’s uniform.

“As you requested. Lew’s trying to buy you some time, but it’s not going to be long.”

“We’re almost done.”

About five minutes later she knocked and the general said, “Enter.”

She walked in and closed the door. 

“That’s much better,” Syd said, looking at him appraisingly. “But you’re missing one thing.”

Holding out the medal she waited for the man to nod his permission, before she moved forward to affix it to his uniform.

Then she walked to the table and picked up the photo. Hội’s dark eyes followed her. He cleared his throat. 

“May I keep that?”

Pursing her lips, Syd shook her head. “I’m very sorry, General, but I don’t have the authority to allow you to have this. Perhaps you can ask the interrogator in Saigon.”

A sharp knock on the door caused Syd to glance at it, then she looked back at General Hội. “That’s probably your transport. I’ll be back in a moment to introduce you.”

“How will I be treated in Saigon, em yeu?”

Stopping at the door, Syd flashed him an encouraging smile. “I’m sure they will be respectful, General.”

As she slipped into the hall, Syd found herself surrounded by Lew, Campbell, Miller and a new arrival. Animosity hung in the air between the men like a toxic fog.

“Who the hell is this?” the new guy asked.

Lew was the only one of them who didn’t look about ready to blow a gasket. His usual emotionless mask was firmly in place, and his answering voice was monotone.

“Supervisory Special Agent Matthew Robbins, meet Special Agent Sydney Wilson.”

Syd held out a hand and the man took it in a perfunctory shake, sharp, gray eyes narrowed and wary behind black-rimmed glasses. His dishwater blond hair was carefully groomed, framing boyishly rounded features that made him appear deceptively young. His appraising gaze finally shifted to Lewis.

“You were ordered not to interrogate the prisoner, Lewis,” he said sharply, voice ringing with authority. 

“I may have asked a few questions, but technically I didn’t interrogate him. Sydney is the one who’s been talking to him.”

“Need I remind you of the Green Beret Affair? As I recall you barely escaped the noose in that cluster.” Robbins’s eyes narrowed. “My prisoner had better be in one fucking piece.”

“As of right now, he’s still our prisoner, SSA Robbins.” Campbell broke in, voice tight with barely controlled anger. “Until the Army turns him over to you, I have authority here.”

“Semantics, Campbell, and you fucking know it,” Robbins said. “It is precisely because of the issues we’ve had with prisoners here that the current restrictions are in place. Do you want me quoting the Geneva Convention to you?”

Syd cleared her throat. Already tired of the posturing, she decided to end the pointless standoff.

“I can assure you, General Hội’s Geneva Convention rights have not been violated, SSA Robbins. I have, however, questioned him. I was not aware that there was a restriction on interrogation here.” She shot Lew a brief but angry glare. “I’ll be happy to take you in and introduce you to the general, if you’d like.”

“Now,” Robbins snapped.

She put a hand on the door and then stopped, fixing Robbins with a challenging look. “Don’t make a liar out of me, SSA Robbins. I told General Hội that you would be respectful. He has been very helpful and I think he will continue to be, but you must be courteous.”

The surprise evident in Robbins’s gaze pleased Sydney. He gave a curt nod. “Of course.”

Inside she made formal introductions between the two men in Vietnamese. The next half hour passed in a flurry of activity as General Hội was transferred to a slick for transport to Saigon. At the airfield, Lew stood next to her with the box of the general’s belongings. Robbins approached, took the box and then turned toward Sydney. 

“I will expect a full report on my desk by morning,” he said.

“Certainly. But in the meantime…” Holding out the photo of the general and his daughter, Syd added, “General Hội requested that this be returned to him. It would be a show of good faith, and might help you connect with him. The woman is his daughter, Diệu. She is currently doing her medical internship in Singapore. She’s his pride and joy.”

Robbins took the photo and looked at Syd with grudging admiration. He shifted the box so it was wedged under his left arm and held out his right hand. Sydney shook it.

“Thank you, SA Wilson. I hope we’ll get to meet again sometime.”

Giving Lew a curt nod, Robbins turned and ran toward the slick.

As the chopper with General Hội and SSA Robbins lifted off, Lew grasped her arm and led her away.

“We’re due in briefing now, Wilson. Morrison called all of his alpha teams that are here together for a report on what we’ve learned from Hội. They want to strike while the iron is hot.”

“I don’t have my notes,” Syd protested.

“You want to give the briefing?” Lew asked, eyebrows elevated.

She looked at him and slowly shook her head. “No. The men are used to getting their intelligence from you, so you should lead the briefing.”

“Good idea, Wilson,” Lew said. “I’m glad we think alike.”

He strode ahead of her and she followed. 

She did not think like Lewis, did she? She certainly hoped not. 

Less than five minutes later she was walking into a briefing room she hadn’t been in yet, suddenly very glad she wasn’t giving the report. Currently full of men arranged in loose clusters, the room was large with a slightly raised platform at the front. Campbell and Miller were in the middle of one of the groups and exchanged nods of greeting with Syd. 

Standing behind the podium, Sydney recognized Russ Morrison, who was talking earnestly to Hannibal Smith. When Morrison caught sight of Lew and Syd, he cuffed Smith on the shoulder and motioned toward the room. Smith nodded and moved off to the side where the rest of his team sat in a line along the wall. Ray grinned at her and patted the chair next to him. Syd gratefully accepted the invitation as Lew mounted the platform. 

“Hey, Syd,” Ray said. “Sounded like you and Lew had a successful day in interrogation.”

“My chat with General Hội was pretty fruitful,” Syd said with a smile.

“Chat, huh? Not Lew’s usual modus operandi,” Ray snorted.

“We need to talk about that, Ray,” Syd said, looking at him discerningly.

“Sure, Syd.”

“I mean it, Ray,” she hissed earnestly. “I need a crash course in the politics and the players on this base – including my fucking partner. Before I get burned.”

Ray’s eyebrows furrowed. “What happened?”

Morrison stepped up to the podium and tapped on the microphone. The room quieted as he raised a hand. Syd sighed.

“I’ll explain later.”

Ray nodded in understanding as everyone turned their attention to the front of the room. Morrison cleared his throat. 

“Alright, let’s focus. You all know why we’re here. Ryan’s crew managed to bring in the second-in-command of the VC main supply line. Lewis and Wilson were able to get several hot targets out of him, but the intel is perishable and we are going to have to move now. So let’s pay close attention.” The general turned to Lew. “The podium is yours, Lew.”

Putting a contour map of the Ho Chih Minh trail on the overhead projector, Lew started talking, marking up the information on the map as he went. When he finished, Morrison stood and took Lew’s place.

“Alright, now we want to coordinate our attacks. I’m putting Hannibal in charge of the overall operation. Hannibal, the mic’s yours.”

Hannibal stood in front of the podium, voice clear and confident without the help of the microphone. 

“If we’re going to make the most of this intel, we need every idea on the floor now. As I see it we have six viable targets and only four teams.”

“When will Cole and Burrows be back?” Campbell asked.

“Not soon enough,” Morrison said. 

“What about the Yards?” someone else asked.

“I think that’s a viable option,” Hannibal said. One nod at Face and the lieutenant stepped up to the overhead, put another blank sheet off to the side of the map, and started writing notes. As the strategy session went into full swing, Syd became fascinated by the give and take. 

She even found herself interjecting ideas, totally caught up in the freedom of the session. It was a disappointment when Hannibal called it to a close and started exercising his leadership prerogative. He stepped up to the projector, removed the marked up sheets and put up a clean map of the trail. He marked three names on the map, McCraney, Holladay and Campbell. Knowing that Campbell was one of the alpha team leaders, Syd suspected the other two men were the same and asked Ray, who confirmed it. 

Hannibal laid out the bare bones of his idea. Each team would reinforce with trained Montegnards, or Yards as they were more commonly known by the US military, and take one of the southern-most targets. 

Leaning back on two legs of the chair he was in, Campbell jabbed a finger at the screen. 

“What about the other three targets, Smith? Your plan doesn’t address them.”

Hannibal’s blue eyes sparked with something akin to excitement. “I left the best for last…”

Ray and BA would go with Campbell and muster their own unit of Yards to take to the one outpost bunker near Campbell’s target. Hannibal would take the remainder of his team into Laos where the two northernmost targets were located. There, they would also reinforce with Yards, split up and drop in by air.

“Murdock will work with the Air Force to coordinate air strikes at the trail head to cut off reinforcements.”

“Probably just a ramp up of their ongoing efforts,” Murdock said, “but we’ll need to develop a fairly tight timeline to make it most effective.”

“Agreed. You also need to set up air support for each of the teams.”

“I’ll have to know what’s needed where,” Murdock said. “I already primed Vickers.” 

Hannibal rubbed his hands together, his smile slightly manic. “It’s a full court press, boys – we’ll have the VC supply line so totally constipated by the time we’re done it’ll take them months to get regular again.”

Shouts of ‘Yea!’ sounded around the room. 

“Alright,” Hannibal said. “Let’s break it down and get moving. The sooner we do this the better.”


	17. The Seen and Unseen Reality

Ray gave Syd’s shoulder a squeeze as he stood. “We’ll talk when we get back, Syd.”

She stood and surprised herself by giving Ray an impulsive hug. “Take care of yourself, Ray.” 

Face, Gravy and BA filed by and Syd said goodbye to each, though she held back from actually hugging them. Then Murdock was standing in front of her, grinning.

“Ya did a good job, sugar.”

She looked at him, suddenly realizing that when he walked out of this room, when they walked out of this room, they would all be headed into the thick of the action. Putting themselves in danger as a result of information she had uncovered. Recognizing the confidence and eagerness burning in Murdock’s warm brown eyes did nothing to curb the growing fear that threatened to twist her gut into a knot. She was recognizing the reality that she was going to have to make friends with that fear – it was going to be a constant companion while she was here.

“Please be careful, HM. You have to promise me.”

“Sounds familiar,” he said, tone teasing.

“I’m serious, HM.”

His gaze softened. “I know. Have a little faith in us, Syd.”

His eyes slipped to the side, warm smile contorting into a smirk. 

“Lewis.”

“Murdock.” 

Moving close to her side, Lew’s arms were crossed, eyes narrow. 

Murdock hesitated briefly before reaching out to give her arm a comforting, if awkward, pat. 

“I’ll see ya when I get back, sugar.” 

Flinging one last, irritated look at Lew, Murdock turned and trailed out after the other men. The room had become eerily quiet. Morrison looked over at them.

“I’ll set up a debriefing sometime on Thursday and we can do a postmortem on the op.”

“Let us know,” Lew said.

They followed Morrison out. Syd turned toward the mess tent. Though her stomach was unsettled she knew she needed to eat. She hadn’t eaten anything that day and it was already mid-afternoon.

“I need to get some food.”

Lew fell into step beside her. “I’ll join you.”

“Is this kind of op unusual?” Syd asked.

“Yes,” Lew said. “The units usually operate autonomously. When additional troops are required one alpha unit will be reinforced by grunts or Yards. I was surprised Campbell, McCraney and Holladay didn’t put up more of a fight – especially Campbell. They all think Smith is reckless.”

“Is he?”

“Smith pushes the limits of his team’s abilities, but I think he knows his men better than the other commanders and knows just how far he can push. That appears reckless to those who don’t know them and their capabilities. Smith recruits the best, and he expects a lot. In my experience, they don’t ever let him down.”

Lew let just the faintest hint of grudging respect enter his tone of voice. Suspecting the slip was purposeful, Syd chanced a sideways glance at him. He chuckled.

“Do you think I’d work with them if I didn’t consider them competent, Sydney?”

She started. How did he know what she was thinking? Syd decided then and there to take it as a challenge. Lew was very good at hiding his thoughts and feelings for the most part. If she was stuck with him, she might as well learn what she could.

“Tell me something, Sydney,” Lew said conversationally. “Are you a Bahá'í faithful?”

“What?” Syd was having trouble keeping her feet under her in this conversation and she had a feeling that that was precisely what Lewis was trying to do. Keep her off balance. 

“I ask because when you were talking with General Hội it sounded almost as if you believed all that unity bullshit.”

“Bullshit?” Syd said, adopting the same emotionless monotone Lew often effected. “Do you respect anyone else’s beliefs at all, Lewis?”

“Spiritually speaking, hell no,” Lew said, the lack of emotion mildly jarring given the swearing. “Belief in some almighty God is a poor excuse for not taking responsibility for your own life. So, are you faithful, Sydney?”

“Would believing in God make me weak in your eyes?” Syd asked.

A bark of laughter, and then without warning, Lew pushed her into the space between two buildings. Shoving her against one of the buildings, he held her in place with one arm against her shoulders, a hip against her girdle, and his bulk pinning the rest of her body in place.

The raw emotion in those black-rimmed amber eyes was terrifying as Sydney struggled in vain against Lew’s iron grip. 

lllll

The instant hard on Lew experienced on seeing the flash of terror in Sydney’s face intensified when he pressed closer to her and caught the faint scent of her fear. 

“You’re a woman. You are weak, Sydney. You always will be.” He smirked. “If there was some almighty God somewhere, and he meant for all humanity to be created equal, wouldn’t he have built us all the same?”

He let her feet drop to the ground, stepping back. He knew he hadn’t hurt her, but she staggered as soon as he let go, catching herself on a stack of skids. When she finally straightened to look at him though, the fear had dissipated. If anything, the angry defiance that replaced it in those flashing blue eyes turned Lew on even more.

“What the fuck was that? You think because you’re stronger than me that that means you can control me?”

He stared at her, consciously regulating his breathing even as his erection jerked toward her. His own body was betraying his desire for her. He managed to don his usual emotionless mask.

“Physical superiority automatically means the ability to control. That’s all I was trying to demonstrate.”

“Nothing is automatic,” Sydney spat. Her hands shook slightly as she smoothed them down her front, but when she looked up at him, her gaze had closed to become carefully guarded. She was a quick study. 

When she continued, her voice was calmer. “Take where we are as an example. I think anyone would agree that the US is ‘physically superior’ to the VC, and yet we continue to struggle to get the upper hand in this conflict.”

Lew shrugged. He couldn’t argue with that reality. “Home field advantage is a proven truth. They are more practiced at guerilla warfare and are defending their own country.”

Sydney was still tense and watching him warily, but she responded almost as dispassionately as he had. She was definitely learning. 

“So perhaps in some ways the VC are superior to the US. There are all different ways to measure one entity against another – it doesn’t mean anything except in the specific context in which the measure was developed. Diversity is the strength of the human race – acceptance of that diversity is at the heart of the Bahá'í faith – that is the equality they espouse.”

“Now you’re abstracting the whole argument to win your point,” Lew said, allowing a smile to curve his lips. He took a step forward, putting a solicitous hand on her shoulder. “I didn’t hurt you, did I?”

She flinched, but didn’t pull away. “No, you didn’t hurt me. You just… surprised me.”

“I’m sorry. I guess I got a little carried away trying to prove my point. My father was a devout Catholic and was very good at hiding behind his religion. When the topic comes up it… puts me on edge.”

sss

Sydney looked at Lewis curiously. The flatness of his tone seemed to belie the sincerity of the apology, but his gaze was unusually contrite.

“I really am sorry, Syd.”

This time he got the repentant inflection right and Syd could tell it took effort on his part. Perhaps he meant what he said, but the fact was that he had scared the shit out of her. She shrugged his hand off.

“That’s not an excuse for getting physical, Lew,” she said sharply. 

“No, I don’t suppose it is,” Lew said.

She stared at him for a few seconds before walking away. 

“Sydney.”

His voice stopped her. Turning, she looked back at him.

“You did a good job today.”

Her mouth dropped briefly. She acknowledged the praise with a curt nod before continuing on her way. 

She found herself torn as to whether she wanted him to follow or not. On the one hand she was still pissed at him for that little display of physical superiority. But the ensuing discussion had been very thought-provoking and revealing about the man himself. It was the most candid he’d been with her since her arrival. If she wanted to be successful here, she had to get a handle on Jeremy Lewis.

“Hey, Syd.”

She stopped and turned to find him stalking after her. He came to a stop, just a tad too close for comfort.

The sheepish smile on his face was not reflected in his eyes, which were cool and calculating. 

“Can I still join you for lunch?”

Do I really have a choice?

“Sure, Lew.”

“Does that mean I’m forgiven?”

Syd hesitated briefly before answering, “Sure.”

“Good.”

As they turned and proceeded toward the mess tent, Syd felt Lew’s hand fall lightly on the small of her back. Lengthening her stride, she tried to escape the disquieting touch, but Lew matched her pace, his hand slipping up her back to grip her shoulder. 

“Are you in a hurry, Sydney?”

Syd tried to laugh off her uneasiness. “As a matter of fact I am. I’m starving.”

mmmmm

Murdock leaned heavily against the building, sinking back into the shadows as he watched Lew escort Syd around a corner. He had just walked out of Aviation Command and all the adrenalin rush of mission planning had drained through the hole that that sight had punched through his chest.

As Syd disappeared from view, Murdock shoved himself away from the wall and headed back toward SOG Command. He needed to meet with each individual team to find out air support needs, and get timing of their attack down so he could do what he needed to do on his end. He was more than a little frustrated with Morrison, who was insistent that only Murdock be aware of the details of each team’s plan. The man was becoming more and more paranoid the longer this war went on.

Looking at his watch, Murdock broke into a jog. He was due to meet with Hannibal and the rest of his own Team in a little over two hours to go over their assignments one last time before they went their separate ways. And he still had three separate strategy sessions to gather details about.

Right now his Team, as well as others, were relying on him to focus. 

There would be time to obsess about the predicament with Sydney later.


	18. More to Life Than the Team

In the mess tent, Syd trailed after Lew who walked to a table where a lone man sat. With a curt nod, the man acknowledged Lewis, who took a seat across from him.

Sydney studied the guy as she approached. He was scruffy and gaunt, with a full beard and mustache a shade lighter than his brown hair, which was also long and straggly. Looking up at her as she sat down next to Lew, his nearly-colorless gray eyes were disturbingly empty.

Indicating Syd with a jerk of his head, Lew said, “Sydney Wilson. New recon agent. Syd, this is Bill Cartwright.”

Holding out a hand, it was a few seconds before she realized that Cartwright had no intention of taking it. She cleared her throat and picked up her napkin, unable to hide her discomfort and uncertainty at the man’s silent lack of greeting.

Lew ignored it. “I take it you got my SYS.”

Looking at Lew questioningly, Syd asked, “SYS?”

“Save Your Skin,” Lewis provided with a wry smirk. 

Cartwright shrugged, poking at the food on his tray but not eating.

“I was nearly here already. The trail’s been quiet for the last couple weeks. Thought I’d take some R&R while I could.”

The gravelly sound of his voice marked him as a heavy smoker, as did the nicotine-staining on his fingers and the stale-smoke smell of his breath. Syd dipped her head to hide her wrinkled nose. Everything about the man was reinforcing her initial impression – Bill Cartwright was one unpleasant individual to be around.

“Your R&R’s gonna be cut short. We’ll need to get out there again as soon as Morrison’s men wrap up this mission… maybe even before. The NVA should be in total disarray. We need to capitalize on it.”

Gaze narrowing, Cartwright asked, “What mission?”

In hushed tones, Lewis provided a succinct, bare-bones summary of the day’s activities as he finished his meal. Cartwright listened without comment.

Tossing his fork onto his now-empty tray, Lew wrapped up his account with, “Sydney can fill in any details for you. I see Craig and I need to talk to him.”

Lew’s tone of voice when he said Craig’s name left no doubt what he thought of the man, and it definitely wasn’t admiration. He pushed himself from the table, leaving his tray sitting there as he stood. He looked down at Sydney.

“Plan to be at the debriefing. Until then, I don’t have anything for you,” Lew said. An odd light appeared in his eyes as he continued in his trademark monotone. “But don’t forget that report you promised SSA Robbins, Wilson. He’ll be expecting it first thing in the morning.”

Syd watched Lew’s retreating back for several seconds, trying to decide if he was being serious with that parting command. It was hard to tell, but she came to the conclusion that it was meant as a joke. Lewis couldn’t care less whether she finished that report. 

But she would finish it. Not because of Lewis, but because she had told Robbins she would. With a smirk, she realized that Lew would likely take her compliance as another sign of weakness. Maybe she was starting to figure him out after all.

“Recon agent? Heh.” 

Syd started at the sound of Cartwright’s raspy voice. Taking a cue from Lewis, she schooled her face into an emotionless mask and looked at the scruffy man. 

“Yes. Recon Agent. Attached to Smith’s A-Team.”

For the first time since she’d met him, Cartwright’s face registered emotion – total disbelief. 

“Smith’s team? No fucking way.” He sneered at her. “You’re that chick they say fucked up a job in Da Nang. You gotta be screwin’ Lewis to be assigned here.”

Sydney stared at him for several long seconds, keeping her gaze carefully impassive. Unable to come up with a single compelling reason to make friendly with Cartwright, she stood.

Adopting Lew’s usual monotone, Syd said, “I don’t give a shit what you think, Cartwright. You can go to hell.”

“I live there.”

She didn’t even acknowledge the parting comment, walking away from the disturbing man without a glance back. Cartwright wasn’t worth her time. Syd bussed her tray and walked out of the mess tent into the oppressive heat. At least it had stopped raining for a while. 

First things first. She needed a good hard run to work off the pent up nervous energy she could feel building inside. If she didn’t blow off some steam, the next asshole that treated her like Cartwright just had might not be so lucky. Once her pressure gauge was back in the safe range she’d be able to get down to business.

And maybe then she’d be able to sit still long enough to complete the mundane work Robbins had set for her.

sss

Dropping the report into the post, Syd felt at loose ends. It was nearly twenty-two hundred and she knew she should probably get to bed, but she was too wired. Wandering aimlessly, she eventually found herself outside SOG HQ. 

It was too soon to hear how the mission was progressing but that didn’t curb her appetite for information. With a sigh, she turned and headed for the bar. Maybe a few shots would calm her down enough to contemplate sleep.

Walking into the bar, she was surprised to find that it was fairly busy. Surprised and maybe a little disappointed. She strolled to the near corner of the counter and ordered a double shot of whiskey. 

“Hey, Syd!”

She whirled to find Dave Jakowski waving at her from a nearby table. His friendly smile was a welcome sight after the day she’d had and she felt her lips curve up in response. Maybe she didn’t have to wind down alone. Picking up her drink, she walked over to where he was sitting with three other men.

“Hi, Jak. How’ve you been?”

“Actually, pretty damn good. I got out from under Mathers and have my own crew now.” He waved a hand, indicating the men at the table. 

“Sydney Wilson, I’d like you to meet my crew. This is Kris Foreman, crew chief. Straight arrow, Aaron Lindberg, is door gunner. And this baby-faced guy is Pauly ‘The Peter Pilot’ Austin.”

“I’m older’n you, Jak,” Paul said with a grimace. 

“Yeah, Paul here got a late start,” Kris said, laughing. “You’re all of what, twenty-four? I’m the only old man here.”

“Experienced, Kris. Experienced, not old,” Jak said to the dark-haired man. To Sydney, Kris didn’t look all that much older than the others, but she’d never been very good at discerning age.

Aaron snorted. “You really don’t get this AC gig, do you, Jakowski? We’re s’posed to suck up to you, not the other way around. You’re the boss!”

Kris motioned to Sydney, who still stood there, listening to the amusing exchange. “So are you going to invite this lovely lady to join us or what, Jak?”

“Ah, shit. Sorry ‘bout that, Syd.” Jak grabbed a chair from a nearby table and set it next to his, patting the seat in invitation. 

“Join us?”

“Don’t mind if I do,” Sydney said, sitting down. She looked at Jak curiously. “I thought you weren’t getting your own chopper until later this month?”

He grinned and gave her a wink. “Yeah, well, guess I kinda have you to thank for that. Mathers decided he didn’t wanna hafta deal with me anymore after I knocked him out, so he convinced Vickers I was ready now.” 

“Mathers,” Kris spat the name like something distasteful. “That ass may have talent in the air, but he’s the lousiest AC on this base.”

Jak nodded in agreement, and then laid a casual arm across the back of Syd’s chair as he turned curious brown eyes on her. 

“So you’re still here? Does that mean you’re gonna be stickin’ ‘round for a while?”

“Looks like it,” Syd said. “I’m… going to be working with Lewis.”

“That guy you were looking for?” Jak asked. “So you found him, huh?”

“Yeah, I found him.” And now I’m stuck with him, she thought. She shrugged off the bitterness and gave Jak a playful nudge. “And what was up with abandoning me that night, anyway? The corporal you left me with was a real charmer.”

“Ain’t he, though? He sure did chase me off quick. I think he wanted y’all to himself.” Jak’s smile was warm. “Not that I can blame him.”

Syd chose to ignore Jak’s final flirtatious comment, shifting away slightly but still grinning at him. 

“Well after you left he had me cooling my heels by myself in a briefing room for over half an hour while he went to get Lewis.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t hang ‘round and keep ya company,” Jak said. “He did get Lewis for you though, right?” 

“Yes.”

“Who’s Lewis?” Aaron asked.

“He’s one of the recon agents working with special ops,” Jak said. 

“I know him,” Kris said. “That guy’s not right. You say you’re working for him, Sydney?”

For him. With him. Syd sighed. “Yeah.” 

Shrugging noncommittally, Syd found herself uncomfortable with the turn the conversation had taken. Maybe she should have stuck with drinking alone. In avoiding the curious gazes of the four men staring at her, she found her attention caught by a familiar head full of red hair. 

Kyle Wright sat alone at the far end of the bar. What was he doing here? Shouldn’t he be with Murdock? Or had he been with Murdock? The sling over his shoulder and gauze on his forehead registered, and Sydney felt that familiar fear in the pit of the stomach churn, making itself known. She pushed herself away from the table.

“You ok, Syd?” Jak asked.

Picking up her drink, Syd shot the remainder and then nodded. “Just need another drink.”

“Here, let me get it for you.” Jak put his hand around hers on the now-empty glass.

Startled by the solicitous touch, she pulled away, shaking her head. 

“I can get it. I see a… friend over at the bar I need to talk to. It was good to see you, Jak.” She glanced around the table. “It was really nice meeting all of you. I’m sure I’ll see you around.”

As she stood she heard Jak’s chair scrape back, and felt his hand on her waist a moment later. 

“Hey, Syd, I was just thinkin’,” Jak said. He faltered when she stopped and looked up at him. “Well, wondering, I guess, if you wouldn’t like to maybe… go out with me sometime?”

She stared at him for several seconds. Jak was a really nice guy, affable and not bad to look at. Being short on friends at Nha Trang, Syd really didn’t want to push him away, but she was also hesitant to encourage him. Taking a deep breath, she smiled.

“That would be fun. Maybe we could all get together again sometime?”

Jak nodded. “I’m sure we could… all get together.”

Syd gripped his hand and squeezed. “Great! I could use some friends to show me around. Other than the bar, I don’t really know what there is to do around here.”

His smile broadened. “Well, we’ll be happy to show you the ropes, Syd. Where are your quarters? That way I… uh, we know where to find ya.”

Syd provided succinct directions, and Jak’s eyebrows raised. “You’re living in special ops territory?”

Unwilling to get caught by another round of questions, Syd shrugged and pulled away from him. “I guess. Listen, Jak, I really gotta get going. I’ll see you later, ok?”

“Sure, Syd.” 

The disappointment in Jak’s eyes was unmistakable. Syd had trouble deciding if the encouraging smile she flashed just before turning to walk away was kind or cruel. She was determined not to let another man get close enough to mess with her head like Murdock seemed to be able to. Still, Jak was a really nice guy.

She walked to the end of the bar, ducking into the corner to lean against the wall next to Kyle, who occupied the last stool. Only then did she look back and note with relief that Jak was moving to sit back down with his crew. Their laughter echoed across the bar as Jak dropped into his chair, shrugging his shoulders with a ‘can’t blame a guy for trying’ look. She was relieved. 

“Hey there, peanut. I know you.” Kyle’s mouth contorted. “S-Y-D, Syd.”

“Hi, Kyle,” Syd said as she gave the pilot a critical once over. 

The curve of his lips resembled a grimace more than a smile and it didn’t reach his eyes. Though his cheeks were red, his underlying coloring had a definite gray cast to it and multiple wounds were evidenced by the bandages covering most of the exposed skin on his torso. He had a black eye, and a large swath of gauze on his forehead in addition to the sling that held a casted hand. The knot in Syd’s stomach tightened, leaving her feeling sick and a little shaky. If Kyle looked like this, how much worse was HM?

She put a hand on Kyle’s arm, as much to offer comfort as to steady herself as she asked, “What happened, Ky? Where’s HM?” 

Snorting, Kyle said, “I was in no shape to go with Murdock anywhere. Don’t you worry, though. Harris and Cahill’ll take good care of him. God knows they’re all better off without me.”

The brief surge of relief at knowing whatever had happened to Kyle didn’t involve Murdock didn’t totally dissipate that persistent knot of worry in her gut. Kyle was obviously hurting, and not just from the physical injuries.

“You got your report on Murdock, Syd,” Kyle said sourly. “Now take a hike and leave me alone.”

Kyle flagged down the bartender, who filled his glass. Syd held out hers too, requesting another double-shot of whiskey. She didn’t know Kyle that well, but she liked him and was afraid to leave him alone in this state. 

Casting an irritated look at her, Kyle snapped, “Go away, S-Y-D-Syd.”

Moving to sit on the stool that had just opened up on the other side of Kyle, Syd gave a stubborn shake of her head. 

“Nobody should drink alone… especially when they’re hurting,” she murmured before taking a sip of her drink.

“I’m fine,” Kyle said, a slight tremor evident in his voice.

Syd cast a sympathetic look at the young man, putting a gentle hand over his where it lay on the bar. 

“No, you aren’t, Kyle.”

Tears sprung to Kyle’s eyes. The hollow look he turned on her wrenched her heart, as did his whispered words.

“No. I’m not.”

sssss

The next few hours flew by in a blur. It took a considerable amount of liquor to loosen Kyle’s tongue enough to get him to start really talking. Though she suspected the young pilot’s self-blame over the events was misdirected, Syd knew she was ill-equipped to help. Still, she was unwilling to leave the despairing man alone.

She did manage to drag the basics of what had happened out of him in between guilt trips. Two days ago, Kyle and his crew had taken off on a routine run to deliver supplies to the field. As Sydney was quickly learning, it was unwise to think that routine meant safe. After dropping their supplies, no problem, they had received a distress call from a pinned-down unit with injured. Being near the reported coordinates, and good on fuel, Kyle had made the call to perform the extraction. 

Cahill and Harris had jumped out with Howitzers to lay down suppressing fire while Kyle sat light on the skids allowing injured soldiers to be loaded into the slick. 

“We were like fucking sitting ducks. I should have known better, but I thought we could make it,” Kyle muttered miserably.

The last of the soldiers were loaded, and Kyle was having trouble raising his men on the headset. So Petey opened his door and stood on the rail, yelling for Cahill and Harris to get back in the chopper so they could lift off. That was when a grenade had exploded near the front right of the chopper. 

Unfortunately, hanging out the open door, Petey took the brunt of the shrapnel, though it peppered the cockpit, hitting Kyle as well and blowing out instruments. It also blew enough shit into the windshield to break it, one large rock in particular, hitting Kyle just right to bust his wrist. Even Cahill, Harris and some of the other soldiers in the back had suffered injury, but the angle of the blow had been such that they were shielded from the worst of it by the front of the bird. 

Despite a broken wrist, Kyle had managed to haul Petey back inside the bird and limp back to base, but by the time they were there the co-pilot, whose name Syd never had learned, was in severe shock having lost a considerable amount of blood in addition to suffering significant injuries across most of his body.

After sharing the details, and his own self-loathing, Kyle pretty much passed out next to her. She ended up enlisting Jak and his crew to help her get Kyle back to his quarters. Jak had then insisted on walking her back to her hooch. Being in no shape to protest, she had found herself leaning heavily on the kind man, wondering at the fact that he always seemed to be there when she most needed help. 

“Your friend was pretty messed up, Syd,” Jak said as they came to a stop near her door.

She let go of his arm and stepped away. It was a relief to find that the worst of the effects of the alcohol seemed to be fading and she could stand steadily without any physical support.

“I know,” Syd said. “I really appreciate you all helping me get Ky to his bed. I wasn’t sure how I was going to manage it on my own.”

“No problem t’all, sweetheart. Anythin’ to help a lovely damsel in distress.”

His southern twang sent a slight thrill through Syd as he leaned against the doorjamb. The smile on his full lips was reflected in his brown-eyed gaze, which was affectionate and hopeful. The familiarity of the look warmed her body and her lips curved up in response. But when she really looked into his eyes the color wasn’t quite right, with less depth and dimension than she had expected to find there. 

With a start, she recognized her own self-betrayal. Jak bore an uncanny resemblance to Murdock. It certainly helped explain her confused reaction to the kind man currently standing in front of her.

You’re pathetic, she thought to herself derisively.

Syd pushed the door open and backed into her room. 

“I’m kinda wiped out, Jak,” she said apologetically. “I’ll see you later, though, right?”

Jak shoved away from the door, his disappointment at her reaction causing his lips to press into a thin, rueful line. 

“A herd of wild horses won’t keep me away, Syd,” he murmured. “You sleep tight and I’ll see you soon. Hopefully, under better circumstances.”

Syd flashed him a grateful smile. “Definitely.”

Closing the door on Jak’s retreating form, Syd once again found herself comparing him to Murdock. He wasn’t quite as tall and lanky, his build more solid and less sinewy. Leaning against the door, she closed her eyes and shook her head. 

Was she going to measure every man she met against HM Murdock?

sssss

Monday morning, Syd woke late. It seemed strange not to have Lewis pounding on her door at the crack of dawn. It was funny how quickly that had come to feel like a routine. Rising, she showered and dressed, and then went to check on Kyle. Since he was still pretty much passed out, she considered her next move. 

What she really wanted was to talk to Murdock. She knew he would understand and be able to help Kyle cope with his guilt. After all, he’d lost a peter pilot once himself. But Murdock wasn’t here and it was not in Syd’s nature to just sit by and wait. Kyle was wallowing and needed help now. 

She considered going to talk to his CO, but she had never met Vickers, and Lewis wasn’t around to provide an introduction. Then it hit her. Maybe Kyle’s peter pilot could help. Though he’d been badly injured, Kyle had told her he was convalescing at the infirmary. It was worth a try.

Syd hadn’t been in a sickbay since she had left the USO, and the antiseptic smell and sterile surroundings made her uncomfortable, despite the fact that she couldn’t even see the patients who were shielded from casual visitors by a wall of bright white curtains. 

Walking to a small wooden desk, Syd asked the attending nurse if she could see Captain Kyle Wright’s co-pilot. The woman was perplexed by the request, so Syd launched into a long explanation about why she didn’t have the soldier’s name and how she might be able to identify him. As she ran out of steam, the nurse gave her a shell-shocked look.

“Um, can you wait here?” she asked. 

“Sure.”

Syd watched as the young woman disappeared behind the curtains. A minute later a very pretty nurse, about Sydney’s height, with carefully coiffed white-blond hair and kind slate-gray eyes, emerged and walked straight to Syd.

“You were asking about Captain Wright’s peter pilot?”

Sighing, Syd resigned herself to going through the whole explanation again. 

“Yes. Captain Kyle Wright’s co-pilot came in here a couple days ago, I believe Kyle came in at the same time with a broken wrist and other injuries. I’m afraid the only name I ever got out of Ky was ‘Petey’ and I know that isn’t his name –”

The nurse held up a hand, smiling. “You’re looking for Lieutenant Jim Lafferty. If you’ll follow me.”

“Uh, certainly,” Syd said, unable to keep the surprise from sounding in her voice as she followed the woman behind the curtain. “Thank you.”

Syd’s eyes widened as she surveyed the occupied beds that lined both sides of a long room. Men with every sort of injury were there, some talking to their neighbors or playing games, some sound asleep, still hooked up to IVs and ventilators. Syd’s focus returned to the nurse, who she realized was talking to her.

“I’m afraid Jill, the desk nurse, is brand new in country and she didn’t have a clue who you were talking about.” The woman turned, her gaze openly curious. “You’re pretty new here to Nha Trang, too, though I get the distinct impression you are definitely not new to Vietnam.”

Syd held out a hand. “Sydney Wilson, CIA. I just arrived in Nha Trang a few days ago, but I’ve been in country for several months.”

“Captain Kate Evans,” the woman said, shaking Syd’s hand. “CIA, huh. That’s… different.”

“Yeah.” Syd let it drop. She didn’t feel like offering an explanation. “Captain Evans, can you tell me how Lieutenant Lafferty is doing?”

“Please, call me Kate,” she said, coming to a halt at the end of a bed. “Here we are. This is Lieutenant James Lafferty. How are you doing today, Jimmy?”

The young man in the bed didn’t respond, but his eyes fluttered open. Christ, but he was young, Syd thought. The wire holding his face together made it impossible for the kid to respond to Kate’s question, but it almost looked to Syd as if he was trying to smile at her.

“Jimmy, this is Sydney Wilson. She’s a friend of Kyle’s and wanted to stop in and check on you.” She walked to the side of his bed and handed him a button on a cord. “Remember, if you need it you can push the button as many times as you like until the pain subsides.”

Turning to Syd, Kate said, “Not too long, ok? I’m not sure how long he’ll stay with you. He’s in quite a bit of pain, and the morphine knocks him out, but he’s usually alert for a few minutes. Though he can’t talk to you, if you ask yes or no questions, he can answer by blinking his eyes, once for ‘yes’ and twice for ‘no.’”

Kate put a hand on Syd’s arm and gave her an encouraging smile. “Stop and see me when you’re ready to leave.”

As Kate walked away, Syd took a seat next to Jimmy’s bed. The young pilot’s eyes followed her, surprisingly clear and alert in his wreckage of a face. It dawned on her that he had likely been wearing aviator glasses when the shrapnel hit. Talk about thanking God for small favors, she thought.

Syd cleared her throat, pulling the chair close so she could look into his blue-gray eyes. “Hi, Jimmy. I promise not to bother you for long, but I did want to see how you were doing. Um, Kyle said you’ve only been flying with him for a few weeks…”

It wasn’t really a question, but Jimmy blinked once, very deliberately, in response. Syd smiled gratefully at him.

“And you’re from Baltimore, right?”

Another single, purposeful blink.

“I loved the eastern seaboard. I lived in Quantico for a couple months last fall, just before coming here. It was really beautiful.” 

He nodded, and again Syd had the impression he was trying to smile. Unfortunately his face looked like a warzone in and of itself, and even the slight movement must have been painful. His face tightened, eyes closing. His hand flattened over the button, as he rode out the pain, obviously resisting the urge to dose himself with morphine.

When his eyes opened he looked at her expectantly. Syd cleared her throat and continued her one-sided conversation with the young man.

“Kyle also said you’re one hell of a pilot – Ky was really impressed. Been flying since you were old enough to reach the stick. Your dad’s a pilot too, right?” One blink. “Ky said he flew in World War II?” One blink.

Syd pressed her lips together, considering how to proceed. Giving Jimmy a tight smile, she said haltingly, “I imagine you were pretty well-prepared for flying here in ‘Nam, then?”

Two blinks. The young man shifted, grimaced. She hastened to calm him, keeping her voice low and soothing.

“It’s ok, Jimmy. Ky said you were the best peter pilot he’s ever had – he seemed to think you were really well-equipped.” She smiled at him encouragingly. “He figured you’d have your own bird and crew in record time.”

Two more blinks, and then his eyes opened wide and he motioned with his hands, both swathed in white bandages, almost like an umpire signaling a runner safe at home. 

She studied him in an attempt to decipher the message Jimmy seemed to be trying to send. 

“I’m sorry, Jimmy. I don’t think I understand. Did I say something wrong?”

Two more blinks, and a strange sound emanated from low in Jimmy’s throat, like he was trying to say something. Syd leaned closer and listened but it was impossible to understand the guttural noises. Recognizing frustration in the young airman’s eyes, she put a calming hand on his shoulder.

“Jimmy, I know you’re upset about what happened. Trust me, so is Kyle – very upset. He feels responsible –”

Jimmy’s hand flew out to get her attention. Two adamant blinks, head shaking. Jimmy was getting even more agitated. He lifted both hands and patted his chest. Finally, Sydney understood.

Standing, she placed gentle hands on Jimmy’s upper arms. She leaned over him, speaking softly but sternly. 

“Jimmy, please, I definitely did not mean to imply that it was your fault. I don’t believe that any more than I believe that it was Kyle’s fault. Please settle down before you hurt yourself.”

He quieted. Nodded. Blinked once. Carefully reaching across him, Syd picked up the button and slipped it into Jimmy’s hand. His complexion had taken on a sickly gray hue, and she was certain he was in pain. She needed to wrap this up and leave the poor kid in peace.

Sydney sighed as she sank back into the chair. Putting a comforting hand very lightly over Jimmy’s bandage-swathed one, she asked, “Has Kyle come to see you?”

Two blinks, eyes reflecting sadness, shame. Jimmy’s agitation was gone, replaced by extreme fatigue and what appeared to be soul-shattering guilt. She leaned close, looking into those young, yet disturbingly world-weary eyes and had to blink back tears.

“I know you don’t know me from Adam, Jimmy. But you have to trust me on this one thing. Blaming yourself isn’t going to change what happened. Just like Kyle blaming himself isn’t going to fix it. You both need to let it go and accept that sometimes…” Groping for the right words, Syd finally gave up and whispered, “Sometimes, despite your best effort, shit just happens.”

One slow blink, and a tear leaked out of the corner of Jimmy’s eye. 

“You should try and get some rest,” Syd said, standing. “Can I come and visit you again, sometime?”

Jimmy nodded. His eyes closed but they didn’t open again. As Syd watched he slipped into sleep, chest rising and falling in a slow, steady rhythm. His hand finally relaxed and the morphine button slid onto the bed beside him with a soft thump. Jimmy had apparently resisted dosing himself until he was sure she understood what he was trying to convey. It was a few minutes before she felt composed enough to leave and face the rest of the day. She knew what she needed to do.

Turning, Syd walked out of the patient area. Kate Evans met her as she came through the curtain.

Kate’s delicate features were set in a sympathetic expression. “I know it looks bad. But really, Jimmy’s doing well considering the amount of damage and blood loss.”

Nodding, Syd said, “Thank you so much for letting me talk to him.”

“It’s good for the injured soldiers to have company. I really think it helps them along their road to recovery.”

“Then I’ll definitely come back to visit Jimmy again, if that’s ok?”

“Absolutely,” Kate said. “But that does get to why I wanted to talk to you. Jimmy’s due to move stateside now that he’s stabilized. We just don’t have the resources to give him the help he’s going to need to recover from what happened. So if you do want to visit again, don’t wait too long.”

“Jimmy said Kyle hadn’t been in to visit,” Syd said leadingly.

Kate’s face tightened. “Oh, Kyle’s stopped by quite frequently to check up on Jim, but he hasn’t gone in to actually talk to him.”

Syd took a deep breath. That solidified her resolve. “I think it’s important for them to talk, probably for both their sakes.”

“I think you’re right, but Kyle can be pretty stubborn.” Kate looked at her discerningly. “Listen, I’m on shift for the rest of the day. Jimmy should be alert again right after lunch. Maybe you can get Kyle to come and talk to him then.”

“I’ll do my best,” Syd said.

Holding out a hand, Kate said, “It’s been a real pleasure meeting you, Sydney.”

Syd shook the offered hand, and smiled. “Same here, Kate. Hopefully I’ll see you this afternoon.”

It took some doing, but Syd managed to get Kyle moving. After coaxing him to accompany her to an early lunch and forcing enough coffee down him to float one of the Navy’s battleships, she escorted the young air commander toward the infirmary. 

Kyle didn’t protest until he realized where they were going.

“No, Syd. I can’t. I just can’t. Jimmy can’t even talk. I don’t think I can take it.”

Syd moved resolutely forward, holding onto Kyle’s good arm firmly. 

His bloodshot eyes were pleading as they approached the doors into the sickbay. “I can’t do it, Syd. I can’t face Petey. Not after...”

“You need to accept the fact that even as good a pilot as you are, there was nothing you could have done to prevent what happened, Kyle.”

Kyle shook his head mutely, his face grim. “I was AC, Syd. I’m responsible for my crew and my passengers as long as they’re in the bird. I knew that LZ was hot, I knew –”

“Stop it!” 

Kyle flinched at Syd’s sharp words. She took a breath and spoke more softly, though she couldn’t help thinking that this was a little like beating a puppy.

“Jimmy needs you to tell him that what happened isn’t his fault, Captain. As Jimmy’s AC, you owe that to him.” 

Syd hated like hell to say that to Kyle. But she suspected it was about the only way she was going to get him through the door and beyond the curtains to actually talk to his injured peter pilot. She was willing to risk a little hurt now to get Kyle, and Jimmy, to start coming to grips with what had happened.

Kyle’s eyes widened in shock as she led him, unresisting, through the door. 

“He thinks… his fault?” Kyle looked at Syd, shaking his head. “That’s ridiculous. I’m the AC. I’m the one who was responsible.”

“Stop it. Just stop it, Kyle,” Sydney said, fearing she had pushed the tough act a little too far. “Jimmy needs you, not your guilt. Go in and talk to him. I think it’ll do you both some good.”

Wiping a shaky hand down his face, Kyle gave a mute nod of acquiescence. 

Syd walked with Kyle to the foot of Jimmy’s bed, where Kate met them. The AC’s face blanched as he took in the frail form of his peter pilot, but he moved forward resolutely. Kate provided Kyle the same instruction that she had given Syd that morning. As Kyle took a seat next to Jimmy’s bed, the two women moved away together.

“I’m so glad you were able to get Kyle here,” Kate said.

Glancing over her shoulder, Syd watched as Kyle propped elbows on knees, face full of regret as he leaned over his injured co-pilot. She hoped like hell this helped him begin to deal with what had happened. Startled by a hand on her shoulder, Syd turned to find Kate looking at her. 

“It’ll take time, but they’ll both be ok, Sydney,” Kate said.

“You seem awfully sure of that,” Syd said, her own uncertainty evident in the tone of her voice.

Kate smirked. “If I didn’t believe it I don’t think I could function.”

Flashing the nurse a wan smile, Syd said, “Unwavering optimism is one way of dealing, I guess.”

“What’s your method?” Kate asked.

“I’ve always been a realist. Unfortunately, real life here is a little… surreal.” She shrugged, chuckling. “Guess I’m still working out my coping method.”

Just before slipping by the curtain, Syd cast one last glance back toward Kyle and Jimmy. As she watched, Jimmy moved one of his bandaged hands to cover Kyle’s folded ones. Kyle’s head was bowed, his shoulders heaving. Kate’s hand touched her arm, urging her through the curtain and shutting the scene from her view.

“They need to work this out themselves, Sydney,” Kate murmured softly.

“I know, it’s just… I wish I could do more. Make it hurt less. I don’t know…” Syd felt totally helpless and useless in this situation.

“You’ve done what you could by getting Kyle in there.” Kate placed a solicitous hand on her shoulder. “And if you ever need someone to talk to, don’t hesitate to come see me. I always try to have a little optimism to spare for just these sorts of occasions.”

Syd stared at the woman, surprise slowly giving way to intense and very sincere gratitude. Kate Evans was the first woman who had spoken a friendly word to her since she’d left Viola in the USO. Syd hadn’t realized just how much she had missed having another woman to talk to.

“Thank you, Kate,” Syd said. “I’ll definitely take you up on that offer.”

Kate smiled. “I look forward to it.”


	19. SNAFU

Ray looked at BA and nodded. Together they leaned over to peer down at the bunker below them, confirming that the intelligence from the NVA general was accurate. Two entrances, each guarded by two soldiers. Piece of cake.

They had split from the larger group nearly forty-five minutes before and taken a back trail circling around to come in above the bunker entrance. Their exit path would be far more direct – but by then they’d be in one hell of a hurry.

“Alright,” Ray said quietly, getting the attention of the small band of Yards that he and BA were working with. “Let’s run through it one last time before we move out.”

With a satisfied nod, Ray watched the intense concentration of the six Montegnards that he and BA had hand-picked out of Campbell’s larger force. They were sharp, and that was important. They were tasked with setting charges in the supply bunker built into the side of the mountain about two clicks north of the outpost camp that Campbell was attacking. 

Ray checked his watch as BA finished going over the specifics of setting the charges one last time.

All eyes turned to Ray who felt the jazz begin zinging through his veins at the prospect of moving into action. 

His voice was low and intent. “We have exactly… thirty-two minutes to get in, get out and set the tracer for the bombers. Once that goes off we have to be to hell and gone from that bunker. Ready?”

They split into two groups, BA taking three Yards and Ray taking the other three.

Ray’s group approached the east entrance to the maze of mines that served as a large supply bunker for the Ho Chi Minh trail. While two of the Yards kept watch, Ray took the third and they quickly neutralized the guards, pulling them into the bunker entrance. 

The two sentinels appeared and donned the NVA uniforms, taking up posts as the guards. Hopefully that would deter any casual visitors who might happen by from the nearby camp.

Ray and his partner moved deep into the maze of mines, following a rough sketch that Syd had provided. At one point they passed near enough to BA and his partner to exchange a thumbs-up. So far, so good – everything was proceeding exactly according to plan.

As they reached the very back of their section of the bunker, Ray checked his watch, and then tapped it, looking at his companion meaningfully. They needed to pick up the pace if they were going to make it out on schedule.

Setting the charges went smoothly. When they reached the entrance, they set the timer and hurried around toward the west entrance. Right on schedule, BA met them and held up the smoke bomb that would mark the target for the forward air controller.

Marking their watches, they sat and waited until the pre-set time arrived. Campbell and his larger force would be attacking now – it was time to set the tracer off. As they rushed away from the bunker and toward the fray that they could hear at the encampment, they heard the pht-whoosh as the colored smoke started streaming into the air.

Stopping to look back, Ray caught sight of movement on the main trail leading up to the west bunker entrance.

“BA!” He stopped the large sergeant with a hand on his arm. “Do you see that?”

Squinting into the distance, BA asked, “Are those ours?”

“Dammit,” Ray muttered, checking his watch as he started back up the hill. “Let’s go retrieve them before they get themselves blown all to hell.”

BA grabbed his arm and shook his head, snatching the mic off the radio pack on his hip.

“Hang on, Ray, I’ll try ‘n’ raise ‘em. The FAC already called for the strike so there ain’t time to go up there. The bombers is past recall and we gotta get down slope or we’re gonna be blown all to hell.” Turning his attention to the radio, BA spoke into the mic, “Robin to Batman. Robin to Batman… Batman…”

BA’s desperate attempt to raise Campbell was drowned out as an explosion rocked their position and the forested side of the mountain lit up like a candle. 

Just before ducking and covering, Ray could see the silhouettes of six men outlined against the brilliant orange glow before being consumed within the flame.


	20. Master of Manipulation

Murdock watched, wary. He couldn’t believe this was happening. 

“Admit it, son,” Morrison said, turning a gaze on Murdock that appeared almost apologetic. “You screwed up the timing of the air strike. It’s going to go far easier for you if you just own up to it.”

With an adamant shake of his head, Murdock repeated the same thing he had said at least half a dozen times already. 

“I told Colonel Campbell exactly what I told Ray… Lieutenant Brenner. The FAC would make its approach at oh-eight-hundred. I told them in no uncertain terms that their men had to be clear of that bunker by oh-seven-forty-five at the latest or they were going to get caught in the firestorm.”

“Campbell said you told him that they had until oh-eight-forty-five,” Morrison said.

“No, sir. Campbell is wrong. If there was a mistake, it was on his part. Ask Lieutenant Brenner if you don’t believe me.”

Morrison straightened. “Oh, you better believe I’ll be asking Lieutenant Brenner.”

Hannibal stepped forward, smoke hanging around him like a haze. “I’ve heard enough, General. Captain Murdock has told you what he knows. I want to know what the fuck Campbell has to say for himself. His own fucking second along with two other soldiers and three Yards. What the hell was he thinking sending them to that bunker? He knew Brenner’s detachment was blowing the thing!”

“Covering for your own fucking officer, Lieutenant Colonel Smith?” Morrison asked coolly.

Hannibal moved forward, looking at Morrison narrowly. “What the fuck, Russ?”

Turning to Murdock, Russ Morrison snapped, “You’re dismissed, Captain.”

Murdock stood, but he didn’t make for the door. He was hesitant to leave Hannibal alone with Morrison. He just didn’t trust the man anymore.

“Dismissed, Captain,” Morrison’s tone was cold and hard.

Hannibal’s face was set in a furious expression. “It’s alright, Murdock. Wait for me in my hooch. I’ll be along in a few minutes.”

As the door swung shut behind him, Murdock walked down the hall about five feet and then stopped. Unfortunately, both the men in the office were keeping their voices low, so he couldn’t make out what they were saying.

But the intensity of the ensuing argument was evident even if the words were indiscernible.

sssss

“Syd-ney.”

Face’s singsong voice shook Syd out of her trance. It had been two and a half worry-filled days since the Team had left on the mission, with only disjointed snippets of information about what was going on out in the field and no Lewis around to keep her occupied with work. It was early Wednesday afternoon and she had been reading the latest guidance on interrogation that Robbins had sent her. 

She looked up to find the lieutenant looking in at her through the screen door, a wide smile on his handsome face.

Jumping up, she jerked the door open wide. 

“When did you guys get back?”

“Um, well, I think we are all back, but we aren’t all officially done yet,” he said, the corners of his mouth drifting down a bit. “Gravy and me are. BA and Ray are still wrapping up a few things. I haven’t personally seen Hannibal and Murdock yet.”

“Oh.”

Walking back to her bed, Syd dropped onto the end of it in disappointment. The brief rush of relief just served to highlight how worried she had been. Still was, in fact. Mainly about Murdock, at least now. She sighed. 

Walking to her desk, Face flipped the chair around and straddled it in front of her. He patted her knee. “Murdock’ll be fine, Syd. I swear to God that guy is invincible when he’s in the air.”

“He isn’t invincible. And I think it’s dangerous that he thinks so.”

“It’d be more dangerous if he didn’t,” Face said. “We’re always on here and you have to stay on your toes. If you aren’t confident, you’re dead.”

Syd sighed again. Face had a point. She was coming to the conclusion that there wasn’t any place in Vietnam that was truly safe. Even here in Nha Trang there were times when the sound of explosions and gunfire punctuated the nearly constant hum of base operations – usually all set to Jimi Hendrix or The Doors blaring on a radio somewhere. 

“Buck up, Syd. You’ll get used to it. It just takes time to adjust to the constant adrenalin rush around this place.”

Syd shook it off and looked at the conman discerningly. “So, Face, to what do I owe the visit?”

“Can’t a guy just drop by to check on his best friend’s… uh, non-girlfriend?”

“You aren’t winning points, slick,” Syd said sourly. “Now why are you really here?”

“I’m worried about you two.”

“Right.”

“I am, Syd,” Face said. “To be honest, it’s painful watching you and Murdock together. And I’m really thinking it can’t be good for a guy to walk around with permanent wood in his pants.”

“Crude, Face.”

“If you woulda just done it when you had the chance we wouldn’t be in this situation.”

Rolling her eyes, Syd responded, “You do know that sex doesn’t magically fix everything, don’t you?”

She really couldn’t fathom why Murdock was insisting on keeping his best friend in the dark about that aspect of their relationship, but she certainly wasn’t going to be the one to dispel the fallacy. 

“May not fix anything, but it sure does make it more enjoyable,” Face said with a wide grin.

But more difficult in the end, Syd thought.

“What do you want, Face?” she asked, pushing to her feet.

He hesitated, which she took as a bad sign. After several seconds, he finally took a deep breath and said, “I got Murdock a date, and… well, I need you to give him your permission to go.”

Sydney stared at him. “You what?”

“You need to tell Murdock that you’re ok with it if he goes out on a date with Katie Evans.”

“Katie Evans…”

Syd felt sick. She and Kate had had lunch together just that day. Were becoming friends. This had to be some kind of sick joke.

Looking away to hide her reaction, she muttered, “I’m not stopping him.”

“Not physically,” Face said. “But you know he won’t go unless it’s ok with you.”

Taking several measured breaths, Syd managed to get her negative reaction to the turn the conversation had taken under control and look at the situation analytically. In a sense, Face was right. But she also knew he was being naïve if he thought her giving her permission was going to fix the problem. 

But if they could swing it, it might be just what she and Murdock both needed to get past the current off-limits impasse and be comfortable around each other again. She turned and looked at Face as her churning thoughts quickly settled into a basic plan of action. Dave Jakowski was more than willing. 

“I don’t think he’ll go even if I say it’s ok with me. But maybe if I had a… kind of a date…”

Face’s eyes lit up, a slow grin accompanying his nod of agreement. 

“Now you’re thinkin’, Syd – if you had a date, Murdock wouldn’t have a leg to stand on.” Jumping to his feet, he started pacing. “We’re going to have to be careful, though… or we may end up putting some poor sap’s life at risk.”

“Huh?” Syd’s brow wrinkled in consternation.

Pace increasing, Face continued as if he hadn’t heard her, his grin wide and the air around him almost visibly resonating. 

“I’ve got a couple ideas. It has to be someone that Murdock will feel inhibited about knocking into Laos. He may be skinny, but he is wicked in hand to hand. Much as I like a good fight –”

“Stop!” Syd put a restraining hand on the energetic conman. She waited until she had his full attention, and then said, “Number one, you are not setting me up. I’ll get my own date. Number two, Murdock… well, you don’t really think he’d resort to violence because I went to the movies with a guy?”

She didn’t want Murdock laying into Jak – especially considering the near-hero-worship she had recognized when Jak had asked her how she knew Captain Howlin’ Mad Murdock. 

“Uh, yeah, actually, I’m pretty sure he would,” Face said. He crossed his arms. “As for getting your own date – that sounds risky at best.”

She grunted. “Risky?”

“Yeah, risky. There are a lot of douche bags on this base, Syd. You can’t just come on to any random guy and think it’ll turn out ok. You need to be careful.” 

“Oh, so now you feel the need to screen my dates?” 

Syd crossed her arms and leveled Face with a challenging glare. He had a hell of a lot of nerve.

Stymied by the conman’s responding gaze, which seemed oddly affectionate, Syd was even more dazed by his response. 

“I watch out for my friends, Syd. Now who are you thinking of going with?”

Snapping her mouth shut, it was several seconds before she recovered enough to mumble, “Dave Jakowski.”

“Jakowski? Jakowski?” Face snapped his fingers. “Mathers’s co-pilot, right? That’s a bad idea. Murdock hates Mathers and anyone associated with him.”

On the surface, Syd could understand Face’s assertion, but there was something she knew that he didn’t. 

“I know that, but I think we can make this work, Face. Because I really do believe that when Murdock learns that Jak defended my honor he’ll back off.”

“Your honor?” Face’s entire face tightened as he turned to look at her. “Maybe you better clue me in, here, before we make any rash decisions.”

The story poured out quickly and by the time Syd got to the part where Jak knocked Mathers unconscious, Face’s expression had transformed from one of pure skepticism into cautious optimism. 

“That story will definitely work to our advantage,” he said. “Jakowski might actually be able to survive dating Murdock’s girl with that little trump card. No matter how pissed Murdock might be that Jak’s with you, he’s not going to flatten the guy that saved you from Mathers. In fact, the set up couldn’t be more perfect if I did it myself.”

Murdock’s girl. Syd grimaced at the unexpected flush of pleasure that phrase elicited. Casting a sour look directed more internally than at Face, she said, “This whole thing feels very manipulative.”

With an airy wave of his hand Face grinned at her. “It’s for Murdock’s own good. And yours. You both need to get past this relationship mess and move on.”

“I know you’re right,” Sydney said slowly. 

She needed to put the relationship with Murdock where it was, in the past, and move on. She simply couldn’t continue holding out hope for some vague future with the pilot, when it was so adversely affecting her present situation. Besides, Murdock would be better off with Kate than with her – of that she was certain. But all of that didn’t change the fact that it felt very manipulative and almost mean. 

Face stopped part way out the door and looked back at her, his smile encouraging. “It’ll all work out, Syd. Trust me. I’ll bring Murdock by when he gets back, maybe for… a walk! A walk on the beach should do nicely.”

He pointed a finger at her, his expression turning thoughtful. “You better not agree to come along too readily, though, or he’ll know something is up.”

“Won’t he be tired? Aren’t you tired?” Syd couldn’t believe Face was as wide awake as he seemed. Surely after the last couple days of action they were wiped out.

“Too wired,” Face said. “And if you think I’m bad, just wait until you see Murdock. He always has to blow off steam when he gets back from a mission. We’ll be ‘round in a little while.”

hhhhh

Hannibal slammed into his hooch. Furious didn’t even begin to describe his mood. 

Murdock stood from his seat at Hannibal’s desk and Hannibal brushed by him, opening the bottom drawer and extracting the bottle of scotch he kept there. He managed to keep his hand from shaking as he tore the lid off and dumped the liquid into a glass sitting on his desk.

Downing the drink, Hannibal let the burn of the liquid distract him from the anger that he felt at his long time colleague, and he thought friend, Russ Morrison. 

Murdock hadn’t uttered a word, which Hannibal knew took a great deal of restraint on the part of his compulsive pilot. He slammed the empty glass onto the desk and refilled it before turning to face the young man.

“Goddammit, Murdock, swear to me one more time that you didn’t fuck up,” he said.

The shoulders slumped, but one look in that expressive face and he knew it was because Murdock thought his CO didn’t have faith in him. Didn’t believe him. Dammit, Morrison, this is your fault.

“I’m telling you, Colonel, I didn’t tell Campbell anything different than I told Ray,” Murdock said insistently. “Why the fuck would he send his men up to that bunker, anyway? He knew Ray and BA were blowing it. He knew the fucking air strikes were coming. It doesn’t make good sense…”

Sinking into his chair, Hannibal took a deep breath. “No, it doesn’t make good sense. But neither do a lot of things in this fucking war. Especially lately.”

“Now what’s gonna happen?”

Hannibal could hear the unspoken ‘to me’ in that question. He looked up at his pilot and forced his face into what he hoped was a comforting expression.

“There will be an official inquiry, Murdock, but you don’t have anything to worry about. Ray corroborates your assertion about the time. Campbell only has his own word for what you told him. In the end, I don’t think anything will come of it.”

“You sure, Colonel?”

“I promise, kid,” Hannibal said. “Now why don’t you stand down and go take some well-deserved R&R.”

After several seconds of hesitation, Murdock ducked his head and gave a sloppy salute. “Yes, sir.”

“I got your back, kid. Don’t ever forget that. You let me worry about this cluster.”

“Thanks, Hannibal.” Murdock hesitated again, almost as if there was something more he wanted to say. But a few seconds later he nodded and was gone.

Leaving Hannibal alone with his scotch to chew over this latest problem.

mmmmm

“C’mon, Syd, it’s just a walk on the beach,” Murdock pleaded. “Face is comin’ too.”

“Just a walk, huh?” Sydney asked, moving to the door and looking at him through the screen. 

Even with the barrier between them Murdock felt himself react to her proximity. He should have waited for Face, but he had been too anxious to see Syd – to have her presence calm the fury building in his mind after what had happened with Campbell. 

Looking back in the direction he had come, Murdock wondered where Face was.

“Um, yeah,” he mumbled. He took a deep breath. Face will be along shortly. You can handle this for a few minutes. 

“A walk with you and Face should be ok, I guess,” Syd said, pushing the door open.

She stepped out into the long rays of the afternoon sun, which had just decided to peek out from behind gathering cloud cover, the bright light bathing her face in an angelic glow. It reminded him of waking up with her in Cam Ranh. His breath caught at the intimate memory. Dammit.

She turned to look at him, eyebrows raised and gaze stern. The disappearance of the sun behind another cloud succeeded in totally dispelling the provocative image. He heaved a sigh of relief.

“You promise to behave?” Syd asked.

She wasn’t totally successful at hiding her smile and Murdock grinned in response as they started moving down the path together. He turned so he was walking backward in front of her and made a show of marking a big ‘x’ on his chest as he spoke.

“Cross my heart and hope to d –”

“Don’t!”

Finding Syd’s hand over his mouth, Murdock stopped short and gave a muffled, “Wha?”

“Don’t say that,” she said, taking her hand away hastily. “Do not ever say that.”

Where she had touched him still felt warm, but he could tell that she had been truly bothered by his words, despite their light-hearted delivery. Murdock pressed his lips together. 

“Sorry, sugar.”

“And stop calling me ‘sugar.’” She crossed her arms.

Staring at her, with her arms crossed and a serious look on her beautiful, upturned face, he felt his lips curve in an affectionate smile. He imagined it was his less-than-sorry expression that tore the exasperated sigh from her full – and very kissable – mouth. That thought was his undoing.

“Dammit,” he muttered aloud, swinging away from her.

“What’s wrong?” 

He chanced a glance back and shook his head at his body’s response to her. 

“I was doin’ real good ‘til you were standin’ in front of me all pouty and cute.”

Another exasperated sigh. “HM.”

Shoving his fists into his pockets, Murdock kicked at the ground in frustration. “Ain’t nothin’ I can do ‘bout it, sugar.”

Syd’s responding little groan sent a shockwave through him. Dammit all to hell. That sound and her scent provoked vivid memories of their more intimate moments together. That definitely wasn’t helping his frame of mind any.

“Murdock!” 

Relief flooded him as his best friend’s voice caused him to whirl around. 

Face came jogging up the path. “I told you to wait for me.”

“I know,” Murdock grumbled. “Don’t worry, nuthin’ happened.”

“Honestly, HM, I’m hardly the only woman on base,” Syd said, her voice husky and tight with frustration.

“I’ve been telling him the same thing,” Face said, rolling his eyes.

“Don’t start, Face,” Murdock muttered. 

Turning, he started ambling toward the beach. Out of the corner of his eye, he say Syd hesitate before falling into step beside him. Face followed, between them but hanging a couple steps back.

Glancing sideways, Syd asked, “How did the mission go?“

Murdock ground his teeth, then grunted, “I don’t wanna talk about it.” 

“It was a success for the most part,” Face said hastily. “Are you coming to debriefing tomorrow?”

“Lew told me to plan on attending. Do you know when it is?”

“Not yet,” Face said. “Tomorrow morning sometime, I imagine. We’ll talk about what happened with each of the teams then. Until that, let’s just forget about the damn war for a little while.”

“Sorry,” Syd said quietly.

Face lifted an arm to encircle Syd’s shoulders. Murdock had to consciously squelch the desire to punch Face’s lights out despite the certainty in the logical part of his mind that the flash of jealousy he felt was unfounded. He ground his teeth as Face leaned forward to talk to Sydney.

“Nothing to be sorry about, Syd. We’re just missioned out. It’s past time for R&R. Right, bud?”

His friend’s other arm draped around Murdock. Leaning between them, Face grinned broadly. “Maybe we should stop by the bar, pick up a fifth, and find a cozy spot on the beach to get good and sloshed. What do you say?”

Studying Syd’s guarded expression, Murdock decided some alcohol was definitely in order. He knew from experience that it tended to lower her inhibitions. After the last couple days, he could use a drink or two or two dozen himself.

“I think that sounds like a great idea.”

“I guess,” Syd said with a shrug, her smile tight.

What really bothered Murdock, though, was that the smile didn’t reach those beautiful sky-blue eyes.

fffff

Ahead of him, Face watched as Syd and Murdock moved away from the bar. To any other observer he was sure they would look like a couple enjoying a casual stroll. But Face recognized the care with which they both maintained enough space between them that they didn’t even brush up against one another. Murdock’s balled fists were buried deep in his pockets and he kept casting furtive glances sideways at Syd. 

For her part, Syd was doing her best to hide her feelings, her broad, expressive face set in a studiously bland expression. Face knew though. When he had first brought up the idea of Murdock dating Kate Evans, the visible manifestation of her heartache had been fleeting but unmistakable. Even when Syd started plotting with him to get Murdock to accept the invitation, that unacknowledged sorrow had continued to throb invisibly between them. 

Face decided ‘painful’ was an understatement. It was more like excruciating watching Syd and Murdock dance around each other.

Their relationship was so foreign to him that he found it totally baffling. Though admittedly, the more he got to know Syd the more he understood Murdock’s fascination with her – understood it, and maybe even shared it a little. But that was dicey territory to contemplate. He shoved the thought aside.

“Face! You comin’?” 

Up ahead, Murdock had swung around and was prancing backward. Picking up his pace, Face closed the large gap that had opened up between him and his friends while he was pondering life. He held up the fifth of whiskey in one hand and three Styrofoam cups in the other.

“I even brought the fine china!” he said as he caught up to them. “Where are we going?”

“There’s a free cabana,” Syd said, pointing up ahead. “I’m surprised at how empty the beach is.”

“Probably ‘cause there’s a storm blowin’ in,” Murdock said, indicating the clouds on the horizon. “Gonna start rainin’ soon.” 

“It barely ever stops raining,” Face said sourly. 

Syd bounced off his arm, pushing him sideways. “Is your glass always half empty?” 

Grinning at her, he adopted his best cowboy twang and said, “Round these parts, ma’am, my glass is always full – of fuckin’ rain.”

“Or booze. Sometimes the cup runneth over with booze,” Murdock crooned as he dropped to the sand under the thick grass umbrella, stretching his lanky form out and leaning up on an elbow. “C’mon, Faceman, fill me up a cuppa booze.”

Syd kicked off her shoes and folded herself into the end of the low-slung lounge chair sitting next to where Murdock was lying, while Face took a seat on the sand, leaning his back against the footrest of Syd’s chair. Stretching out his legs, his feet were within inches of Murdock’s– the three of them creating a tight little triangle under the shelter as the first drops of rain began soaking the sand.

Turning, Face set out the cups on the end of the lounge. But he was having difficulty keeping them from blowing away long enough to allow him to actually open the bottle of whiskey. Syd sat curled in the seat, snickering at him. He threw a disgruntled glare at her.

“You could give me a hand.”

With a laugh, Syd straddled the foot rest and picked up the bottle. “All you had to do was ask.”

While Face held the cups in place, Syd poured each half full of the amber liquid from the bottle. Face handed one to Murdock, then waited for Syd to close the bottle and settle back in the chair before handing her another cup. 

Face held out his drink. “I’d like to make a toast… to swearing, lying, stealing and drinking...”

“Oh, geez,” Syd said with a shake of her head.

“You haven’t even heard the toast yet,” Face chided with a grin.

Murdock smirked. “Don’t hafta hear the toast, Faceman. We know you.”

Face stuck his tongue out at his friend and then cleared his throat.

“Now as I was saying… to swearing, lying, stealing and drinking. When you swear, swear by your country. When you lie, lie with a beautiful woman.” He flashed Syd a toothy grin and was rewarded by her blushing smile. His smile was even wider as he continued, “When you steal, steal away from bad company. And when you drink, always drink with your friends.”

“Hear, hear,” Murdock said, and then promptly downed the entire contents of his cup. He held it out a moment later and looked at Face expectantly.

With a chuckle, Face planted his own empty cup in the sand and picked up the bottle, quickly filling his and his friend’s drinks. Turning to Syd, he raised his eyebrows in question, but she shook her head.

“No way am I trying to keep pace with you two when it comes to drinking.”

Murdock grinned up at her. “You are a wise woman, Sydney Wilson.”

“Not that wise,” Face said, smirking. “She came to the beach with us, didn’t she?”

Syd swung out her leg and caught Face in the shoulder with her foot. “Smart ass.”

“He has a point, Syd,” Murdock murmured.

“I didn’t say I wasn’t glad you were here,” Face said with a wink. 

She smiled and shook her head. “You’re still a smart ass.” 

Murdock giggled. “She has a point, Faceman.”

Face delivered a gentle kick to the pilot’s shin. “Way to play both sides, Murdock.”

Two drinks down and Face was already starting to feel the jazz buzz fade. It didn’t usually take much booze to mellow him out after a mission. He sighed in contentment as the soft phut-phut of the rain hitting the sand played as a soothing backdrop to the friendly banter. 

“So, Syd, whatcha been doin’ while we been gone?” Murdock asked.

“Robbins sent me the latest guidance on interrogation.” She looked down at Murdock, brows knitted. “Do you think I can take that as tacit permission to question prisoners?”

“I’d get it in writing,” Murdock said. “CIA supervisors are almost as fickle as women.”

Murdock’s eyes rolled sideways toward Syd, and Face was doing his best not to snicker when her teasing voice startled him.

“But not nearly as fickle as Face.”

“Hey!” Face sat up and glared at her. “I am not fickle.”

Syd cocked an eyebrow at him. “When it comes to women you are.”

Murdock collapsed back on the sand, laughing. “She’s gotcha there, oh Facial one!”

Crossing his arms and glaring at the pilot, Face snapped, “Better than being clingy.”

Sitting up, Murdock looped his long arms around his knees and held out his cup. Face filled it to the brim.

After taking a sip, the pilot’s face turned serious. “What you call clingy, Face, I call devoted. What do you think, sugar?”

“I can see both sides of the coin,” Syd said.

“That was evasive,” Face muttered.

“I’m just saying that what one woman sees as clingy another woman might see as sweet.”

Face looked at her directly. “But what about you?”

sss

Syd wanted to slap Face for pushing the question. Why couldn’t he just let it go?

“Well, Syd?” Murdock asked.

It was her turn to hold out her cup. Face filled it without a word, but his steady gaze spoke volumes.

“I think it’s… sweet, and maybe a little annoying,” she cast a stern look at Murdock, “and very perplexing.”

“Perplexing?” Murdock asked.

She could tell he was confused by her response, which was probably just as well. Her main concern had been not to make it encouraging. Suspecting that Murdock would be able to see through an outright lie, confusion was probably the best she could hope for.

“I told you I didn’t have any frame of reference for what you want in a relationship, HM.”

Having never even seen her mother in a long-term relationship, Syd was truly perplexed by Murdock’s persistence in pursuit of a relationship with her. 

Face jumped in. “Yeah, not everyone is looking for the white picket fence with two and a half kids playing behind it, bud.”

She stared at Face in surprise. Was that what Murdock wanted? Did he really think that was something she could give him? Syd didn’t have the first idea how to be a wife, let alone a mother.

“I never said that was what I wanted.” Murdock said, dark eyes crinkling in the corners when he looked at his friend.

Face countered, “That is exactly what you told me you wanted.”

“But you misunderstood,” Murdock said, gaze intent and locked on Sydney though he was responding to Face. “It isn’t about the trappings. That’s not what I’m interested in. It’s about the kind of relationship I’m looking for. I want what my grandparents had. What Ray has with Trish.”

What we could have together.

That unspoken statement hung in the air between Sydney and Murdock. Syd still couldn’t wrap her head around ‘what’ Murdock meant by that. And yet, despite her inability to understand it on an intellectual level, she knew it was what her heart wanted as well. She shook her head in frustration. 

How the hell can I want something when I don’t even know ‘what’ it is?

“Intangible BS,” she muttered irritably.

mmm

Syd was becoming predictable. Murdock laughed. 

“Just because it’s intangible doesn’t mean it isn’t real, sugar.”

Shaking his head, Face countered, “Doesn’t mean it isn’t bullshit, either. And God knows you’re full of that.”

“Amen,” Syd said.

Murdock slammed his mouth shut and scowled at Face. 

“I am not full of shit. Just because you don’t understand it doesn’t mean it isn’t real. It requires far less faith than believing in God.”

Leaning forward, Syd held out her cup to Face. 

“If we’re going to continue to fathom these deep waters I think I need another drink.”

“Sounds like a good idea to me.” Murdock held out his cup, too and wiggled it in time to his eyebrows. 

Face said, “I think you’re at least two drinks up on me already, Murdock.”

“Your point?”

fff

Face shrugged. “No point.”

“I didn’t think so.”

Face snatched Murdock’s cup, then Syd’s and sat them next to his. After filling all three, he passed them back out again. 

Murdock took a healthy drink and heaved a sigh as he sank back to the sand with an arm behind his head and his drink cradled in his hand in the center of his chest. 

“I think I’m finally starting to unwind.”

Leaning back against the foot of the chair, Face nodded. “Good drink and good company will do that for ya.”

“Ain’t that the truth,” Murdock said as he raised his cup and lifted his head.

Face fought back the urge to help his friend as Murdock brought the cup to his mouth for a drink. Liquor dribbled out the corner of Murdock’s mouth and he choked. His next snort was something between a cough and a laugh. 

“Can’t hold my drink,” he sputtered, tears trickling down his cheeks as he rolled to his side.

“Least not with your hand,” Face said, biting back a guffaw.

“You aren’t supposed to inhale the booze.” Syd’s full lips were pressed into a thin, upward-curving line.

The three of them exchanged silent, amused glances and then cracked up, laughing until they were all in tears. 

Despite being shot at on a daily basis Face figured this was probably the best time of his life. He smirked at himself – that sure was telling.

They finished the bottle over the next hour, sporadic conversation punctuated by laughter as the rain fell harder and then slacked to a steady drizzle. They were all damp but thoroughly relaxed and content. Face let his eyes close and his head fall back, landing on something soft and warm. 

He drifted off.

mmm

“And the Faceman is down for the count,” Murdock said, chuckling.

Syd held up the empty bottle. “And it only took a fifth of whiskey.”

“Technically, it only took a third of a fifth of whiskey which would make it a fifteenth of whiskey,” Murdock said with a lazy smile at the pretty little woman. She reached over and snatched the baseball cap off his head, smacking him playfully with it.

“Actually, I think you drank at least half of it, so it was probably less than a sixteenth… no wait, that’s not right. I’m too fuzzy to argue math with you right now.”

“A twentieth, actually. It would make it a twentieth,” he provided with a laugh. 

She smacked him with his hat again for good measure before slapping it on her head so the bill was facing backward. Damn but she looked good in his hat.

Smiling softly at her, Murdock said, “You are too damn cute, sugar.”

Syd settled back, shaking her head. “I really wish you’d stop calling me that, HM.”

“What? Sugar?” Murdock looked at her in surprise. “What’s wrong with ‘sugar,’ sugar?”

“It isn’t appropriate. Especially given our… situation.” 

Murdock grimaced and lay back in the sand with a heavy sigh. 

“Our situation, as you call it, is a fuckin’ pain in my ass, not to be too blunt about it.”

“Damn it all, Murdock, why do you have to go there?” 

He looked over at her in time to see Syd move. Her legs shifting under Face’s head effectively jarred him out of his light slumber as she pushed herself to a more upright position.

Uh-oh. Now I’ve gone and pissed her off, Murdock thought miserably.

fff

Face grunted and rubbed his eyes to clear his vision. Looking from Murdock to Syd, he immediately recognized that something had happened to dispel the easy camaraderie of the last hour or so. 

“You need to stop torturing both of us with something that is obviously untenable, Murdock.”

Syd’s tone was disapproving with just a touch of hurt obvious in her wide-set, blue eyes. Perfect, Face thought. Syd had fucking perfect timing. 

“Goddam Lewis, anyway,” Murdock muttered, scowling at the umbrella overhead.

Face hated like hell seeing the relaxation of the afternoon evaporate like this. But he also knew the time was ripe to set the stage for his and Syd’s little plan. That had been the idea all along.

He spoke softly to his best friend, “Syd’s right, Murdock. You know she’s right.”

Pointedly avoiding Face’s gaze, Murdock looked over at Syd. 

“S’jest a li’l setback, tha’s all,” he said, his Texas drawl unusually pronounced. “We’re gonna figure out a way to make this work, sugar.”

“Stop calling me that!” Jaw clenched, Syd gave a stiff shake of her head. “I need to move on, HM. I… I’m going out Friday.”

Well, that was a little precipitous, Face thought. Murdock stiffened and pushed himself to a sitting position, his gaze locked on her in dumbfounded disbelief. Face watched as the surprise in his friend’s face gave way to anger.

“Who with?” Murdock snapped.

Syd glanced briefly at Face before looking warily at Murdock. Now she understood. It took some doing to get Murdock fired up, but once that happened, he could be frightening. His usually warm and caring brown eyes had turned into two lumps of coal. They burned with a rage that Face suspected had been brewing under the surface for several days – like a bog fire eating up the fuel below until it found an outlet and flamed up to the surface, consuming everything in sight.

Syd cleared her throat. “His name is Dave Jakowski. We’re just going out as friends. In fact we’re going with –”

“Mathers’s peter pilot?” Murdock spat. “You’re goin’ out with Bill Mathers’s peter pilot? Well isn’t that just fuckin’ great!”

Syd straightened, meeting Murdock’s fury with surprising calm. “Jak isn’t Mathers’s co-pilot anymore – he got his own crew this week as a matter of fact. And yes, I’m going out to the movies – with him and his crew. They invited me and I’ve decided to say yes.”

Murdock’s tone was dripping with disdain. “Do you have any idea what a lecher Bill Mathers is, Sydney? What kind of guy do you think his fuckin’ peter pilot will turn out to be?”

Syd’s voice snapped in response. “I know exactly what kind of lecher Bill Mathers is, but Jak is nothing like that. In fact, if it wasn’t for him, Mathers might’ve raped me.”

Carefully hiding an involuntary flash of admiration for Syd’s finesse, Face watched as his friend’s rage dissipated in a flash of repentant alarm. 

“What? What happened?”

Syd’s account was brief, but effective. Though Face recognized the lingering conflict in Murdock’s gaze, it was obvious that his jealous hatred of Dave Jakowski was now safely countered by grudging respect and appreciation. First goal accomplished. Now it was his turn.

“Sounds like a really great guy, Syd,” Face said. 

Turning to meet Murdock’s tense gaze, Face adopted an aplomb he didn’t really feel. That bog fire of anger was still raging under the pilot’s calm demeanor and he really didn’t want to be the one to provide an outlet for what he knew could be deadly violence. He’d just have to trust in their friendship to protect him.

“Now we just need to find you a date… like maybe Katie Evans. That door’s still open, you know.”

Murdock’s teeth ground, eyes narrowed suspiciously. “Why do I feel like I walked right into your little setup, Faceman?”

The pilot’s voice was low and menacing. Face swallowed, struggling to maintain his cool in the face of the very real threat that Murdock presented.

“Katie Evans is a wonderful person, HM Murdock,” Sydney said sharply, diverting the pilot’s attention from Face. “You could do a hell of a lot worse than a sweet, caring woman like Kate. In fact, I would think she’d be perfect for you.”

“That isn’t the fucking point,” Murdock muttered.

Shooting to her feet, Syd stood over him, intimidating despite her diminutive stature. 

“Here’s the fucking point, Murdock.” Sydney waved a hand between them. “This… whatever it is between us, it’s off limits. I’d like to keep you as a friend, but I can’t take the constant tension when we’re together. I’m ending it. Do you understand?”

Murdock sat up, his brown eyes reflecting a muddle of emotions, most predominant of which were hurt and confusion. “But, Syd…”

“Over.” 

With that parting word, Syd turned on her heel and strode away, leaving Murdock looking after her. As she disappeared from sight, Murdock’s despairing gaze turned to his best friend, pleading.

“What am I gonna do now, Face?”

Face sat forward and fixed Murdock with a sympathetic look. “Go out with Katie, Murdock. Move on. Can’t you see how much you’re hurting Syd by clinging to some vague hope for a future with her?” 

“You really think I’m hurtin’ her?” 

The stricken look on Murdock’s face made even Face falter. Was this the right thing to do? Shaking his head, he confirmed his resolve as he tried to reassure his friend.

“Syd’s tough, Murdock. She’ll be fine but you gotta let her go. Sydney is not the kind of woman you’re gonna settle down and start a family with, anyway. If that’s what you want, you need to move on. Go out with Katie. She wants exactly what you do.” Face gave him an encouraging smile. “In fact, I think Kate is perfect for you.”

Murdock’s jaw worked for several long seconds. Finally he gave a slow nod.

“I guess I’ll give it a try, Face,” he said. “I’ll go to the movies with Kate.”

“You won’t be sorry, bud.”

“Yeah.” Rising heavily to his feet, the pilot brushed himself off. “I need some time alone, Face. See ya later.” 

Shoving his hands in his pockets, Murdock took off across the beach, moving opposite the direction that Syd had left. Face looked after his friend, his heart pounding uncomfortably in his chest. 

It’s for his own good. It’s for their own good.

Face repeated the mantra in his head, willing his vitals back to a more normal rhythm. But not calm. No, the relaxation, as he had feared, was gone.

It’s for his own good. It’s for their own good.

Goddam guilty conscience, anyway.

sssss

Syd had circled back around to listen to the end of the conversation and make sure Murdock agreed to the date. Face’s little speech at the end seemed to do the trick, but Syd couldn’t ignore the ache it produced in her chest.

As soon as she saw Murdock move away from Face she crept out of her cover and broke into a run. Face’s words kept repeating over and over in her head, taunting her with the truth.

Sydney is not the kind of woman you’re gonna settle down and start a family with, anyway. If that’s what you want, you need to move on. Go out with Katie. She wants exactly what you do.

Knowing Face was right didn’t make it hurt any less. The realization that part of her had hoped that she could become the woman Murdock was looking for nearly broke her entire being in two. She just wasn’t that woman. It was better to face the reality now and let Murdock go than endure his disappointment when he realized it on his own.

Within minutes she slammed into her hooch, changed into her running clothes, and slammed back out.

Tears streamed down her face, ignored as she pushed herself to set a brutal, mind numbing pace. Grief was a natural part of the process. She had cared for Murdock… still did. But he was better off moving on with Kate. For her part, Syd planned to keep every man she met from here on out at a firm arm’s length. Maybe even two.

She simply could not allow herself to become distracted again like she had with HM Murdock.


	21. Keep it Brief

Even without Lew knocking on her door, Syd had awakened early on Thursday. After another long, hard run, she decided to swing by SOG HQ and see if she could find out when the debriefing was.

As she was about to knock on General Morrison’s door, a sharp “No!” stilled her hand. The voice sounded like that of Colonel Ryan Campbell. Glancing up and down the silent hall, Syd decided to chance it and eavesdrop, at least for a few minutes.

“I can’t do it, Morrison,” Campbell sounded desperate. “Any more than I could lay the blame for what we did at someone else’s feet. It’s wrong.”

“You’re a fool, Campbell,” Morrison said. “Do you think the Army gives a flying fuck about you? About Murdock? This is your chance. Don’t blow it.”

Several seconds of dead silence. Syd nearly jumped out of her skin when Campbell’s voice sounded just the other side of the door where she was listening.

“I’m out,” Campbell said. “I can’t do this anymore. Nothing is worth losing my own self-respect.”

Syd scrambled down the hall and out of sight around a corner just as the door to Morrison’s office opened. She tensed, prepared to follow Campbell as he left. Maybe she could catch him alone – find out what he was ‘out’ of.

In disappointment, she watched as Morrison strode out into the hall, catching Campbell with a firm hand on his shoulder. His voice held a pacifying note, with just a hint of reprimand when he spoke. 

“Ryan, please, let’s talk about this. There has to be another way. You’re too close to retirement to walk out now.”

She heaved a sigh as the men moved out of HQ together. Maybe she’d be able to catch up with Campbell after the debriefing and find out what the hell that was all about. 

The only problem was that she still didn’t know when the debriefing was.

hhhhh

Hannibal stood at the front of the large conference room watching as men assembled. Most of them were still dragging. Colonel Ryan Campbell had been there when he arrived, sitting alone in the center of the room. He looked like death warmed over and with good reason. In the entire operation, the only casualties had been on Campbell’s team and it was his own damn fault. 

Morrison’s voice broke into his thoughts. “Don’t go there, Hannibal.” 

“That’s part of the postmortem, Russ,” Hannibal said flatly. “Campbell knows it. We all need to learn from his fuck up so we don’t repeat it.”

“And I’m telling you to let it lie,” Morrison said, voice harsh. “That’s an order, Lieutenant Colonel Smith, not a request.”

Hannibal’s responding voice was low and intense as he turned to face his CO. He thought they had sorted this out yesterday, but apparently not.

“That’s bullshit, Russ. This whole fucking cluster has been bullshit. First you try to pin it on my pilot with an official inquiry, and then you let Campbell skate? No fucking way.”

Hannibal clamped his mouth shut at the cold look he encountered in his CO’s eyes – obviously he had stepped over some invisible line. He had known Russ Morrison for over a decade and considered him a friend, but lately he wondered if he really knew the man at all. He was inclined to chalk it up to the stress of the last several months and the push for SOG to close up shop in Vietnam. But it still rankled.

“Fine, sir,” Hannibal ground out.

“That’s better,” Morrison growled.

Scanning the room, Hannibal took mental roll call and then turned to Morrison again. “Where are Lewis and Wilson?”

“Lewis is in the field with Cartwright,” Morrison said.

“And Wilson?” Hannibal prompted.

Morrison shrugged. “She’s your problem, Smith. I thought I made that clear.”

“Son of a bitch,” Hannibal muttered under his breath before asking, “Did anyone tell her when the debriefing was?”

Another shrug and Morrison turned pointedly away. Hannibal stared at his back for several seconds and then whirled and caught Ray’s eye. 

“Brenner, I need you to run an errand for me. Now.”

sssss

After leaving SOG HQ, Syd had showered, dressed and settled down at her desk to try and read. It was impossible to concentrate. She knew the debriefing was that day. But Lew was gone and she still didn’t know when it was. Not only that, but she was totally perplexed by the scrap of overheard conversation between Campbell and Morrison that morning.

Syd looked at her watch. Just before nine hundred. Jumping up from the chair, she strode through the door and down the path. Maybe if she wandered by SOG HQ now she’d be able to find something out. If not, then she’d try the Team barracks. Surely by now they knew when the debriefing was.

“Syd!” 

Ray Brenner came running toward her. She smiled at him.

“Hey, Ray. Do you know when the debriefing is?”

Taking her arm, Ray forced her along at a brisk pace. “Right now.”

Syd growled. “Dammit. I knew it. Why didn’t anyone tell me?”

“Hannibal won’t let it happen again, if he can help it. We just learned when it was ourselves about half an hour ago. As soon as Hannibal realized Morrison hadn’t invited you, he sent me to come get you.”

“Morrison doesn’t want me here,” Syd said.

“Nope, he doesn’t. You knew that coming in, Syd.”

“Doesn’t make it any easier to swallow.”

Ray gave her shoulder a squeeze. “Buck up, kiddo. You are here, whether Morrison likes it or not. Keep up with the kind of intelligence you’ve brought us so far, and even Morrison will have to admit that you were worth the risk.”

They reached the briefing room and slipped into the back. As soon as Hannibal saw them he raised a hand. The room slowly quieted as attention turned to the colonel. 

“I’d like to open this meeting with a moment of silence in respect for our fallen.”

Heads bowed across the room, but Syd stared in shock. She noticed that she wasn’t the only person whose head remained raised. In the middle of the room Ryan Campbell sat alone, hollow gaze fixed forward, eyes red-rimmed. Carefully examining the rest of the men gathered there, Syd realized that his second-in-command, Dan Miller, was nowhere in the room. She slumped against the wall, wondering who else was missing. At least now she knew what that overheard conversation was likely about.

But she was no closer to knowing what the hell had happened.

rrrrr

The debriefing was long, boring and incredibly unproductive. Campbell stood up as soon as Morrison dismissed them. Ray was surprised when Syd started past him, gaze fixed on Campbell’s retreating back. Ray grabbed her shoulder and motioned for her to follow him. He was a little stymied by the irritation in her responding gaze but ignored it. They needed to talk, and now was as good a time as any.

Once outside the room, Syd grabbed Ray’s arm, forcing him to stop.

“Why didn’t Campbell report?” 

Ray glanced uneasily at the men dispersing around them. Curious glances were quickly averted, but Ray knew the same question was on everyone’s mind. He took Syd’s arm and started walking with her, keeping his voice low.

“That’s the ten thousand dollar question, Syd,” Ray hissed.

He walked her back to her hooch, striding in and closing the door behind them.

Syd stared at him. “Where was Dan Miller, Ray?”

“He didn’t make it.” 

“Who else?”

“Two more of Campbell’s men, plus three Yards. What I heard was that Miller had taken a team and split off from the main force – on Campbell’s orders. They got caught in the bunker bombing.”

“Sweet Jesus.” 

And they had tried to pin it on Murdock. That conversation was making all sorts of sense, now. Going over the snippet of conversation in her head she came to the conclusion that Morrison must have ordered Campbell to blame Murdock for what had happened – and Campbell had obviously refused. That still didn’t answer the question regarding ‘what’ Campbell wanted out of? The Army? Sydney found that difficult to believe. But if not the Army, then ‘what?’

The whole scenario raised some worrisome questions in Sydney’s mind. Could it be related to the smuggling that she was here to investigate? That overheard conversation could be taken any number of ways, and she hadn’t yet gotten the chance to clarify things with Campbell. That was becoming an imperative in her mind.

“Half a dozen men lost – for no fucking good reason,” Ray spat.

Syd started at the venom in Ray’s tone. She crossed her arms and leaned against the desk.

“Do you know what happened?”

Ray gave her a brief rundown on the plan, and then explained what he had witnessed. 

“What I can’t figure out is why the hell Campbell sent those men to the bunker in the first place. I haven’t heard a good answer to that question yet.”

Shaking her head, Syd murmured, “Killed by our own bombers. Did you recover…”

Even as she said it, Syd realized it was ridiculous. 

Ray’s responding voice was gentle. “There wasn’t anything to recover, sweetie. They were incinerated in the firestorm.”

Syd shivered at the thought. Ray patted her arm.

“Look at it this way, at least it was quick.”

There was a knock on the door. Ray walked over and opened it. Hannibal stood silhouetted in the entry.

“Thought I might find you here. I need you to come with me.” Glancing over Ray’s shoulder, Hannibal looked Sydney straight in the eye. “Why don’t you tag along, too, kiddo. I have a feeling your skill set could come in handy.”

Syd stood and followed the two men. The colonel led them past the Team barracks to a hooch not too far from Hannibal’s. BA stood sentinel at the door, his ebony face set in a grim expression.

BA looked at Syd, his eyes widening as he turned to his CO. “Hannibal, you can’t take li’l sister in there.”

“Murdock said she’s an investigator, I’m hoping she’ll see something the rest of us might not.” He turned to look at Syd. “I’m warning you, though – it’s ugly.”

Following Hannibal into the hooch, Syd could hear a steady drip-drip-drip, and a vaguely familiar, metallic smell tickled her nose. As the door swung shut behind her, Hannibal turned on the overhead light, illuminating the slumped figure of Colonel Ryan Campbell, head lying in a dark puddle on the otherwise clean surface of his desk. She realized with a start that the dripping sound was that of the blood falling off the sloped surface into a spreading pool on the floor.

Taking several measured breaths, Syd managed to suppress a shudder at the macabre scene in front of her and force her mind into investigator mode. Campbell’s wasn’t the first body she’d seen. But she had watched the man walk out of debriefing less than an hour before – very much alive. He couldn’t have been dead for more than fifteen or twenty minutes.

Hannibal stood by, arms crossed, looking at the body dispassionately. “I want your opinion. Do you think this was a suicide?”

Syd moved forward, carefully surveying the entire scene while being careful not to touch anything. Campbell’s right hand hung by his side, his service revolver lying on the floor directly underneath it. Kneeling down, Syd examined the gun and was able to read the serial number on the slide. She pulled out a small notebook and pencil that she had taken to carrying with her everywhere for just such an occasion. She carefully transcribed the number and then shoved both back into her pants pocket.

Standing, she leaned close to the body, noting the position of the entry wound. It definitely could have been self-inflicted, but something about the whole thing felt off. She stood back and stared at the scene, trying to figure out what was nagging at her.

A throat cleared, and Syd looked up to find Colonel Smith’s sharp eyes focused on her. 

“Well?”

Opting to buy herself more time, Syd asked a question of her own. “What makes you think it isn’t a suicide, Hannibal?”

She was certain that was what had prompted Hannibal to bring them there. To bring her there.

“My gut,” Hannibal said.

“Not good enough,” Syd said. “You have to have a reason.”

Hannibal looked at her silently for several seconds before responding.

“Why wait until now? The timing doesn’t make sense. If he was that desperate, that full of guilt, why not kill himself last night, when the mission jazz is wearing off and ghosts come to visit – when you’re trying to sleep but your conscience won’t let you. That’s when you consider suicide. Not in broad daylight after you’ve just been let off the hook in a debriefing where your ass should have been nailed to the wall. At this point, Campbell should have been bouncing back.”

The colonel’s words triggered recognition of what was bothering her about the scene. “The recoil.”

Hannibal’s brows wrinkled. “Huh?”

She turned and checked the position of the gun, directly below Campbell’s dangling hand. Leaning down for a closer look it became apparent that even the orientation of the gun was off if it was dropped there by the dead man. That was what was wrong.

“The positioning doesn’t make sense. That gun was placed there by someone very much alive. It didn’t drop from Campbell’s dead hand.”

Hannibal moved to her side, studying the gun for several seconds before nodding. 

“I’m going to have to call in the MPs. For now, I want all of you out of here – forget what you’ve seen. I want to deal with this myself.”

Ray took Syd’s arm and led her out. He motioned to BA outside the hooch. “Take Syd back to her quarters.”

Stopping Ray with a hand on his arm, she asked, “What are you doing?”

“I’m not letting Hannibal face this one alone, but I think it’s far better if you’re nowhere near it. Your position here is dicey enough as it is. I promise I’ll stop by and talk to you later, Syd.”

BA hurried her along. “Let’s get you outta here, li’l sister. Ain’t no place for a lady anyhow.” 

Syd sighed and allowed herself to be led away. 

But it didn’t stop her from wondering what the hell was going on.


	22. Navigating Relationship Icebergs

After jetting out of debriefing to avoid having to face Syd, Murdock had headed straight to the airfield to check in with Harris and Cahill. He had been pleased to find Kyle with them, acting far more like himself than the last time he’d seen him. The four of them had gone to the bar for drinks. That was where Face had caught up to him.

Over the ensuing few hours, Murdock had managed to put Face off with one excuse after another, but finally Face had insisted. If he was going to ask Kate to the movie, it needed to happen before the actual movie.

“Dammit, Murdock, if you’re going to be a wet blanket, just forget it!”

Trailing after his best friend, Murdock sighed and tried schooling his face into a more sincere smile. It didn’t feel right. He still couldn’t figure out why Face couldn’t just handle the actual asking himself, anyway.

“C’mon, Face, why do I have to come? Why can’t you just tell Kate I’ll see her at the show? By tomorrow I should have the fake smile down pat.”

“Would you just shut up and try a little harder to stop grimacing and start smiling?” Face asked in a voice laced with exasperation.

“Fine,” Murdock said.

The two friends walked in silence until they reached the nurses’ barracks. Face turned and raked an appraising gaze up and down Murdock, straightening his shoulders and waiting for him to mirror his friendly smile. When Face was satisfied, he turned and rapped on the door firmly.

A pretty brunette appeared in the entry. “Well if it isn’t Lieutenant Templeton Peck. I’m afraid Maddy isn’t here, Temp – she’s on duty.”

“Actually, I… or rather, my shy friend, here, was hoping to talk to Kate Evans.”

“Katie!” the woman called over her shoulder. A few seconds later she turned back and smiled at them. “She’ll be a minute. She just got back from the shower.” 

She gave Murdock a thorough once over. He shifted under the blatantly appraising gaze. Not since he’d met Viola Greene had he felt this much like a piece of meat. The reminder of the flamboyant USO nymphomaniac brought an amused grin to his face and he was startled when the woman standing in the doorway gave him an alluring smile in return.

“Are you going to introduce us, Temp?” she asked.

“Oh, uh, sure,” Face said. He looked at Murdock, who had to stifle a guffaw at the near panic in that handsome face. Still, he continued smoothly, “Uh, Captain HM Murdock, this is…”

Face pressed his lips into a thin line and after several seconds finally ventured a name. 

“Carrie.”

The woman crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow. “Try again.”

“Sherry?”

“No.”

“Larry!” Face said with a high-wattage smile that managed to be apologetic and teasing all at once.

Heaving a resigned sigh, she said, “Leia. My name is Leia.” 

Face gave a nod. “Leia. I was close.” He flashed her another bright smile. “It’s an unusual name. Very pretty, though, much like the lady herself.”

Shaking her head at Face, Leia stepped forward and held out a hand to Murdock. “It’s nice to meet you, Captain Murdock.”

“You can just call me Murdock, pretty lady,” he said, lifting her hand and bowing slightly before meeting her gaze. “And I promise to remember your name.”

“Way to suck up, Murdock,” Face muttered.

A breathless Kate appeared in the door behind Leia, hair still wet and face completely unadorned with makeup. 

“Temp? I told you –”

Leia stepped aside hastily and interrupted her, “Look who’s here to visit you, Kate.”

Gray eyes wide with surprise, Kate squeeked, “HM!”

Murdock found he didn’t need to fake the smile. “Hey there, darlin’.”

Kate’s cheeks colored and she cleared her throat. “Hi. I’m… surprised to see you.”

“Well now, I jus’ wanted ta stop by and see if you might not wanna come to the movie with me tomorrow.” 

Murdock consciously slowed his voice and let his Texas drawl slide. Face was always telling him that women loved that.

It seemed to work with Kate, whose face broke into a spontaneous smile, though it dimmed as she studied him. “Are you sure? Temp isn’t forcing you into this, is he?”

Murdock bit back the automatic ‘yes’ that threatened to come out. Well, not just Face. Syd was kind of forcing his hand, too. Shoving the thought aside, he let a lazy smile curve his lips and hoped it didn’t look like the snarl it felt like.

“Naw, Face jus’ come along to offer moral support,” Murdock said with a shrug. “I was nervous ‘bout stoppin’ by.”

Relaxing, she smiled warmly at him. “Then… I’d love to go.”

“Well, that’s great. I look forward to it,” he said.

Face stepped forward. “We thought maybe we’d come pick you girls up tomorrow about eighteen hundred for some dinner, then head to the movie afterwards.”

“I’ll let Maddy know.” Playing with her wet hair, Kate grimaced and then flashed him a smile as she backed into the door, “We’ll see you then. Um, bye, HM.”

Acknowledging the shy, self-conscious smile Kate directed at him, Murdock managed a slight smile in return. He touched the brim of his baseball cap and ducked his head as he drawled, “G’bye, darlin’.”

As he and Face walked away, Murdock asked, “How’d I do, Facey?”

“You know, you and that lazy smile and smooth Texas drawl coulda been right by my side working your way through the nursing corps for the last year if you weren’t so damn stubborn.”

Clearing his throat, Murdock said, “I think you overestimate my appeal. I ain’t no Faceman, that’s for sure.”

“Well, you definitely appeal to Miss Evans. Seemed to appeal to Leia, too. Maybe you’re the one who’s underestimating your appeal. There’s a whole fucking world of women out there, Murdock – you need to stop focusing on the one you can’t have and start playing the field.”

“I’ll leave the field to you, Face,” Murdock said. 

Face raised an eyebrow at him. “You don’t know what you’re missing, bud.”

“Oh, I know exactly what I’m missing,” Murdock muttered, as Syd pushed to the forefront of his thoughts. 

It had been a full twenty-four hours since she’d walked away from him on the beach and he couldn’t get her out of his head. Even the distant memory of Cam Ranh was still vivid. The feel of her slim body pressed against him. The sound of his name on her lips. The desire manifested in her sky-blue eyes and echoed in every nerve of his body. And every memory was accompanied by the soft, sweet scent of lavender. 

Yeah, he knew exactly what he was missing. The physical manifestation of his longing was painful, made more so by the knowledge that there was no relief in sight. He stifled a groan and turned toward the gym.

“I’ll see ya later, Face.”

“Where are you going?” 

Looking back, Murdock managed to flash his friend a carefree smile. “Insane, Faceman. I’m goin’ insane.”

“What about dinner?” Face asked.

“You go on without me,” Murdock said over his shoulder. “I’m not hungry.”

Well I am, Murdock thought wryly as he left his best friend gaping behind him. Just not for food.

lllll

“Is it silly that I’m nervous about tonight?” Kate asked as she set down her tray across from Leia.

Leia Arnold smiled up at her best friend. It was lunch time on Friday and she and Kate were enjoying a rare day on shift together. They had arrived in Vietnam within days of one another and over the past seven or eight months had developed the kind of close relationship that would make sisters jealous.

“No, hon, I think it’s perfectly natural,” Leia said. “I mean, you’ve been sweet on Murdock practically as long as you’ve been in ‘Nam.”

“Yeah, and that isn’t silly at all,” Kate said disparagingly. “Darn Carla, anyway. She was dating him when we first arrived and talked all the time about what a romantic he was. Remember? Then she dumped him just before she headed home. I don’t think I’ve seen him date anyone since.”

“And I kept asking you why you didn’t just make your move,” Leia said with a shake of her head. “This is 1970, Kate, women don’t have to wait for men to ask them out anymore.”

Kate blushed. “I know, but it wouldn’t feel right, me asking him out. And his schedule is so irregular…” 

“That you couldn’t stalk him?” Leia asked teasingly. “Honestly, Kate, you don’t have a problem dogging the man’s footsteps, but you refuse to just go up to him and ask him to the movies. It’s silly.”

Laughing, Kate nodded. “You’re right. Of course, you’re right.”

“I did hear that Murdock was seeing one of the USO showgirls a couple months ago when they were here. Even followed her up to Cam Ranh. That’s what happens when you don’t take the bull by the horns, Kate. Your opportunity disappears.”

“Hm, how’d I miss that?” Kate’s brow furrowed. “And why are you telling me, anyway?” 

Leia held up a hand. “Don’t go biting my head off. I’m just saying that now that you have your chance, don’t go wasting it.”

“Right. Don’t waste it. Do you… do you think he’ll expect something more than a kiss goodnight?” Kate’s face flushed. “I’m not sure I’m ready to go much further than that… not on the first date.”

“And if that’s what it takes to get a second date?” Leia asked matter-of-factly.

Kate sighed. “I don’t think HM is like that.”

“Whatever.”

“Come on, Leia, you’re killing my buzz. I’m going to the movies with HM tonight!” Kate bounced happily in her seat. A moment later she looked behind Leia and raised a hand, calling out, “Hey, Syd, come on over and join us!”

Leia glanced over her shoulder curiously, eyes narrowing. “How do you know her?”

“I met her at sickbay a few days ago,” Kate said. “She’d come to see Jimmy Lafferty. And then we ended up having lunch together. She’s from Chicago and just arrived at Nha Trang like less than a week ago. I think she said she’s working for the CIA.”

“That’s where I’ve seen her! Hanging around with that Jeremy Lewis character. That guy gives me the creeps.” Leia shuddered. 

“Well, he does have tall, dark and dangerous down pat,” Kate said. “But you have to admit, he’s incredibly good-looking.”

“I suppose,” Leia said just as Syd took a seat next to Kate, turning a friendly smile on her friend.

“Hey, Kate, it’s nice to see you again.” She turned, her gaze less open as she looked at Leia, though she did hold out a hand. “Hello. I’m Sydney Wilson.”

Gripping the offered hand and smiling in greeting, she said, “Hello, Sydney. Leia Arnold. It’s nice to meet you.”

“So, how was your first week at Nha Trang, Syd?” Kate asked.

“Eventful,” Syd said with a smile. “Hey, did Jimmy head stateside, yet?”

“Yes,” Kate said. “Just yesterday. Kyle, Justin and Bill all came by to see him off. Ky seems to be doing way better now.”

“Yeah, better, but still not great,” Syd said, eyes tight with concern.

I would kill for those eyes, Leia thought. The color was an arresting cobalt blue and they dominated the woman’s broad, olive-toned face. Though not a classic beauty, there was something about Sydney that was unusual and striking. 

Leia found herself very curious about this new woman. “So, Sydney, I’ve seen you around with Jeremy Lewis. Are you working for him?”

“Yes.”

It took a few beats of silence before Leia realized she wasn’t going to say any more. That was ok, though, because she wasn’t above prodding.

“So, is he as intense as he looks?”

Sydney choked on her drink. 

“Ahem, um, actually, probably even more so,” she said with a chuckle. “Let me put it this way – I’m real glad Lew’s on our side.”

Kate laughed. “Well, I don’t envy you. Lewis seems a little scary, even if he is on our side. I wouldn’t want to have to deal with that every day.”

“Actually, he’s been gone for the last couple days, so it hasn’t been too bad,” Syd said. “Personally, I’d deal with a dozen Lewises rather than spend much time at the infirmary. I don’t know how you do it. It was just heart-wrenching talking with Jimmy the couple times that I did.”

Leia shrugged. “You become numb to it after a while. Right, Kate?”

“Numb enough to deal, anyway,” Kate agreed.

Syd’s attention had wandered, and a moment later she was dropping her fork on her tray. “Um, if you’ll excuse me for a moment…”

As she moved away, Leia glanced back. What the hell?

She turned back to Kate and spoke in a hoarse whisper. “She’s talking to Temp Peck.”

“I see that,” Kate said, eyes narrowed.

It was only a couple minutes before Syd returned. “Sorry about that.”

“You know Lieutenant Peck?” Kate asked.

“Yes.”

Eyebrows elevated, Leia considered Sydney. She was friendly enough, but she wasn’t at all forthcoming about herself. Of course, Temp Peck had left a whole line of women with broken hearts, which could explain Sydney’s reticence about discussing him. It certainly tended to make Leia avoid the topic of the handsome lieutenant. Curiosity, in this case, won out over her own embarrassment, though.

“So, are you one of his past or future conquests?” Leia asked bluntly.

Looking up, Sydney seemed to peer right into Leia’s soul. An involuntary shiver shook her. There was something weird about this Sydney Wilson.

“Neither,” Syd finally answered. “Face and I met a few months ago and we became friends. I think he just wanted to give me a hard time.”

“So, you know Temp,” Katie said. “Do you know his friend –”

“Yes,” Sydney said, voice clipped and expression entirely closed off.

This chick is definitely weird, Leia thought. 

She seemed to shake it off and cast an apologetic smile at Kate. “I know Face’s entire unit. Hannibal, Ray, BA, Gravy… HM.”

“I wondered. Well especially since you know Kyle, too, I kind of thought you might know HM,” Kate said. “He’s a really great guy.”

With a stiff nod, Syd said, “He is a good guy… they all are.”

“Actually, Temp is kind of a player,” Leia said.

Syd shrugged. “I can’t argue with that. But deep down he’s a really sweet guy. He just has a little… baggage.”

Leia raised an eyebrow at Sydney. “Oh no, hon… you don’t think you’re going to save him, do you?”

Eyes reflecting sincere surprise, Syd snorted. “Hell, no. Face and I are just friends. That’s it. I’ll leave the saving to someone else.”

“Well, I think Maddy is anxious to give it a try,” Katie said with a giggle.

“Maddy doesn’t strike me as being that virtuous,” Leia said. “She’s just looking to score. More power to her. I mean, Temp may be a player, but he’s damn good at it. That man knows how to make a woman scream.”

“You’ve gone out with him?” Syd asked.

“Yeah, a few months ago,” Leia said and then laughed. “And yesterday, he couldn’t even remember my name.”

“I’m so sorry,” Sydney murmured, meeting Leia’s gaze and offering a tight little grimace of sympathy.

Startled by the sincerity she recognized on Sydney’s face, Leia waved a dismissive hand and cleared her throat. This was why she didn’t like to get drawn into a discussion of Lieutenant Templeton Peck. 

“Honestly, I wasn’t all that upset when he moved on. It was fun while it lasted.”

“HM isn’t like that,” Kate said, her tone making it sound somewhere between a statement and a question.

Syd smiled at Kate and patted her hand. “HM is nothing like Face.”

“I hope not,” Kate said, and then her face broke out in a wide smile. “I’ve got a date with him tonight.”

“Really? Good for you. That’s great!” Syd said, her enthusiasm a little jarring.

But it did nothing to dim Kate’s excitement. “I know. I’m so nervous. I’ve been waiting for this for so long…”

Leia shook her head, chuckling. “You are so gone over that long, cool drink of water it isn’t funny, Katie.”

Dropping her chin in her hand, Kate’s gaze turned dreamy. “I know. I could listen to that slow Texas drawl of his all day long. And that sexy smile – God, it just makes me weak in the knees.”

“He does have a nice smile,” Leia admitted. “What do you think, Syd?”

“Uh, yeah, Murdock does have a nice smile.”

The pained look on the woman’s face was fleeting, but Leia was sure she had seen it. It made her wonder what problem Syd had with the pilot. 

“Maybe I’ll see you at the movie tonight,” Syd said suddenly. “I’m going…”

She faltered, and Leia prodded. “Who’re you going with?”

“Some… friends… Dave Jakowski and his crew . I met Jak a few days ago…”

“Jakowski?” Kate looked alarmed. “Isn’t he Bill Mathers’s peter pilot? Syd, we really need to have a talk. You want to stay as far away from that jerk as absolutely possible.”

“I know all about Bill Mathers,” Syd said. “Jak’s nothing like him, though… and he has his own crew now. That’s who I’m going with.”

Leia recognized the determined concern on Kate’s face. She was always trying to take care of everyone around her – whether they needed it or not.

Kate said. “Well… maybe we could sit together.”

“Oh, I wouldn’t want to intrude.” 

“It wouldn’t be an intrusion,” Kate said. “Besides, you said you were friends with HM. It would be fun.”

“Really, Kate, you don’t need to do that,” Syd said.

“I know I don’t –”

Sydney suddenly pushed to her feet. “I’m sorry to eat and run, but I just saw Ray and I’ve been trying to find a chance to talk to him for a couple days. It was really nice to meet you, Leia. Maybe I’ll see you tonight, Kate.”

“I’ll save you a seat,” Kate said to Syd’s retreating back.

“Bye,” Leia said with a raised hand.

They both watched as Syd moved to sit down at a table in the corner next to Ray Brenner, who greeted her with a one-armed hug and a kiss on the cheek.

Kate turned back to Leia. “That was a little weird.”

“A little?” Leia said. “That chick went way past weird. I think Lewis must be wearing off on her. She’s a little creepy.”

“She is not creepy, Leia,” Kate admonished. “She’s a sweet person. You should have seen how she was with Jimmy Lafferty and Kyle Wright. And you saw yourself that Ray Brenner seems to like her. And I like her, too. I am a little worried about her going out with Jakowski, though.”

Leia shook her head at the concern evident on Kate’s innocent face as she looked back at Sydney Wilson, who was now deep in conversation with Lieutenant Brenner. 

“Not your problem, Kate. I think you need to be careful around Sydney Wilson. There’s definitely something weird going on there.”

Leia took some comfort in the fact that Kate was one of the mentally toughest women she had ever met. Though periodically she had been hurt as a result of her open and trusting nature, never did Katie let those bad experiences change how she approached the next person she met – no matter how squirrely they might be. Sydney Wilson was a case in point. Leia, on the other hand, tended to be wary of people – she’d been let down too many times in her life to be like Kate. 

Predictably, Kate waved her off. “You’re such a pessimist, Leia.”

“No. I’m a cautious realist.”

sssss

Sydney avoided Ray’s probing gaze as she sat down. 

“So, why were you sitting with Kate Evans?”

“Because she invited me over and I didn’t want to be rude,” Syd mumbled.

Ray’s comforting touch nearly broke through Syd’s barriers. She took a shaky breath and looked up at him. “I didn’t think it would be this… difficult.”

Squeezing her hand, Ray said, “I told Face it was a mistake.”

“But is it, Ray?” Syd slipped her hands into her lap and smoothed them down her pants, using the movement to calm herself and focus. “While Face’s motives may be misguided, I think he’s really trying to help. Kate’s a sweet woman – and she’s head over heels for HM. She’ll be good for him.”

“What about you?”

Syd ground her teeth, fighting back an urge to burst into tears. Pathetic. 

Getting herself under tight control, she said evenly, “Murdock’s better off with Kate, Ray. They both want the same things. Me, I don’t know what I want, but I’ll be fine. We’ll both be fine.”

“Keep telling yourself that,” Ray said with a shake of his head.

“We’ll both be fine,” Syd repeated forcefully.

She wondered who she was trying to convince, though.

rrrrr

Ray looked at Syd sympathetically. She was trying too hard to put Murdock behind her. He wanted to tell her that the whole thing was going to totally backfire on her but he was pretty certain there was no point. That was something she would have to figure out for herself. He did vow to be there and help when the time came, though. 

As he watched, barely-controlled grief transformed into burning curiosity in Syd’s guarded gaze. Her sudden changes of demeanor could be jarring, but he was beginning to suspect it was part of an emotional defense mechanism. Sydney was an interesting young woman. It really didn’t surprise him at all that Murdock was so smitten with her.

She was suddenly all business. “Anyway, that’s not what I came over here to talk to you about.”

Taking a gulp of water, Ray washed down the barely-edible food he’d just finished chewing. He wasn’t even sure what form of meat the brown leather swimming in gravy was. He held up a hand to stave off the questions he knew were coming.

“First of all,” Ray said, “the Campbell suicide topic is off the table. The MPs are investigating and that’s all I really know – all you need to know.”

“But –”

“Off the table.” Ray leaned forward and fixed Sydney with a no-nonsense look. “Hannibal was sorry he even got you involved, and he agrees with me. You need to stay as far away from that cluster as absolutely possible. Understood?

Watching the young woman chew on her lip in obvious consternation, he heaved a sigh. Hannibal was having trouble sorting the whole thing out himself and he knew all the players better than anyone. If Syd started asking questions she was likely to step on a live landmine and get blown all to hell. Best to nip it in the bud now.

“Fine,” Syd finally snipped. “Then let’s talk about base politics.”

Ray gazed at her narrowly. “Maybe you better tell me what happened during questioning.”

Syd gave him a rundown on the events surrounding the interrogation of General Hội, including the reprimand from SSA Robbins.

“None of them told me we weren’t allowed to perform interrogation,” Syd said, jaw clenched. “It really pissed me off. And from the sounds of it, even Morrison was involved. I’m starting to get a little paranoid.”

Ray digested what she’d said for several seconds before offering his advice. 

“You need to watch your step with Lewis. And as much as it pains me to say this – you need to be cautious with General Morrison, too. Even Hannibal thinks he’s been acting strange lately, and he’s tighter with Morrison than anyone.” 

Ray pushed his tray away and turned to face Syd, resting his back against the wall. He kept his voice low, forcing her to lean forward to hear him. 

“Nothing on base has been the same since the Green Beret Affair. Morrison is under pressure to reduce troops, which he seems to be alone among the SOG COs in resisting. And Lewis was told outright by the CIA bigwigs that if any further evidence of prisoner abuse was discovered on his watch, culpable or not, he would go straight to the stockade.”

“So instead they throw me to the wolves? Robbins was not happy, Ray. I was just lucky that Hội opened up to me and I had something positive to offer.” 

Ray smiled at her affectionately. “Something tells me it had little to do with luck, Syd. Besides, like I said, Lew’s held responsible no matter what. He had a plan when he sent you in there. I think he knew you could get what we needed out of Hội without touching him. As much as I don’t necessarily always agree with his methods, Lew is pretty damn good at what he does. That information you gathered the other day was invaluable for making our mission possible and it was one of the most successful that we’ve had in some time – despite what happened with Campbell’s team.”

“Lew could have at least warned me.”

“Not his style. Lew tends to play it pretty tight to the chest. 

“So I’ve noticed.” Syd grimaced. “Doesn’t make me feel any better.”

“I also think that he’s still trying to figure out what the hell to do with you.” 

Kind of like the rest of us, Ray thought with a smirk. Syd was such an anomaly that her presence still had all of them scratching their heads about where she fit. After the intelligence she had brought to the table in her short tenure, though, Ray knew she was where she belonged. Hannibal seemed convinced of it too and had already decided she was part of the Team. That, in and of itself, was one hell of an accomplishment.

Syd wrinkled her nose at him. “Thanks, Ray. Now I’m really worried.”

He sighed. Hannibal had voiced his own concerns about what Lew had in mind where Sydney was concerned. Professionally and personally she was in a precarious position at Nha Trang. He was worried about her too. 

“You know, Hannibal was right. You’d have been safer if you’d just stayed in Saigon… even more so if you’d thrown in the towel and headed back to the Real World. You’ve landed yourself in an incredibly touchy situation, Sydney. Hannibal will do what he can to protect you as part of the Team, but he can’t control Lewis, and his influence over Morrison is limited. I think a little paranoia might serve you well while you’re here.”

“So basically you’re saying to trust no one.”

“Trust the Team, Syd,” Ray said, leaning forward and putting a hand on her knee. “We’ll have your back. You’re one of us now.”

“That’s a blessing and a curse,” Syd muttered.

Ray sat back and smirked.

“No doubt about that.”


	23. Date Night

“Hey there, sugar.”

Startled, Syd looked up from the reading material on her desk. Disappointment slaked through her when she realized it was Jak speaking and she immediately felt guilty. Smiling, she stood and waved him in. He passed into her hooch and she looked outside. Her brow furrowed as she let the door swing shut and turned a curious gaze on Jak.

“Where are the others?”

He leaned against the wall just inside the door, offering a one-shouldered shrug. 

“Actually, I came a bit early. Thought maybe we could go get some chow together since Kris, Aaron and Paul already ate. You need to eat, right?”

“I guess,” Syd said. Heading out with Jak, just the two of them alone, was far too much like a real date.

“You guess you have to eat?” Jak asked with a lopsided grin. “C’mon, Syd, we’re jus’ goin’ to the mess tent for some chow afore the movie.”

When he put it like that it was hard to argue. “Ok.”

Syd heaved a sigh as she shoved her feet into her boots and leaned over to tie them. What was it Ray had said about being paranoid? She thought she’d been clear when she stopped by to talk to Jak about tonight. But she wondered if he really understood the fact that they were going to the movies as friends, and friends only. 

Actually, she was having second thoughts about the movies, anyway – especially after Kate had mentioned saving a seat for them. She was hoping they’d be able to beg off, since there would be a whole group of them. As long as they were able to find somewhere to sit that was away from Murdock and Kate – preferably somewhere that she couldn’t even see them.

Shaking her head to clear it, she stood and looked at Jak. 

“So what’s for dinner?”

Jak snorted. “Nuthin’ good.”

“You know how to sweep a girl off her feet, huh?”

Pushing the door open, Jak grinned at her. “A mild case of food poisoning could do that, ya know.”

“What did I ever do to you?” Syd asked with a grin as she moved toward the door.

She was startled when Jak put an arm around her shoulders. “Oh, I’ve had my fantasies.”

Syd shrugged off his arm and cast a warning glance at him. “Hold your horses there, slick. We’re going out as friends, remember?”

Shoving his hands in his pockets, Jak sighed. “Whatever you say, Syd.”

“I’m sorry, Jak. It’s just, I’m trying to keep my personal life simple and stress free. I’ve got enough shit going on with work to keep me frazzled as it is. No relationship entanglements beyond friendship. Period.”

“Gettin’ tangled up can be mighty relaxin’, sugar,” Jak said with a slow, sexy smile.

Syd sighed as her body reacted to the double whammy of the smile and the drawl. Damn southern men, anyway. 

“Let’s just go eat.”

Straightening, he pushed the door open and motioned her through. “After you, boss.”

“Boss, huh? I think I like it.” She couldn’t totally hide her grin as she shoved a finger in his chest. “And don’t you forget it, Jakowski.”

She dipped her head as she slipped past him. Despite her misgivings, she felt her mood lighten slightly as she and Jak strolled toward the mess tent. There was a vague familiarity about him that she found comforting and she was hoping that some time hanging around with the easygoing pilot and his friendly crew would help her to relax. 

But it was a muggy night and the smell of coming rain was heavy in the air, even though it wasn’t actually raining. The threat of bad weather seemed to seep into her bones as they approached dinner and Syd felt herself tensing for no apparent reason. 

She chalked it up to the gathering storm, but couldn’t shake the persistent feeling that trouble was looming.

fffff

Face opened the door to a back room at the Officers’ Club with an exaggerated bow. 

“After you, ladies.”

Maddy and Kate walked into the room, ooing and ahing over the candlit setting with a white linen tablecloth, fine silverware and sparkling crystal. 

Murdock stopped next to his friend and hissed, “How’d you pull this off, Face?”

“You have to ask?” Face said with a smug smile.

Moving forward, Face pulled out a chair for Maddy with a flourish. Murdock hurried to follow suit, smiling apologetically at Kate as he helped her take a seat rather clumsily. He was resigned to looking like a total blockhead all evening in comparison to Face, whose smooth moves and easy charm tended to make most men look like clods.

Face picked up the napkin beside Maddy and snapped it flat before laying it across her lap. Then he took a seat and did the same with his own napkin before looking around the table with a self-satisfied smile.

“We are in for a treat. I asked the chef to prepare a delicious fire-grilled surf and turf meal for us tonight. I’m afraid the salad was a no go and I couldn’t find much for dessert, but I did manage a great main course.”

Dinner was delivered to the girls first, and then to Face and Murdock. As a huge plate with juicy t-bone and succulent lobster was set in front of him, Murdock decided riding Face’s coattails every once in a while was good for the soul. Or at least for the stomach. It was the most appetizing food he’d seen since the last time he’d been out in the Real World.

Murdock dug in with relish, and was pleased to see Kate appeared to be enjoying the food as well. 

“Lobster has always been one of my favorites,” Kate said. “Though I think I like a good fresh crab boil a little bit better.”

“Where you from, darlin’?” Murdock asked, watching with interest as she expertly cracked her lobster open and began picking meat out to eat.

“Boston… well, actually just outside of Boston proper in a place call Swampscott.” Kate wrinkled her pug little nose. “Horrible name, isn’t it?”

“Pretty awful,” Face agreed with a laugh.

Murdock chuckled and said, “It didn’t start out so bad. The local Native Americans called it M’sqiompsk, meaning ‘at red rock,’ but the Anglicans butchered that name and ended up calling it Swampscott. The inventor of the lobster pot is from Swampscott, as a matter of fact. From its humble beginnings as a fishing town it’s become a real upscale resort destination with some great beaches right on Nahunt Bay. Your kinda place, I’d think, Face – despite the name.”

“I think you know more about my hometown than I do.” Kate’s smile was uncertain. 

Face smirked. “Murdock is like a walking encyclopedia of useless knowledge – especially when it comes to anything related to language.”

“It’s not useless,” Murdock protested.

Putting a hand on Murdock’s arm and offering him a warm smile, Kate said, “Actually, I think it’s neat that you know so much about my little hometown. For the most part it’s a pretty quiet residential area now, but we do get a lot of tourists who visit the beaches. And we have some of the best seafood available on the eastern seaboard.” 

“Well, I had this shipped in,” Face said. “It cost me, but nothing is too good for such lovely ladies.”

His gaze was fixed on Maddy, who gave him a slow sexy smile. “You’re too kind, sir. This is absolutely heavenly.”

“Heaven is looking into your eyes, beautiful,” Face murmured.

Kate cleared her throat, casting an uncomfortable glance at Murdock. 

Sure his responding smile was pained, Murdock tried to joke his own discomfort away. 

“Face may be corny, but he sure does know how to put on one hell of a spread, don’t he?”

“Absolutely,” Kate said. “By the way, HM, I know you’re from Texas, but it’s a big state. What part did you grow up in?”

“Well, I was born in Houston, but my grandparents owned a ranch out in the middle o’ nowhere and that’s where I spent most of my childhood.”

“How did you end up as a pilot?” Kate asked, turning her full attention to Murdock. He suspected it was so that she didn’t have to watch Face and Maddy make googly eyes at one another. He was more than happy to distract her and himself… especially if he got to talk about flying.

“Well now, darlin’, when we moved to Spur I got to hangin’ out with this ol’ crop dusting pilot, only it turned out he wasn’t always a crop duster…”

The friendly conversation continued as they finished their meals. Face had managed to obtain some chocolate mousse for dessert that was light and delicious. By the time Murdock was pushing back from the table he was stuffed and ready for a nap. It had been quite a while since he’d eaten that much good food in one sitting.

“What’s the movie tonight?” Kate asked. “Did anyone look?”

“Move Over, Darling,” Murdock supplied. “It’s a 1963 remake of My Favorite Wife starring James Garner and Doris Day. Pretty good flick with some terrific music. Doris sure can croon.” 

“Everybody done?” Face asked hastily. 

Murdock smirked, suspecting his friend was hoping to head off one of his serenades. The words of the song started playing in his head as he began humming the tune.

I yearn to be kissed  
Move over, darling  
How can I resist  
Move over, darling  
You captured my heart, and now that I’m no longer free

And with that, Murdock’s pleasant, full-on-denial mood crashed headlong into the deep feelings that he still harbored for Sydney. He stood abruptly.

“I’m ready to go,” he said, more sharply than he intended. Looking down, he recognized confusion in Kate’s face. He didn’t blame her. He was confused himself.

“Ooo, if I thought I could reach the bottom of this bowl with my tongue, I would,” Maddy said as she carefully scraped the last of the chocolate mousse out of her dish.

She is oblivious, Murdock thought as he pulled Kate’s chair out.

Face flashed Maddy a roguish smile. “I believe I would like to see that.”

“Get me some more of that chocolate mousse and I’ll lick it off of anything you like, Temp,” Maddy said, one eyebrow cocked alluringly.

Face’s responding gaze could only be described as lewd. “Anything?”

Kate had stood and her eyes widened at that final exchange. She turned and hurried out of the room. 

After casting an angry glare at his equally-oblivious friend, Murdock followed. He gave Kate an apologetic smile as he caught up to her. 

“I think you’re absolutely right, darlin’… they need a little bit of privacy for that conversation.”

“Thank you for understanding, HM,” Kate said. “I don’t know Maddy all that well. She just arrived in country a few days ago. I was trying to help her out by introducing her around, but I get the feeling I needn’t have bothered.”

“No, I think Maddy’s pretty capable of getting around,” Murdock said. Realizing how that must sound, he rushed to add, “It was real sweet of you to take her under your wing, though. I’m sure she appreciated it.”

Kate smiled, cheeks coloring prettily, as they seemed to do quite often. 

“Thanks. I try to be friendly with the new girls. I know what a culture shock it can be when you first get here.” She turned and put a hand on his arm. “Speaking of new girls, I met your friend, Sydney, the other day. In fact we’ve had lunch together a couple times.”

Murdock stared at Kate in mute shock for several seconds before stammering, “Syd-Sydney?”

“Yes. Sydney Wilson?” Kate’s brows knitted together. “She said she knew you. I know she knows Temp, and Ray Brenner –”

Shaking himself, Murdock managed a nod. “No, I mean, yeah, I know Syd. I was just surprised that you knew her.”

“She came into sickbay the other day,” Kate said, and proceeded to relate what had happened with Jim Lafferty and Kyle Wright. “I think it made a world of difference to both of them. I was kind of glad she intervened to be honest.”

“Me too,” Murdock said quietly.

Syd was the one who had gotten Kyle to talk to Jimmy? Kyle hadn’t mentioned that. But then Kyle had pretty much refused to talk to him about what had happened. He knew Harris was worried about his young AC, but maybe Murdock, himself, had been too cavalier about Kyle’s ability to get past the trauma of what had happened. He was going to have to pay more attention to that situation. Maybe Syd could provide some insight.

“Anyway, I told Syd I’d save her and Jak a seat at the movie tonight. I hope you don’t mind.”

Kate’s final words penetrated Murdock’s thoughts, and he gave a start.

“We’re… sitting with Syd and Jakowski?”

Kate smiled serenely at him. “I thought it would be fun. Especially now, seeing as how Maddy and Temp kind of abandoned us.”

“Great,” Murdock managed to say.

Just. Fucking. Great.

sssss

“That meal was kinda bad, wasn’t it?” Jak asked.

“Pretty horrible, actually,” Syd said, laughing. “But the company was good.”

“Certainly was. And the scenery was gorgeous.”

The warmth in Jak’s gaze made Syd blush. He could certainly turn on the charm when he wanted to. Obviously the ‘just friends’ rule was going to require frequent reinforcement.

She cleared her throat and asked a pointed question. “So, are Aaron, Kris and Paul gonna meet us at the movie? Do you think maybe they’d like to go to the bar instead?”

Jak gave a nervous chuckle, looking down and toeing at the dirt before turning a sheepish smile on her. “They ain’t comin’.”

Syd pressed her lips into a rueful line. “Jak…”

“I know, I know, just friends.” Jak picked up her hand, studying her fingers, his next words tentative. “But I keep hoping maybe you’ll change your mind once you get ta know me. I think you’re a real special lady, Syd.”

His brown eyes finally lifted to meet her gaze. Syd gave a little sigh and gently extracted her hand from his. 

“I’m sorry, Jak. I just… I can’t. I thought you understood…”

“Right.” His disappointment was palpable. But the next minute he flashed a broad smile, even if it did seem a bit forced. “You know we better get a move on or we’re gonna be late fer that movie.”

Considering the lack of an entourage, Syd hesitated trying to decide if the movie or the bar was a safer choice. Deciding that either way she went it was going to feel a lot like a date, she was torn. At least at the movie she wouldn’t have to stave off Jak’s more overt advances. But without a group it was going to be more difficult to avoid Kate. She wasn’t sure she was up to a double date – especially with Kate and Murdock.

“Maybe we should just skip the movie. I’m kind of tired anyway.”

Jak turned pleading eyes on her. “C’mon, Syd. Please. I promise to try to be on my best behavior. ‘Sides, I never saw Move Over, Darling before and I heard it’s real funny. Seems to me you could use a laugh or two, too.”

“I don’t know…”

With a gentle slug to her arm, Jak said cajolingly, “C’mon, Syd. Just a couple o’ pals going to catch a flick. That’s it. Scout’s honor.”

He seemed sincere. And she had heard it was a really good movie. Given the fact that they were running late, maybe they could slip in just as the lights were dimming and avoid Kate and Murdock that way. It should work.

Decision made, Sydney cocked an eyebrow at Jak, a goading smile curving her lips. 

“Couple of pals, huh? Well, pal… last one there is a rotten egg!”

She took off at a hard run while Jak hollered behind her, “Hey! No fair!”

By the time they got to the makeshift theater, they were once again relaxed and joking around. They walked in just as the lights were blinking to warn everyone to take their seats. Perfect timing. Syd made a beeline for the nearest seats.

A waving hand had caught Syd’s eye but she was studiously ignoring it. Unfortunately, Jak didn’t. In fact he waved back and then took Syd’s arm and pointed.

“Syd, I think that little lady over there is tryin’ to get yer attention.”

Damn. Raising a hand to acknowledge the enthusiastic greeting, Syd sighed. Now there was no way to avoid sitting with Kate and Murdock without hurting Kate’s feelings. Syd was unwilling to do that. She and Jak started making their way across the room.

“I guess Kate saved us a couple seats,” Syd said. “Do you mind?”

“Naw. S’ok with me,” Jak said.

Sliding into the seat next to Kate a minute later, Syd smiled at the pretty nurse. 

“Thanks, Kate.” Glancing across her new friend, Syd noticed that Murdock was staring straight ahead. She took a deep breath and said, “Hey, HM.”

He glanced at her with raised eyebrows, as if surprised. “Hey, Syd. Nice of ya to join us.”

Syd stared into his eyes and felt her heart plummet. The same hurt that had been there when she’d left him on the beach was still apparent, and she steeled herself against the desire to make it disappear. 

He just needs time. With Kate. He’s better off with Kate.

Clearing her throat, she took Jak’s hand and tugged on it so he leaned across her lap. “Jak, I’d like you to meet Captain Kate Evans… and Captain HM Murdock.”

Jak was shaking Kate’s hand when Syd said Murdock’s name. His eyes lit up as he looked over at HM.

“Captain Murdock, sir, it’s a real pleasure to meet you.”

With a stilted smile, Murdock nodded and shook the offered hand. 

“Pleasure’s mine. I talked to Kris Foreman, yesterday. You got yourself a damn fine crew chief there. And he said you were one hell of a pilot.”

Syd started. Had Murdock checked up on Jak for her sake? She wasn’t sure how she felt about that.

“Kris is jus’ bein’ nice. He’s only been flyin’ with me for a coupla days,” Jak said modestly. “Sure is good to have my own crew, though.”

Syd’s gaze strayed from Murdock to Jak, and she smiled. “I imagine it’s especially nice not to have to put up with Bill Mathers every day any more.”

“Amen to that,” Jak said, chuckling. He put a hand on Syd’s knee and squeezed it. “And I got Syd here to thank for that.”

Casting a glance at Murdock, she noticed the tightening of his jaw and darkening of his eyes. Was he getting angry because Jak was being so familiar with her? Syd wasn’t sure how she felt about that, either. 

It was a relief when the lights dimmed and they all settled back in their seats. The movie started to roll and Syd made a conscious effort to try to relax.

Jak stretched his arm across the back of Syd’s seat, and leaned down to whisper in her ear. “Hope ya don’t mind. It’s awful crowded in here and I don’t have anywhere else to put my arm.”

Stifling a groan at the lame excuse, Syd gave him a stern look. 

“It’s fine as long as you promise to behave,” she hissed at him.

Jak smirked, shaking his head as he murmured, “All these rules with you.”

“And don’t you forget it,” Syd said, poking him with an elbow.

His lips brushed her temple as he murmured near her ear, “Somehow, sweetheart, I don’t think you’ll let me.” 

Slumping down in her seat, she found her head resting against Jak’s arm. She pushed herself back to an upright position. A minute later she felt his hand sliding from her neck down to her shoulder in a caressing motion that made Syd shiver. She cast a warning glance at Jak, who gave her an apologetic smile and moved his hand to the back of the seat. 

Syd was turning back to watch the screen when out of the corner of her eye she caught the movement of Murdock laying an arm across the back of Kate’s chair. Kate took full advantage of the unspoken offer and laid her head on his shoulder. Kate snuggling into him seemed to encourage Murdock, who slipped his arm off the chair to encircle the pretty nurse. 

That’s good, she told herself sternly, but it made tears prick at her eyes, nonetheless. 

Once again, Syd couldn’t decide how she felt about that.

mmmmm

As the credits started to roll and the lights came up, Murdock yawned, his jaw cracking audibly. With a grimace he realized he had been clenching his teeth the entire movie.

Kate sat forward in her seat and flashed him a soft smile, but Sydney leaping to her feet distracted him from the pretty nurse. He let his eyes wander over Syd’s familiar form.

“So what do you want to do now?”

Eyes snapping back to Kate, Murdock cleared his throat, “Uh, I don’ know, darlin’… d’ya wanna call it a night?”

“It’s still early, HM,” Kate said, swatting at him playfully. “I thought maybe we could head to the bar and grab a drink. Maybe dance some.”

“Ok.”

“Hey, Syd,” Kate said. “Would you and Jak like to come to the bar with us?”

Syd spun around, her eyes meeting Murdock’s for a split second before she looked away, shaking her head. 

“I, uh, I can’t. I heard Lew is coming back tonight so I’m sure he’ll be knocking on my door early tomorrow. I need to hit the sack.”

“That is a real bummer, sweetheart,” Jak said, the desire in the gaze he directed at Sydney impossible to miss.

Syd flashed Jak an apologetic smile. “You can go ahead without me, Jak. I don’t mind.”

It took all of his self-control to keep from smacking Jak’s hand off of Syd’s shoulder, where it came to rest in a massaging grip.

“You’re talkin’ to an old-fashioned southern boy, born and bred, and we ain’t allowed to let a lady walk home alone or we go straight to hell. Ain’t that right, Captain Murdock?”

Murdock stared at Jak and had to consciously relax his jaw. “Just call me Murdock, kid.”

“Murdock, right.” 

Jak grinned at him. Murdock took a deep, calming breath. The young pilot’s friendly, eager-to-please expression was really starting to piss him off. Why did the kid have to be so damn likable?

Sydney took Jak’s arm, pulling him away from Murdock. Her eyes were wide and flashing a warning that he knew was meant for him. 

She said, “Yeah, so anyway, I really need to hit the hay.”

“I didn’t hear anything about Lewis comin’ back tonight,” Murdock said flatly, turning no-nonsense eyes on Syd. She wasn’t fooling him at all. “Last I saw him he was way upcountry.”

“Up north?” Syd asked, her intelligent blue-eyed gaze locked on his. “I thought he was with Cartwright on the trail.”

He’d do just about anything to keep her focus on him and off Jakowski. He stepped closer to her.

“He was but he’d returned by the end of our mission and I air-dropped Lew and Reynolds off myself in Hannah’s backyard,” Murdock drawled.

“He told me he was hitting the trail with Cartwright after the mission,” Syd said thoughtfully. “I wonder what prompted the change of plans?”

Close enough to catch the scent of lavender, Murdock murmured, “Who knows, sugar. Lew ain’t exactly the most communicative guy ‘round here. Personally, I’d be just as happy if he stayed upcountry,” and away from you.

Staring into Syd’s eyes, Murdock allowed the rest of the world to melt away as he considered the fact that Lewis was gone. Lew would never know…

The flash of panic on Syd’s face startled him. She looked away. 

“Well, regardless, I’m not taking any chances. I’m beat anyway. Let’s go, Jakowski.”

Syd took Jak’s arm and led him away. The young pilot looked over his shoulder at Murdock and Kate and raised a hand.

“Guess we’ll take a rain check. Y’all have a good night.”

Kate took Murdock’s arm and led the way out of the theater. It had rained during the movie and was still drizzling. Kate wrinkled her nose. 

“Oh, my hair is going to go all frizzy. I hate the weather here. I just hate it.”

“Mhmm.” 

Murdock was in a fog and really didn’t notice the rain. He was too busy considering the possibility of ditching Kate and finding Sydney. Finding Sydney and forcing her to admit that this was one big, fucking mistake. That they belonged together – regardless of what Lewis said.

“You were right, HM. Jak is a nice guy, and he seems really smitten with Sydney.”

Mention of Sydney caught his attention, but Murdock didn’t trust himself to actually verbalize what he was thinking. It would have just made Kate blush – and probably wonder what the hell was going on with her date. 

“Mhmm.”

“Syd was acting a little standoffish with him, though,” Kate giggled. “I even heard her tell him to behave a couple times during the flick. I think she’s even more uptight than me.”

“Really?” Murdock felt his spirits lift.

“Um, yeah. I think it would be fun… you know, to maybe go out with them again. What do you think, HM?”

The last was spoken in a rush, and Murdock looked down at Kate in surprise. Go out with Syd and Jak? Again? Hadn’t the last hour and a half been painful enough? Besides, if he had any say in the matter, the only person Syd would be seeing was him.

Kate’s delicate eyebrows wrinkled. “I mean, I wasn’t assuming we’d go out again, I just thought… well, I like Sydney. And I think she really needs a friend.”

Murdock felt like a knife had sliced into his chest where the determination and hope regarding his relationship with Syd had begun to balloon. Syd did need a friend, far more than she needed some lovesick jackass chasing after her half-cocked. Hadn’t she made that clear on the beach? 

Rubbing a hand down his face, Murdock looked at Kate. He was in a no-win situation. As sweet a woman as she was, he just couldn’t see himself falling for Kate like he had for Syd. But maybe if he really let go of Syd, he could care for Kate. 

Face had been right, Kate was exactly the kind of woman he had always thought he was looking for. At least until he’d met Syd. She had totally screwed up Murdock’s original thoughts for his future once he got back to the Real World. Plans for settling down and starting a family had given way to thoughts of possibly making the transition back into the CIA. 

Murdock shook his head to clear it, realizing that he had been silent far too long based on the hurt expression on Kate’s red face. She was a really sweet and loving lady – why should he let go of his dreams of settling down and starting a family? Maybe Kate was the one he could do that with.

He flashed her a warm smile, his voice low and reassuring as he said, “Sure we’ll go out again, darlin’, and I think it’s real nice of you to wanna invite Syd and Jak along. That sounds… real nice.”

Kate’s fine features broke into a radiant smile. She really was quite pretty, in a china-doll sort of way. Her gray eyes were made up to make them appear larger than they were and her blonde hair was carefully styled and hair-sprayed in place. It had poked him more than once during the movie. 

She was nothing like Syd, who didn’t wear a lick of makeup and usually left her mop of hair free to blow around her broad, expressive features. If he closed his eyes he could practically feel it caressing his face, tickling his nose with the smell of lavender.

Ok, that isn’t helping. He grimaced. It was far simpler to resolve to do something than it was to actually do it. He had to try harder.

“Do you have a problem with Syd, HM?” 

While his thoughts had been wandering, Kate’s expression had transformed, lips thinning and eyebrows drawing together in concern.

“I mean, she’s a casual friend of mine, but I thought she was a pretty good friend of yours… or at least some of your friends. Ray seemed pretty taken with her…”

Murdock was shaking his head at the irony of the initial question. It took him a few seconds to come up with an appropriate answer. 

“I don’t… have a problem with Syd. I just, um, worry ‘bout her. We all do. She tends to be kinda reckless – gets herself into trouble.”

Kate stared at him, eyes wide. “What kind of trouble can a secretary get herself into?”

“Huh? Syd’s not a secretary. What gave you that idea?” 

“Well,” Kate hesitated and then shrugged. “She told me she worked for the CIA. What else could she be?”

“She’s a special agent working recon, Kate. Attached to our alpha team. She’s not a secretary.” 

Belatedly, Murdock realized that his statement had come out as a rebuke. Kate’s cheeks colored.

“She didn’t tell me that,” she murmured. “I didn’t think women worked in that capacity.”

“I’m sorry. Of course you wouldn’t know if Syd didn’t tell you. It… it is an unusual position for a woman. I totally understand your confusion.”

Her face cleared at his apology and she looked up at him curiously. 

“Well, that explains how she knows your unit. And why she’s working with Lewis.” Kate gave a little shiver. “I don’t envy her that. Lewis is a little scary.”

“Yeah, Lewis is kind of a big, scary pain in the ass,” Murdock said bitterly. 

Lewis. He was to blame for this entire fucking mess with Sydney. Seeing the bar up ahead, Murdock picked up his pace, forcing Kate to a trot to keep up with him. He could really use a drink, or two, or three…

Hell, maybe if he drank enough he could even convince himself that Kate was the woman he wanted to settle down with.


	24. Against Better Judgment

Jak sighed as they approached Syd’s hooch. The evening had been enjoyable, but disappointing. Sydney was the most stubborn woman he’d ever met, but he was finding the challenge itself stimulating. Unfortunately at this point, he’d pretty much exhausted his bag of tricks and was no closer to winning her over.

Dipping her head as she put a hand on the door, his first impression was that she was going to move inside without even giving him a chance to say goodnight. So he was happily surprised when she stopped and looked up at him, the smile playing around her full mouth tentative and sweet.

“I had a… good time tonight, Jak.”

Propping his shoulder against the doorjamb, he leaned closer to her, watching carefully for signs that he was stepping over another line.

“I had a good time too, sweetheart.”

“We’ll have to do this again,” she said, backing away. “Only next time, please don’t ditch Kris, Aaron and Paul.”

Jak reached a hand out and caught one of hers. “Syd, can I ask you a question…?”

She looked up at him, her gaze guarded. “I suppose.”

Clearing his throat, Jak said, “Well, sugar, I’s jus’ wonderin’ if you thought, you know, I might ever stand a chance with ya? I’d really like, uh, like to…”

Her eyes had softened, inviting. Jak trailed off, totally enthralled by those dazzling blue pools. As they leaned together, he lifted his other hand to cradle her head and covered her mouth with his tenderly. Her lips, soft and full, parted and he accepted the invitation, pressing his tongue into her mouth and savoring the sweetness of her. Pulling her forward, he slipped his arms around her, molding her warm body tight against him.

Then suddenly she was pulling away, her voice breathless.

“I’m sorry, Jak. I… I can’t do this.”

And the next thing he knew the door was shutting on him with a resounding thud. He leaned his forehead against the frame, one hand flat against the rough wood.

“Ah, sugar, what’d I do wrong?”

No response.

“C’mon, Syd. Don’t shut me out. Please.”

On the other side of the door he heard a ragged breath drawn, a sniffle, and finally her throat cleared. 

“It’s not you, Jak, it’s me. I… I’ll see you tomorrow. Ok?”

Aw, shit. Great going, Jakowski. You made her cry.

“Syd, please open the door. Let me apologize to that pretty face. Please.”

Hesitation, another throat clearing. “Nothing to apologize for. I’m really tired, Jak. Please, I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

Jak sighed as he pushed away from the hooch. Dammit all to hell, anyway. “Syd, I’m so sorry.”

“It’s ok. Really. We’ll talk tomorrow. I promise.”

“Alright, sweetheart. I’ll see ya tomorrow.”

As Jak ambled toward his quarters he went through the entire evening in detail in his head. He couldn’t for the life of him figure out what the hell he had done wrong. Syd seemed to like him just fine. In fact, when he had kissed her she had been more than willing, at least at first. He just couldn’t figure her out. 

What perplexed him even more was that the more she would pull away the greater urge he felt to draw her forward. If anything, he wanted her more now than he had at the start of the evening. 

You’re a glutton for punishment, Jakowski, he thought as he pushed into his own hooch.

“Uh-oh, I think I won this one, Kris. Pay up.”

Looking up, Jak was surprised to find Aaron and Kris sitting in his room, grinning at him.

“Whatcha payin’ for, Kris?” Jak asked, watching the exchange of a ten-spot with interest.

Kris made a show of looking at his watch. “Well, it’s only about fifteen minutes after the movie was supposed to be over, so we’re making a wild ass guess here that you struck out, Jakowski.”

Jak shrugged. “I wouldn’t say I struck out. I’m just still… softening her up.”

“So you have another date?” Aaron asked.

“Uh, kinda,” Jak said. “She promised she’d talk to me tomorrow. We’ll see where we go from there.”

Aaron and Kris looked at each other, nodded, and looked back at Jak before saying in unison, “So you struck out.”

Rubbing a hand across the back of his neck, Jak gave an unamused snort. “Yeah, I guess I kinda struck out.”

His two crew members stood and Kris held out a fifth of whiskey as he strode forward and put a comforting arm around Jak’s shoulders.

“C’mon, kid. We’ll drown your sorrows with you at the barracks over a game of cards.”

“Thought you guys didn’t like playin’ cards with me?” Jak said as he allowed himself to be led out of his room.

“We’re just hoping your bad luck holds, Jak,” Aaron said with a smirk.

Jak’s face broke into a broad grin. “Way I look at it, unlucky in love, lucky in cards. You guys are in for a good ol’ fashioned ass whoopin’ tonight.”

Kris laughed. “Don’t get cocky, kid.”

sssss

Syd’s head flopped back, hitting the door with a thud-crack. How much of a relationship fuck-up could one person possibly be? What was she thinking, encouraging Jak by letting him kiss her?

He called you ‘sugar’ and you let yourself pretend he was HM.

Slamming her head against the door again, Syd gave a frustrated groan. It wasn’t until Jak was pulling her tight against his body that the illusion dissipated. Jak was shorter and stockier than HM and she couldn’t ignore the difference. Didn’t want to ignore the difference. She didn’t want to be with Jak – she wanted to be with HM.

HM is better off with Kate.

Tears slid down her cheeks. Kate obviously cared for HM. She was pretty and sweet. She was the kind of woman a man could settle down with – have a family with. Sydney was none of those things and wasn’t sure she ever could be. She had no frame of reference for what he wanted. Even if what she felt for HM was love, would it change the fact that she could never be the woman he had told Face he wanted? Would he love her after he figured that out?

HM is better off with Kate.

Resolved, Sydney scrubbed the tears from her face and pushed to her feet. It was for the best. She couldn’t afford the distraction of a relationship – with HM or anyone else. Ray had said it himself, and he only knew half the story. She was in a precarious position at Nha Trang. And despite his assurance that she could trust the Team, she kept coming back to Peter Quinn’s original advice. 

Trust no one.

And that included the base MPs. Ray had said they were investigating Campbell’s death, but Syd was determined to do some investigating of her own. 

She changed into dark clothes and grabbed Murdock’s navy blue ball cap to wear over her hair. It was the one she had swiped from him the other day at the beach which brought back a flood of painful memories she just couldn’t deal with right now. Quickly piling her hair on top of her head, she slapped on the cap and focused on her self-imposed assignment.

Loading her essentials into her pockets, she set about pulling together a quick investigative kit. Rummaging through her bag and in her desk, she found a flashlight, latex gloves, and some baggies, as well as a miniature camera and essentials from a fingerprinting kit that she had found during her wanderings at CIA HQ. At least the three days she had spent looking for Jones while she was in Saigon hadn’t been a total waste of her time.

She packed everything into a small bag and tucked it under her arm like a purse before making her way toward Campbell’s hooch. Her first couple passes by the small shack were just to get the lay of the land. There was a pole-mounted floodlight near enough that it bathed the front of the small shack in near daylight. That made it easy to see that someone had installed a padlock on the door – Sydney assumed the MPs. 

Luckily no one seemed to be hanging around as if on guard, but she was going to have to be quick about getting in because it would be like picking the lock in a damn spotlight. She fingered the lock-picking tools in her pocket, her heart rate ramping up in anticipation.

Making sure no one was watching, on her third pass she dug in her pocket as she stepped to the door. She had fashioned a tension wrench and pick out of a couple of paperclips, which she deftly put to work. 

A smile curved her lips as the padlock clicked open on her second pass over the tumblers. She hadn’t lost her touch. Lee would have been jealous. Though it hadn’t been on their curriculum at Quantico, Sydney had developed the talent during her work as a private investigator and Lee, classmate and friend, had insisted that she teach him. But he had never been able to quite get the feel for picking locks.

She slipped the lock off and pushed the door open. Arranging the lock so it appeared to be secured, at least from a distance, she pushed the hasp flush against the door before stepping inside and closing it. She stood in the relative darkness of the room, and her mind wandered as she waited for her eyes to adjust. 

The reminder of Lee had prompted a flood of guilt and uncertainty. The last time she had thought about Lee had been when Murdock was trying to learn her real name. He had questioned her insistently about the man who had asked for her hand in marriage just before her departure for Vietnam.

She had truly cared for Lee, but in their time together Syd had never considered the possibility of forever with him. Their relationship had started with mutual respect and admiration, grown into a cautious friendship, and rather precipitously become intimate after Syd’s mother’s death. She had been caught totally off guard when Lee had proposed marriage. And she knew her refusal had hurt him.

As shapes formed out of the shadows, Syd found that she could actually see quite a bit, despite the dark shades covering the windows. Slivers of bright light illuminated small strips of area, and she found that she could see well enough to move around the small room. Given the brightness from the pole-mounted lamp outside, she even thought it might be safe to use her flashlight fairly freely, without worrying about it being seen.

Turning the flashlight on, she shone it over the area where the body had been found. Though Campbell was gone, the blood had not yet been cleaned up. The near-black stain on the desk was smeared where Campbell’s head had lain, and the slight slope of the writing surface had caused most of the blood to drip down onto the floor. 

But higher on the desk was an odd-shaped mark in the stain. If her memory of the original scene served, it would have been about where Campbell’s left hand had lain. It looked almost as if something had been set in the blood while it was still wet. She didn’t recall seeing anything under Campbell’s left hand when she was in here earlier and she was sure that was something she would have noticed. 

Moving closer, Syd pulled out the compact camera. Holding the flashlight under an arm made it awkward to hold the camera and it took her a minute to get everything situated so she could illuminate the scene and snap the picture. She took several minutes, getting different angles of the shot on film before slipping the camera back into her bag. 

The photos would hardly serve as any kind of proof of anything, given the disturbed nature of the scene, but she wanted Quinn to see what she was seeing. It was too bad she hadn’t been able to take pictures earlier when she was here. Maybe she should start carrying the camera with her, as well. It was small enough to fit in her pocket.

She spent another fifteen minutes poking through the contents of the desk and the bedside table but found nothing of interest. Less than half an hour after entering Campbell’s hooch, Sydney was making a careful if hasty exit.

Too keyed up to go back and rattle around her own tiny quarters, Syd decided to take advantage of her insomnia. She’d go back to the CIA office and go through the files while none of the other agents was around or likely to walk in. Maybe she’d find something interesting.

Probably not, but at least it was something to do besides being alone with her thoughts. 

kkkkk

“I had a really good time tonight, HM,” Kate said, squeezing his arm and smiling up at him.

Murdock managed a tight smile. “Sorry to cut the evening short, darlin’, but I’m still pretty wiped out after the mission.”

“I understand. I don’t know how you do it, honestly. Your schedule is so irregular. It has to be difficult.”

Difficult was keeping up this act once he’d had a few drinks. He nearly slipped up and called Kate ‘Syd.’ That was when he knew he needed to call it a night. 

They walked in silence for nearly a minute. The next time Kate looked up at him she was biting her lip, gray eyes tight. 

“HM, do you really want to go out with me again or are you just trying to be nice?” Kate let go of his arm, her gaze serious.

He ground his teeth. “I’m… not sure how to answer that.”

Crossing her arms, Kate walked into the shadows of one of the cabanas and stared out at the ocean. 

“All you had to say was that you really wanted to go out with me again…”

“I do,” Murdock tried to infuse as much sincerity into that statement as he could, but it sounded trite at this point. She had to know he was lying.

“Face said there was a woman you were pining after. Is she why you’ve been so standoffish with me?”

Murdock blew out a breath. “Honestly, Kate, yes. It is. But… the fact of the matter is that she told me it’s over. I just need a little time to let it go, that’s all.”

Kate had turned to look at him, her gaze questioning. “You really love her, don’t you?”

Rubbing his hands down his face, Murdock gave a frustrated growl. “It doesn’t really matter at this point, does it?”

Sympathy was apparent in Kate’s gray eyes as she put a gentle hand on his arm. “HM, I’m so sorry. Was it that USO showgirl you were seeing?”

Murdock’s eyes widened. “Um, yeah.”

“Is she still in country?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Did you tell her how you feel?”

Murdock just nodded. 

“Did she feel the same?”

Licking his lips, he mumbled, “I thought so.”

“Then I don’t understand the problem,” Kate said.

“It’s… hard to explain. Not even sure I really understand it myself.”

Kate leaned closer and gave him a warm smile. “Well, I think that girl is an utter fool to let you slip away, HM.”

His smile was sincere as he said, “Thank you.”

A couple seconds of silence passed, and then Kate asked hesitantly, “Do you think you still have a chance with her?”

Unsure how to answer that, Murdock stared into Kate’s eyes. She really was very sweet. And pretty. The perfect woman to settle down with. But she wasn’t Sydney and he wasn’t sure he could ignore that one glaring fact. 

Instead of answering, he leaned down and kissed her, allowing one hand to slide along her delicate neck, his thumb stroking her smooth cheek. She tasted of strawberries and when she didn’t pull away he wrapped his other arm around her waist, drawing her closer. 

Melting into him, Kate’s lips parted. He accepted the invitation and explored her mouth with his tongue. Her taste was foreign, and the scent of roses and hairspray reminded him of his grandmother. He pulled back. This wasn’t right.

“Oh, HM.”

Kate’s breathless murmur seemed to bring him back to his senses. He looked down at her upturned face. Her eyes had fluttered open and her gaze was openly affectionate. He gently extracted his fingers from her hair. The hairspray, moistened by the misty rain that still lingered, left a sticky residue on his hand.

“I’m sorry, darlin’. I really shouldn’t have done that.”

Smiling shyly at him, she said, “But I’m glad you did.”

“I need to get you back to your quarters.”

She snuggled close to him as his arm fell naturally around her shoulders. It was nice to hold someone soft and sweet-smelling close but the whole thing felt wrong and he couldn’t seem to get past it. At the nurses’ barracks he gave Kate a chaste kiss on the cheek and left her with a promise to meet for dinner the next evening. 

Between now and then he was going to have to come up with some way to let her down easy. He just couldn’t stand the thought of leading on someone as kind as Kate and he knew that was what he would be doing if he kept this up.

There was just no getting around the fact that she wasn’t Syd.

kkkkk

Kate just about swooned into her bed. She knew the deep sigh she let loose was girly but she didn’t care. 

That man sure can kiss.

“Did you have a good time?” Leia asked from the adjacent bunk.

Leaning up on her elbows, Kate looked over at her friend. “Yes. I had a wonderful time.”

Leia rolled onto her side. “So, tell me all about it.”

Kate jumped up and said, “I need to get ready for bed. Come with?”

“Only if you’re going to spill.”

“I’ll tell you all about it.”

So while Kate washed her face, brushed her teeth, and otherwise prepared for bed Leia followed her around and listened to a detailed accounting of the events of the evening.

As Kate sat down on the edge of her bed, slathering on moisturizer, she got to the good part. Her toes curled just recounting the kiss. She sighed and looked at her friend.

“It was everything I ever daydreamed about.”

Leia rolled her eyes. “Let me get this straight. First he told you he was still hung up on this other chick, and then he kissed you when you asked if he still thought he had a chance with her?”

“And what a kiss,” Kate said dreamily. She absolutely was not going to allow Leia to spoil that special moment with HM.

“Katie, sweetie, the reason he kissed you instead of answering you is because he didn’t know what to say,” Leia’s tone was that of a mother to a child and Kate frowned as she continued, “and the fact that he said it was a mistake afterwards likely means he is still hung up on her. I’m telling you – you need to stay away from that shit. You do not want to be the rebound girl.”

“You really think that’s what it was?” Kate felt her heart sink. Leia was making sense. Too much sense.

“Yes, I do.” Leia put a comforting hand on Kate’s knee. “Sweetie, I’m so sorry.”

Lying back, Kate felt tears prick her eyes. She had been so sure HM was equally moved by their kiss. But if she thought about it, he hadn’t repeated it at the barracks – and she had so been looking forward to a repeat. Surely that meant Leia’s version was closer to the truth than her own romanticized euphoria.

Leia had moved to the side of her bed and was leaning over Kate, a worried look on her face.

“I really am sorry, Katie.”

Kate managed a tight smile for her friend.

“Me too.”

mmmmm

It wasn’t a conscious decision that carried Murdock to Syd’s door but within minutes of leaving Kate he was standing outside her hooch considering the wisdom of knocking. It was silent inside, but if Syd was asleep – alone or with someone – it would be quiet. He finally shook his head and turned away. He wasn’t sure he could handle it if Syd answered the door and she wasn’t alone. In fact, he was pretty sure he’d totally lose it and probably hurt Jakowski in the process. 

Walking purposely, Murdock headed for Jak’s hooch. If it was empty, then he’d know for sure. His pace slowed as he heard raucous laughter coming from a nearby barracks. He could have sworn one of the voices he heard was Jakowski. Changing course, he stopped outside the screen door looking in at a hazy scene of four men sitting around a table playing cards, smoking cigarettes and drinking.

Kris Foreman caught sight of him and waved him in.

“Hey, Murdock! What brings you over this way?”

As Murdock stepped into the light of the barracks Jak looked up and cleared his throat. “Uh, hi, Captain, uh, Murdock. Sir.”

Murdock smirked. “Just Murdock, kid. Do I make you nervous or somethin’?”

Jak’s responding smile was embarrassed. “I guess, kinda.”

One of the other men around the table, another newbie like Jak, waved to an empty chair. If Murdock’s memory served he was Jak’s peter pilot, Paul.

“Care to join us for a game of cards?”

With a shrug, Murdock moved around the table and dropped into the chair. 

“Don’t mind if I do.”

“You know how to play five-card stud?” the other young man asked – Jak’s door gunner, Aaron.

“Well, now, I think I remember how to play that game,” Murdock said. 

Kris pushed back from the table. “I’m out. You boys have yourselves a nice friendly game. 

The surreptitious wink Kris gave him made Murdock smile. It had been a while since he’d played cards on base – mainly because anyone that knew him knew they were likely to lose. But here, ripe for the taking, was all new blood and he wasn’t above taking advantage of a bunch of wet-behind-the-ears kids.

Jak grinned as he started whipping the deck around expertly. Murdock had to admire the kid’s style. 

“Cool. It’s my deal. Five-card stud, dollar ante, nothing wild and the sky’s the limit. You ok with that, Murdock?”

“Yeah, kid. I’m fine with that.”

“My name’s Jak.”

Murdock smiled at the challenge in Jak’s gaze. Meanwhile, the kid’s hands never slowed as he flipped the cards in various showy shuffles. 

“I know your name. You gonna deal or just play with them cards?”


	25. Slipping into the New Normal

Murdock woke with a start when Ray smacked his foot. 

“Wake up, kid. It’s time for breakfast.”

Turning his head sideways, Murdock noted that Face’s bed was still made. Apparently he and Maddy’d had a really good time together. 

Scratching his head as he sat up and stretched, Murdock asked, “What’s on our agenda today, Ray? You talk to Hannibal yet?”

“Hannibal said we get the day off.”

“Oh. Great.” 

Murdock was having trouble working up any enthusiasm for R&R, as he considered what to do with his free day. Personal problems aside, he knew he needed to address the Kyle issue head on and get it resolved, the sooner the better. He didn’t want to go up in the air with another totally unknown peter pilot again like he’d been forced to do for the last mission. Though he considered Kyle a good friend, he simply couldn’t let the young AC’s problems adversely affect the safety of his Team.

“You ready, Murdock?” Ray asked.

“Um, you guys go ahead,” Murdock said, looking up at Ray, Gravy and BA, all standing there waiting for him. “I got some work I need to take care of.”

Gravy raised an eyebrow at him. “We got the day off, timoun. What kinda work you got?”

“That’s a damn good question,” Ray said. “Hannibal ordered a day off, Murdock. You need it as badly as the rest of us.”

Running his hands back through his hair, he said, “I gotta deal with this Kyle issue before it comes round to bite me in the ass.”

Ray grimaced and gave a grudging nod. “That is important. But don’t let it eat up your whole day. I’m betting the colonel has plans for tomorrow, so you need to take the R&R while you can.”

“Yeah.” 

As his three teammates filed out, Murdock hesitated. Maybe he should have asked Ray to accompany him. He shook his head. He was going to have to get used to the new playing field with Syd at some point and now was as good a time as any. 

Needing her input on what had happened with Kyle so he could make an informed decision, he knew there was no credible reason to delay. He reached into his locker and grabbed one of his collection of baseball caps and slapped it on his head before striding out of the barracks.

The door to Syd’s hooch was propped open, and he could see her through the screen. He leaned on the doorjamb.

“Knock, knock.”

She looked up, surprise quickly hidden behind a carefully guarded gaze. “Hey, HM. What brings you over here?”

“Told ya Lew wouldn’t be back today.” 

Having stood and moved to the door, she pushed it open and stepped out. She gave a one-shouldered shrug.

“It was as good an excuse as any to leave you alone with Kate. How did your date go?”

Murdock really wasn’t ready to talk about Kate yet, especially not with Syd. 

“Alright, I guess. Anyways, that ain’t why I stopped over. Uh, Kate mentioned last night that you had talked with Kyle and got him to go see Jim Lafferty. I could really use some help with that whole mess, Syd. Kyle won’t even talk to me about what happened, he won’t get in a chopper, and I’m runnin’ outta ideas.”

Her expressive features tightened with genuine concern. “I can only tell you what Ky told me. He’s not getting past it, is he?”

“Apparently not. Harris is really worried about him, and I need to make a decision. I need a co-pilot that can do what needs to be done no matter how dicey things get. The shit we do is too risky to have a timid second, let alone one I can’t get behind the damn stick. I gotta have someone I can count on and that’s always been Ky, but now I’m not so sure.”

Syd grimaced. “I hadn’t even thought about that aspect of the problem.”

“Well, I’d really appreciate any insight you could give me, sugah – uh, Syd.”

The immediate tension in the air at his little slip of the tongue was unmistakable and Murdock silently kicked himself. He had to be more careful. Then his stomach rumbled. Sydney chuckled and he let himself relax marginally, offering her a lopsided grin.

“Haven’t had breakfast yet,” he said.

An internal struggle played itself out on her face. Finally she looked up at him with a tight smile. 

“I haven’t had breakfast either. How about we discuss this over dried eggs and leathery sausage?”

“Sounds like a plan.”

At the mess tent they got their food and moved to the sitting area. Murdock noticed the guys sitting with Jakowski and his crew. Knowing he was going to end up answering a lot of questions just based on Ray’s probing look, he raised a hand in greeting and gave the second LT a placating smile. 

Then he ushered Syd toward a quiet corner of the tent. Their discussion required some privacy and Ray would understand that. At least once Murdock explained it to him… and he was sure he would be explaining it to him. 

Sitting across the table from Syd, he opened the dialogue, keeping himself very focused on the issue at hand.

“I need your insight regarding Ky, Syd. Whatever you can give me, I’d really appreciate it.”

Murdock ate while she talked, taking him through what had happened and what she had observed in a logical, thorough and perceptive narrative. He inserted periodic questions, but for the most part just let her go. The predicament with Kyle and Jimmy had obviously weighed on her, and she’d given it a lot of thought. Her analysis of the situation was very helpful, even if it wasn’t encouraging where Kyle was concerned.

Setting his fork on his empty tray, Murdock considered what she had said as he stared at her nearly-untouched food. About all she’d eaten were a couple bites of egg and some toast. He pointed at her tray.

“You better eat or you’re gonna waste away to nothin’, Syd. And there ain’t that much of ya to begin with.”

She pushed the tray away, shaking her head. “Not hungry. At least not for this.”

Murdock bit back the solicitous response that leapt to his lips. He suspected Syd wouldn’t appreciate him trying to handle her, and it probably wouldn’t do any good, any way. Where Sydney was concerned, he was going to have to become creative to ensure she was taken care of.

He shoved his tray to the side and leaned his arms on the table, refocusing on the topic of his co-pilot. “Sounds to me like Ky’s lost his nerve. I was afraid of that.”

“I hate to say it, but I think you’re right. He could probably get it back, but it’s difficult to be certain and it isn’t likely to happen overnight.”

“Can’t afford to take chances ‘round here, though, and I don’t have time to wait. I’ll have to go have a talk with Vickers, then… guess I’ll be lookin’ for a new co-pilot.”

“I’m sorry, HM. I know that isn’t what you wanted to hear.”

“Not your fault. Was bound to happen eventually. Harris is hangin’ up his rotors here in a month, anyway. If I gotta make a change, might’s well make it wholesale.”

“What are you gonna do?” 

“I’ve had my ear to the ground for a month or so. Even before this cluster. Basically ever since Harris showed me his final orders. Got it narrowed to a couple prospects.” He gave an unamused snort. “Unfortunately, one of them is your boyfriend’s crew.”

Syd pressed her lips into a thin line. “Jak isn’t my boyfriend –”

“But he wants to be.”

“That’s irrelevant. All he’s ever going to be is a friend. In fact, that’s all I’m looking for from anyone I meet here. Friendship. Anything else is just too… troublesome.”

Smirking, Murdock said, “Troublesome is an interesting word choice. Is that what I am, troublesome?”

Blue eyes flashing, Syd glared at him. “Don’t be an ass. You know as well as I do that I care for you. It’s not like I could deny it. You’re… you and Face, both, are probably my best friends. And perhaps you haven’t noticed, but that’s pretty important to me. I don’t make friends easily, HM.”

Properly chastised, Murdock gave her what he hoped was an apologetic smile. “Sorry, Syd. I keep thinkin’ I’m getting the hang of this new playbook we’re goin’ by, but I think it’s gonna take some practice.”

Her face softened and she gave a little chuckle. 

“I know. I’m sorry I snapped at you. I just don’t want to screw up our friendship. It’s too important to me. Besides, I think Kate has already fallen pretty hard for you. And I’d like to think she could become a good friend, too.”

Murdock sighed. “She already is a good friend, Syd. She really likes you. She told me so.”

“Well, she told me she really likes you, too,” Syd said. “I think that makes us both pretty lucky people.”

Pressing his lips into a thin line, Murdock said, “I guess it does.”

They both startled when Ray took a seat next to Syd at the same time Gravy plopped himself down next to Murdock. BA lumbered to the end of the table and made an imposing presence with his feet planted shoulder-width apart and his arms crossed.

“Hey, guys,” Murdock said. “How was breakfast?”

“Thought you had work to do, ti gason,” Gravy said.

“We were working,” Syd said, casting a quelling look at Ray who was staring at Murdock with barely-veiled anger burning in his gaze.

Ray’s eyes slipped to Syd’s face, and the look softened. “What’s up?”

“Kyle,” Murdock said. “Syd’s talked to him. Got him to set things straight with his peter pilot. I figured she could get me up to speed on what was going on. It’s not looking favorable.”

“Shit,” Ray muttered.

They all liked the current air crew. Were comfortable working with them. Given the dangerous missions they flew that was important. Murdock knew that and it was why he was so careful when it came to choosing a crew.

“What do you guys think of Jakowski’s crew?” he asked.

Ray snorted. “Oh, you mean that kid that apparently whipped your ass at cards last night?” 

Consciously unclenching his teeth, Murdock managed a tight smile. “He didn’t kick my ass. I threw in the towel before that happened. I’m not stupid.”

The truth was that Murdock was fairly certain Jak had tried sharking him. He’d held his own early in the game, but as the night wore on, Jak had stopped toying with him and started playing serious poker. That was when Murdock realized he was severely outclassed. It was the first time he’d ever met his match in a card game.

“Was that afore or aftah ya lost all yer kob, ti gason?” Gravy asked with a snicker.

“I didn’t lose too much,” Murdock said. “Cut my losses and quit before I lost as much money to Jak as you’ve lost to me, ya goddam coonass.”

“You played poker with Jak?” Syd stared at him, wide-eyed. “Last night?”

“I did. And if the kid’s as good behind the stick as he is with those fuckin’ cards I think I could have a rival for my howlin’ mad title… as well as other things.” He cast a suggestive look at Syd.

She smirked back at him. “You shouldn’t approach him as a rival, HM. You should approach him as a potentially significant asset.”

Shaking his head, Murdock stood. “Spoken like a true CIA agent, Sydney.”

“That’s why she’s still hangin’ around, isn’t it?” Ray asked.

Murdock acknowledged the truth in the statement by making a face at his teammate. Ray’s responding shit-eating grin irritated him, but he knew the man had both Syd’s and his best interests at heart. 

At this point, though, things between Sydney and him seemed to be settling into something he thought he could live with, at least for now. He really didn’t want Ray, or Face for that matter, poking their noses in and screwing it up. Having decided that it was of the utmost importance to keep some kind of connection with Syd, he certainly wasn’t going to quibble over the specific form of their relationship. What was critical was that they had a relationship. 

He picked up his tray. “I gotta go talk to Vickers and then to Kyle and company. After that hopefully I can take our new potential chopper crew for a trial run on ass and trash. Got a long day ahead of me – especially for a day off. See y’all later.”

As he walked away though, his thoughts were on Sydney. He had been allowing his physical desire to eclipse the other things about her that had initially attracted him. Her thoughtful intelligence was a big part of her appeal and their conversation this morning had reinforced that. He had forgotten how stimulating it could be to simply sit and talk to her. He still loved Sydney – probably always would. But if she could only do friendship, he’d take it.

He’d take whatever she was willing to offer.

rrr

Syd’s gaze followed Murdock until he was out of sight. Ray shook his head and smirked at her. When her eyes finally met his, she frowned.

“Don’t say it, Ray.”

“I don’t have to,” Ray said. “But if you’re both ok with the status quo, I’m thinking it’s probably just as well right now.”

Sydney stood. “Just as well, period.”

She stepped out of the seat. Ray stood, too.

“Where are you running off to?”

“I already had my run this morning, Ray,” Syd said with a grin before turning to walk away.

“Li’l fi bein’ kinda cagey, eh?” Gravy said. “Wonder what she up to?”

Ray sighed. “Can’t be anything good.”

BA giggled. “She just knows it makes you nuts not knowin’ what she doin’, Ray. I think she’s got yer number.”

“You might be right,” Ray said with a smile. 

sss

Outside the mess tent, Sydney turned toward her hooch. She was exhausted, having stayed up most of the night. Her first chore had been to go through the files in the CIA offices, which had been a total wash. She had then spent an inordinate amount of time composing a letter ostensibly to Lee Zemekis, but coded for her ghost supervisor, Peter Quinn. The letter, with the film from her visit to Campbell’s hooch, had gone into the post very early this morning. She was hoping to hear back from Quinn in short order, but had no idea how long it would take.

She had then tried to sleep, but after tossing and turning for a couple hours had gotten up and started reading the material Robbins had sent her. When Murdock had shown up she was just about ready to give up the pretense at work and lie down to try to catch some shuteye, again. At least now she was fairly certain she would go to sleep and not just lie there and obsess about… everything.

“Hey, Syd!” 

She turned to find Face jogging to catch up with her. His shirt was hanging open, he was sporting a day’s growth of fine whiskers on his square jaw with his hair mussed attractively, and his jacket was slung over his shoulder. It was impossible to deny just how rakish, and sexy, the handsome conman was. He fell into step beside her and she raised an eyebrow at him.

“I take it you had fun on your date with Maddy.”

His responding grin was wide. “Oh, yeah. She could give Vi a run for her money. She’s a real wild woman.”

“Rivals Vi, huh?” Syd chuckled. “Now that is saying something.”

His smile turned almost dreamy. “Just imagining a threesome with those two makes me hard. Damn.”

“Good grief, Face. I hope you don’t say things like that to other women.”

“Naw, only you. Talkin’ to you is kinda like talking to one of the guys… different but the same. It’s a little weird, actually.” Face’s brows had knitted together but as he cast a sideways glance at her, his expression cleared and he gave her a lewd grin. “Different in the sense that if you were interested in a threesome… with either Maddy or Vi, I could definitely go for that.”

“You’re so full of shit that those blue eyes of yours are gonna turn brown, Lieutenant.”

“Was that a ‘yes, I’m interested’ or a ‘get the hell away from me, you sex-crazed asshole?’”

“Actually, neither,” Syd said with a shrug. “As for you being a sex-crazed asshole, that doesn’t really bother me. But if you start pointing that thing in your pants in my direction you’re likely to lose it.”

“I’m starting to understand why Murdock never closed the deal with you,” Face said as he deliberately moved a step away from her. The grin he turned on her a moment later was teasing, though. “You are one weird woman, Sydney.”

Syd shook her head. “You think I’m weird. Look in the mirror.”

They walked in silence for a few seconds. Face shifted so he was walking next to her again and looked down, his expression suddenly uncertain.

“Hey, you haven’t, uh, maybe seen Murdock this morning, have you?”

“Yeah.”

Several beats of silence and Face asked, “He didn’t seem… pissed off, did he?”

Syd suspected she knew what Face was worried about and decided it would be fun to mess with him. 

“You mean because you abandoned him last night on his date?”

“Aw, shit.” Face grimaced. “He was pissed, wasn’t he? I knew it. It’s just… Christ, when Maddy offered to lick that chocolate mousse off anything? I mean, honestly, what the hell is a guy to do? You just don’t pass up an offer like that.”

Syd’s eyes widened and she doubled over in silent laughter. 

Face turned and looked at her. “What?”

Catching her breath, Syd managed to choke out, “Oh. My. God. You are such a sex addict, Face. You know, I think there are twelve-step programs for people like you.” 

She lapsed into breathless giggles, again.

“You find this amusing. One of my best friends is going to pound me into a pulp and you’re entertained.”

Syd stifled her laughter enough to say, “You can rest easy. Murdock isn’t pissed at you… at least as far as he told me.”

“Oh. So you didn’t see him?”

Expression sobering, she considered the movie debacle the previous night. If Face hadn’t been so busy making another sexual conquest, he would have been sitting with Murdock and Kate – meaning she could have avoided it. Even if Murdock wasn’t angry at Face, she came to the conclusion that she definitely was. She crossed her arms and glared at the conman.

“Oh, I saw him, alright. Kate even saved Jak and me seats. So I got to witness the whole fucking date up close and personal. Thanks a whole hell of a lot, Face.”

Good mood entirely evaporated, Syd continued to fume at the lusty lieutenant. Him and his goddam libido had left her high and dry and riding shotgun on a date she’d never intended to be on. The disaster of an evening was now front and center in her thoughts, with her hopes for sleep dying in the stranglehold of her personal obsession – HM Murdock. The man was going to make her fucking insane.

“Geez, Syd, I’m sorry.” Face turned to look at her, shaking his head and looking perplexed. “But why the hell would you sit with them?”

“Kate was practically flashing a neon sign when we got to the theater. I tried to ignore her, but Jak waved and then I couldn’t ignore her, and I didn’t want to hurt her feelings. I mean, she thinks Murdock and I are good friends. How was I supposed to explain why I wanted to sit as far as absolutely possible away from them? How, Face? Tell me that?” 

It had all spilled out in a rush, her voice becoming shriller the longer she spoke. Syd grimaced. She sounded so… female.

Face’s eyes were wide and sympathetic. Wrapping a comforting arm around her shoulders, he pressed his cheek to the side of her head as he squeezed. 

“You and Murdock are good friends, Syd. This situation is just a little… awkward and uncomfortable. It’ll pass, but it’s probably going to take some time. I really am sorry. If I’d been there I could have run interference for you. I didn’t even think about it.”

As often happened when she was shown sympathy, Syd felt her protective barriers falling. She fought to maintain her control as tears threatened. Shrugging off Face’s arm, she picked up her pace and cleared her throat.

“It’s fine. It all turned out fine. Murdock seemed to enjoy the movie. He and Kate were snuggled together all the way through it. That was the goal, right?”

Face’s eyebrows shot up. “Snuggled together? Really?”

“Yeah. Really.”

“Guess I’m not such a bad matchmaker.”

Swallowing a lump in her throat, Syd managed, “I gotta go, Face.” 

She absolutely refused to break down in front of him. If he knew how hard this was for her she was certain that he’d feel terrible. Face might be a player, but deep inside he harbored a true heart of gold – especially where his friends were concerned. At least she was pretty sure they were friends.

“Syd, hang on.” He grabbed her arm and she reluctantly turned to face him. His tone was serious as he searched her eyes and asked, “Are you ok?”

Taking a deep breath, she patted his hand. 

“I’m fine, Face. I’ll be fine. You and I both know Murdock’s better off with Kate, anyway. You even said it – Kate’s the kind of woman Murdock can settle down with, not me…”

“You heard that? Damn, Syd. That’s not what I meant.”

Over Face’s shoulder Syd caught sight of a familiar figure. What was Colonel Lionel Warrington doing in Nha Trang? The last time she’d seen him was when she was up in Da Nang with the USO. 

Grateful for the distraction, she squeezed Face’s hand as she disengaged it from her arm. 

“I really need to get going, Face. I’ll talk to you later, ok?”

“Syd…”

“Later. I promise.”

Face’s grip tightened on her hand, and she looked up to find his worried expression locked on her.

“Over a fifth. After dinner. Just you and me and we’ll talk this out. Deal?”

Syd smiled at him. He really was a good friend.

“Deal.”


	26. Shifting Alliances

Face watched Syd run off, curious about the fact that she was moving in exactly the opposite direction they had been traveling together. The cute little woman could be more than a little baffling at times – on any number of levels. It certainly did keep him on his toes around her. And he hated to even admit it, but it was strangely appealing. 

Turning decisively away from the view of Syd’s retreating ass, which he found far too eye-catching for his own comfort, he decided that maybe it was safe to head back to the barracks. He really wanted to get a shower and put on some clean clothes. The stickiness from his encounter with chocolate mousse and Maddy the night before, while enticing in the heat of the moment, was far less enjoyable the day after.

Ray and Gravy were the only two teammates in the barracks when Face arrived. Ray was sitting at his desk, writing a letter, likely to Trish. Face shook his head in consternation. Ray was one of the few truly straight arrows he’d met since coming to ‘Nam and Face just didn’t get him. 

Not a bad looking guy, Ray had his share of come-ons from pretty nurses, but he genially brushed them off. Usually he ended up as an inadvertent confidant to lonely young women who were grappling with the horror they witnessed every day here. That was Ray in a nutshell, though. Always there to lend a shoulder to cry on. 

Or in the case of his male friends, a good shot to the head, if that was what was warranted. Face ran a self-conscious finger over the lump on the bridge of his own nose, there courtesy of Ray Brenner. He had learned early in his tenure with the Team not to mess with one of Ray’s adopted sisters. Luckily, Ray had his hands full with being confidant for the Team, and didn’t generally offer his services to the opposite sex unless prompted. As his straight-arrow reputation spread, that happened less and less often. The ladies just seemed to know that Ray was a taken man.

As Face dug in his locker for a clean outfit, Gravy lowered the magazine he was reading. Feeling the Cajun’s eyes rake over him, Face gritted his teeth and tried to ignore the goading look. Gravy was way too good at pushing his buttons.

“Well, well, looky wha’ we got here, Ray,” Gravy said. “The Faceman ain’ e’en slep’ in ‘is bed. Whatcha been upta, bounda? Or should I say, who you been upta? Was that hot li’l numbah worth sellin’ yer friend out for?”

Face slammed his locker shut and glared at Gravy. “I didn’t sell anybody out. Murdock had a good time with Katie last night. I was doin’ him a favor. He needs to get over Syd, move on and let her do the same.”

Standing from his bed, Gravy crossed his arms and considered Face. 

“Tha’ what you tell yerself, Face? ‘Cause if you really believe that crock o’ shit yer more estipid than I knowed.”

“Alright, Gravy, that’s enough.”

Ray’s no-nonsense voice caused both men to turn and look at him. 

“We all know Face ain’t that bright about male/female relationships. Just let him be. Murdock and Syd are both adults and capable of working out their problems without us getting involved. And I think we ought to let them do just that.”

Throwing up his hands, Gravy muttered something in Creole that Face couldn’t comprehend. For his part, he was kind of insulted. As Gravy slammed out of the barracks, Face turned to look at Ray.

“What do you mean I’m not that bright?”

Ray shook his head. “Where real warm-blooded, decent women are concerned you are a total moron, Face. Don’t even try to deny it. You might know how to get into a woman’s pants, but you haven’t got the first clue how to get into her heart and soul.”

“Not interested in her heart and soul,” Face muttered.

With a shrug, Ray turned back to his letter. “And that is your loss, kid. This might come as a surprise to you, but I think there’s a thing or two you could learn from this cluster with Murdock and Sydney. And it isn’t what you think.”

Face glared at the back of Ray’s bent head for several seconds before turning toward the door. “Whatever. I’m going to get a shower.”

As he strode out the door he was surprised by how cool the muggy air felt as it flowed over his hot face. Gravy had a hell of a lot of nerve accusing him of selling out his best friend. He wouldn’t do that. What he had done, he’d done for Murdock’s own good. Kate was exactly the kind of woman Murdock had always told Face he was looking for. She was perfect for him.

And based on what Sydney had witnessed at the movie it sounded like Murdock was coming to the same conclusion. Face knew his best friend well, and if he was wrapping an arm around Kate and snuggling with her, there had to be something there. Hell, he hadn’t done much more than that with Sydney and he’d tied himself all in knots over their relationship. Murdock just didn’t do that kind of thing lightly, so he must really be falling for Kate. Gravy was definitely fucked in the head if he thought Face had sold his friend out. Well, at least one friend…

Because despite Sydney’s assurances that she was ‘fine’ it was obvious, even to Face, that she was really hurting. The realization felt kind of like a sucker punch in the solar plexus. What bothered him more than anything else was that it was his fault – he hated that it was his fault. How could he do that to someone he considered a friend? 

He turned the shower on and stepped under the warm spray. As he washed, he promised himself that he’d make it up to Syd. 

He definitely owed her that fifth of whiskey. And maybe even more, he owed her a shoulder to cry on. She needed to get Murdock out of her system and move on. It was the least he could do for her. 

As he considered how best to help, his thoughts about Syd wandered into dicey territory. He’d used the ploy of offering comfort to successfully seduce more than one woman. The enticing thought of her retreating form taunted him and he had to remind himself that she was just as off limits to him as she was to Murdock. 

Unfortunately, Face generally didn’t feel as bound by the official rulebook as Murdock did. He shook himself and turned the water temperature to cold. Despite the formal off-limits bullshit, Face recognized that seducing Sydney was the wrong thing to do. While Murdock might be trying to move on with Kate, Face suspected he still had feelings for Syd. How could he not? If anything, that made Sydney truly off limits, particularly to Murdock’s best friend. 

Face stepped out of the shower and toweled off, becoming uncomfortably aware of the standing hard-on he’d developed thinking about Sydney. She was off limits and he was going to respect that rule, official or not. His friendship with Murdock, and with Syd, was too important to him to mess it up for a quick fuck, no matter how tempting. He gave himself a hard glare in the cracked mirror hanging over the sink.

Take a lesson from Ray and behave yourself, asshole.

sssss

Syd strode quickly in the direction she had watched Colonel Warrington disappear. As she turned the corner, she caught sight of him rounding another bend and jogged to close the distance. It was with relief that she found herself within ten feet of the colonel as she rounded the curve.

She followed him all the way to SOG HQ, where he was met at the door by Corporal Crane. The corporal led Warrington away from the HQ and directly toward Sydney. 

She turned her back to them, pretending to read a billboard while they passed by. Once they were well past, she followed at a safe distance. She found herself headed past her own hooch, past the Team barracks and straight to Campbell’s hooch. 

Well, isn’t that interesting.

Syd slipped between two adjacent barracks and approached Campbell’s quarters from the rear. As she neared, she could hear male voices, low and intense, coming from inside. Crouching, she moved against the back wall and pressed her ear to it. Still she could only make out snatches of the conversation occurring in the dead colonel’s hooch. Warrington’s voice was clear, at least at first.

“What a fucking cluster. What the hell happened? Why was Campbell killed –”

“Keep your fucking voice down, old man.”

Syd thought she recognized Bill Cartwright’s voice, but she couldn’t be certain, and after the warning the voices within dropped in volume such that she couldn’t understand any of the words. Cautiously, she shifted around the side of the shack to get nearer a window, hoping to be able to catch more of what was being said. Even there, she could only hear clearly if she was holding her breath and listening intently.

“– don’t have all day. What do you want, Warrington?”

It was more of a low growl than a voice, but Syd felt certain it was Cartwright – that smoker’s voice of his was pretty distinctive. 

“I want to know why. Campbell was a good man. He was loyal. What the hell happened to precipitate this?”

“The why is less important than the overall message. This was a warning to all of us. Cross the line and you won’t get out of this goddam military action alive.”

Warrington muttered his next comment, but filling in the blanks Syd was pretty sure it was something to the effect of not knowing where the fucking line was. His next audible words seemed to confirm her guess.

“How are we supposed to know, huh? It’s like trying to pin down a moving target.” 

“After that cluster up in Da Nang, I’d think you’d be happy just to be alive. You dodged the bullet, old man. If I were you, I’d stop making waves and keep my head down.”

“I just want my fucking money and then I’m out. I’m ready to retire, anyway.”

“You’re our only remaining link to survive the cleansing at Da Nang. You’re stuck until the network rebuilds. After that you can retire, but not before.”

“It’s risky.” Warrington’s voice was uneasy, almost frightened. “And how do I know I’m not going to be the next casualty?”

Cartwright’s chuckle made Syd’s skin crawl. “You don’t. That’s what keeps you loyal. You signed on, Warrington. There’s no walking away now.”

The sound of a door creaking on the hinges preceeded Warrington’s next statement. “Tell the boss I want my share and I want out. The sooner the better. I’ll keep up my end of the bargain for the time being, but I want it clear that I’m ready to retire.”

“I’ll pass along the message.”

Syd pressed her back against the wall as Warrington walked past the small alley where she was crouched. It only took Syd a moment to decide that she’d learned what she could from Warrington. She was far more interested in finding out who this ‘boss’ was.

This was her first real link between Campbell’s death and the drug-running network she had uncovered while in Da Nang. At the time, she hadn’t been certain Warrington was involved, though she had suspected it based on Murdock’s conjecture. Despite her certainty now, though, she still had no concrete proof and there was no link, as yet, to the gun smuggling. 

The door creaked again, and Syd waited for several seconds before chancing a peek around the front of the hooch. Cartwright’s scruffy form was moving away from her. She waited until he turned the first corner and then slipped casually out of her hiding place. She ducked into the shadows of her own hooch when he turned and looked back. She suspected he had spotted her as he stood staring back in her direction, his eyes narrowed suspiciously. 

When he finally moved on, she stepped out into the walkway and followed him straight back to SOG HQ without further subterfuge. She walked through the doors and was startled when Cartwright grabbed her arm and shoved her against the wall. 

His stale breath washed over her as he got in her face.

“Whatcha following me for, chicky?”

Grimacing, Syd swallowed the bile that rose in her throat and shoved the man away. 

“Why the fuck would I be following you?”

“I don’t know, but you been behind me ever since I passed Smith’s hooch. Maybe even longer.”

She had halfway been expecting this, but the encounter still had her nerves buzzing with a surge of adrenalin.

“I wasn’t following you,” Syd said through clenched teeth. “I’m on my way to the office. I didn’t even know you were back. I thought you and Lew were still on the trail.”

“Lew disappeared after the first day,” Cartwright snapped, obviously ticked off by the fact. 

“When did you return?” Syd asked.

“None of your fucking business.” He got in her face again, but Syd stood her ground. “Just stay the fuck away from me. Got it?”

Letting a small smirk curl her lips, Syd answered, “Gladly.”

“Bitch.”

“Thank you,” Syd said with a sweet smile. “I’ll take that as a compliment.”

Cartwright swung away from her with an angry grunt, and she turned and strolled down the hall. She heard him knock, and glanced back to see he was knocking on Morrison’s door but there was no answer. 

With a loud, “Fuck it!” Cartwright turned and slammed back out of HQ. Syd pushed into the small office that the CIA operatives shared. Going to the window, she peaked out the blinds to see which way Cartwright was headed. Standing in the middle of the wide aisle between the rows of buildings, Cartwright turned and she could swear he looked straight at her.

She let the blinds snap shut and stood back from the window, her heart hammering. Walking over to one of the desks, she sat down and tried to calm her nerves. Bill Cartwright definitely bore watching. Unfortunately, now he’d be on guard. She was going to have to be far more careful in the future.

As her heart settled back into a normal rhythm she started searching through the desk drawers, pulling out a couple pads of paper, some pens and pencils and a stack of envelopes. She piled the supplies neatly before standing and picking them up.

She made her way back to her hooch, her feet dragging. Now that the adrenalin was wearing off, it felt like she was going to pass out if she didn’t lie down soon. After a nap, though, she was going to have to start drafting her next Lee letter. 

Quinn needed to know about this latest development.

mmmmm

Jak looked down at Kris and shook his head.

“What do you mean, Pauly ain’t comin’ with us?”

“Vickers said you, Aaron and I were to report. He specifically said Paul wasn’t needed.”

“How’re we s’posed to run ass and trash without Paul?”

“If you’re up for it, you’ll run it with me.”

Jak’s eyes jerked up to meet Captain Murdock’s intense gaze. He jumped down from the cockpit and swallowed convulsively. Maybe it hadn’t been such a good idea skunking the guy at cards last night. 

“Captain?”

“Where’s Aaron?” Murdock asked.

Stepping down from the hold, Aaron ventured forward. “What’s goin’ on?”

Murdock’s flight suit seemed to enhance his lean physique, making him appear even taller than he was. He stood in front of them, hands clasped behind his back. Another man accompanied him, his short, stocky build a stark contrast to the rather imposing AC. 

With a smile that seemed a bit strained, Murdock introduced his companion. “I’d like you to meet Sergeant Justin Cahill. We been flying together for… what, ‘bout a year now, Cahill?”

The stocky man grinned and nodded. “Yeah, ’bout that. Some days it seems like a fuckin’ lifetime, though.”

“Ain’t that the truth,” Murdock said. His companion’s friendly jibe seemed to loosen the captain up, and his stance relaxed. “Anyhow, the rest of our crew is headed stateside. Which is why we wanted to talk to you.”

“Talk to us ‘bout what?” Jak asked, suspicious.

Murdock’s eyes narrowed. “You may’ve beat me at cards, Lieutenant Jakowski, but out here I’m your superior officer. Are we clear?”

“Yes, sir,” Jak muttered.

Stepping in front of him, Captain Murdock snapped, “What was that? I don’t think I heard you.”

“I said ‘yes,’ sir. Crystal clear, sir.” 

Jak saluted, straightening his posture to stand at attention and looking Murdock straight in the eye. The amusement that he saw there caught him off guard, and he faltered.

“At ease, kid. I’m just messin’ with ya,” Murdock said. “I might have a proposition for you and your crew regarding periodic special assignment to SOG.”

“What about Pauly?” Jak asked.

“I’m ‘fraid it doesn’t include your peter pilot, least ways most o’ the time – that’s part of the deal. First things first, though, I’d like to get a feel for how you fly. I’ve heard good things, but I’m reserving judgment until I see for myself. If it looks like a good fit, then we’ll talk specifics. Think you might be interested?”

Knowing Murdock was attached to Colonel Smith’s alpha team, Jak’s interest was definitely piqued. Glancing first at Aaron and then at Kris, he could see that both of them seemed cautiously interested as well. He cleared his throat and looked at his two crew members pointedly.

“Whadaya say, guys?”

“I’m in,” Aaron said immediately.

“What the hell,” Kris said. “Anything would beat ass and trash day in and day out.”

Murdock grinned. “Well, I’m afraid we’ll be spending the next few hours on ass and trash, anyway – it was all Vickers had to offer today. You boys ever been out on nighthawk?”

Jak shook his head and saw Aaron do the same. Kris was nodding, though.

“I flew nighthawk. You know that, though.”

“That I do. Best CC I ever flew with ‘sides Harris.”

“Thanks,” Kris said with a smile.

“It’d be good workin’ with you again, Kris,” Murdock said, and then motioned toward the control room. “I’m gonna go sign us in with the staff sergeant. You get the chopper ready and we’ll be on our way as soon as I get back.”

As Captain Murdock moved away, Jak turned and looked at Kris in awe. “You flew nighthawk with Captain Howlin’ Mad Murdock?”

Kris chuckled. “I flew nighthawk with Lieutenant Murdock when he was a peter pilot in Da Nang, Jak. Even living legends start out in the trenches.”

“No shit?” Jak said. He realized Cahill was smirking at him and turned to the young man, eyes narrowed. “What’re you here for?”

“I’m currently a door gunner –”

“I have a door gunner,” Jak said flatly. 

“You didn’t let me finish. I been training as a flight engineer under Harris. Murdock’s talking about leveraging us some time on an AH-1 if this works out. What do you think of that?”

“A Cobra?” Jak grinned.

Cahill clapped him on the back. “Manage to get your wagon hitched to Murdock’s and you’ll find a whole world of ass-kicking aircraft opened up to you, kid. Trust me, this ass and trash mission is the fucking mission of your career.”

As Cahill lumbered to the back to help Aaron finish prep work, Kris put a hand on Jak’s shoulder and gave it an encouraging squeeze.

“I told Murdock he wouldn’t find a better second, Jak. You got this one in the bag, kid. If it’s what you want.”

“Hell, yeah,” Jak murmured as he jumped up into the chopper to finish pre-flight.

He was gonna fly shotgun for Captain Howlin’ Mad Murdock.


	27. Truth is in the Eyes of the Beholder

Yawning, Face sat up and looked at his watch. It was nearly eighteen hundred and Murdock still hadn’t appeared. Face really wanted to get the scoop on the date with Kate and he had kind of hoped to do that before he met Syd. Unfortunately, that was beginning to appear unlikely.

“Hey, Ray.”

Looking up from his magazine, Ray asked, “Yeah?”

“When’s Murdock s’posed to be back?”

“He was running ash and trash and you know how that goes. Then he said he was meeting Kate for dinner. He may not get back until later.”

“Damn.”

“What do you need him for?”

“Oh, nothing. I guess it doesn’t really matter. You said Murdock’s going to dinner with Kate?”

“Yep.”

Face went to his locker and combed his hair, his thoughts churning. He wondered if Syd had gone to dinner yet. If she hadn’t, he really didn’t want her going alone with the possibility that she’d be there when Murdock and Kate showed up. He set his comb down and then turned to Ray.

“I’m gonna go see if Syd wants to grab some chow. Wanna come?”

“I already ate. Is something wrong?”

“No. Nothing. I’ll see you later.”

Within five minutes he was knocking on Syd’s door, but there was no answer. He turned and made his way to the mess tent, hoping to catch up to her. When he didn’t see her in the seating area, he gave an irritated grunt. Where could she be?

The CIA office.

And that was where he found her – standing in front of her asset map with a look of intense concentration on her face.

“Hey, Syd, have you had dinner yet?”

Spinning to face him, her eyes reflected confusion as she glanced at her watch.

“Hi, Face. Geez, what time is it?”

“Dinner time. C’mon. Let’s get some chow. Then I believe I owe you a drink or two.”

Cocking an eyebrow at him, Syd taunted, “Or three or four?”

He jutted an elbow out at her and flashed a winning smile. “As you wish. Shall we?”

Syd glanced back at the map briefly before she seemed to come to a decision. Giving a nod, she walked forward to take Face’s offered arm.

“Definitely.”

As they made their way to the mess tent, Face decided to satisfy his curiosity. “So what were you up to?”

“Refreshing myself on my network. Lew called in from Da Nang a little while ago and told me to prep for a field trip.” Syd looked down to where Face held her hand tucked into the crook of his arm. “Loosen up, Face. You’re gonna break my fingers.”

Face consciously relaxed his jaw at the same time he dropped his hand. The idea of Syd alone in the field with Lew was bothering him.

“Sorry. Where are you going?”

“I don’t know. Lew said he’d fill me in tomorrow morning.”

“How long are you gonna be gone?”

“I’m just guessing, but probably a couple weeks anyway.”

“A couple weeks in the field with Lew?” Face grimaced.

“Don’t start, Face,” Syd said. “Lew is not only my boss but my partner. A field trip was kind of inevitable.”

“I supposed you’re right.” Motioning Syd into the line ahead of him, Face added, “Guess that means we’ll have to make it an early evening.”

“Yeah,” she said. “And I should probably take it pretty easy on the booze, too.”

Face grunted.

“Lew sure does know how to ruin my plans.”

mmmmm

Still in his flight suit, Murdock stood on the deck of the nurses’ barracks and knocked. He had almost decided to blow off the date. Despite not taking time to change, he was still nearly an hour late. Hell, Kate had probably already gone to dinner without him. He would have.

He was just about to turn away when Kate herself came to the door. She stepped out into the waning light, arms crossed.

“Hello, HM.”

“Hey, darlin’. Sorry I’m late. I, uh, ended up working ash and trash with a new crew. Kinda unplanned. Didn’t expect it to take quite so long –”

“It’s ok,” she said.

“So, have you eaten yet?”

“No.”

“Would ya still like to go to dinner?”

Kate’s gaze was inscrutable as she met his. She didn’t seem angry, but she also wasn’t anywhere near as friendly as she had been at the end of their date the night before. Maybe she was more pissed than he thought. Or maybe he stunk. He smirked at the thought. Though he felt kind of bad, he just couldn’t get all that worked up about it.

“Whatcha say, Katie? You gotta eat, right?”

A sound between a sigh and a chuckle escaped her glossy lips which curved slightly. She looked up at him.

“You’re a hard guy to stay mad at, you know that, HM?”

“That mean yer gonna forgive me and come to dinner?”

“Sure.”

They walked side by side to the mess hall in companionable silence. It was pretty empty by the time they were through the line. Kate motioned to a nearby table.

“Do you want to sit with Face and Syd?”

Turning to make her way toward them, he recognized he didn’t really have a choice. He followed, mumbling, “Sure. Why not?”

He was surprised when Kate slipped into the seat next to Face. Hesitating, he weighed the awkwardness of sitting next to Kate before finally moving to sit across from her – and next to Sydney.

“Hi,” Kate said brightly.

“Hi, Kate. HM.”

The smile Syd flashed his way was definitely strained.

“When did you get back?” Face asked.

“Just a little while ago,” Murdock responded.

Syd turned curious eyes on him. “How did it go?”

Pressing his lips into a thin line, Murdock considered her for a few seconds before answering. “It went well, actually. Kris is one hell of a crew chief and Jak’s a passable pilot. I think it’s going to work out.”

Face’s head snapped up. “Jak? You were flying with Jakowski’s crew?”

“Yeah. He’s got a damn good crew chief that I’ve had my eye on ever since Harris told me he was retiring.” Murdock shrugged. “And Jak’s got good instincts – though I do think Mathers cut him loose as a peter pilot a little too soon. A little training up and I think he could become a great pilot.”

Murdock’s brow furrowed as he met Face’s challenging gaze. His friend looked pissed. And he had no idea why.

Tossing her fork on the tray, Syd looked over at Face. “I’m done. How about you, Face? You ready to go?”

Looking down at her tray, Murdock shook his head. “You didn’t eat anything, Syd.”

“I had some green beans.”

He stared at her, recognizing the defiance in her flashing blue eyes. But she hadn’t eaten hardly anything at breakfast either and he could tell she was losing weight.

“You can’t live on green beans. The chopped steak ain’t so bad. Give it a try.”

With a harrumph, Syd stood. “Not your concern, HM. Are you coming, Face?”

“Yeah.”

Now both of them looked like they were furious with him. He ground his teeth in consternation.

“What the hell…” He trailed off as he met Kate’s gaze. Clearing his throat, he shrugged. “No, I s’pose it isn’t. Guess I’ll… uh, we’ll see you guys ‘round.”

“Back at barracks,” Face said pointedly. “We’ll talk later.”

“Bye,” Kate said.

“Bye, Kate,” Syd said. “HM...”

He thought she was going to say something more, but she turned suddenly and hurried out of the tent. Face strode after her, catching up and placing a solicitous hand at the small of her back. Murdock clenched his hands into fists and rubbed the knuckles down his thighs.

“So you were flying with Jak? What about Kyle’s crew?”

Kate’s voice startled him out of his thoughts. Picking up his fork, he stabbed a large piece of meat.

“Kyle’s gonna be headed home. I talked to Vickers today and he said the shrink thought it was for the best. Harris got his orders over a month ago. Which basically means I got no choice but to find myself a new crew.”

He shoved the meat in his mouth and chewed. See, the chopped steak isn’t bad. And what the fuck was up with Face?

“Oh. I’m sorry to hear that.”

Murdock met Kate’s sympathetic gaze and managed a tight smile and a shrug.

“Yeah, me too, but I think Kyle will be alright once he gets out of this hellhole. And though I’m not thrilled with the prospect of breaking in a new crew, Jakowski’s pretty damn good behind the stick and he managed to get himself a crew chief that’s pr’y second only to Harris. I figure it’s a good fit. Still gonna take some time to get comfortable flying together.”

They ate in silence for a few minutes as Murdock cleaned his plated, sopping up the remains of the meal with a slice of buttered bread. Syd might not be eating, but he sure as hell was. But if Sydney didn’t start eating more than green beans she was going to disappear. Maybe he could snitch some of the goodies Trish had sent to Ray and smuggle them to Syd. Who could say no to homemade chocolate chip cookies?

Clearing her throat and shifting, Kate regained his attention.

“Leia said she, uh, saw you at breakfast this morning.”

Murdock frowned. It seemed like a strange thing to bring up. And why did Kate seem so hesitant? Everyone around him was acting weird tonight.

“Really? I don’t recall seein’ her.”

“She said you were with Sydney.”

It sounded almost like an accusation, but he couldn’t be sure that it wasn’t his own guilty conscience projecting onto Kate.

“Oh, yeah. We were, well, workin’. After you tol’ me Syd had talked with Ky, I figured she’d be able to give me some insight into what was goin’ on. She’s real good at readin’ people. You know, her undergrad was in psych. Government recruited her straight outta college…”

Again he trailed off. He was talking too much. Especially about Sydney.

Kate’s smile was thin. “Sounds like you know her pretty well.”

“I tol’ ya, she’s attached to our unit.”

“So that’s why you know her so well?”

“Of course.”

Kate nodded and bent back over her plate picking at the food on it. She wasn’t eating any better than Sydney.

After a couple of minutes watching Kate push the food around her plate without actually eating anything, Murdock said, “I’m done. How ‘bout you, Kate?”

“I’m finished,” Kate said.

They bussed their trays and headed outside into a fairly cool and surprisingly clear night. Murdock shoved his hands in his pockets and cast a sideways glance at Kate.

“You wanna take a walk down on the beach? Maybe find a quiet place to sit and talk?”

Kate pressed her lips together and gave a stiff nod. “I think that’s probably a good idea.”

At the beach Murdock grinned when he saw a shallow borrow pit that made a depression in the sand. Perfect. He dropped into it and squirmed until he’d formed the sand into a comfy seat. Looking up, he realized Kate was standing above him, pert little nose wrinkled.

“C’mon, darlin’. S’almost like sittin’ in an easy chair.”

“HM, I don’t want to get all dirty.”

It took a few beats of silence for that to sink in. Nope, not Syd. With a shake of his head, Murdock rolled to his feet and brushed himself off. Glancing around he spied an empty bench in the shadows of a stand of palms. Motioning toward it, he followed Kate and they sat on the hard wooden seat.

Kate sat stiffly, her hands laid primly in her lap.

Propping his elbows on his knees, Murdock laced his fingers together and turned so he could look up into Kate’s face. She was definitely upset about something. And he was just about to make her more upset.

“Listen, Katie, I don’t know how to do this –”

“Do what? Let me down easy?” Kate turned a no-nonsense gaze on him and he sat up. “I gave you an out, HM. All you had to tell me was that you weren’t interested in a second date. I even asked.”

Rubbing the back of his neck, Murdock grimaced. She was definitely pissed at him. And he didn’t blame her.

“I know, I’m sorry, really.”

“Why, HM?” Kate’s eyes reflected hurt and confusion. “When you kissed me I really thought… never mind.”

Murdock felt like a real heel. “I don’t know what to say other than I’m real sorry, darlin’. I guess I thought maybe… if I kissed you, I’d feel… um…”

He trailed off. Nothing he could say after that was going to help the situation. He sighed. Could he possibly screw this up any more than he already had?

Kate was peering at him and he met her gaze steadily.

“I’m sorry. Maybe I should just leave it at that.”

“Who is she, HM?”

“Who?”

“This girl that has you all tied up in knots?”

Blowing out a breath, Murdock shook his head.

“Is it Sydney?” Kate asked suddenly.

He stared at her, unable to disguise his surprise at her perceptiveness. “How…?”

“It is Sydney.” Kate snorted. “Actually, I didn’t even think about it until Leia said she saw the two of you at breakfast. Then I started going over everything that had happened at the movie. Of course, watching the two of you at dinner kind of clinched it. I feel like such a moron.”

“You aren’t a moron, Kate. I’m the moron.”

Turning, Kate put her hands over his and looked at him intently. “What I don’t understand is what the problem is. She’s right here…”

“And attached to my unit,” Murdock said. “Lewis has made it very clear that Syd is strictly off limits.”

Kate’s jaw dropped. “He can do that?”

“He’s her boss.”

“I’m so sorry, HM.”

“So am I.”

sssss

After picking up a bottle and a couple cups, Syd and Face headed back to her hooch at her suggestion. Face threw himself onto her bed.

“I cannot believe Murdock,” he said, tone sour.

Syd filled two cups and held one out to him. “What are you talking about?”

Pulling the desk chair out, Syd sank into it. She felt like a walking zombie. Between the lack of sleep over the last twenty-four hours and the emotional backlash she was experiencing every time she interacted with Murdock her brain felt like total mush.

When she raised her head, Face was sitting on the edge of the bed and looking at her intently.

“He’s going to pull Jakowski’s crew into the Team, Syd.”

“Yeah, I know. So?”

“Don’t you see what he’s doing by pulling Jak into the Team?”

Feeling like a simpleton, Syd just shook her head. She didn’t understand why Face thought that was so bad.

“Don’t you like Jak?” she finally asked.

“I don’t even know Jak,” Face said. He stared at her for several more seconds before speaking as if explaining something to a small child. “Murdock knows that if Jak’s part of the Team he’s as off-limits as the rest of us, Syd.”

She shrugged. “Doesn’t matter. Jak and I are just friends anyway.”

Face stood and went to refill his drink, shaking his head.

“So what you’re saying is that I’m being all indignant for you for nothing?”

“Yes. That’s what I’m saying,” Syd said with a little smile. Face really could be very sweet. “Besides, I think Murdock’s choice of crew had little to do with Jak. It had everything to do with Kris Foreman.”

Face sat back down on the bed and sighed. “Yeah. He’s always been a sucker for a good crew chief. But I bet he’s not upset by the collateral benefits.”

Syd tossed her drink back and then stood to refill it. Emotional turmoil roiled like an undertow to every discussion… every thought of Murdock.

“That would imply that he cares who I’m seeing or not seeing, as the case may be. Which hopefully is not the case. Actually, I’d say he’s pretty smitten with Katie, wouldn’t you?”

“I guess.”

“And that’s the way it should be. HM and Kate are good together.” She tossed back another drink and nodded as she refilled the cup again. “Everything turned out for the best.”

Turning, she found Face just sitting there, staring at her.

“I’m really sorry, Syd.”

Moving to the bed, she sat down next to him. “It’s not your fault. It’s no one’s fault. It’s just a fact that HM is better off with Kate. And I am better off alone.”

“You aren’t alone.”

Staring at the liquid swirling in her cup, Syd muttered, “I’m more alone than you’ll ever know.”

Face pushed to his feet and went to retrieve the bottle from the desk. He filled his cup and then walked over to add to hers. Setting the bottle on the side table, he sat back down.

The intensity in Face’s eyes when he turned to look at her was startling. She didn’t recall him ever being so serious.

“I’m right here, Syd. So’s the rest of the Team. You are not alone.”

Unsure how to respond to that, she shot her drink and then held out the empty cup. “I need another.”

With a laugh, he filled it up. “Should I remind you that Lew’s coming back tomorrow?”

Draining the cup again, Syd flopped back on the bed. “Just hoping to drink enough that I can fall asleep tonight.”

Face leaned over her. “And how much is that going to take?”

Stifling a wide yawn, Syd mumbled, “Don’ know.”

Smirking, Face said, “Not much, apparently.”

“Might take more than you think.”

mmmmm

Once Murdock started talking, the whole story poured out while Kate listened. She was a really great listener. It was a relief to totally unload everything. He even told Kate things that he hadn’t felt like he could tell the guys.

Kate sighed. “Oh, HM. It’s like a modern-day Romeo and Juliet.”

Frowning, Murdock said, “I was kind of hoping for something more along the lines of Lysander and Hermia. I like Shakespeare’s comedies way more than his tragedies.”

Giggling, Kate patted his knee. “You have a point. I’d hate to see you or Syd committing suicide, anyway.”

“That’s good to hear,” Murdock said. Standing, he stretched his cramped muscles. He’d been sitting on that hard wooden bench too long. “Listen, Kate, I appreciate you listening to me bellyache about this mess with Syd. I really am sorry about last night.”

Kate stood and smiled at him. “It’s ok, HM. I just wish there was something I could do to help.”

“Offering an ear to bend is a pretty big help,” Murdock said with a smile. “But I’d really appreciate it if you kept this to yourself. Syd might get pretty ticked at me if she knew I told you. And I’m on kinda shaky ground with her right now, as it is.”

“Not a problem.”

Murdock nodded. “Well, I should walk you back to your quarters.”

At the door to the nurses’ barracks, Kate reached up and gave him a quick kiss. “You are a very sweet man, HM. I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“Kate –”

Hands placed delicately on his shoulders, Kate looked up into his eyes and gave him a wink as she whispered “Just play along with me, HM. I have an idea.”

“Kate…”

“Trust me.”

She gave him another peck on the lips and a flirtatious wave before disappearing into the barracks. He shook his head as he turned and jogged down the steps. He couldn’t help but wonder.

What the heck was Katie up to?

fffff

Face woke with a start and turned his head. Syd was stretched out next to him sideways on the bed, sound asleep, with an empty paper cup lying next to her limp hand. Rubbing his eyes with thumb and forefinger, he lifted his wrist to check his watch as he sat up.

It was nearly midnight. The last thing he remembered was playing a protracted twenty-questions-style game with Syd. The trivia had taxed the little mental faculty he had remaining after drinking nearly half a bottle of whiskey.

Lurching to his feet, he picked up his and Syd’s cups and set them on the side table next to the nearly-empty bottle, which he capped. He pulled the covers down and then leaned over to scoop up Syd and move her so her head was on the pillow.

When he went to slip her feet under the covers he realized she still had on her shoes. It took him a minute to untie and remove them before he could finish getting her into bed. As he tucked the sheet under her chin, he leaned down and brushed his lips against her forehead.

Murdock’s right. She smells really good.

He grabbed the bottle and then turned the light off as he made his way to the door. Once outside, he turned toward the barracks, hoping to make it to his own bed without falling flat on his face.

mmmmm

Nearby, Murdock watched as Face stumbled away from Sydney’s hooch.

Through the screen door he had seen the two of them passed out on the bed when he was headed back to the barracks after dropping off Kate. He’d been tempted to wake them up, but hesitated to do so because they had both seemed so angry with him at dinner.

Then Face had awakened and Murdock hadn’t been able to walk away. He had watched as his best friend tucked the woman he loved into bed. He could feel rage mounting by the second. By the time Face was leaving Murdock was ready to flatten him.

They were both fully dressed.

Anger at the appearance of impropriety would make sense if the innocence of the reality weren’t so obvious. But what really perplexed him was that that wasn’t what was really making him mad anyway.

My best friend got my girlfriend drunk.

She’s not your girlfriend, asshole. She’s made that very clear. On multiple occasions. You need to get the reality through that thick skull of yours.

Face was sleeping in Sydney’s hooch.

Because they’d both had too much to drink. That was it. That was why they’d fallen asleep. In the same bed. Murdock ground his teeth.

Nothing happened.

Of that he was certain, so why the hell did he want to clock Face? Turning back toward the beach, Murdock decided that this situation was going to require some careful thought. Before he went back to the barracks. And definitely before he saw Face again.

_Before I’m tempted to tear his fucking head off._


	28. Good Morning and Goodbye

Thud-crack. Thud-crack. Thud-crack.

Sydney groaned and squeezed her eyes shut, wishing like hell she could do the same to her ears. The knock on her door sounded like the report of a gun in an echo chamber. Drinking with Face the night before had been a huge mistake. 

Thud-crack. “Wilson.”

Shit. Lewis. Swinging her feet to the floor and sitting up, she fumbled for the drawer in her side table. She pulled out the bottle of aspirin and downed three dry. 

Thud-crack. “Wilson!”

“I’m coming!” Holding her head, she added in a mutter, “Hold your fuckin’ horses.”

“I’m right here and I can hear you.” 

Lew’s voice was like fingernails on a chalkboard. Shoving feet into shoes, Syd was just as glad to find she was still fully dressed. She shuffled to the screen door and pulled it open. It was overcast but dry and Lewis paced outside her hooch like a caged lion. 

It didn’t look like Lew had shaved since leaving Nha Trang nearly a week before. When he stopped and looked at her, his disturbing eyes burned with an intensity that portended work requiring her full mental faculties. 

Which I surrendered to a bottle of whiskey and Face last night.

“You look like hell, Wilson.”

“Hadn’t slept in a couple days and drank too much last night,” Syd murmured as she stepped outside. 

“Aspirin, water, and coffee.” 

“Already took aspirin.”

“Mess tent.”

Syd had to swallow the bile that rose in her throat at the thought of food. Knowing Lew was right about the water and coffee didn’t change the fact that if she looked at food right now she was going to hurl.

Syd followed as Lew led the way.

“We’ll be doing prep work this morning and then you’ll have some down time until we leave.” Lew smirked. “That should give you a chance to recover.”

Thank God.

At the mess tent Syd didn’t even get in line, instead making a beeline for the coffee. She downed one while standing there and then refilled the cup before going to sit down with Lew who had piled his tray high with food. Thankfully the worst of her nausea had passed. As she sat, he picked up a large glass of water and set it in front of her.

“Drink all of it.”

She obediently picked it up and gulped down half the water. Lew was practically inhaling his food. She drained her coffee cup and went to refill it again. When she returned, she drank the rest of her water. She actually was starting to feel a bit better. 

Picking up his coffee, Lew looked at her over the cup. “What did you do while I was gone?”

“Nothing much. Robbins sent me the latest technical guidance on interrogation.”

“Sounds like approval. Good.” Lew set his cup down. “I heard you spent some time on the beach with Murdock and Peck.”

“Yeah. So?”

“I also heard you went to the movies with Murdock.”

Sydney ground her teeth and looked at Lewis narrowly. What the hell? 

“I didn’t go to the movies with him –”

“Don’t tell me you’re going to argue semantics with me.”

Crossing her arms, Syd glared at Lewis but managed to keep her voice level as she answered. 

“I am going to argue facts with you. The fact is that I went to the movies with Dave Jakowski. Murdock went with Kate Evans. It just so happens that Katie saved a seat for me.”

“You expect me to believe that Murdock went on a date with Kate Evans?”

“I don’t care what you believe,” Syd said. “But I would like to know who you’ve been getting your information from.”

“A good agent never reveals his sources.”

“Well, your source isn’t giving you a complete picture of what’s been going on while you were gone. Yes, I went to the beach with Murdock and Face. When they got back from the mission. As friends. That was when Murdock and I had a huge fight, and I didn’t even see him again until Friday evening. By then, he was taking Kate Evans out to dinner and a movie. So obviously whoever your source is, they are not very observant…” Considering the possibility that Cartwright had been the one Lew had set on her, she added sourly, “Or they have an agenda.”

“I think an agenda is likely. But I’m wondering whose agenda I should be worried about.”

“So you think I’m lying.”

“That isn’t what I said.”

“Well that’s what it sounds like.”

Lew’s emotionless mask was firmly in place, but the timbre of his voice was almost apologetic. Almost.

“I believe you, Sydney, and I trust that you’ll behave. I do not, however, trust Murdock.”

Lew picked up his fork and bent back over his plate. Syd sipped her coffee and stared at the top of his head wishing that she could see what was going on in there. She was pissed, but she knew nothing she said would change Lew’s mind about Murdock. Those two were determined to hate one another. The thing that really bothered her was that someone had been following her around and she hadn’t noticed. What had they seen her doing? 

Needing some assurance that her investigative activities had not been observed, Syd broke the silence. She kept her voice offhand and mildly annoyed in an effort to make the question seem harmless.

“So, did your informant tell you about any of my other activities?”

“My informant, as you call him, was actually following Murdock. Not you,” Lew said.

Tense shoulders slumping in relief, Syd managed to stifle her sigh. She was going to have to be much more careful. She emptied her coffee cup and went to fill it again. By the time she returned, Lew had cleaned his plate and was going to refill his own coffee.

When he came back, she decided to get down to business.

“So where are we headed?”

“North of Hanoi. Reynolds’ territory.”

“Where is Reynolds?”

“If he’s lucky, he’s dead.”

Sydney choked on her coffee. “What?”

“Murdock dropped Reynolds and me off near the border of Laos in the north.” 

“How far north? Hoang Lao Sene?” Syd’s brow furrowed. Given the mountainous terrain in that region there weren’t a whole lot of options.

“Other side of the border, further south.” 

“Oh.” That wasn’t exactly kosher, but Syd didn’t question it. 

“We were headed for Dien Bien Phu to find two assets that had provided conflicting intel. We knew one had been compromised and it was the perfect opportunity to find out which. Reynolds was certain it was not his. He was wrong and it’s probably cost him his life.”

The monotony of Lew’s controlled voice was entirely out of sync with what he was saying. Sydney swallowed as the import sunk in.

“How did you get away? And how the hell did you get back to Nha Trang so fast?”

“I called in markers to get back here as quickly as possible. As for getting away, I am not gullible like Reynolds. Learn the lesson, Wilson. Be careful who you trust.”

“I’m beginning to think I can’t trust anyone,” Syd muttered.

“You can trust me, Sydney,” Lew said firmly.

“But you don’t trust me.”

Lew actually sighed, which was very out of character for him. Obviously he was becoming frustrated with her. 

“I told you, I don’t trust Murdock. You and I, however, need to trust one another if this partnership is going to work.”

“You’re absolutely right.” 

Syd held Lew’s gaze. He could tell her what he believed her all he wanted, but his actions said something else entirely. Going into the field was risky enough without the uncertainty of a brand new partnership with someone that she felt certain didn’t completely trust her.

Taking a deep breath, Syd said, “I think if we’re going out into the field together that we need to make sure we’re both comfortable with this partnership.”

“We’ve done pretty well so far. The interrogation of Hội was a significant success.”

“It was one job. And it was not in the field.”

“True. But you managed to come back from your own foray north in one piece.”

“I think we should walk north of the DMZ together and get a feel for how we each work.”

“We need to get to Dien Bien Phu.”

“I realize this. But I’d like some level of comfort with my partner when we get there.”

“A training run?” Lew’s full mouth turned down in a thoughtful frown. “That’s not a bad idea. But it might be better to take the Trail. Drag along Cartwright.”

Syd grimaced. “I don’t have any assets along the Trail. I’d rather take the coast.”

“I’m not going to pass for native. It won’t be like traveling with your girlfriend.”

“Which means you’ll have to trust me.”

She locked eyes with Lew and waited. The only betrayal of his insecurity was the working of his jaw muscles.

“We’ll take the Trail with Cartwright.”

“Then I’ll meet you north,” Syd said, sitting back. “Because I definitely do not trust Cartwright and no way in hell am I traveling with him. I’d rather be on my own.”

“That’s not an option.”

Sydney crossed her arms. “I’m not traveling with Cartwright on the Trail.”

Jaw muscles working almost convulsively, Lew was blatantly losing his composure. Syd figured that was why his responding quiet and carefully-controlled voice was scarier than if he had screamed at her.

“If I tell you you’re traveling the Trail, little girl, you will travel the Trail.”

Taking a deep, calming breath, Sydney responded evenly, “Are you speaking as my boss or my partner?”

“Does it make a fucking difference?” 

That was spoken through clenched teeth. Lew was definitely losing it, and Syd recognized that she needed to pull it back, but she wasn’t willing to concede the point. She chose her next words carefully, and kept her voice calm and mollifying. 

“It makes a great deal of difference to me, Lew. Partners not only trust each other, but they are equals. If we can’t agree on that, then I might as well strike out on my own. I’ll be safer. And so will you.”

“Not. An. Option.”

Lew was regaining control, but he was still being stubborn. Sydney stood. She’d rather be sent home then go in the field with an untrusting partner that wasn’t willing to discuss a contentious point with her thoughtfully.

“Then I guess our partnership was short-lived.”

“Sit down.”

“Why?”

Several beats of silence followed, and Lew’s face was uncharacteristically expressive as he struggled with the choice she was forcing on him. Be her boss or be her partner. Recognizing that it was probably a difficult set of roles to balance, Sydney held her tongue and let him think about it.

Lew finally gave a curt nod. “Let’s discuss our options.”

“Does that mean you’re going to listen to what I have to say, or order me to follow you without question?”

“I’ll listen. But you need to do the same.”

“Deal.”

“Alright, let’s try this again. What’s your problem with my proposal?”

“I won’t travel with Cartwright.”

“Why not?”

“Because, I don’t like him. And he doesn’t like me.”

“Nobody likes Cartwright,” Lew said, lips curving up in a slight smile that appeared sincerely amused. “Tell me something, Sydney. Do you like me?”

Syd gave a one-shouldered shrug. “I haven’t decided yet.”

“Good answer,” Lew said with a snort. “Ok. We won’t travel with Cartwright. I still think the Trail is our best option for moving north of the DMZ. I have assets of my own there.”

Syd considered that for a moment. Did she trust Lewis enough to follow him? She decided she should give him that show of confidence.

“Ok. Sounds like we have the start of a plan for moving north.”

“And maybe even the start of a partnership,” Lew said with a slight smile.

Syd tilted her head. “Could be.”

Lew stood. “Let’s head to the office and lay out our route. Then I need to get another good meal and crash for a while.”

As she fell into step beside him, she cast a reproving look in his direction. “Maybe catch a shower, too?”

Lew smirked. “Just for you, Sydney.”

“Thank you.”

mmmmm

Murdock watched all of his teammates leave the barracks the next morning, save one. That was when he finally decided to enter. 

He had fallen asleep on the beach before he came close to understanding his anger at Face. The gray light of dawn had awakened him, the low-hanging clouds perfectly reflecting his mood. Though the fury of the previous night had cooled, it had not disappeared. Knowing he couldn’t avoid Face forever, he had come to the conclusion that he needed to talk to his friend and figure out what the hell was going on.

Striding to the end of Face’s bed, Murdock lifted the foot of it and allowed it to drop with a resounding bang. 

“What the fuck?” Face shot to a sitting position, holding his head in his hands. After a few seconds he squinted up at Murdock. “What?”

Murdock crossed his arms. “We need to talk.”

“Sweet Jesus, Murdock, can’t it wait until later?”

“No. Now.”

Groaning, Face threw the sheet off and stood up. “Fine. But if we’re gonna talk, I’m gonna need coffee. Syd about drank me under the table last night.”

Murdock drew back his fist and knocked his best friend on his ass with one punch. Maybe he was still angrier than he’d thought.

Face wiped his nose and looked at the blood, then glared up at him. “What the fuck was that for?”

And just like that, the anger was gone and Murdock felt empty. 

“I don’t know.” He dropped onto his bunk and hung his head. 

Murdock watched surreptitiously as Face pushed himself to his feet and snatched a handful of tissues to staunch the flow of blood. When Face sat down knee to knee with him, Murdock finally lifted his head.

“Dammit, Murdock, what do you mean you don’t know?”

Peering at him, Murdock asked, “What were you doing in Syd’s hooch last night?”

“Is that what this is about?” Face rolled his eyes. “She didn’t feel like going to the bar, so we went there to have a drink. That’s all. What the hell did you think?”

“I…” Murdock shook his head, closed his eyes. Wasn’t that what he had spent the night trying to figure out? “I knew you were just drinking.”

“I don’t get it. If you knew nothing happened then why the hell did you just punch me?”

“I don’t know!” 

Murdock leapt to his feet and started pacing. Confused and upset, he couldn’t seem to think clearly, especially where Sydney and Face were concerned. He needed to talk it out.

Running his hands back through his hair, still pacing, Murdock started going through it out loud. “I was walking back to the barracks last night and saw you and Syd out cold on her bed. It was easy to see that you’d both had too much to drink. Then you woke up and…”

The anger started building again and Murdock found he couldn’t even describe the scene out loud. It hurt too much. It should have been him in that room. Tucking Sydney into bed. Kissing her brow. He was the one that loved her, not Face.

He spun around and glared at his friend. “Why were you there, Face? Why you? Why not me?”

Standing slowly, Face heaved a sigh. “Damn. And here I thought Syd was the one that needed help getting past this.”

Murdock ground his teeth and stared at Face for several seconds before spinning around and jogging out of the barracks. He was afraid if he didn’t leave he’d do something rash – like hitting Face again.

And next time he didn’t think Face would get up.

rrrrr

“I hate to say I told you so, but, I told you so.”

Ray had turned in his desk chair, laying an arm across the back as he considered his young, handsome teammate, pacing in agitation down the center of the barracks. 

Face stopped and glared at him. “Fine. You told me so. And now I’m telling you. You need to talk to Murdock. Preferably before he hauls off and slugs me again.”

Face could be so fucking clueless about some things.

Ray smirked. “Yeah. ‘Cause you know that’s gonna happen.”

“So are you gonna talk to him?”

“What do you want me to say, Face?” 

“Not to hit me, for one.”

Ray snorted. Standing, he stretched and then gave Face a calm smile.

“If it makes you feel better, he’s not really hitting you. He’s lashing out at the situation. You just happen to be a convenient target.”

“That does not make me feel better, Ray.”

He shrugged. “I warned you not to insert yourself between Syd and Murdock.”

“The hell you did,” Face said. “I thought we were supposed to help them – both of them – to behave and abide by the off-limits rule.”

“By chaperoning them, not by trying to get them to see other people. I told you that was a bad idea,” Ray said matter-of-factly.

“Why was it such a bad idea?”

“It just was.”

“Ok. So it was a bad idea.” Face’s hands flopped down at his sides. “Now what do I do?”

“Get them back together but don’t get them back together.”

“That does not even make sense.”

“Love doesn’t often make much sense. It just is.”

“What?”

“They need to be together, Face. Even if it’s just as friends.”

“And how am I supposed to… do whatever it is you want me to do, oh great and powerful wizard of relationships? Preferably without getting myself landed in the infirmary because Murdock loses it.”

Ray pursed his lips and tapped a finger on his chin. “Hmm, I’m not sure.”

“Big fucking lot o’ help you are, Ray.”

Looking behind Face, Ray started in surprise. 

“Hello, Sydney. What brings you here?”

fffff

Face swung around as Sydney responded.

“I just stopped by to say goodbye. I’m going to be gone for a few weeks. I didn’t want you to worry.”

With a groan, Face said, “You’re really going in the field –”

“What the hell happened to you?” 

Sydney strode forward and put a hand under his chin, turning his head to provide her a better angle on the injury.

With Syd standing so close he was having trouble coming up with a plausible cause for the darkening bruise on his cheek. “I… fell.”

“Looks like somebody slugged you.” Taking a step back, Sydney crossed her arms and gave him a no-nonsense look. “Who did you piss off now, Face?”

“What’s this about you going in the field?” Ray asked. “With Lewis?”

“Nobody you know,” Face muttered as Syd turned to Ray.

“Yes, I’m going in the field with Lewis. We’ll be gone a few weeks.” Turning back to Face, Sydney said, “Bullshit.”

Ray touched Syd’s shoulder, returning her attention to him again. “Does Hannibal know you’re going?”

“I don’t know… probably not,” Syd said with a shrug. “Hannibal isn’t my boss anyway, Ray. Lewis is. Remember?”

Crossing his arms, Ray asked, “Where are you going?”

“Dien Bien Phu, where Reynolds was taken. We need to find out how much of the network is compromised, which is going to require feet-on-the-ground intelligence in the area.”

“Why you?” Ray asked.

“Because I can blend in like none of the other agents.”

Ray was shaking his head. “Sounds like a really bad idea, Syd.”

“Don’t be so melodramatic,” Sydney said. “It’s my job. Heading into the field was inevitable. Surely you didn’t think I’d spend my time just hanging around Nha Trang keeping you guys company.”

“There’s plenty you can do right here,” Ray insisted.

“Ray’s right, Syd,” Face stood shoulder to shoulder with his teammate. “It isn’t safe.”

“No place here is really safe, is it? You can both drop the overprotective act,” Syd spat. “And you, Face, stop trying to change the subject. Who gave you the black eye?”

“I did.”

Syd whirled to look at Murdock standing just inside the doorway. “You… why?”

Face could see his friend’s face clearly over the little woman’s head and gave him an encouraging smile when Murdock cast an apologetic grimace at him. 

Turning his attention to Syd, Murdock gave a sheepish shrug. “Because… he pissed me off?”

Syd sighed. “HM…”

Taking a tentative step toward her, Murdock’s voice became firm.

“Don’ matter, anyway. Face and Ray are right, sug-ah…” Murdock’s eyes closed briefly as he gave a shake of his head. “Uh, Syd, it’s not safe, especially not in the field with Lewis.”

“It is my job.”

“Fuck the job, Sydney.”

She closed the distance between them, crossing her arms and glaring at him. 

“We’ve been over this before, Murdock. I don’t need an overprotective flyboy, or his teammates –” Syd threw a narrow look over her shoulder at Ray and Face before looking back at Murdock, “watching over me like some helpless damsel in distress.”

“Speaking of bullshit,” Face muttered. 

Ray plucked at his sleeve and motioned him away. “Give ‘em some space,” he hissed. 

Face ignored him. As Ray turned and sat back down at his desk to pick up his pen, Syd seemed to be peering through Murdock. The pilot shifted under the scrutiny. 

“Why did you hit Face?” Syd asked tightly.

Despite Ray’s entreaty to give them space, Face felt strongly that he needed to support Murdock, especially seeing as how he was the cause of the uncomfortable question. He waved Ray’s disapproving look off as he hurried forward. 

He did, however, stop short of stepping in the middle of the couple. Ray’s earlier comment about getting between Syd and Murdock may have been figurative, but he decided there was no point in tempting fate. 

Inserting himself into the conversation, Face stated, “That’s between Murdock and me.”

The grateful look that Murdock flashed at him was worth the disagreeable little grimace from Sydney. 

Murdock nodded. “Right. That’s between me and my best friend.”

“As long as you’re still friends,” she said quietly.

“And we’re still your friends, Syd,” Face said. “Trust us when we say that this field trip is a bad idea.”

“Face, can I talk to you?” Ray’s voice was quiet, but compelling. Face pointedly ignored him. 

“This is not a choice, it is my job,” Syd said decisively, looking from Murdock to Face and back to Murdock. “I’ll see you guys when I get back.”

“When are you leaving?” Murdock asked, voice low and raspy.

“Lew said we’d leave this evening. In fact, I really need to try to get some shuteye myself.”

Syd made to move toward the door but Murdock grabbed her hand as she started to brush by him. 

“Don’ go, Syd,” he murmured, head bowed toward her, brown eyes pleading. 

Face took a reflexive step back, feeling vaguely voyeuristic. But even when Ray hissed, “Face!” trying to get him to move further away, he simply couldn’t. 

Sydney squeezed Murdock’s hand, her smile almost apologetic. “You know I have to go, HM. Please don’t make this difficult.”

“I know you gotta go. Don’ mean I have to like it.”

“I suppose not,” Syd said with a soft smile.

“I’ll miss ya, sugar.”

“I’ll miss you, too,” she murmured before her smile faltered and she stepped away, letting his hand slip out of hers. “Would you… tell Katie I said ‘bye.”

A noise between a snort and a grunt escaped Murdock, “Sure. I’ll tell ‘er.”

“I’ll see you when I get back.”

Moving purposely past Murdock, Syd turned at the door to look back at them. Her smile had returned and though it was sad, it was also definitely teasing.

“By the way, I’ll be expecting a homecoming shot on the beach.”

Face cast a concerned look at Murdock, but the pilot managed to smile slightly as he bobbed his head in agreement.

Giving a satisfied nod, Face turned a high-wattage grin on Sydney and said, “You got it.”

As the door closed on Syd’s retreating form, Face’s attention returned to his best friend. Murdock looked at him, eyes tight and apologetic.

“I really am sorry, Face.”

“I know you are. So am I.”

And that was the end of their argument. Murdock’s eyes shifted to stare at the closed door. 

“I’m worried about her, Face.”

Putting a comforting hand on his best friend’s shoulder, Face squeezed.

“I know. I am too. But she’ll be fine.” He spoke with more confidence than he felt, and continued analytically in an attempt to convince not only his friend, but himself. “Lew’s the best field operative in ‘Nam. If Syd’s gotta head into NVA territory, there’s really no one better that she could go with. He’ll keep her safe.”

Ray had left his desk again, and added his own encouragement. “Face is right, HM. Lewis may be a pain in the ass, but you know he’ll do everything possible to keep both himself and Sydney safe.”

“I hope you’re both right.”

Face watched as his friend dragged to his bed and flopped his lanky form across it to stare blankly at the ceiling. He shared a worried glance with Ray, wondering briefly how Murdock would react if something did happen to Sydney in the field. But only very briefly.

Because he quickly decided he didn’t really want to know.


	29. Reconciling with Reality

“Hey, HM. Face. Mind if I sit with you?” 

Katie stood at Murdock’s shoulder with her tray, waiting. Face couldn’t help thinking that she really was perfect for his best friend. Maybe, while Syd was gone, Murdock could even be convinced of the fact. 

Murdock slid over, but said nothing. He looked like death warmed over – bruise-like smudges underneath dull dark eyes framed by wild, ungroomed hair. If Face didn’t do something to get his friend out of this funk he was slipping into, Katie was likely to run away screaming in terror.

Taking the silently offered seat, Kate took one look at the pilot’s face and asked, “What’s wrong, HM?”

With a startled look, Murdock mumbled, “Syd’s gone.”

Kate’s gray eyes went wide. “What do you mean, Sydney’s gone?”

Looking pointedly away from Kate, Murdock bent over his dinner plate and began shoveling in food. Obviously he was in no shape to talk about Syd’s trip. At least it didn’t seem to be affecting his ability to eat. Face decided to answer for him.

“She and Lew headed into the field yesterday evening,” Face said.

Turning forward to peer at Face, Kate asked, “When you say ‘into the field’ what does that mean, exactly?”

“In this instance, they were headed north, along the Ho Chi Minh,” Face said. 

“Isn’t that considered front line? I thought it was against regulations for a woman to go on the front lines.” Kate’s voice was disapproving.

Murdock actually snorted and chimed in. “Syd’s not much for abiding by restrictions to her activities based solely on the fact that she’s a woman.”

“Technically speaking, that’s a military restriction,” Face said. “Syd isn’t military.”

“Even the Agency wanted to stick her behind a desk in Saigon,” Murdock countered and then muttered, “She’d have been safer there.”

Staring at his friend, Face responded, “But not nearly as interesting.”

Murdock’s jaw clenched. Then he seemed to consider the validity of the statement and nodded. “You’re right.”

“Do I know how that over-stuffed brain of yours works, or what?” Face asked smugly.

Kate still appeared perplexed. “If the Agency wanted to assign her to Saigon then why didn’t they?”

“They did,” Murdock said. “She reassigned herself.”

“She can do that?”

“Not really,” Face said. “Honestly, Syd’s lucky she isn’t cooling her heels behind bars somewhere.”

“Again, she’d be safer,” Murdock said.

Face pointed his fork at the pilot. “When she gets back, I’m tellin’ her you said that.”

“Don’t you dare,” Murdock said, eyes widening in mock apprehension even as his mouth quirked up in amusement.

It was good to see Murdock loosen up and actually smile. Face knew the next several weeks were going to be long and stressful – well, more stressful than usual. It was one thing to worry about your own safety and the safety of your unit or your crew. 

But worrying about a headstrong woman who seemed hellbent on putting herself in the thick of an ugly war was an entirely different can of worms. 

Yep. He’d be counting the days until Syd returned. 

And he knew Murdock would be too. 

One day down.

sssss

Syd crouched under the olive-green slicker against the tree, eyes wide open and alert, her service revolver cradled across her knees. The gray light of predawn was adding to the dreariness of the overcast and drizzly morning. The weather had been persistently wet ever since they had left Nha Trang. Syd had given up hope of ever being dry again. Nearby, Lew was stretched out covered by a similar poncho, dozing. 

A few minutes before, the soft rustle of movement had put Sydney on high alert. As she listened, it became apparent that someone or something was moving through the forest nearby. And it was now becoming obvious that the movement was headed their direction.

She put a hand down and touched Lew’s shoulder. His instant grip on her wrist was painfully tight but loosened almost immediately. A few seconds of silent communication was all it took for Lew to understand the situation. Moving carefully, he took up a position across the small clearing from Syd, only his eyes showing through the hood of his poncho.

The sound grew louder and louder until their visitor broke into the clearing, brushing Syd’s shoulder on the way. Syd stood, wrapping her arm around a neck, covering a mouth with her hand, and putting the barrel of her gun to a head. All of that occurred before she recognized the interloper.

Lew stood and threw his hood back, laughing as Syd released her grip and pushed the man away.

“You’re lucky I didn’t blow your fucking brains out, Cartwright,” Syd snapped. 

The need to control the adrenalin surge gone, Sydney nearly decked the man who turned and looked at her.

“Naw. You’re lucky I didn’t kill you with my bare hands, sweetheart.”

“As if you could,” Sydney muttered, turning back to crouch in her previous position. 

Her entire body was trembling with the rush of the encounter and she didn’t want either man to notice. She knew Cartwright in particular would take it as a sign of weakness. Not that Lew was much better. But by this time, two weeks into their agreed-upon training exercise, she and Lew were coming to understand one another. 

Just as she was aware that under Lew’s calm exterior he was as alert and tense as she was, he had come to learn just how hard she worked to conceal her reactions to the stress of the job. They had discovered enough commonalities and compatabilities to build on the kernel of a partnership that had sprouted while they were still planning their foray north. And though Lewis still frightened her on one level, Sydney had no doubt about his capabilities; or about his commitment to her as his partner.

“What are you doing here, Cartwright?” Lew asked.

“Happened to be in the area and figured you’d be somewhere around here by now. Actually, you’re about two days ahead of where I figured you’d be with her dragging you down. You’re actually making decent time.”

“We’re making good time, and you know it,” Lew said. “Did you relay my message to Murdock?”

“Yeah. That’s part of the reason I’m here. Murdock said to plan on a rendezvous at the usual pickup point west of Mu Gaia at midnight in two days. He plans to keep it in the clouds until you signal him – wants to minimize his time on the ground. Apparently that area’s been pretty hot since the mission so watch your step.”

“You could have radioed us the information.”

“You know I hate translating code. This was way easier.”

Lew smirked. “Easier, huh? You been in the field too long, Cartwright.”

It was apparent that the two men had worked together for some time. They were comfortable with one another and both seemed to have forgotten that she was even there. Since Lew was awake and alert, Syd took the opportunity to get some rest. She closed her eyes, but still listened unobtrusively. 

Lew asked, “When did they add that new road to the west?”

“Who knows? I was asked to perform physical confirmation on the northern targets of the last major initiative and noticed it. It’s only been a few weeks since I’ve been up this way. I swear they’re building as fast as we can bomb.”

“The 559th does move fast,” Lew said.

“At this rate we’re never going to interdict the Trail,” Cartwright said. “If CIA HQ would listen to me, we’d have the damn thing shut down inside of six months.”

Lew’s response was flat. “You mean if HQ would give you a team of operatives to monitor and report out? Do you not remember Typhoon?”

“Military,” Cartwright said, tone derogatory. “They don’t know how to do anything quietly.” 

“You know we aren’t going to get a whole team of field operatives assigned to the Trail. Hell, the only reason we haven’t been handed one-way tickets to Saigon is because Morrison protects our positions.”

“Then tell me something, how’d she end up assigned to recon?” 

Startled to be mentioned, Syd’s eyes flew open in time to see Cartwright hook a thumb in her direction. She managed to resist the urge to grab the appendage and snap it.

“Ask her.”

Cartwright stared at Lew for several seconds and then looked over his shoulder at Sydney.

“Who’d you screw to get yourself assigned to Nha Trang, huh, sweetheart?” His grin turned goading. “I mean, besides the pilot.”

“Fuck you,” Sydney snapped.

Raising an eyebrow, Cartwright turned to face her. Syd braced herself for what she knew would be an unpleasant conversation. Hell, she found everything about Cartwright unpleasant.

“You know, your boyfriend’s found a new lady. A pretty little nurse. Do you think she’s as good in the sack as you? I think I need a second opinion.” He tapped a skeletal finger on his chin. “So tell me, sweetheart, who should I ask?”

Finding herself looking to Lew for support, Syd consciously dragged her eyes back to Cartwright and responded through gritted teeth. 

“Go to hell.”

Cartwright glanced at Lewis, who appeared to be ignoring them, and then looked back to her. “So that’s how it is, huh? I thought so.”

“You don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about,” Sydney spat.

Smile smug, Cartwright made a show of turning toward Lewis. “Tell me, Lew, is our little Sydney a good lay? Think I could give ‘er a go and see for myself?”

And just like that, Cartwright was flat on his back. Syd jumped to her feet and stared at Lewis in surprise. His face was as unrevealing as always. Stepping to Cartwright’s side, Lew looked down at him.

“Smith was the one that lobbied for Wilson to be assigned to Nha Trang and I’m certain he never screwed her. Now drop the fucking subject.”

Syd looked at Lew and smirked. “No pun intended?”

Lew actually cracked a smile at her and winked while Cartwright shoved himself to his feet.

Rounding on Lewis, Cartwright was red-faced and seething. “Whose fucking side are you on, Lewis?”

“This isn’t about taking sides,” Lew answered flatly.

“The hell it isn’t,” Cartwright snapped. “Watch your step, Lewis. I’m watching.”

A dangerous light entered Lew’s eyes. “I always watch my step, especially around you, Cartwright. Last time I looked, I’m still in charge at Nha Trang.”

“And you’re going to put your life in her hands?” Cartwright sneered.

“At least I know her hidden agenda isn’t going to get me or anyone else on my team killed,” Lew said. “Can I say the same for you?”

The curl of Cartwright’s lip gave him even more of a feral look than usual. He stepped closer to Lewis, his voice low and threatening.

“You have fair warning, Lewis. You’re being watched. Don’t forget it.”

“I think it’s time for you to leave,” Lew responded blandly, eyes never waivering from Cartwright’s challenging glare.

Several silent seconds passed as the two men stared each other down. Cartwright was the one who finally broke eye contact.

“I’m outta here,” he said as he strode toward the edge of the clearing nearest Sydney. He purposely slammed Syd in the shoulder, stopping long enough to hiss at her. “Watch yourself, sweetheart. Nasty things happen to pretty little ladies out here. Really nasty things.”

And then he was gone. Sydney crossed her arms and looked at Lewis, who had resumed his prone position.

“Ignore him, Sydney. Cartwright won’t dare touch you as long as I’m around.”

“And when you aren’t around?”

Lew’s responding smile as he settled the poncho over himself managed to come across as disturbing and soothing at the same time, much as his following words did.

“I’m always around, Sydney. Even when you don’t see me. Cartwright knows this. Trust me, he won’t mess with you.” Lew’s eyes closed. “I’m going to catch some more shuteye and then I’ll let you do the same. Come dawn we’ll head toward our rendezvous. I think we’re ready for Dien Bien Phu.”

Syd stood stock-still in the clearing until she could no longer hear Cartwright’s retreat. Knowing she needed to unwind before she could rest again, she was just as glad that Lew had given her first watch. She would wake him in an hour. 

Hopefully by then she could relax enough to get some rest.

mmmmm

Murdock lounged with Face against the railing on the front deck of the nurses’ barracks, waiting for Kate and Maddy to join them. 

Tipping his head back, Face sighed. “Ah, a day on the beach. After the last week in the boonies I’m ready for a few days’ R&R.”

With an absent nod, Murdock hummed, “Mhm.” 

R&R was about the furthest thing from his mind since Cartwright had contacted him. In another day he would get to see for himself that Syd was alright. Of course, then he’d have to drop her off even farther north than where he picked her up. He grimaced.

“What the hell is that look for?” 

Face was staring at him. Shrugging, Murdock schooled his features into a more appropriate expression and muttered, “Nothing.” 

Since Syd had left, his friend had redoubled his efforts to get him to fall for Kate – much to Murdock’s dismay. And he had thought it was bad with Kate’s scheming. At least all of it acted as a steady distraction from the near-terror he felt whenever he thought about Sydney and what she was doing. He grimaced again.

“What the hell is going through your head?” Face asked. “You look like you’re constipated or something.” 

Murdock snorted. “Sorry, guess I’m just tired. What the heck’s taking the girls so long?”

“They’re women, Murdock,” Face said. “Just relax and be patient. Trust me, it’ll be worth the wait.”

“Well, it’s fuckin’ hot and I wanna get in the water and cool off.”

“I’m actually looking forward to heating things up,” Face said with a grin.

Giving his friend a disgusted look, Murdock asked, “Is sex all you ever think about?”

“Not all…”

Deciding to push Face’s buttons, Murdock smirked at his friend. “You know what they say, Faceman. Those who can, do. Those who can’t… talk about it incessantly.”

“Very funny, Murdock.” Face crossed his arms and glared at him, and then his expression turned goading. “Have you even done it with Kate, yet? You’ve been seeing her for a couple weeks now.”

“We’re just gettin’ to know each other,” Murdock muttered. “I’m not rushing things.”

Giving a shake of his head, Face pushed himself off the railing just as the door squeaked open. Mouth spreading up in a wide smile, Face caught Maddy around the waist as she came through the door. She was clad in a scanty bikini that left little to the imagination.

“There’s my beautiful girl!” Face said as he swung her around.

Maddy giggled and accepted a warm, open-mouthed kiss from Face, wrapping her arms around his neck. 

Meanwhile, Murdock smiled as Katie came out, dressed in a terrycloth coverup. He suspected that she wore a demure one-piece underneath – Kate was always prim and proper. She and Maddy were like night and day. 

Kate took his outstretched hand, and reached up on her tiptoes to plant a light kiss on his lips. He was slowly getting used to these little shows of affection. Kate was a truly sweet woman and he had become quite attached to her, in a brotherly-sisterly sort of way. 

When they were alone, she kept assuring him that the affection was just part of her overall plan to get Sydney and him back together. Though he had some misgivings about the whole thing, any hope was better than none.

Don’t think about Sydney. Don’t think about Sydney.

His and Kate’s joined hands swung between them as they followed Face and Maddy toward the beach. The silent litany had the exact opposite of the desired effect and Murdock found himself becoming anxious. Katie squeezed his hand and looked up at him.

“What’s wrong, HM?”

He focused on the woman strolling next to him and managed a tight smile. “Nothing’s wrong.”

Kate gave him a sympathetic little frown. 

“You are a horrible liar, mister.” She leaned closer, speaking quietly. “You’re thinking about her aren’t you?”

“Yeah,” Murdock said, keeping his voice low. “Had a call from Cartwright. We’re rendezvousing with them tomorrow. I can’t stop thinking about it… about seeing her.”

Kate sighed and shook her head. “You’re very predictable. I guess we’ll just have to find some good distractions for the day to keep you from slipping into another funk. It’s a little scary when you get all maudlin, you know.”

“You’re too good to me,” Murdock said with a sincere smile.

“I know I am,” Kate said, her smug little grin surprisingly cute. “Don’t worry, I’m sure I’ll find some way for you to return the favor.”

“Anything, darlin’. Absolutely anything.”

sssss

As the chopper landed, Syd turned to Lew who was still deep in conversation with his contact. The young Vietnamese man had met them partway through the day, traveling with them to the rendezvous point, several klicks into the wilderness off the Trail. 

“Cartwright said Murdock didn’t want to be on the ground long,” Syd reminded Lew.

“Go ahead. I won’t be far behind.”

Running to the chopper, Syd ducked when she entered the wash of the rotors. Kris flashed her a tight-lipped smile as he gave her a hand up into the hold. Once there, he handed her a set of headphones which she slipped on. 

Kris tapped his helmet near his ear. “Murdock wants to talk to you about the dropoff.”

Syd felt herself lighten just with the mention of Murdock’s name as she moved toward the front of the chopper. The pilot’s lanky form materialized between the seats, familiar brown eyes tight, gaze searching.

“How’re ya doin’, sugar?” 

His hand came to rest on her shoulder and it felt like all of the tension that had built over the last couple of weeks just melted away. She smiled at him.

“I’m fine, HM.” When his expression didn’t clear she added, “Really.”

“Syd…”

“Hey, Syd!” 

Just behind HM, Jak was craning his neck to look at her around the back of his seat, waving enthusiastically.

“Hi, Jak.”

“What did I tell you, Jakowski?” Murdock’s tone was sharp as he turned to glare at his co-pilot.

“Watch for incoming. I was watchin’… I am watching!”

“I didn’t mean in the fuckin’ hold,” Murdock said flatly.

Jak turned back toward the front, muttering, “I was watchin’…”

“Don’t be an ass, HM,” Syd admonished.

“I’s jus’ teasin’.” He looked down at her, a slight grin playing around his full mouth. “Jak’s gettin’ used to it. Aren’t ya, kid?”

“Don’t mean ya aren’t an ass,” Jak said.

Turning pointedly away from Jak, Murdock’s agitation was apparent as he bounced on the balls of his feet. His attention turned to Kris. 

“Where the hell is Lewis?”

“He’s coming now,” Kris said.

“Too much activity too close to be dickin’ around like this,” Murdock muttered as Lewis hopped in the hold and joined them a few seconds later. 

Murdock gave him a sour look. “Where the hell have you been? I told you I didn’t want to be on the ground long.”

“So what the fuck are you doing back here?”

“We got a problem with the dropoff.”

“What are you talking about? We’ve been using that plateau for over a year and never had any issues.”

“We scouted it yesterday and it was crawling with gooks.”

Lew was staring at Murdock. “What made you even scout it?”

Murdock’s eyes flickered to Syd briefly before he answered. “Considering that’s where I dropped you and Reynolds I figured it was prudent.”

“That’s not where we ran into trouble,” Lew responded, eyes narrowed and suspicious.

“It’s a good thing you did,” Syd said, hoping to head off a confrontation between the two men. “So what now?”

“We recon’d a couple more LZs, but there is one hell of a lot of VC movement up that way right now.” Murdock pulled out a map and pointed to two locations. “I’ll get you as close as I can, but neither one of these options is as close as the plateau. Best I can do.”

“Dammit,” Lew muttered, snatching the map out of Murdock’s hand.

“Get strapped in. I want to get in the air,” Murdock said. He cast one last worried look at Syd before moving back to his seat.

Syd strapped into one of the jump seats. When she looked up, Lew was watching her and then turned to talk to Kris. She heard a click in her ear and then just the muffled roar of the rotors as she watched Lew lean between the two pilots. Though she could see that they were talking, she had obviously been excluded from the conversation.

And that, in and of itself, worried her.

mmmmm

“Murdock!”

Irritated, Murdock snapped at Lewis. “I told you to get strapped down. We need to get the hell off the ground.”

Lew’s blatantly confrontational gaze set him on edge even more than he already was. 

“I just wanted to set your mind at ease, Captain. Your girlfriend is actually damn good in the field. In fact, we make an excellent team.”

Feeling his jaw clench automatically, Murdock knew he was allowing Lewis to push his buttons. But where Syd was concerned he didn’t have a good handle on his emotions yet. He had betrayed far too much of what he was feeling already, which was especially irksome considering how good the seasoned agent was at reading people.

At the same time all of this flashed through his mind he heard Jakowski mutter ‘shit.’ Casting a worried look at his peter pilot, he was surprised to find him glaring back.

Flummoxed, Murdock asked, “Did you see somethin’?”

Jak’s gaze flickered front, scanning the visible area, before responding. His mouth contorted in a smirk. “Oh, I see things a lot more clearly now.” 

Then it dawned on him. Lew just called Syd your girlfriend, idiot. Murdock had been very careful to keep the mess between him and Syd to himself around Jak. Well, that was blown all to hell at this point.

Thoroughly pissed off, Murdock jerked up on the stick, causing Lewis to lose his balance. Glancing back, Murdock snapped at the still-smirking man.

“Sit the fuck down and let me fly the bird.”

“Touchy,” Lew said. “Just remember, Murdock, I’m always watching.”

Murdock just looked at him and finally Lew moved back into the hold. There wasn’t even a glimmer of the usual lightheartedness he felt when lifting off. Lewis tended to have that effect on him.

“You alright, Murdock?”

Jakowski’s apparent concern surprised him, especially after what had just happened. Staring at the younger man, several responses came to mind but Murdock limited himself to the one that seemed the most innocuous.

“About as good as can be expected under the circumstances.”

Jak shook his head and muttered, “What an idiot.”

Murdock considered that for several seconds before deciding to ask the question. 

“You or me?”

Jak looked over at him, eyes narrow. 

“It’s a toss up.”


	30. Fallacy, Facts and Feelings

Jak stared out at the airfield as Murdock began post-flight. He was still trying to come to grips with what he had learned.

Murdock and Sydney are more than friends.

Unable to fathom how he could have been so blind to the obvious, he was equally bewildered by their motivation for the whole going-out-with-other-people charade. Over the last couple weeks he had come to think of Murdock as a mentor and maybe even a friend, so the revelation came as a bit of a shock. Jak turned and stared at him.

What the hell?

“What?” 

The irritation in the muttered one-syllable snip from Murdock was unmistakable. Jak met his gaze steadily. 

“How long have you and Syd been an item?”

Glancing away, Murdock’s responding voice was strained. 

“We aren’t… allowed.” Eyes snapping back to Jak’s face, he added, “Neither are you now.”

Jak’s jaw dropped open. “Son of a bitch. Is that why you recruited me to fly with you?”

Murdock shook his head, smirking. “Had nothin’… well, very little to do with it. Don’t take this the wrong way, but I recruited your crew because I wanted Kris.”

Considering the response and the responder, Jak decided he believed him. He gave a grudging nod. 

“Kris is a damn good crew chief.”

“He is.”

They worked in silence for a few minutes. After opening and closing his mouth several times without saying anything, Jak heaved a sigh. 

“Go ahead and ask, kid,” Murdock muttered.

“So ya still haven’t told me. What’s the deal with Syd?”

Closing his eyes, Murdock seemed to sink into the seat. 

“That’s a loaded question if there ever was one.” Lifting his head, he fixed Jak with a hollow gaze. “I don’t even know where to start.”

Jak cast about for an opening question that would get Murdock talking, finally offering, “How long have you known ‘er?”

“Almost six months,” Murdock said. Then his brow furrowed and he snorted. “Actually, technically speaking, I’ve only actually ‘known’ who she is for about half of that time.”

“You know, when we first met she mentioned that you were… ‘friends.’” Jak drew air quotes and the final word came out kind of snarky. He couldn’t help it.

Murdock chuckled. “Yeah, she would say that. Things have been kinda complicated between us from the get-go. It’s a long fucking story.”

Jak considered the gloomy but thoughtful look on his AC’s face. Yeah, Sydney Wilson could have that effect on a guy. Hadn’t he experienced it himself? He could definitely commiserate with the man, even if he was still kind of pissed off at him… well, actually he was pissed off by the situation more than by Murdock.

“We got some time while we go through post-flight,” Jak said.

Murdock blew out a breath. “Sure you wanna hear it?”

“I can’t wait.”

kkkkk

Standing outside of Dave Jakowski’s hooch, Kate considered her options. When HM had returned from the rendezvous with Sydney and Lewis she had known something was up. It hadn’t taken much to get him to tell her about Jak. 

Personally she was relieved. She had spent the last couple weeks encouraging him to come clean with his new peter pilot and he had steadfastly resisted. Now the admission had been forced on him. It was about time.

After learning the truth about HM and Syd, Kate had known her own relationship with the pilot was destined to be different from what she had fantasized. But even she had been surprised at how easy and natural it had been to stop thinking of HM as a potential lover and start interacting with him like a troubled little brother. Actually, he reminded her a lot of her own younger sibling.

It certainly didn’t hurt that the HM she had come to know wasn’t really anything like she had imagined from seeing him around base. Despite the pilot’s obvious professional confidence, she had learned that on a personal level he was vulnerable and unsure. Especially where women were concerned – and with regards to one woman in particular.

Which brought her to her current self-imposed task. It was early evening and she really needed to talk with Jak and get him on board. She decided to wait for a little while on the off chance that he was still at dinner and would return soon. She was hoping to keep their little meeting clandestine, and the challenge of doing so offered a little thrill for her – a pleasant task to counter the working reality she lived in the infirmary.

She didn’t have to wait long. Jak and Aaron came walking back together and she heard them make plans to meet later at the bar. As Aaron walked away, she stepped out of the shadows.

“Hey, Jak.”

“Katie. Um, hi.”

“We need to talk.”

jjjjj

Jak stared at Kate. The story Murdock had woven about his relationship with Syd made Jak more than a little hesitant about even talking to Kate. What the hell would he be letting himself in for?

“Please, Jak.”

No way in hell could he say no to such a plea, especially when delivered by a very pretty lady who seemed so sincere. With a resigned nod he shoved into his hooch and held the door for her. 

“C’mon in.”

Jak pulled out the chair and motioned Kate into it before dropping onto his bed. Leaning back he considered the prim and proper young woman sitting stiffly in front of him. She didn’t deserve this any more than he did. Did she know that Murdock was head over heels in love with another woman? That the other woman was someone Kate considered a friend?

“Before you say anything, I know,” she said.

Jak sat up, startled. “Did I ask that question out loud?”

Kate giggled. “No, but it was written all over your face. It’s ok, Jak. I know all about…” she whispered the next in a conspiratorial tone, “HM and Syd.”

“Really? And do ya feel as stupid as I do?”

“I did. But, well…” Kate lifted a shoulder, her little bow of a mouth curving up in a smile. “I like both of them.”

Jak raised his eyebrows at her. “You like ‘em?”

She giggled again. Damn but she’s cute when she giggles.

“I know it sounds silly. HM reminds me a lot of my younger brother – sweet and kind… and maybe a little goofy.” Jak could only stare as she took a deep breath and continued earnestly. “And HM is madly in love with Sydney.”

“You’re right, there.”

It was impossible to deny the truth in that statement. Though the pilot had a great poker face, when he had finally opened up about Syd, his feelings had been obvious. 

The self-satisfied little smile Kate flashed him was irritating – cute, but definitely irritating. 

“And while Syd can come across a tad cold I know she’s got a soft heart. I’m certain that her feelings for HM run just as deep as his for her – though she’s pretty good at hiding it…”

Jak snorted. “Amen. Syd ever got into playing poker, she could clean house.” With a shake of his head he pressed his lips together before continuing thoughtfully, “I think you’re right, though. Now I know ‘bout her and Murdock it explains an awful lot…”

“You and I are in the same exact boat, Jak,” Kate said. “Any way, I really do like them. And you like them too. Admit it.”

Rubbing a hand down his face, he heaved a sigh. “Actually, I think Murdock can be a royal pain in the a… ah, be-hind, but that probably has a lot to do with us workin’ together. As for Syd, well, she’s a mighty special lady…”

Jak let the sentence trail off. His hopes for a relationship with Syd had suffered a rather abrupt demise a few hours ago and he still hadn’t come to grips with it. How could he have been so stupid?

“You really like her, don’t you?”

Kate’s sympathetic gaze made Jak feel a little warm. He cleared his throat. 

“Yeah, I do… well, I did.” He grimaced. “But the truth is that she made it pretty clear from the beginning that she just wanted to be friends. I jus’ tend to be a bit thick-headed, I guess. Now that I know why, I feel like a real moron.”

An unladylike snort escaped Kate. “I said the same thing when I first figured it out. Like I said, we’re both in the same boat. Temp had even told me HM wasn’t really interested in a date. But then when HM was in front of me, asking, I was so thrilled that I let myself think he had changed his mind.”

“I’m really sorry, Katie,” Jak murmured.

Looking up at him, the clouds seemed to lift from her face as she said, “I was too, but I’m not any more. I believe all things happen for a reason. After all, if I hadn’t been so intent on going out with HM, I might never have met Syd… or you.”

She gave him a shy smile before her cheeks colored and she glanced away. 

Katie’s really kind… and sweet… and pretty. 

Leaning toward her, elbows on knees, Jak smiled warmly. “You got a dang good point, there, Katie-did.”

The pink of her face deepened, thick lashes fluttering over beautiful sea-gray eyes that rose to meet his gaze. Jak just stared at her.

Forget ‘pretty’ – this woman is drop-dead gorgeous. Murdock is a fool.

“Did HM tell you about Lewis?”

Startled, Jak straightened and tried to get his head back in the conversation.

“Uh, yeah. Only met him the once. Knew right away I didn’t like him.”

“I’ve never met him.”

“That’s pr’y for the best,” Jak said. “Sweetheart like you shouldn’t be ‘round an animal like that.”

“Neither should Syd, but from the sound of it she doesn’t have a lot of choice in the matter.” A worried little frown wrinkled Kate’s brow. 

“I s’pose you’re right,” Jak said absently, then asked, “So just to clarify… you and Murdock are not dating, right?”

Kate shook her head adamantly even as she shushed him. He laughed out loud. 

She pouted at him and crossed her arms. “That’s part of my plan. And it isn’t funny.” 

“You are one cute little lady,” Jak said with a shake of his head.

Kate smiled. “You really think so?”

“Definitely,” Jak said, smiling at her. “Now, tell me about this plan o’ yours, Katie-did.”

kkkkk

Jumping up, Kate paced as she talked, her enthusiasm for her plan impossible to disguise. When she finished she was disappointed to find that Jak’s face reflected a skepticism that was even more pronounced than that HM had expressed.

“Seems kinda… complicated,” Jak said. 

“Well, Lew is apparently pretty intent on keeping HM and Syd apart and given his occupation he’s going to be tricky to get around. And my father always said that complicated problems call for creative solutions.”

Jak chuckled, shaking his head. “Guess I can’t argue with that logic, Katie-did. I do, however, see a couple big problems with this plan o’ yours.”

“Such as?”

“Well, first off, part of the reason Murdock recruited me to fly with him was ‘cause it made Syd off limits to me, too.”

“HM and I already talked about that,” Kate said smugly. “And he said that technically you aren’t a member of the Team, you just join them on special assignment. Therefore, Sydney should not be off limits to you. Now, of course, that stance may require some argument with Lewis, but HM thought he could probably get Colonel Smith to intervene on that issue.”

“Alrighty then, let’s assume Lew accepts that argument. I still don’ think Syd will go for… any of it,” Jak said. “And without her cooperation your plan can’t work.”

Pouting, Kate asked, “Why wouldn’t Syd want to give it a try?”

“She tol’ me she wasn’t interested in anything more than friendship.”

“Even with HM?” Kate found that difficult to believe, but maybe she had misread Sydney’s body language around the pilot. 

“With anyone.” Jak shrugged. “At least that’s what she says.”

Kate shook her head. “Women are always saying one thing and meaning another.”

“Syd seems like a pretty straight shooter.”

Grunting in frustration, Kate had to agree with Jak’s assessment. She had watched Syd with Kyle and while she wasn’t cruel, she was definitely not one to pull any punches.

But Kate felt certain Sydney harbored feelings for HM. Though admittedly she had never spoken to Kate about it. 

“Well, I’ll just have to talk to her,” Kate said, determined.

Jak grinned at her and Kate felt herself get warm all over. He certainly is handsome… and sweet.

“If anyone can convince her, Katie-did, I have a feeling you can.”

Gratified, Kate flashed Jak a smile. “I believe I can.”

“Well, if you get Syd on board, I’m all for it.” Moving forward, Jak ran a hand up Kate’s arm, his smile warm and the timbre of his voice dropping. “’Specially if it means I get to spend some more time with you.”

Goose bumps sprouted under his touch and Kate shivered. Jak’s brow furrowed. 

“You cold, Katie-did?”

Kate could feel her cheeks warm as she looked up at Jak. Her heart was pounding in her chest and the desire to melt against him was nearly irresistible.

“I’m not cold.”


	31. Just When You Think Things Can’t Get Worse…

“It’s definitely him. They made sure we could still see the tattoo. That’s about the only skin they didn’t mutilate.” Lew shook his head.

They had spent two long, slow weeks traveling to the outskirts of Dien Bien Phu. It had taken another two weeks of dodging patrols in order to develop enough surveillance to know what they would be facing when they actually went into town. It was as Murdock had said – VC activity in the area had increased ten-fold from when Syd was up here earlier in the year. They could barely move without stepping in the path of another platoon of Viet Cong.

It was purely by chance that they had stumbled on their current location. Syd watched Lew move into the clearing and had to force herself to follow. Stumbling because she wasn’t watching her step, she realized her eyes were locked on the macabre site before her. It was like something out of a Hitchcock movie only in horrible, glaring Technicolor.

Lew crossed his arms and said, “I wonder how much he told them?”

Shock froze Syd in midstride as she turned to look at Lew. The extent of his emotional detachment was appalling with the torn and bloody body of Craig Reynolds hanging in front of them. The pain he had experienced had to have been excruciating given the evidence. An involuntary shiver seemed to jar her very soul. 

Lew turned his disturbingly-dispassionate gaze on her and seemed startled. His jaw tightened and he drew in a deep breath as he turned toward her.

“Don’t think of it as the man you knew, Sydney,” Lew said, his voice surprisingly quiet and gentle. “He’s long gone. This is nothing more than a piece of meat.”

Swallowing convulsively, Syd nodded in understanding. If she was going to survive this place with her psyche intact she was definitely going to have to learn Lew’s tricks of the trade. There was a good reason the man seemed to be immune to normal human emotion. 

“Now what?” she asked hoarsely.

“If you still feel up to it, I want you to go into town,” Lew said. “Touch base with your asset and find out what you can.”

Sydney’s gaze flickered to the body. “Why did they leave him here?”

“As a lesson or a warning… or both.” Lew shrugged as if unsure, but in Syd’s experience he was unsure about very little. “Don’t let it psych you out. Reynolds was a fool. You’ll be fine. I have faith in your abilities, Sydney. And I’ll be in the background, keeping an eye on you. You have my word.”

Sydney nodded, and they started making their way toward town. There was comfort in knowing Lewis had her back. Over the last few weeks she had developed a healthy respect for just how good Lew was at his job. He had saved both their skins on multiple occasions. His methods could be ruthless, but they were effective. Given the tactics of the enemy, ruthlessness seemed warranted.

“This is where we part ways, Sydney. Give me your pack. I don’t want you carrying anything that might give you away as American.”

Syd obediently handed it over and then straightened her native garb. “How do I look?”

She had just re-dyed her hair the day before but since she couldn’t attain the glossy black of the native women, she kept it tied up in a knot. That meant that the only thing that called attention to her were her blue eyes. Those she had chosen to camouflage by trimming her bangs so that they almost brushed her cheeks, casting her eyes in constant shadow. 

“Like a fucking VC bitch, Sydney. It’s amazing.” Lew glanced out toward the road that led into town. “Remember the emergency rendezvous. If you run into any trouble, get the fuck out and head there. I won’t be able to keep eyes on you all the time, but I’ll stay as close as possible. Ready?”

Nodding, Syd moved out onto the road without another word. The walk into Dien Bien Phu was long, the road at times winding through the jungle but at other times totally in the open. As she neared the town, the evidence of the trench warfare that had occurred over a decade before between the French and the Viet Minh became starkly visible. It served as a harsh reminder of a hard-fought but ill-fated attempt by the French to maintain their tenuous hold on Indochina. Sydney found herself wondering if the US faced a similar fate in their attempt to bring democracy to this war-torn landscape. 

Once in town, Syd made for the home of her contact, Quynh Thị Hà Định. Quynh was not at home, but her mother greeted Sydney like a long-lost daughter. She told her that Quynh was working for one of the VC officers in the camp just outside of town.

Quynh’s mother, Quynh Vu, entreated Sydney to remain and wait for her daughter’s return. The next few hours were far from boring as Sydney was regaled with tales of the elderly woman’s life in North Vietnam.

mmmmm

Murdock was at point, leading them toward the LZ coordinates that had been prearranged with Jakowski three days before. Given what they had found during this particular mission that Morrison had tasked them with, Murdock had decided that the intervention of a heavenly figure of some sort might just be necessary to get them back home. 

The weapons depot had been right where the intel had indicated, with a small contingent of VC guarding it. The Team had made it to the location a full three hours ahead of plan. Subduing the North Vietnamese had been simple. Then they had immediately begun setting it to blow as instructed. It was Face, nosing around where he wasn’t supposed to be, who had made the discovery that shocked all of them. 

The depot, holding a sizable number of guns, ammo and incendiary devices, contained almost-exclusively American-made inventory – not Chinese, not Russian, but all-American. 

And if that wasn’t bad enough, before they could finish blowing the place, three more VC units had approached from three different directions, hemming them in and cutting off their planned escape route. Their saving grace had been having the depot at their disposal. 

The distant sound of an approaching chopper reached Murdock’s ears, and he signaled an all-stop so he could listen without the distraction of his team’s movement behind him. The jungle around them was quiet – too quiet. By Murdock’s estimates, they were within a few thousand feet of the river and if he strained he could just barely hear the running water. But the lack of any animal noises in the surrounding bush set him on edge.

He crept back to talk with Hannibal.

“I hear chopper approaching, Colonel, but I’ve got a bad feeling…”  
“You aren’t alone, Captain. It’s too fuckin’ quiet. BA!”

Hannibal’s hissed order brought the large sergeant to his side in an instant. “Raise Jakowski. Tell him to abort. The LZ is hot.”

Turning back to Murdock, who had pulled out the map, Hannibal asked, “What’s our backup, Captain?”

“We’ve got a couple options, but I’m not sure any of them are clear,” Murdock said, indicating two nearby LZs on the map.

“This whole area is crawling with gooks, now…” Hannibal studied the map for several minutes, alternately muttering to himself and conferring with Murdock in a terse undertone. 

Finally the colonel jabbed a finger at the map. “Let’s vector in an air strike along this ridge and make tracks for this one. If we’re lucky, the VC will retreat the opposite way and our new rendezvous point will be in the clear.”

“Sounds like a plan, Colonel,” Murdock said.

“Make the call, BA. Set the clock and then let’s move out.”

sssss

Quynh returned as dusk was falling. Sydney met her on the path leading to the house, having gone out to fetch water for dinner preparations. The two women embraced and then headed to the house to finish cooking the meal.

Over their food, they shared stories of the events since their last meeting. Quynh was able to provide a great deal of insight regarding the current happenings around Dien Bien Phu, and promised to take Sydney to work with her the following day.

Sydney had spent nearly a week with this family before, and found herself relaxing in their company. Here, she was known as Thanh – a name Quynh Vu had given her upon their meeting. The elderly woman had a mischievous character, and the many meanings of the name Thanh – bright, delicate, thing of high value, elegant – appealed to her. She said the name fit Sydney, whom she called a daughter of her spirit.

That night, Sydney slept better than she had in many weeks, despite the pending foray into the VC camp the following day.

mmmmm

“That was too fuckin’ close!” 

Gravy shouted at the planes flying high overhead as they broke into a run to escape the napalm barrage falling to the east of their position. Hopefully, the VC were running in the opposite direction, toward Laos and the Ho Chi Minh, putting the fiery corridor between them and their enemy.

Murdock laughed, even as he ducked his head impulsively at the sound of another series of falling bombs. 

“They can’t hear ya, ya fuckin’ coonass. Quit hollerin’ at ‘em and run!”

Timing was tight, and when they arrived at the LZ, Jakowski was just setting down. A spurt of gunfire from the nearby jungle told them that not all of the VC had retreated east, as they had hoped. 

Aaron swung the howitzer around and laid down suppressing fire as the Team ran for the chopper. Murdock was surprised when the chopper lifted briefly, but quickly realized that Jak was just shifting position so that Aaron had a clearer shot at the VC patrol. 

The scene was a blur of bullets, fire and explosions. BA was the last to enter the hold and Jakowski didn’t even wait for his foot to leave the ground before lifting off. Murdock and Face each grabbed one of BA’s arms, hauling him bodily into the chopper as the ground receded below them.

As soon as Murdock was upright, Kris tossed a headset at him, his face reflecting a grim expression. “We got problems. Jak needs you up front.”

As soon as he stepped between the seats he could see the problem. Jak’s peter pilot was staring sightlessly at the instruments in front of him.

Casting a pained look at Murdock, Jak said, “I could use a hand.”

That was when Murdock realized that Jak had sustained injuries as well. 

“Face!” Murdock motioned his friend forward and together they got the peter pilot unstrapped and moved to the back. Murdock slipped into the co-pilot’s seat and took the controls. Jakowski slumped in relief, his eyes drifting shut.

Murdock reached out a hand and gripped the younger man’s shoulder. “Stay with me, Jakowski. That’s an order, soldier!”

Jak’s eyes snapped open and he flashed Murdock a bloody smile. “Aye, aye, Captain.”

“Face!”

“I got ‘im, Murdock. I think it looks worse than it is.”

Gravy and Face maneuvered Jak into the hold as gently as possible. As soon as the pilot was clear, Murdock shifted seats. Jak’s side of the control panel had sustained far less damage than the co-pilot’s. Hopefully the same was true of the man.

He felt Face’s hand on his shoulder. “What else can I do?”

“Pray, Faceman. Just pray.”

sssss

Sydney kept her head bowed and her hands busy upon arrival at the VC camp. Quynh managed to get them assigned to serve lunch to General Kyeh and his officers, and she was careful to keep attention focused on herself and off Sydney. Given that she was a lovely and unusually-buxom woman, this was not a difficult task for Quynh.

The meal was eaten mostly in silence, but during it they were fortunate to be witness to a junior officer’s urgent interruption. Sydney listened in shock as he informed Kyeh that an American had been spotted in the jungle just outside of town.

A series of rapid questions, and an admission by the junior officer that the American had eluded capture, infuriated the commander. After dressing down his subordinate, Kyeh sent him away to gather reinforcements and comb the surrounding countryside.

Sydney was ready to leave so she could find Lew and get the hell out of the area, but the next shift in the meal conversation transfixed her. She listened raptly, catching Quynh’s gaze periodically and noting that her own shock at the revelation was shared by her friend.

They cleared the dishes as the men dispersed. Sydney carried the dirtied cutlery and plates to the makeshift kitchen and set to work washing. Quynh was called away and entreated Sydney to wait until her return before leaving.

As she cleaned, Sydney mulled over what she had learned. The commander had theorized that the American interloper was the same man who had killed the other American swine they had discovered only days before. From the description of the location, Sydney felt certain they were talking about Reynolds. On reflection, it did seem strange for the VC to interrogate Reynolds in such an out-of-the-way location when there was a camp so close. 

But if the VC hadn’t killed him, who had?

She was deep in thought and did not notice the approach of one of the North Vietnamese officers that she had served earlier. He grabbed her around the waist and pulled her into a corner, holding her there with his body as his mouth claimed hers in a savage kiss. 

Caught entirely by surprise, Syd found herself pinned and unable to move enough to defend herself. The man was unusually bulky and strong, his large hands rough but surprisingly nimble. He parted Sydney’s skirt and ripped off her undergarments.

Using his legs, he forced hers apart and shoved several fingers into her. She cried out as he abandoned her mouth, nipping painfully at her neck as his fingers raked in and out of her roughly.

Somehow, during this onslaught he managed to get his own pants undone. Moving forward forcefully he plunged into her as he brought his hands up to rip her bodice open. He lowered his mouth to one breast as he grabbed the other, kneading it ruthlessly.

Physcially helpless, Sydney retreated into her mind searching for comfort. Thoughts of her mother brought pangs of guilt, but Murdock’s words of consolation about the events surrounding the end of her mother’s life soothed her. The resulting cascade of memories associated with Murdock was just what she needed to fully detach from the reality of what was happening.

When the man slumped in a heap at her feet, Syd was surprised back to the present. She looked up to find Quynh holding a castiron frying pan. Just like that it was over.

Dropping the pan to the floor, Quynh took Sydney’s shaking hand and pulled her out of the corner. Within a few minutes Syd’s clothing was reassembled well enough for her to travel. With a hasty embrace, Quynh urged her to run.

Sydney didn’t hesitate, but her legs felt like rubber as she headed back toward town. Along the way she veered off into the jungle, forcing herself to keep moving through sheer will power. With no way to locate Lewis, she stumbled along as quietly as possible, making for the emergency rendezvous as instructed and hoping Lew would find her.

It was not until early evening that she reached the meeting place. She hadn’t eaten all day and her entire body ached from the assault and subsequent forced march. Though she wanted nothing more than to enter the small cave and collapse, she knew she needed to approach carefully. 

Sydney surveilled the location in ever-tightening circuits, moving as quietly as possible. It was on her third pass near the cave opening that the figure loomed up out of nowhere.

A hand covered her mouth and pulled her into the bush. Intense fear caused her to struggle until Lew’s voice hissed in her ear. 

“It’s me, Sydney. Quiet.”

She sagged in relief. But when Lew went to lift her, she panicked again, pushing away from him. She backed toward the cave with Lewis watching her narrowly.

“I’m just trying to help, Sydney. You’re close to collapse.”

Still moving away, Sydney recognized her own fatigue, but refused to acknowledge the need for Lew’s assistance. She stumbled and caught herself on a tree branch.

Lew moved forward to catch her and she held out a hand to stop him as she righted herself. Straightening, she cast a warning look at her partner. 

“I’m alright. I just… I need to rest.”

Staring at her silently, Lew seemed to peer right through her. Finally, he motioned to the cave opening behind her.

“Go lie down and get some sleep. I’ll keep watch. The LZ isn’t far. We’ll be back in Nha Trang by morning.”

Nodding her head in understanding, Sydney carefully picked her way into the cave and dropped onto the poncho spread out there. As soon as she was horizontal her eyes drifted shut as if weighted by anchors.

The blissful emptiness of exhausted sleep overtook her quickly.


	32. Teetering on the Ledge

Lewis studied Sydney. She hadn’t strung more than two or three words together since they’d left Dien Bien Phu the day before. Knowing that wasn’t a good thing, he was at a total loss regarding what to do about it.

He found himself in uncharted territory with Sydney. He had never given a shit what happened to the people around him – even his colleagues. But with Sydney his attitude was different. It was important to him that she be alright. And at the moment, she obviously was not alright.

The chopper set down at Nha Trang. Syd uncurled from her fetal position in a corner of the hold and quickly exited. Startled, Lew ended up jogging to catch up to her.

“Sydney…”

“Am I off duty?” she snapped at him.

“Yes?”

“I’m going to get a hot shower and then sleep in a bed.”

She turned and stalked away. He was torn between letting her go and knowing she needed to talk about whatever it was that had happened. Based on the injuries he had seen, he had a pretty good idea, but Sydney had remained stubbornly silent.

Catching up to her again, he put a hand on her shoulder and forced her to turn and look at him. 

“You need to tell me what happened.”

She gave a dry bark of laughter. “I don’t think so, Lew. I’m fine. I have to be, don’t I?”

“Sydney,” Lew said, voice hard and stern, “you need to talk to someone. If not me, I can… call the therapist...”

“No fucking shrinks,” Syd muttered.

“Then a friend…”

Sydney shrugged his hand off and backed away, wide blue eyes narrowed to glittering slits. 

“I thought I wasn’t allowed to have those, Lew.”

“Sydney…”

“Just – leave – me – the fuck – alone!”

She turned and broke into a flat-out run. Lew watched her until she was out of sight, trying to decide what to do. Calling in the therapist probably wasn’t the best course of action. If HQ got wind of it they’d send her stateside so quick both their heads would spin. He absolutely could not have that.

The only people he could think of that she might be willing to talk to were that damn pilot and his friend, Peck. No way in hell was he going to enlist them.

Then he remembered Syd talking about the nurse she had befriended. The one Murdock was seeing now – Kate Evans. 

Now there was an idea.

sssss

Syd slammed into her hooch and stared at her bed where a half-dozen letters were scattered – all addressed to her from Lee Zemekis.

I can’t deal with that now.

She snatched together a set of clothes, a towel, and her toiletries bag and headed toward the shower.

I just need to wash that animal away… wash it all away.

There were a couple of other women in the showers. She ignored the stares and headed to the furthest stall. Turning the water on, she waited until it was scalding hot before stepping underneath. She picked up the soap and washcloth, scrubbing herself all over until her skin was red and raw. She then shampooed her hair before stepping under the stream of water again. 

Gripping the upper edges of the stall wall on either side of the shower nozzle, Syd bowed her head and watched the accumulated dirt and grime of the last two months swirl down the drain. 

Let it go. He can’t hurt you. He never could.

She repeated the mantra over and over. Meanwhile, the water washing over her body and sliding down the drain acted as a physical release. 

Let it go. He can’t hurt you. He never could. 

No one can hurt you unless you let them.

lllll

Lewis had checked at the infirmary first. Informed that Kate Evans was off duty, he was forced to go to the nurses’ barracks. He knocked and waited, feet planted shoulder width apart and hands clasped behind his back. 

The pasty, ash-blonde woman who came to the door peered at him suspiciously through the screen.

“Can I help you?”

“I’m looking for Captain Kate Evans.”

“Is she expecting you?”

“I doubt it.”

The woman’s eyebrows lifted. “I’ll see if she’s here.”

Waiting patiently was a skill that Lewis had perfected – in the field. He was, however, unaccustomed to being kept waiting by a woman. His irritation mounted with each passing minute, but he remained where he was. 

It was at least five minutes before Captain Evans appeared. Lew was forced to move back when she opened the door to step out onto the deck.

“You wanted to see me?”

“Yes,” Lew said. “I need your help.”

“You need my help?” 

Her entire demeanor screamed that she didn’t believe him and didn’t trust him. 

“Yes, I do. I’m Special Agent Jeremy Lewis. Sydney Wilson is my partner.”

Kate crossed her arms. 

“I know who you are.” Her face tightened. “Is Syd ok?”

Lewis pursed his lips. “I don’t believe she is. I was hoping that maybe she would talk to you since you’re her… friend.”

“What happened?”

Eyes flickering to the shadowed face of the other woman, who listened intently just inside the screen door, Lew took Kate’s arm, forcing her to follow him as he turned.

“I would prefer to discuss this in private.”

He saw Kate make a motion for their eavesdropper to stay as they made their way down the steps. Recognizing that an expression of gratitude was likely expected, Lew swallowed his irritation and offered one.

“I appreciate your help,” he said. 

“Tell me what happened.”

Kate’s voice was commanding and the tone grated on Lewis. But he shoved his irritation aside to focus on the issue at hand. He needed this whisp of a woman to help Sydney cope with what had happened in Dien Bien Phu. He couldn’t afford to alienate her.

“While we were up north I believe Sydney was… sexually assaulted.”

“Oh my God!” 

Kate’s hand flew to her mouth, her eyes wide and horrified. Lew felt his own body’s immediate reaction to her obvious distress and had to consciously curb it. Sexual assault was nothing new to him, but rarely had he worried about its effects beyond the pleasure he derived from it. Fear was part of the arousal for him.

“Where is Sydney now?”

He looked down at Kate and carefully regulated his breathing. Her mounting distress over Sydney was manifesting physically, and the olfactory and visual cues were difficult to ignore. Sydney was his priority right now, though. Someone had to talk her down or he would lose her and that could not be allowed.

Speaking impassively, he said, “She told me she was going to get a shower and then go to bed.”

“You left her alone?” 

Kate shook her head and hurried off toward Syd’s hooch. He wasn’t surprised when they found her quarters empty. They then made for the women’s showers in silence.

As Kate disappeared into the women’s bathing room, Lewis was left alone.

And patiently he waited.

kkkkk

There was only one shower running when Kate ducked into the bathroom. Though relieved to leave Lewis’s disturbing presence behind, Kate was extremely worried about Sydney. Having worked as a trauma nurse during her clinicals, she was aware of both the physical and psychological effects of rape on a victim.

At the rear of the room, she found Sydney standing naked under flowing water. Her head was bowed and she stared at the drain as if mesmerized. Her frighteningly-thin body was covered in angry, red welts, and the bruising on her neck and breasts seemed to confirm Lewis’s suspicions. 

Kate pushed the door open. “Sydney?”

The young woman didn’t look up or otherwise acknowledge Kate’s presence.

“Sydney? Honey? Talk to me, please.”

“Go away, Katie.”

Only her lips moved, her voice low and raw. 

“You don’t mean that…”

Raising her head, Syd flung a look at Kate that was full of rage. Kate took a reflexive step back.

“Go away! Is it so difficult for you to understand that I want to be left alone?” 

Taking a deep, bracing breath, Kate moved forward again. 

“You need to talk about what happened, Syd. I’m just trying to help.” 

Kate’s voice sounded small and frightened to her own ears. Sydney’s lips curled in a sneer.

“You can’t help, Kate. You have no fucking idea what I’ve been through. I hope you never do…”

Syd’s head bowed again and Kate’s heart went out to her. Reaching out, she touched Syd’s shoulder. 

Kate stumbled backward in surprise when Sydney screeched.

“Don’t touch me!”

By the time Kate had her feet back under her and peeked into the stall, Syd had backed into a corner, slid down the wall and lay huddled on the floor, knees held tight to her chest.

“No one can hurt you unless you let them,” she muttered over and over again.

Kate crept away, her heart hammering in her chest. Syd was right, she couldn’t help her. But she felt certain she knew who could. 

HM knew Syd better than anyone else on base, so Kate was sure he was the right person to pull the distraught young woman out of her current downward spiral. Unfortunately, Kate was equally sure that Lewis was unlikely to be enamored of that suggestion. Outside she steeled herself as she came face to face with him.

“I think we should go get HM.”

As she had expected, Lewis’s already disturbing countenance contorted in hatred so intense that Kate could practically feel it. 

“I’ll go talk to her,” Lew snapped.

Kate forced herself to meet the intimidating gaze. “She doesn’t want to chat with her boss in this situation. Trust me, HM is your best bet.”

That stopped him. He stood there in his uncertainty for several long seconds and then finally turned to face her. 

His jaw worked convulsively before he managed to grind out, “Fine. Go get him and bring him back here. Then we can discuss how he can help.”

Kate hurried away, blowing out a relieved sigh as she left Jeremy Lewis behind.

That man scared the living daylights out of her.

fffff

Face jolted out of a sound sleep when Kate burst into their barracks without even a knock. It was morning, but none of them had crawled into bed until a few hours before.

By the time Face was throwing back the sheet, Murdock had already launched himself out of bed to meet Katie just inside the door. 

“What’s wrong, Katie?” Murdock put his hands on her shoulders and looked into her face worriedly. “Is Jak ok?”

“Jak?” Kate’s eyebrows knitted. “Jak’s fine. He’s resting in post-op, remember?”

Face, along with Ray, BA and Gravy had all hurried to join Murdock, gathering around the petite nurse.

Murdock’s hands dropped to his sides. 

“Thank God,” he said in relief. “If ya hang on a coupla minutes I’ll get dressed and we can go visit him.”

Kate shook herself and grabbed Murdock’s arm as he turned. “No, HM, that will have to wait. You need to come with me now. It’s Sydney…”

Murdock blanched and for a moment Face thought that he was going to have to catch his friend.

“What’s happened to Syd?” Murdock rasped.

Kate began pulling him out the door, her urgency infectious. 

“Lewis is waiting for us at the bathroom, we need to hurry. I’ll explain on the way.” 

Face was startled a moment later when Ray gave him a shove toward the door. “Don’t lose them. I’m going to get Hannibal.”

“Good idea,” Face said as he hurried after his friend. 

He was glad to see BA and Gravy fall into step behind him. If Lewis was there, and Kate was asking Murdock to come, chances were that this was going to get ugly.

Anything involving Lewis, Murdock and Sydney was bound to get ugly.

rrrrr

Ray pounded on Hannibal’s door and then pushed it open. 

“Hannibal, we got a situation.”

Knowing that his CO likely hadn’t gotten to bed until at least a couple hours after the rest of them, he figured Hannibal was going to take some prodding to get up. He was surprised when Hannibal appeared, fully dressed and chewing on a cigar.

“What’s up?”

“I’m not sure, but it involves Sydney and Lewis. Kate came to get Murdock just a couple minutes ago. It can’t be good.”

Hannibal led the way out of his quarters. “Syd and Lewis are back, huh? This should be interesting.”

mmmmm

Murdock felt at a distinct disadvantage facing Lewis in his t-shirt and boxers, but his worry about Sydney trumped all else, especially after Kate’s hasty explanation of what she suspected had happened.

Coming to a stop outside the showers, Murdock looked at Lewis. “Is she still inside?”

Lew gave a stiff nod of his head. Murdock turned to walk into the building, but was stopped by a painful grip on his arm. 

“You can’t just walk in there…”

“How the hell else am I supposed to talk her down?” Murdock asked through gritted teeth. “Now get the fuck off me.”

Lew’s grip tightened. “First we discuss how this is going to happen.”

Through clenched teeth, Murdock responded, “There’s nothing to discuss.”

Unable to wrench his arm free, Murdock drew a fist back, all of his fury over the last few months lending fuel to his desire to knock the man senseless.

He was disappointed when BA intervened, catching his fist in one beefy hand and easily breaking Lew’s grip with the other.

BA motioned Murdock toward the door. Murdock didn’t hesitate, heading straight for the building. Behind him, BA stood like a bulwark in front of Lewis. 

“You go take care o’ li’l sis,” BA growled. “I’ll handle this foo’.”

Just before slamming through the door, Murdock heard Hannibal’s voice reinforce BA’s stance, “Stand down, Lewis, and give Murdock a chance to pull Sydney back from the ledge.”

Knowing his team had his back, Murdock didn’t give Lewis another thought. Inside the shower building there was only the soft sound of trickling water. He moved toward the back and peered over the wall, his heart constricting at what he saw.

Syd’s skeletal form was huddled, shivering in the corner of the stall. Her skin was deathly pale where it wasn’t angry red and her dyed-black hair was dull and dripping. Most disturbing were her eyes. Those empty, blue pools were awash in unnoticed tears that streaked down her face to mingle with the water from the shower.

He grabbed her towel off the nearby bench and then reached over the wall and turned off the water. Syd’s eyes flickered to life as she pushed herself further into the corner, looking up at him fearfully.

Pushing the stall door open, he murmured, “It’s ok, sugar. You’re safe. It’s me.”

“HM?”

Her death-grip on her knees loosened and her shoulders relaxed. 

He moved slowly into the stall, continuing to speak soothingly, “Yep, it’s HM. I jus’ wanna getcha dried off and warmed up some.”

Stooping down, he wrapped the towel around her frail form, gathering her to him gently. He was shocked by how light she was as he lifted her from the floor and carried her out of the shower.

She stared up at him, tears still streaming down her face. “HM?”

“S’ok, sugar. I gotcha.”

Her arms snaked around his neck and she buried her face in his shoulder as heart-wrenching sobs shook her entire body.

Pressing his lips against her forehead, he sat down and held her tightly. 

“Sh, it’ll be ok. I promise.”

He lost track of time as he tried to calm her. He hadn’t seen Sydney lose control like this and it frightened him. As the meltdown waned, she pulled away and he found himself looking into those familiar eyes, tight with what he thought he recognized as shame.

“I’m so sorry,” she whispered, as another soft hiccup of a sob escaped her.

“Ain’t nothin’ to be sorry ‘bout, sugar,” he said tenderly, cupping her cheek in his hand. 

She winced, jerking away and that’s when he noticed the bruised skin he had inadvertently touched. Every muscle in his body tensed, teeth grinding painfully at the harsh reminder of what had happened to Sydney. His rage was threatening to overwhelm him and it took intense concentration to hold it in check.

Blinking, Syd glanced around, as if just realizing where she was. 

“How did you know?”

Having regained some control over his anger, Murdock managed to respond softly.

“Katie came to get me.”

“How did she know?”

Sydney uncurled from his lap, her feet landing with a wet slap on the floor. 

“Lewis was worried about you. He went to Kate. Kate came to me.”

Lifting a hand to steady her as she stood, Murdock recognized the guardedness returning to Syd’s face. She pulled the towel around herself and turned to look at him. Embarrassment, shame, and something akin to fear twisted her broad features into a grimace. 

“And let me guess, the whole Team came along. Are they all waiting outside?”

Murdock sighed. “Prob’ly. C’mon, Syd, they was all jus’ worried ‘bout ya.”

Turning away, she lifted a hand to swipe at her face. It was a full minute before she spoke again, her voice tight with barely-controlled emotion.

“Would you do me a favor?”

“Anything.”

“Tell them all… I’m ok. I’ll be ok. Really. I… I just can’t face them right now.”

“Alright.” Murdock stood. “But I’m not going anywhere. I’ll wait for you outside and walk you back to your quarters.”

She nodded, but didn’t look at him. He turned and walked out of the building. As he had suspected, his team was still there, standing vigil. Behind them, arms crossed and face set in a stubborn frown, Kate stood in front of a gathering group of women who appeared ready to use the showers. Lewis stood apart from all of them, expression stony.

Murdock stopped in front of Hannibal, pointedly ignoring the death-glare Lewis directed his way. 

“Hannibal, Syd’s ok, but she said she can’t face everyone right now.”

“Understood.” Hannibal turned. “Alright, folks, the show is over. Everyone back to quarters. Ladies, the showers should be available in about half an hour.”

Turning to Lewis, Hannibal added, “That includes you, SA Lewis. Sydney wants some privacy and we’re going to give it to her. All of us.”

“Including him?” Lewis looked pointedly at Murdock.

“That is entirely up to Sydney,” Hannibal said.

Lew growled deep in his chest, casting a dark look at Murdock. “Nothing has changed. She’s still off limits. I want that clearly understood.”

That was the final straw. Murdock launched at Lewis, but Hannibal stopped him from reaching the man with a hand gripping his shoulder and a forearm hard across his chest.

“What the fuck is wrong with you, Lewis? Just because you’d be inclined to take advantage of a woman who’s been through what Syd has doesn’t mean I would, you sick motherfucker!”

“Alright, Captain, that’s enough.” 

Hannibal’s voice was low, but firm and served to cool Murdock’s fury. 

Lew’s lips pursed tightly, his eyes glittering with malice. “I’m just giving you fair warning, Murdock. Nothing has changed.”

Turning on his heel, Lew strode away. Hannibal stepped back and leveled Murdock with a piercing look. 

“Remember who you’re here for, Captain.” 

Murdock ground his teeth but nodded. “Yes, sir.”

“Good. We’re going to disappear so you can get Sydney back to her quarters.”

“She’s exhausted, Colonel. Honestly, I think she’ll pass out as soon as I get her into bed.”

“She needs the sleep. As soon as you get her squared away, I want you to come see me.”

“Yes, sir.”

Hannibal reached out and squeezed his shoulder, the gentle touch surprising and comforting.

“She’ll be fine, son.”

As Hannibal walked away, Katie approached. She gripped Murdock’s hand. “Is there anything I can do to help?”

“You bet,” Murdock said, smiling softly at the nurse. “Go check on Jak for me. I’m gonna be too tied up to do it for a while.”

Kate’s cheeks colored and Murdock’s grin widened. She and Jak were having a tough time hiding their feelings for one another. At this point, the charade was probably blown with Lewis anyway. Still, Kate reached up and planted a warm kiss on his lips.

“Thank you,” she murmured. 

“Take good care of ‘im, sweetheart,” Murdock said softly.

Kate smiled and winked at him.

“And you take good care of Syd.”


	33. Solace for the Soul

Murdock was left standing outside of the showers alone. Walking to the door, he stuck his head in and called cautiously.

“Syd, sugar, are you about done in there? We’re gonna be overrun by a bevy of women seeking showers in about fifteen minutes.”

“I’m coming,” she said. 

Her voice sounded almost normal and Murdock allowed himself to relax a bit. Hopefully the worst was over.

Letting the door shut, he leaned against the wall. He didn’t have to wait long. Syd walked out, dressed in a pair of shorts and a tank top, her towel wrapped around her wet head like a turban. She still looked a little gray and the bruising and welts stood out in stark relief, but at least her eyes had regained some of their spark. 

Taking her bag and dirty clothes, Murdock wrapped an arm around her. He was surprised when she didn’t resist, but instead curled into him. He kissed the top of her head.

“C’mon, sugar, let’s get you into a soft bed.”

Five minutes later he ushered Syd into her hooch and quickly closed the door. Curious glances were one thing, but the stares they had received on the short walk had been nothing short of rude. 

He rubbed a hand down his face then watched as Syd tugged the towel off her head. Her hair fell in a tangled mass down to the center of her back and Murdock had to concentrate to keep from grimacing. The black was fading so that it was an odd charcoal gray, dull and lifeless. It had grown quite long during her absence, which he liked, but he missed the glossy, honey-gold of her natural color.

Standing in front of the mirror, Syd turned her head slightly and used her fingers to trace the dark bruise on her neck down to the scooped neck of her tank top. She pulled the shirt aside to reveal more bruising on the swell of her breast. 

Her jaw tightened and she turned away from the image to stare at him. He felt pinned in place under the scrutiny as she studied him for several silent seconds. Then she walked purposely up to him and wrapped her arms around his neck. Pulling him down to her, Sydney gave him a very warm and inviting kiss. Murdock was caught entirely by surprise.

Without conscious thought, he responded in kind, wrapping her in his arms and pulling her close. He had been waiting for this moment for   
what felt like an eternity. Everything about Syd felt right, and familiar, and exciting.

But then his brain kicked in. Syd was vulnerable and hurting and she obviously wasn’t thinking clearly. Hadn’t he told Lewis he wouldn’t take advantage of her current state of mind? Sydney was too important to him to allow his libido to override his common sense in this situation. 

Though it took herculean effort, Murdock pulled back from the kiss, back from Sydney, and put firm hands on her shoulders to hold her at arm’s length.

“Whoa, sugar…”

Startled blue eyes met his gaze and they stared at one another for several seconds. 

Then Syd’s lips parted and her shoulders slumped as she murmured, “Katie…”

“Katie?” Murdock uttered in confusion.

Now looking totally stricken, Syd whirled away from him and hurried to her bed. Gathering up the mail scattered across it, she tossed the pile on her desk and then threw back the sheet. She crawled in and curled up with her back to him. 

He sighed and moved to her side, placing a gentle hand on her shoulder and kneading the taut muscles. He felt some of the tension dissipate, but not all.

“Syd, sugar, this has nothin’ to do with Katie. C’mon, talk to me.”

Shrugging off his hand, she rolled to face him. 

“I’m sorry, HM.”

He shook his head. “You don’ need to be sorry, sugar. It just worries me because this isn’t like you. Lately, you’ve kept yourself plenty busy pushin’ me away…”

“I’m sorry,” she murmured again.

“Stop it. I mean it, Sydney. This is not your fault.” 

He cupped her chin in his hand, careful to avoid the bruised areas, and forced her to look at him. The pain evident in her face tore at him. 

“Ah, sugar,” he murmured, running his thumb lightly down her cheek, “I wish I could snap my fingers and make it all better.”

Her eyes closed briefly and then opened. He sighed and smoothed back her hair.

“I should go and let you get some sleep.”

Grabbing his hand as he straightened, Syd implored, “No! Please, just… sit and talk to me for a while.”

Murdock squeezed her hand. “You look exhausted, Syd. Ya really need to get some sleep.”

“I need… to unwind some first. Please, HM.”

How could he say no to that?

sssss

When HM went to the desk to grab the chair, Syd gave a sigh of relief. She had been very afraid that he was going to leave her alone and she really didn’t want to be alone right now. 

He paused, looking down at the desk with a grimace. But a few seconds later he was pulling the chair close to her bedside and taking a seat. Syd smiled softly at him. His warm, gentle presence was just what she needed to set her mind at ease. A yawn tugged at her but she resisted the outward expression of her bone-deep weariness.

“So whaddaya wanna talk about, sugar?”

Closing her eyes briefly, she let that slow, Texas drawl of his wash over her. She especially loved it when he called her ‘sugar.’ 

So why do you keep telling him to stop? 

She felt her brow furrow, as her internal censor snapped, Lewis, that’s why. And Kate. Remember Kate – your friend? 

She shook herself and opened her eyes, concentrating on HM so she didn’t totally lose it… again.

“What have you been doing while I’ve been gone?” she asked, hoping discussion of something mundane would calm the chaos raging in her heart.

“The usual… nothin’ special.” He studied her for a few seconds before adding, “Worryin’ ‘bout you.”

Syd was warmed from head to toe by the sentiment but immediately felt guilty. What about Katie? 

“Have… you and Kate been spending a lot of time together?” she finally asked.

He shrugged. “Fair amount… along with Jak.” 

HM’s face tightened briefly. Though she wondered about it, she was having trouble focusing her sleep-starved brain, which became distracted by the mention of Jakowski. 

Stifling a yawn, Syd asked, “So how is Jak’s crew working out?”

“Fine.” He bit the word off and sat forward. “You know, Face managed to acquire a fifth of really good whiskey for your homecoming. Maybe after you’re rested up some we can spend a day at the beach… maybe e’en a whole week.”

The sound of HM’s voice was soothing, lulling her into the twilight before sleep as thoughts of a week on the beach with him swirled through her head.

Syd smiled, eyes drooping. “Better have more than a fifth if we’re gonna spend a whole week.”

His grin tugged at her heart. 

“Ya got a point there, sugar.”

“A week relaxing on the beach sounds wonderful.”

“Sure does… maybe we could even wrangle a couple o’ passes to Hawaii and take a real leave. Jus’ you and me – we could leave ev’ryone and ev’rythin’ behind…”

Syd’s eyes popped open as something he had said pulled her out of a similar fantasy playing in her head, and back to her… to their current reality. Pressing her lips together, she considered him for a moment. He had the chair leaned back against the wall, his eyes closed and a dreamy little smile on his handsome face. Having watched him kiss Kate outside the shower, she was left wondering if that wasn’t who he was thinking about.

“I suppose we’d need at least three passes so Kate could come.”

Letting the chair drop to all four legs, HM shook his head and chuckled as he looked down at her. 

“Best make it four… maybe five. I know Jak’ll wanna tag along and somethin’ tells me Lewis wouldn’t let us that far out of his sight.”

The creak of the door opening heralded Face’s appearance.

“Hey, I thought you were supposed to be going to sleep, Syd.”

Flashing Face a tight smile, Sydney chose not to respond. Blissful, self-delusional sleep had been chased away by the stark reminders of the reality that had been lying in wait for her here at Nha Trang. The concentration needed for survival in the field had allowed her to bury her conflicted feelings about HM. But now, when she most wanted to allow herself to give in to the warmth and safety that he respresented, she was remembering why she had been so anxious to retreat into the field in the first place.

She found herself in an uncomfortable position. She needed HM, and maybe even Face. She needed them to conquer the personal demons that were threatening her sanity at the moment. She knew she didn’t have the strength to face them alone. Yet she was reluctant to admit to either of them that she was afraid to close her eyes… scared to go to sleep. 

Terrified of what awaited her in her nightmares.

fffff

Despite the smile, Face recognized the fear reflected in Syd’s face. He stepped into the dim room, leaving the door open. It was stuffy and hot in there.

Murdock stood and faced him, his concern apparent, though his tone was light. “Hey, Face. Syd wanted some company until she fell asleep.”

Stepping to Face’s side, Murdock pushed the door closed and leaned in to whisper, “She doesn’t wanna be alone.”

Face watched as his friend moved back to sit in the chair, scooting closer to the bed, resting an arm across the top of Syd’s pillow and gently rubbing her back. Syd was curled into a ball near the head of the bed leaving the foot free so he took a seat there. 

The only things he could think to say seemed stupid. How are you doing? What’s up? Are you ok? Stupid. Then he grinned.

“Hey, Syd, did Murdock tell you I gotcha a bottle of whiskey for your homecoming?”

Rewarded with a sincere smile, Face relaxed onto an elbow as Syd said, “He told me. It sounds really good.”

“I can go get it now, if you want.”

“No,” Syd said. “I’d rather wait until we can enjoy it on the beach… under the stars.”

“That sounds like heaven. Just the three of us kickin’ back and drinking the night away to the sound of the waves.” Face sighed and caught Syd’s eye. “We need to do that real soon.”

Murdock broke in. “I tol’ Syd that maybe we could get some passes to Hawaii… whadaya say, Faceman, think ya could do it?”

Face sat up, pursing his lips in thought. He had a few favors he could call in. But maybe he wouldn’t need to…

“Passes to Hawaii, huh? Probably doable. Are ya serious?”

“Hell yeah!” Murdock said.

Cocking an eyebrow at his friend, Face said, “I think we could even convince Morrison to make it official. After that cluster of a mission he just sent us on, the whole Team’s due some real R&R anyway. Maybe Jak’ll even be up and about in time for it if I get it timed right.”

Syd leaned up on an elbow, expression concerned. “Why isn’t Jak up and about now?”

Face glanced helplessly at his friend, who grimaced. Way to stick your foot in it, moron.

“Uh, didn’t Murdock tell you?”

Syd looked at Murdock, then back at Face. “Obviously not, but one of you had better spill.”

“Uh –” 

“Jak was injured during our last extraction,” Murdock said flatly. 

Face nodded, rushing to add, “But he’s alright. Came through surgery without any problems. The doc said the damage was mostly superficial.”

“Was anyone else hurt?” Syd asked.

Murdock’s jaw clenched and he nodded. Face sighed. He knew his friend felt responsible, but personally he blamed Morrison.

“Jak’s peter pilot was killed,” Face said and then reached out and nudged Murdock’s knee. “And it isn’t your fault, so stop lookin’ like that.”

“Paul’s dead?” Syd’s face fell.

“We knew that area was hot,” Murdock murmured. “We should have hoofed it to a safer LZ.”

“We might not have made it to a safer LZ. Besides, it was Hannibal’s call to use that one, not yours. And Morrison is the one that put us in that position in the first place. Shit happens, Murdock. Just let it go.”

Murdock lapsed into silence, but his expression hadn’t changed – that self-loathing, hangdog look made Face want to smack him. His best friend had a bad habit of letting responsibility for the entire world weigh on his shoulders. Since he had known him, Face had tried all different tactics to deal with it, but there was only one he’d found that worked – derision.

He sneered at Murdock. “Drop the martyr act and move on, already. You can’t control everything that happens.”

Syd snorted. Both Face and Murdock snapped around to look at her in surprise. 

Murdock’s eyebrows lifted. “It is good advice, sugar. Maybe you and I both need to take it.”

Entire face pinching closed, Syd pushed herself to a sitting position. 

“It’s entirely different, HM. I promised myself I’d never let something like this happen again.” She pounded her open hands on her chest. “This is mine, and I should control who does or does not touch it!”

Face shot to his feet and stared at Sydney. Again? Did she say ‘again?’ Glancing at Murdock, he could tell that his friend had picked up on that little revelation too. Shit. Had Sydney been raped before?

Swinging her feet to the floor so that her back was to them, Sydney lapsed into silence. But her rigid posture was telling.

Standing, Murdock motioned Face out of the hooch. Face’s protest died in his throat when he caught a glimpse of Sydney’s profile and saw the silent tears streaking down her face. He hated dealing with a bawling woman. Though he would have made an exception in Syd’s case if need be, he wasn’t about to volunteer for the duty.

He’d let Murdock take care of her.

mmmmm

Sydney stood as Face left, walking over to the mirror and glaring at herself. Murdock recognized the silent self-reprimand in the look even as she wiped furiously at her cheeks, scrubbing away the tears.

Stepping behind her, Murdock gazed over her head at her reflection. Confusion, anger, shame… he could almost feel the tangled up emotions pulsing through her slim frame, threatening to tear her apart from the inside out. 

He put his hands on her shoulders and spoke gently, “Do you wanna talk about it?”

She took a deep breath and blew it out, her eyes lifting to meet his in the mirror. “Do I have a choice?”

“Always.”

He felt the indecision through her shoulders as they tensed for several seconds before relaxing. He let his hands drop to his sides as she turned toward him. But she didn’t lift her head and didn’t meet his eyes. He stood very still, afraid that any move might divert her.

“You remember when BA asked me about Fuller Park…”

She seemed to be waiting for a response, so he murmured, “I remember.” 

How could he forget the abject terror in Syd’s face that night at the bar? He’d been ready to clobber the big guy to get him to stop pushing the subject. He weighed the wisdom of pushing it himself, especially when the silence lengthened. 

“Syd, you don’t have to –”

“I was twelve. Twelve years old, living in a cesspool with no electricity and only cold running water. My mother was… in a bad place and I was struggling to keep her with me and still hold onto myself. That was when it happened.”

“What happened?” The question came out as barely a whisper.

She answered in a rush. “I was walking home from school when these boys that hung out in an alleyway along my route decided to have some fun with me. Their words, not mine. There were five of them.”

Syd turned and paced away from him. Murdock closed his eyes, an involuntary shudder shaking him to his core as she continued. 

“My mother found me. I’m still amazed she had the presence of mind to come looking. She took me straight to the emergency room. The nurse that came first was really nice. She’s the one that called the police. The attending doctor, on the other hand, I didn’t like. Didn’t like the cop who showed up either.” 

Syd gave an unamused snort as she turned back to pace toward him. But still she kept her eyes averted, refusing to meet his gaze. 

“They both seemed to think that the attack was at least partially my own fault – wearing skin tight jeans and a t-shirt that was two sizes too small. Obviously I was trying to be alluring – my attire had nothing to do with the fact that we hadn’t been able to afford food for months, let alone new clothes.”

Finally she looked up at him. 

“In a way I suppose I should be grateful. The whole thing seemed to shake my mother out of her funk. She moved us the next day, transferred me into a different school. She even found herself a regular job. For my part, I coped the only way I knew how. I learned everything I could about martial arts. And swore to God that no one would ever do that to me again.”

Defiance radiated from her like an invisible energy field, and her eyes shone with a heated challenge – as if her resolve should be enough to protect her against anything and everything. It was therein that Murdock recognized the problem.

Deciding that the only way to help was to be forthright with her, he took a deep, bracing breath. If nothing else, she deserved his honesty.

“Syd, sugar, you can learn all the self-defense in the world and you could still be assaulted. There’s always going to be someone stronger, faster, more skilled… you can’t defend against everything. It’s just not possible. A twelve-year-old girl might not understand that. But surely by now, you do.”

Her brow furrowed, tears again threatening, but she nodded slowly. “I… I suppose you’re right. But nobody should be able to take what I’m not willing to give.”

“That’s why they call it rape. But you need to remember that there’s one thing no one can steal and that’s your soul.” As he spoke, he put his hands on her shoulders and turned her toward the mirror again, pointing at her eyes. “That light that burns in those beautiful baby-blues of yours is something that you alone control. No one can take it from you unless you let them. For God’s sake, sugar, don’ let that monster have your soul.”

sssss

It was like being hit between the eyes with a basic truth. A truth she had remained steadfastly blind to until this moment. And the implications went so deep. It not only assuaged her reaction to the rape, which was something she desperately needed right now; but on an even more profound level, it explained the irresistible draw that the man standing behind her seemed to wield over her so effortlessly.

Though she had given herself physically to more than one man in her life, she had always been careful not to let any of them get too close.

Until him. 

Staring into HM’s warm brown eyes, she realized that he was the only man to whom she had ever opened her soul, and he in turn had opened his. In Cam Ranh, and even before, they had let each other in on a spiritual level that had formed an enduring bond between them.

Moreover, she recognized that at this point in their relationship there was little chance of going back – of severing that invisible connection While Katie might now hold HM’s heart, there was a part of his soul that would always be hers. And right or wrong, Sydney found that knowledge extremely comforting.

It would have to be enough.


	34. Catching the Jazz

“Katie, half the camp witnessed it.”

Leia stared at her friend in consternation. Why did she have to be so thick where that damn pilot was concerned? Surely now it was obvious even to Kate that HM Murdock was totally hung up on Sydney Wilson. 

And that was another thing – Kate’s insistence on befriending that strange woman. Leia just did not understand it. 

Kate gave a breezy wave of her hand, as if shooing away an annoying fly. “You’re getting all worked up over nothing. I was the one that went and got HM. I told you I was there, remember? He and Syd are good friends and Syd needed… well, she needed a good friend.”

“But –” 

“As for half the camp witnessing ‘it’,” Kate interrupted, wiggling her fingers in the air, “most of them don’t even know what ‘it’ is and should just keep their mouths shut.”

Leia was at a loss as to how to respond to that diatribe. The rumor mill was abuzz with the story of how the new female recon agent had lost it in the women’s shower. No one seemed to know the reason, but the few glimpses she had gotten of Sydney in the last couple days were telling. Leia looked at her friend curiously.

“So, what did happen, Kate? Is it true that Syd went psycho in the shower? Why?”

Kate sighed and dropped onto the bed. “She lost it… a little, but she seems to be coping pretty well now. HM said she just needed some time.”

“But you still didn’t tell me why,” Leia insisted.

“Because I don’t really know, Leia, and I feel that it’s wrong to add my conjecture to the lies that are already being flung about. Syd hasn’t shared with anyone – even HM. But you’ve seen her. She was attacked and then somehow got away. No one really knows more than that and I think everyone should stop spreading rumors and just leave her alone.”

Leia shrugged. “You’re right, but you know that in the absence of information people are going to fill in the blanks with their own wild stories, Kate.”

“I know. But if Syd doesn’t want to talk about it that’s her business. She’s not one to much care what other people think of her.” Kate sighed. “Sometimes I wish I could be more like that.”

Leia chuckled. She’d never mastered that particular skill herself. 

“Amen, sister.”

mmmmm

“Hey, sweetheart.”

Looking into the nurses’ barracks through the screen door, Murdock could just make out Kate’s familiar form.

“HM!” Kate waved at him and then turned to her friend, “I’ll talk to you later, Leia.”

He stepped back from the door and leaned on the deck railing, waiting for Kate who appeared less than a minute later. 

“How’s Syd doing today?”

“She’s nearly back to herself,” he said. “She even agreed to go out to dinner with the Team tonight… after a little bit o’ persuasion.”

Kate’s gaze strayed behind him. She sauntered to his side and took his hand, her smile alluring. 

“You can be very persuasive, Captain.” She reached up for a lingering kiss and then pulled him down the steps. “Come on, let’s go for a walk.”

“Lewis?” Murdock asked quietly, lips barely moving.

“Cartwright,” Kate whispered, gripping his hand in both of hers and leaning her head on his upper arm. “That guy gives me the creeps. He’s worse than Lewis. They’re like your shadows lately.”

Murdock had a hard time not laughing at the flirtatious smile Kate fixed him with while she spoke. There was no doubt in his mind that he’d had a bad influence on the honest, sweet little nurse. Catching a glimpse of Cartwright out of the corner of his eye, Murdock sobered.

“They been creepin’ ‘round outside Syd’s hooch, too,” he murmured, a smile pasted on his face. “Lew’s just waiting for me to try something. It’s like living under a fucking microscope.”

“Just a few more days and we’ll be in Hawaii,” Kate said with a squeeze to his hand. “Jak’s all in and I talked to Daddy. But I still need to get Syd on board.”

Again, he was amazed by how adept Kate was at the scheming aspect of this little plan of hers. She had everything set, down to which rooms they’d be staying in on the Island. He still saw one big problem with the whole house of cards, though.

“Syd’s gonna be a tough nut, sweetheart.”

“Especially considering that she avoids me every time she sees me,” Kate said. “I absolutely hate being all lovey dovey with you where she can see, but with Lew or his stooge watching all the time, I don’t see a choice.”

Murdock smiled. Though he felt bad about it too, the one thing the last couple days had convinced him of was that he hadn’t been dreaming in Cam Ranh. Syd still cared about him. A lot. Her barely-controlled irritation whenever Kate showed up was evident and telling. Syd hadn’t strung two civil words together for the nurse since her return.

“Well, I’m thinking tonight is the night,” Murdock said. “Syd should be relaxed and in a good mood when we get back from dinner. It’s going to be the perfect opportunity.”

Dropping into the lounge chair, Murdock grunted when Kate hopped on his lap. She laid her head on his shoulder and snuggled into him.

“If you say so, HM,” she said quietly. “But I could use some pointers for getting her to talk to me. I’ve been unsuccessful so far.”

He sighed as he wrapped an arm around Kate. He had a few ideas for her, and they had found this pose pretty handy for ensuring privacy for these little scheming sessions.

But he couldn’t help wishing she was Sydney and they were doing something other than scheming.

sssss

“Ready for dinner, Syd?”

Sydney looked up from her desk and smiled at the handsome face looking in at her through the screen door. Either Face or Murdock had remained by her side for most of the last seventy-two hours offering unwaivering support. They had proven themselves to be true friends.

The more outspoken and pushy of the two, at least in this circumstance, Face had been the one to lobby for a meal with the Team. Murdock had sat quietly by while Face had listed all of the reasons Syd needed to get out of her hooch and join them. She had eventually agreed to dinner the following day, more to get Face to shut up than because she had any real plans to go. It had been a relief when the self-satisfied conman had finally left to ‘make arrangements.’ 

Then Murdock had started in on her, in his quiet, persuasive way. He had offered the most compelling arguments for the outing. The one that had finally gotten to her was his entreaty to allay the fears of his teammates, who he said all wanted to see for themselves that the woman they had adopted as a little sister was really doing ok. 

She had no argument that could counter that reasoning and had resigned herself to going. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to see the guys. She did. She was just hoping like hell Kate didn’t tag along. It was getting to the point that even brief glimpses of Kate and HM together made her feel physically ill. It was obvious that HM had moved on and was happy with Katie. Intellectually she could tell herself that it was for the best – that HM belonged with Kate – would be happy with Kate. But her stubborn heart was having a very hard time accepting the glaring reality.

“C’mon, Syd, or we’ll miss our reservations!” 

Startled from her thoughts, Sydney chuckled, “I’m coming, Face.”

As Face disappeared from view, she went to check her appearance in the mirror. Mindful of her fading bruises, she had selected a t-shirt and button-down to hide the worst of the green-gray shadows. While she didn’t care what people thought, she also didn’t want to draw a lot of attention to herself. The dark smudges under her eyes were even starting to fade, and she looked almost normal – whatever that was. She looked good enough for the mess hall, anyway. With a satisfied shrug at her reflection, she headed for the door.

When she stepped out of her hooch, though, her jaw dropped. The entire Team was there, including Hannibal. She nearly burst into tears at the sight of the six men waiting patiently in a row outside of her quarters. It was the first time she’d ever seen any of them in uniform and they all looked quite dashing. Hannibal was the one who stepped forward, clearing his throat in an uncharacteristic show of uneasiness.

“SA Wilson, it’s good to see you up and about.” Extending an elbow toward her, he added, “Shall we?”

Not trusting herself to verbalize, she gave the colonel a consenting nod and took his arm. She was surprised when Hannibal led the way to the Officers’ Club. They entered not through the front, but through a side entrance and were ushered into a small, private room. 

Hannibal escorted her to the head of the table and pulled out the chair. After she had taken a seat, he stepped to the seat on her right. The men lined up, three on each side of the long table, and then at a nod from Hannibal they sat in unison.

To her immediate left, HM’s voice rose above the shuffle of all of them settling into their seats. He spoke to his friend who was seated to his left. 

“So, Face, what’s on the menu tonight?” 

She couldn’t help thinking HM looked particularly handsome in his uniform. When she realized she was staring she deliberately looked away only to meet Hannibal’s amused gaze. Embarrassment at being caught caused a flash fire in her cheeks.

Meanwhile, Face was answering, “Filet mignon with portabello mushrooms in cabernet sauce, baked potato and a fresh garden salad. I think I’ve hit a home run, if I do say so myself.”

“An’ ya al’ays do, pretty boy, youns al’ays do,” Gravy said with a laugh from his seat at the end of the right side of the table. Across from Gravy, next to Face, BA giggled in response.

“Explain to me, again, how the enlisted men get to join us at the Officers’ Club?” Face said sourly.

“Grow up, all of you,” Ray said from his seat between Hannibal and BA. “This is Syd’s night. Don’t ruin it by getting us all kicked out of here.”

“We better not get kicked out,” Face said. “Not after what I gave them in trade for this little soiree.”

“I thought we agreed we weren’t going to get into that while the guest of honor was present,” HM muttered to his friend.

At the same time, Gravy looked at BA and shook his head, “See wha’ I mean. Kid’s gotta shove it in our face.”

“Enough.”

One word from Hannibal was all it took to stop the bickering in its tracks. Jaw clenched, Hannibal pinned each of his men in turn with an intense look before speaking again.

“It is becoming more and more obvious to me that this Team needs a real vacation. What I want to know is, is that by design or by accident?”

His shifting gaze settled purposely on Face, who managed a cajoling smile in the face of his CO’s obvious irritation.

“A little bit of both?”

Hannibal’s obvious struggle to maintain a stern expression failed. He laughed and shook his head. “Kid, it’s a damn good thing I like you.”

“No shit,” Gravy said in agreement.

Casting a quelling look at the Cajun, Hannibal said, “That goes double for you, Sergeant.”

Sydney had been doing her best to contain the near hilarity that was causing her shoulders to shake silently, but the snort that escaped at that last comment was totally uncontrollable. Six heads turned in her direction and try as she might, she just couldn’t stop. Hannibal cocked a questioning eyebrow at her.

Choking down her laughter, she managed, “I’m sorry. It’s just… you guys crack me up.” She dissolved into giggles. 

Hannibal’s responding voice was flat. “Glad we could entertain you.” 

“I do believe that li’l sis is laughin’ at us,” BA said gruffly.

The Team spent a few seconds exchanging looks before busting out into guffaws, which just pushed Syd further over the edge. It was the first real laughter she had enjoyed in at least a couple of months and she was eternally grateful that she was getting to share it with this particular group of men. 

In that moment, she felt like the luckiest woman in the world.

hhhhh

Hannibal looked around the table thoughtfully as the dinner dishes were cleared. His team had fallen deep in conversation about Ray’s latest idea. While Face and Ray went back and forth about the design and availability of needed parts, BA and Gravy were discussing issues related to assembly. Always the multitasker, Murdock offered insightful suggestions regarding changes to the design to address assembly sticking points.

Syd appeared to be listening politely, but she was proving difficult to truly engage, even for Murdock. Based on discussions with his two youngest officers, he knew she was having trouble coping with issues that the recent assault had dredged up from her past. He had gone to Lewis with his own thoughts on getting Sydney the help she needed, but the agent had told him that formal therapy had already been offered and refused. If Sydney wasn’t going to slit her wrists, then she was going to be allowed to work her issues out on her own.

That seemed less a solution and more a copout, so Hannibal had decided to take things into his own hands. Face was the one who had first raised the subject of some R&R in Hawaii, and Hannibal thought it was a red-hot idea. Unfortunately, he was taking a lot of flak over his request. Not because Morrison didn’t agree that his team deserved the leave, but because he was dead-set against SA Sydney Wilson tagging along. The knowledge that Lewis was behind the denial really pissed Hannibal off.

Hannibal’s gaze landed on Murdock and lingered. In the midst of a technical discussion with Ray, the young man’s intellect and versatility were patently obvious. But Hannibal was also slowly coming to respect the more cunning aspects of his pilot’s multi-faceted personality. 

When he had told Murdock about the problems he was having obtaining a pass for Sydney to join them in Hawaii, Murdock had been predictably angry. But the reaction had seemed very mild and Hannibal had a sneaking suspicion that Murdock was up to something. The pilot seemed far too acquiescent about this particular conflict with Lew. That worried him.

Lew’d had Murdock in his crosshairs since Hannibal could remember, and Sydney’s appearance on the scene had done nothing but heighten the conflict. Whatever Murdock had up his sleeve, Hannibal just hoped that it didn’t provide the ammunition Lewis had been waiting for. Because Hannibal had no doubt that given the opportunity, Lew would take Murdock out without flinching. 

Hannibal’s job was to make sure said opportunity did not present itself. He stood and touched Sydney’s shoulder.

“I’d like to talk to you, Sydney.” 

Syd’s brows drew together, but she nodded. “Ok.”

Murdock started to stand when Sydney did, and Hannibal looked at him. “Alone, Captain.”

It only took a look from Hannibal for Murdock’s automatic protest to die on his lips. The pilot sank back into his seat as Hannibal escorted Sydney out of the club.

They walked outside together in silence. Hannibal pulled out a cigar, lit it and took a long draw, all the while watching the young woman. Though he hadn’t spent a lot of time with Sydney, his team had taken her in as one of their own and that was good enough for Hannibal. Each of his men set high standards – not just for themselves but also for the people around them. As quickly as Syd had been assimilated, he figured she must have made the grade easily. 

“What did you want to talk about, Hannibal?” Sydney asked.

Hands tucked into her back pockets, expression curious but guarded, Sydney gazed at Hannibal steadily, awaiting an answer.

“I imagine Murdock or Face have told you about the Team going to Hawaii.”

Syd shrugged. “It had been mentioned as a possibility.”

“I’m afraid I haven’t had much luck convincing Morrison that you should come with us.”

Smiling ruefully, her tone was matter-of-fact when she responded.

“Well, there’s your mistake. Morrison isn’t the one you have to convince. Not that persuading Lewis directly would be any easier. In fact, I’d say it’s pretty much a lost battle.” Syd flashed him a tight smile. “I really appreciate the effort, though.”

“I didn’t say I’d given up.”

The intensity in those blue eyes was unsettling, even to the seasoned Hannibal Smith. He held the gaze without flinching, wondering what was going through her head.

“Why?”

Though surprised by that simple question, Hannibal answered without hesitation.

“Because, Sydney, whether Lewis likes it or not, you’re part of my Team.”

It took her a moment to process that. Her gaze narrowed.

“But I haven’t really done anything for the Team.” She gave a self-deprecating smile. “Though they’ve done quite a lot for me.”

Hannibal chuckled. “That’s the great thing about being part of the Team, Sydney. We don’t keep score.”

She glanced away, gaze tight, guard definitely slipping. Hannibal put a hand on her shoulder and caught her eye.

“We also don’t charge admission. You’re in, kiddo. We have your back.”

At that, her guard came all the way down, and the sincere gratitude Hannibal recognized in her face made him smile. 

“That means a lot to me, Hannibal. But Lewis isn’t going to bend on the Hawaii thing. I’m pretty certain of it.”

Hannibal’s hand dropped and he nodded. “I realize that. But I’m not above a work around. I just don’t want either of us caught flat-footed…”

“You’re worried HM is cooking something up.”

“Exactly! And he won’t talk to me about it.”

“He hasn’t said anything to me about it, either,” Sydney said. “Do you think he’s working with Face?”

“That was my first guess, but Face doesn’t usually shut me out like Murdock tends to. Face swears he isn’t aware of any behind the scenes planning, but he’s more than willing to help.”

“Of course he is.” Sydney sighed, and her next glance was calculating. “I’ll talk to them about it tonight. Don’t take this the wrong way, Hannibal, but I’d prefer to handle the planning and execution of this one myself – without the Team’s help. It’s safest that way.”

“Safest for whom?” 

Hannibal looked at her narrowly. Hadn’t he just finished assuring her she was part of the Team? In a situation like this they always stuck together. That was critical.

“For HM… and all of you,” Sydney said. “If Lew finds out, he needs to believe I acted on my own. That’s easiest to leverage if I do act on my own. I don’t want the Team’s fingerprints all over it.”

“We can help you, Sydney.”

“I know you can, Colonel. But you shouldn’t. You have to trust me.”

“This has nothing to do with trust,” Hannibal said, more sharply than he intended. “We leave for Hawaii in two days and I want you on that transport, SA Wilson.”

Sydney chuckled, “That isn’t likely to happen. Just leave getting to Hawaii to me.”

“Sydney…” Hannibal trailed off on his next argument as his men began filing out of the Officers’ Club. He sighed. “Fine, we’ll play it your way this time. But if there’s anything you need, promise you’ll come talk to me.”

The warm smile that she directed at him was oddly gratifying. “I promise.”

Murdock ambled up looking relaxed. But Hannibal recognized his pilot’s sharp assessment as he scanned the scene. Then he offered them both a lazy grin.

“Nice night, huh, Colonel?” Turning to Syd, he said, “Did you have a good chat?”

Sydney nodded and then cast a grateful smile at Hannibal. 

“Thanks for the pep talk, Colonel. I really appreciate it.”

“Any time, Sydney,” Hannibal said. “Remember, you can come to me with anything. I don’t want you to feel that you’re alone here.”

With a chuckle, she nodded. “That’s easy to forget when you spend a couple months in the boonies. Thanks for the reminder.”

Face walked over. “We walking Syd back to her hooch?”

Hannibal nodded. “You kids enjoy the rest of your evening.”

Watching as the three young people walked away, Hannibal was struck by the view. Murdock and Face flanked Sydney protectively, their tall, muscular forms a stark contrast to the petite, thin woman between them. He found it ironic that the little lady was so intent on protecting the strapping men who were trying very hard to protect her – ironic, admirable, and maybe just a tad frustrating. Hannibal smiled in satisfaction.

She fits right in.


	35. Contingencies and Counterproposals

“Tired, sugar?” 

Murdock looked down at Syd, who was yawning widely. Glancing up, he caught Face’s eye and they both grinned. 

“I am a little tired,” she admitted.

“You mean a little wasted,” Face teased.

Murdock laughed when Sydney stuck her tongue out at Face. She then wrinkled her nose at him. She pouted.

“I didn’t have that much to drink.” 

“Naw, you didn’t,” Murdock agreed. “But it sure is fun to tease ya ‘bout it.”

“Amen,” Face said.

Sydney glanced first his way and then Face’s, her expression questioning. “So it sounds like Hawaii is a go… at least for you guys.”

It took several seconds for Murdock’s shock to wear off enough for him to think clearly. He had hoped to avoid mentioning Hawaii until Kate could get Syd to agree to the plan, but obviously that wasn’t going to happen. 

Face was already responding, his tone belligerent. “Hannibal told ya, huh? Lewis is being a total prick, and Morrison is enabling it. Fuckin’ pisses me off.”

“Hannibal isn’t real happy about it, either,” Sydney said. Her gaze settled on Murdock, intent. “And he’s worried that you’re up to something to get around it.”

Murdock shoved his hands in his pockets and avoided looking directly at her. Damn Hannibal sticking his nose in, anyway.

Crossing her arms, Sydney asked directly, “What are you up to, Murdock?”

“Nothing.”

It came out flat, and he knew it hadn’t sounded sincere. He figured Syd wouldn’t buy it anyway, and her response confirmed it.

“Bullshit.” She cocked an eyebrow at Face. “How about you, Face?”

Face held up his hands. “Nothing. Really. If Murdock’s up to something, he hasn’t clued me in. I swear.”

The irritated and hurt look that Face flung at him over Syd’s head caused Murdock to sigh internally. This was really fucking with his plans.

Recognizing that they were quickly approaching Syd’s quarters, Murdock threw caution to the wind and started putting his and Kate’s plan for engaging Syd into action. Kate would be able to answer Syd’s questions while Murdock answered the ones he could see burning in Face’s eyes.

He gave Syd a cajoling smile. “You know, I can hear the waves beckoning. Almost like the beach is calling.”

Syd stared at him narrowly for several seconds before giving a nod. “It is still early, and we do need to talk. Why don’t we go down there for a while?”

“I think that’s a good idea,” Face said. “I could even run get the bottle and we could really get wasted.”

Murdock threw a desperate, quelling look at Face. The conman’s confusion was almost comical. 

“Uh, actually, Face and I can’t join you. Not tonight. We got that thing we gotta go do. ‘Member, Faceman?”

Face gaped at him, but Murdock figured he went along out of habit. “Uh, oh, yeah. That thing.”

In that same moment, Syd muttered, “Shit. What’s she doing here?”

“Hey!” Kate called as she approached.

Murdock took Kate’s hand and gave her a kiss on the cheek. “Hi, sweetheart.”

Syd averted her eyes, her expression pained. Face moved closer to her while shooting daggers in Murdock’s direction. Murdock stifled another sigh.

Kate squeezed his hand and released it before moving to stand in front of Syd. 

“You’re looking a lot better, Sydney,” Kate said, doggedly catching and holding Syd’s gaze. “How are you feeling?”

Unable to avoid looking at Kate, Syd gave her a tight smile. “I’m feeling pretty decent, Kate. How are you?”

“I’m doing well,” Kate said. “I stopped by hoping maybe we could… catch up.” 

Kate infused all of her concern and caring into that sentence. Murdock was impressed.

“I don’t know, Kate, I’m, uh, kinda tired.” 

Syd tried side-stepping the nurse, who looked up at him, eyes pleading for help. As predicted, Syd was struggling to continue avoiding Kate. But Murdock planned to make it nearly impossible.

He reached out and put a stilling hand on Syd’s shoulder. 

“Aw, c’mon, sugar, you was just sayin’ how you’d like to go down to the beach. Face and I can’t go right now, but Kate’ll keep ya company. Huh, Katie?”

“That sounds great!” Kate said, smile delighted.

“That wasn’t the idea…”

Syd trailed off, looking aggrieved and Face moved as if to comfort her.

Murdock grabbed his friend’s arm, leading him away as he called over his shoulder, “Yeah, so we’ll see you girls later. Have fun!”

The shocked dismay on Syd’s face as he and Face left her with Kate was priceless. But Face was being difficult about leaving.

“Murdock, what the hell are you doing? We can’t just abandon Syd like that,” his friend hissed at him.

“Come on, Face, trust me,” Murdock murmured, keeping a firm hand on his friend’s arm. “They need to talk. And so do we.”

Face craned his head, trying to look back and Murdock likewise cast a glance over his shoulder. Kate had hooked an arm through Syd’s and was leading her toward the beach. Syd was not going happily, but she was going.

Murdock gave a satisfied nod. “They’ll be fine.”

“If you say so.” Shaking off Murdock’s grip, Face said, “Alright, alright, would ya stop man-handling me. Christ. This has to do with Hawaii, doesn’t it?”

“Yeah.”

“You are going to clue me in, right?”

“Of course.”

They traveled in silence for several seconds before Face spoke again. 

“You do realize that Syd might just haul off and bitch-slap Kate, right? In fact, you’ll be lucky if that’s all she does. You are putting your sweet, innocent new girlfriend’s life in your ex-girlfriend’s trained-to-kill hands.”

Murdock shoved his hands in his pockets, a frown settling on his face.

“You had to go and point that out, didn’t you?”

sssss

Kate and HM had rehearsed several scenarios for her conversation with Syd and at this point she was very glad. She had obviously been wildly optimistic regarding Syd’s pliability. The stubbornness that HM and Jak had both warned her about was already apparent, as Kate had to practically drag her friend along the path toward the beach.

Needing to break the ice and get Syd relaxed, Kate chose an innocuous subject to open with.

“So, how was dinner?”

Syd’s eyes snapped to her face, and she did relax - marginally. 

“It was really great. Face outdid himself. And… it was nice to get out and spend some time with the guys.”

Giving Syd’s arm a comforting squeeze and then letting it go, Kate said, “I’m glad you went. And I’m really glad you agreed to come with me now, Syd. I’ve been worried sick about you ever since that little encounter in the showers.”

Syd frowned, her blue eyes tight. “I’m really sorry about that, Kate. I… well, to be honest, I don’t remember much about what happened in the showers.”

“I figured as much,” Kate said, as she slowed next to a bench, thinking to take a seat.

Syd continued walking though, forcing Kate to follow her out to an empty cabana on the moonlit beach. Bypassing the lounge, Syd dropped onto the ground and hugged her knees to her chest. Discarding her shoes and wiggling her toes like a child, she buried her feet in the sand up to her ankles. Kate took a seat on the lounge and studied the young woman.

The shirt Syd wore was buttoned all the way up to the top, hiding the worst of the bruising from the attack. Where visible, the bruises had turned into a gray-green shadow under her skin. Her face was starting to fill out again, making her look less gaunt, but she was still very thin. Kate knew both HM and Face had been forcing food on her since her return a few days before.

“I really appreciate what you did for me, Kate.”

Syd’s quiet expression of gratitude startled Kate out of her thoughts. 

“I didn’t do anything. Honestly, I felt totally at a loss as to how to help, Syd. I just can’t imagine what you went through. The only person I thought could get through to you was HM.”

Syd’s face reddened and her lips thinned. Trailing a finger through the sand in random patterns, she seemed to withdraw into herself at the mention of the pilot. Kate sighed.

“I’m so sorry, Sydney. I think the last couple days I… my actions have hurt you more than I realized. Please believe me when I say that it was never my intention to do that – in fact, just the opposite. I want to help… both you and HM.”

“You haven’t done anything to hurt me, Kate.”

Raising her eyebrows at the young woman, Kate said, “So, it doesn’t bother you when I kiss HM?”

Sydney stiffened, jaw clenched. It was several seconds before she spoke.

“Why would that bother me?”

Impressed that Syd managed to keep the tone of her voice so casual despite her upset, the reality of the situation struck Kate as incredibly funny. An involuntary snort escaped her.

“You are stubborn!” Kate managed to choke out before dissolving into uncontrollable giggles. Syd looked at her like she had sprouted a second head.

“What’s so funny?” Syd asked.

It took her a bit to get her mirth under control. Clearing her throat, Kate did her best to keep from lapsing into nervous laughter again as she faced her friend.

“You are, Sydney. HM said you’d be stubborn and he wasn’t kidding. Sweetie, you don’t need to deny it. It’s just you and me here.”

“I honestly don’t know what the hell you’re talking about,” Syd said.

“I’m talking about you and HM,” Kate said matter-of-factly, pushing herself back so she could relax in the lounge chair. “HM told me all about it, so there isn’t any point in denying it anymore.”

Kate found the surprised expression on Sydney’s face oddly gratifying.

sssss

Staring at Kate, Syd was at a total loss for words. 

“Nothing to say?” Kate asked.

She didn’t seem jealous, angry, or even irritated. In fact, Syd got the distinct impression that Kate was amused. Huh. 

“How long have you known?” she finally asked.

“Since the day after my first date with HM,” Kate said, then laughed. “First date, last date… it was our only real date.”

“What?” Trying vainly to grasp the import of what Kate was saying, Syd was still perplexed. “Then… why…” 

She stuttered to a stop. This went so far beyond just getting to Hawaii that Syd was having trouble incorporating it, let alone articulating her confusion. She had seen Kate with HM over the last couple days on a number of occasions and each time it had been more painful to witness. The shared smiles, warm kisses, intimate conversations – Sydney had been certain it was going to drive her insane watching Murdock fall for Kate.

“HM told me everything.” The intensity in Kate’s gaze was almost comical. “All about Lewis and how when you returned to Nha Trang he made your relationship off limits. I decided right then and there that I was going to help.”

“H-help?” Sydney raised her eyebrows at Kate. Oh. My. God. 

A devilish little smile lit Kate’s face as she swung her feet back to the ground and turned to Sydney. 

“Yes. By making Lewis believe that Murdock had moved on and started dating someone else – namely me. I’m really sorry we didn’t tell you, but HM thought Lew’d be more likely to be fooled if your reactions were genuine. Oh, and that reminds me, Face doesn’t know, either. HM thinks it would be best if we kept him in the dark, at least about the relationship thing. The Hawaii trip kind of throws a whole new dimension into the planning, of course.”

Totally blindsided, Syd could only gape at a woman who she had thought was incapable of subterfuge.

“Oh-kay…”

Kate held out her hands, a beaming smile on her face. “Anyway, at this point, all you have to do is convince Lewis that you’ve fallen madly in love with Jak. Then we’re all set –”

“Kate, what in the hell are you talking about?” Sydney shook her head. “I am not madly in love with Jak. He’s just a friend.”

“I know that, silly. But Lewis doesn’t. I’ve already got Jak on board. You’re the last piece of the puzzle.”

Scrubbing her hands over her face, Syd shook her head. “What puzzle, Kate? What kind of scheme has Murdock roped you into?”

“HM had little to do with this. In fact, he told me it would never work.” Kate’s brows knitted together. “Actually, Jak didn’t seem to think it would work, either. They both thought you’d refuse to cooperate. You aren’t going to, though, are you?”

Syd found herself pinned by a questioning look. She cleared her throat. “I think you better start at the beginning and tell me what you have cooked up.”

“From the beginning, right.” Kate settled back in the lounge and started talking. Syd held her tongue through the entire monologue, allowing the nurse to finish weaving her outlandish plan. It was a full fifteen minutes before Kate wrapped it up.

“So, while I suspect Lew won’t let you go to Hawaii with the Team –”

“He won’t,” Sydney confirmed. 

Kate continued as if she hadn’t spoken. 

“I don’t see how he could refuse you a leave in Japan. I know the therapist that’s working with Jak, and figured we could even enlist his help. Not that I think he’ll be able to order the leave, but I think he can reinforce the need for both you and Jak to get away. Then, once you’re in Japan it’s a simple matter of taking a private plane to Hawaii to join us. Lewis will never know!”

First Hannibal and the Team, and now Kate. While there was something comforting about having so many people intent on getting her to Hawaii, it didn’t change the hurdles to getting there. Hurdles that she was resolved she should tackle alone so that no one else could become a victim in the potential backlash… mainly from Lewis. And Kate was definitely underestimating her seasoned partner.

“Lewis always knows.”

“How could he? He’s not going to chaperone you and Jak – that would be ridiculous. So I’ll set things up in Tokyo so that it looks like you’re there the entire time. Standing room service order for the ensconced lovers is doable. It’s perfect.”

“He’ll find out,” Syd said flatly. “You don’t understand how good Lewis is at what he does, Kate. Or how dangerous he can be. And he hates… no, he loathes Murdock. Lewis is just waiting for an excuse to lay into him – any reason. And I don’t want to be that reason.”

Kate studied her for several seconds before responding.

“I think you’re giving Lewis far too much credit, Sydney,” Kate said. “He’s not a magician and he isn’t omnipotent. Unless he follows you and Jak to Japan – which would just be creepy – he isn’t going to find out.”

“He doesn’t have to follow, Kate… not that I’d put that past him. He could just call to check in.”

Kate nodded thoughtfully. “So we have the hotel forward the calls to Hawaii. I’m sure Daddy can swing the arrangements.”

Consciously closing her mouth, Syd asked, “Who the hell is your father?”

“Kurt Evans, Information Dynamics, Inc., business mogul and multi-millionaire,” Kate said with a shrug. “There are huge advantages to being a spoiled rich girl.”

“I guess.” Syd was stunned, as well as incredibly moved to have Kate go to so much trouble for her. But she wasn’t convinced it was a good idea. “I’m still not so sure about this plan of yours, Kate…”

The silence stretched between them, but Syd could tell that Kate was far from done arguing with her. 

“Why?” Kate finally asked.

Syd held out a hand, and spoke matter-of-factly, “Well, first of all, Jak is as off limits as Murdock, now.”

“Jak is not a member of the Team,” Kate said. “Therefore he should not be off limits. I believe that’s a point we could argue successfully, if not with Lewis then with Morrison. HM agrees. Next.”

“Kate…” Syd trailed off, unsure how best to counter that argument and convinced that anything she said would be unlikely to deter the woman any way. So she changed tactics. “Why are you doing this?”

“Because… you’re my friend. So is HM…”

“You go to this kind of trouble for all of your friends?” Syd asked, dubious. Kate was a sweet lady and all, but no one had ever gone out of their way to do something this thoughtful for her. So why was Kate?

Squaring her shoulders, Kate said, “Actually, I’ve only ever done things this elaborate to help my little brother, but yours is a far nobler cause than showing up my arrogant older brother. To be honest, I’ve always had a rather overdeveloped sense of fairness – a personality trait that my father has belittled, at least in public.”

Sydney suppressed a smile. There was far more to Kate Evans than met the eye. “So, HM and I are the latest project to prove yourself to Daddy?”

“My father is actually quite proud of me,” Kate said with a serene little smile. “In front of my brothers he’s always blustering about how the world isn’t fair and we need to suck it up and get used to it. But in private he calls me the great equalizer and encourages me never to change. He says the world would be a better place if more people were like-minded.”

Unable to disagree with that assessment, nevertheless Sydney shook her head. “Katie, it really is sweet of you, but I still think it’s a very bad idea…”

Kate fixed her with a no-nonsense gaze. 

“Let’s make a deal, Syd. You hit me with anything and everything that you think could go wrong and I’ll come up with a work around. We’ll call it contingency planning – and it’s probably a very good exercise for us to go through anyway. During that process if you can stump me, we’ll call it off. But if you can’t, you promise me you’ll give it a go.”

Surprised by the challenge in the easygoing nurse’s face, Syd could only nod. Did Kate really think she could outwit a man who had worked in international espionage as long as Lewis? If Kate didn’t look so serious, she would have laughed.

“Fine. Have you considered the possibility that Lew will follow Jak and me to Japan?”

With that, Sydney starting throwing every monkey wrench she could think of into the gears of the scheme Katie had concocted. With a determination worthy of the most hardened soldier, Kate countered each and every problem with a thoughtful contingency. Sydney quickly developed a grudging respect for the nurse’s cunning.

And as the evening wore on it slowly sank in that Murdock really hadn’t fallen for Kate – that it was all just an act and nothing more. It was impossible to ignore the relief that came with that realization. 

She was still unwilling to admit that she loved Murdock. After all, she wasn’t even sure what love was. But she couldn’t deny that the jealousy she had been experiencing over the last few days was deeply rooted in her feelings for the pilot.

Over two hours later Sydney finally accepted defeat. Though she and Kate hadn’t always fully agreed that the work around would be successful, Kate did develop a contingency for every alternative scenario Syd posed.

“You said that HM hasn’t been overly involved in the planning of this little scheme of yours, right, Katie?” 

“He was pretty much certain that you’d balk at the whole thing, Syd. I mean, he’s helped me some with sticking points I’ve had along the way, but this is pretty much all my idea.”

Syd stared at Kate, mulling over the implications. Lewis would never suspect Kate of being the mastermind – it wasn’t his style to give a woman that much credit. It was almost a certainty that Kate would be safe from any sort of retribution by the agent, anyway. 

She could definitely work with this plan. She just needed to make sure the only trails led back to her. She was confident Lew wouldn’t do anything to her. In fact, he seemed quite intent on ensuring the security of her position here at Nha Trang. That only left the Team to worry about.

“Kate, I only have one stipulation moving forward.” 

“Shoot,” Kate said, her grin wide and excited.

“The Team is out of it,” Sydney said firmly. “I don’t want them within a thousand yards of this little scheme of yours to get me to Hawaii.”

It was Syd’s last real doubt about the whole thing. She was absolutely resolved that the guys not get caught in any backlash that might occur if Lewis found out what was going on.

Kate’s brow furrowed. “That could be difficult. HM is getting pretty excited about the whole thing…”

“Tell him to back off and cool it. Face too. Tell Murdock it’s about plausible deniability. He’ll understand.”

“Plausible deniability?” Kate said. “I think I can remember that. And I think if I stress that it’s the only way you’ll go along with the whole thing, HM will behave.”

Syd shared a resigned smile with Kate. “We can hope.”

With her own doubts about the potential success of the plan fading, Syd found her anticipation of the trip bourgeoning as she and Kate headed back toward base. Even considering travel time, she figured she’d get to spend a little over six days in Hawaii. 

She had been looking forward to the trip before if only because she craved the camaraderie of the Team. But the added promise of getting to spend the entire week enjoying the soothing, intimate company of a certain handsome pilot felt like a windfall. 

She had been ready to stay away from HM for his own good, especially when it seemed he might actually fall for Kate. But knowing what she knew now, it seemed silly to resist the soul-deep yearning to be with him like she had been in Cam Ranh so many months before.

She needed that so badly she could almost taste it.


	36. Subtleties in Subterfuge

“Let’s go, Syd!”

Sydney cracked an eye open and peered at Kate through the screen door. She had just enjoyed the first truly good night of sleep that she’d had in some time and part of her just wanted to stay cocooned in her hooch.

But the night before Kate had laid out a strict schedule for her over the next couple days. The first order of business was Syd’s hair. Kate had informed her that HM hated the black. Syd wasn’t wild about it herself. And though it was a necessity while working in the field, she wasn’t in the field now.

So Syd had agreed, albeit reluctantly, to subject herself to the ministrations of Kate and a couple of her friends. Apparently one of them kept a supply of peroxide and other hair products to maintain her own Marilyn Monroe hair style and was more than happy to lend her expertise. 

Hurrying to the door, Syd threw it open and waved Kate in. 

“I just need to get dressed.”

“Just bring your clothes. Your shorts and tank top are going to work out best while we do your hair anyway.” Kate shoved an apple into Syd’s hand. “Oh, and eat this to tide you over until we go to breakfast.”

Syd grimaced as she gathered her things. The thought of facing even just a couple of overtly curious nurses in her current sleeping attire was daunting. She had not considered that aspect of this little project. Maybe it wasn’t too late to back out.

“I don’t know, Kate. Maybe we should just skip the hair coloring…”

Sighing, Kate took Syd’s hand and gave it a light squeeze. “C’mon, sweetie, it’ll be alright. I talked to the girls and they won’t say anything. Besides, the bruises are already starting to fade. You must be a quick healer.”

Not allowing herself time to think too much about it, Syd said, “Ok. Let’s go.”

“That a girl!” 

Kate led the way out the door and Syd followed. As Kate explained the process to her and told her about the people involved, Syd couldn’t help wondering.

What was she letting herself in for?

mmmmm

“What’s your big fuckin’ hurry?” 

Murdock shrugged in the face of his best friend’s obvious irritation. It had taken several minutes of prodding to get Face into motion. Now he was taking his sweet time getting dressed, leaving Murdock to pace off nervous energy. 

Desperate to see Syd, Murdock was hesitant to go without backup. He suspected that she was pretty well pissed off at him after last night. And while he was certain that she’d cool off given time, the length of the cooling-off period was a real crap shoot. He wasn’t willing to wait anyway. He needed to know where things stood with the Hawaii trip and figured if Face was with him, there was no way that Syd could just haul off and slug him for siccing Kate on her.

“I want to check on S-Kate… and Syd. Make sure everything turned out ok last night. ‘Sides, Syd needs to go to breakfast. We don’ get her to eat, she’s gonna disappear.”

Face was pulling on his boots, finally. “She ate pretty damn good at dinner.” 

“She did,” Murdock agreed. “Thanks for that, by the way. I think Syd really enjoyed herself.”

Face looked up at him, shaking his head. “I didn’t do it for you, Murdock. Sometimes I really don’t get you, you know that?”

“What? Why?” 

Standing, Face glared at him. 

“You act like Syd’s still your girl and yet you’re all snug with Kate.” Face shoved by him. “By the way, I really wish you’d stop the cozy shit with Kate in front of Syd. It really bothers her. Not that you’d notice.”

Grinding his teeth, Murdock turned and followed Face out of the barracks. He hated not being able to tell Face the whole truth, almost as much as he had hated not telling Syd. But by now the Syd issue should have been taken care of. Unfortunately, the Face issue was going to continue to be a challenge all through the trip.

At least Face had been somewhat mollified by his late inclusion on operation Get Syd to Hawaii. Hopefully that would keep the conman distracted enough to miss that there was more going on than just Syd’s change in R&R destination. Once they were in Hawaii, Murdock figured that his best friend would be so into the local flora, fauna and females that he’d be oblivious. At least he hoped so. As close as he was to Face, he knew that keeping a lid on Sydney and him being together in Hawaii was going to be a challenge. 

Of course that was assuming Sydney had agreed to go along with the plan in the first place. Murdock grimaced again.

He needed to find Syd and Kate.

fffff

“Syd?” 

When Sydney didn’t respond Face pushed open the screen door and poked his head in. The hooch was silent and empty. He backed out and ran straight into Murdock.

“Back off! Sheesh. She’s not in there,” Face said. 

Murdock scowled. “Are ya sure?”

“Unless she’s hiding under the bed, I’m telling you she isn’t in there.”

Murdock still checked. Face waited, arms crossed.

“Where could she be?” Murdock looked as worried as he was puzzled.

“Maybe she already headed to breakfast.”

“Guess we can go check the mess tent. Seems strange, though.” Murdock gave a stiff shrug, troubled gaze fixed in the distance, as if searching.

Murdock’s unease was rubbing off on him, so Face plucked at his friend’s arm and led the way. It did seem strange for Syd to head to a meal alone. In fact, in the last few days, she hadn’t really ventured outside of her hooch without either him or Murdock. Well, until she’d gone to the beach with Kate the night before. 

“Maybe we should go check on Kate,” Face said, hesitating.

Murdock motioned him on. “Let’s check the mess hall first. If we don’t find them there, then we’ll go check on Katie.”

The chow line was short when they arrived, but Murdock bypassed it to scan the occupants of the tables.

“Do ya see ‘er?”

“Nope,” Face said. “But there’s Kate and she looks fine.”

Kate was waving them over. Murdock flashed her a tight smile and raised a hand. 

As Murdock moved toward the table, his face suddenly cleared and he muttered, “I’ll be damned.” 

Face followed his friend’s gaze to a luxurious head full of blonde hair belonging to a petite woman sitting across from Kate. Not recognizing the hair as belonging to one of the nurses he knew, Face quickly decided he needed to remedy that.

He was shocked when a moment later Murdock put a hand on the woman’s shoulder and spoke to her. 

“We been lookin’ for ya, sugar.”

She turned and smiled up at them. “Hey, guys.”

“Syd?” Face gasped.

Her hair was lighter than her natural dark blonde, but looked far better on her than the awful black dye job. And the relaxed smile on her face was a very welcome sight. As Murdock left her side to round the table and take a seat next to Kate, Face could only gape. 

Syd laughed at him. “You can close your mouth now, Lieutenant.” 

He straddled the bench next to her, unable to stop staring. 

“Your hair looks great, Syd, really great! When did you get it done?”

“Ann and Leia did it for me just before breakfast,” Syd said. “It definitely makes me feel more like myself to be rid of the black.”

Reaching out, Face ran a lock of the hair through his fingers. “It’s really soft, too. I’m glad you left it long. It looks amazing on you.”

“I think so too,” Kate said. “Leia did trim up the bangs some, but we all agreed that she should keep the length.”

Face noticed that Murdock seemed frustrated by Kate who was waving him off with a murmured. “It’s fine. We’ll talk about it later.”

Distracted from his friend when Syd gathered her hair into a pony tail, Face’s eyes traced the curve of her neck that the motion had revealed. 

“I’m going to have to get it tied up in this heat, though. It’s like having a winter scarf on my neck,” she said.

Without thinking, Face put a hand up just as she let hers drop. Using his fingers like a comb, he managed to get all of the hair on top of her head. 

“It would look great up and it would be cooler.”

Hands buried in that thick, soft mop, Face couldn’t seem to keep his thoughts from straying into forbidden territory. He pulled his hands back, allowing the hair to fall across Syd’s shoulders in a platinum blonde wave.

She laughed and shook her head to get her mane back in place, the faint scent of bleach overlain by lavender engulfing Face as she did so. He bit the inside of his cheek. Now he not only wanted to bury his hands in her hair, but his nose as well. 

Flashing him a tolerant smile, Syd said, “Yeah, that just kind of moved the problem to the top of my head. I may end up cutting it off after all.”

“You do have enough hair for about half a dozen people, Syd,” Leia said with a chuckle.

“Down boy.”

Kate’s muttered comment was directed at Murdock who was glaring across the table at him and Sydney. What the hell is that look for?

Meanwhile, Leia continued, “I have some thinning shears with me. After breakfast, we’ll see if we can take some of the weight off.”

Murdock grunted and when he spoke his tone was disparaging. 

“Only off her head. She can’t afford to lose weight anywhere else.”

Face had trouble interpreting the look that Syd flung at Murdock. Then she smiled down the table at Leia. 

“I really appreciate that, Leia, but I hate to be any more trouble.”

“No trouble at all. I’ve always loved doing hair and you have a beautiful head of it. I know women who go to a lot of trouble for hair like that, Sydney.”

“Well, the additional trim will have to wait until we get back from the infirmary,” Kate said. “I promised Jak I’d bring Syd by this morning after breakfast. He’s been bugging me about it incessantly for the last three days.”

Face looked at Kate and asked, “How’s Jak doing? Have they set a release date for him, yet?”

“He’s doing terrific and he should be released in a day or two.” Kate glanced at her watch and jumped up. “Geez, it’s getting late. Come on, Syd, my shift starts in like five minutes.”

Syd went to stand so Face popped to his feet and helped her out of the bench. 

“I’m ready, Kate. I’m kind of anxious to see Jak, too.”

Face grinned at Syd. “Tell Jak to get off his ass or he’s gonna miss out on our trip.”

“I’ll let him know,” Syd said with a laugh. “When do you guys leave?”

“Friday morning,” Face said. “You’re coming with us, Syd, even if Murdock and I have to pack you in our bag.”

Murdock had walked Kate around the table, his expressive eyes dark with anger.

“I think we could take Lewis out, Face. That would end everyone’s troubles. It’s not like anyone would mourn him.”

“I would,” Syd said, her tone reproving. “I expect you two to behave yourselves. I can handle Lewis.”

The glare Murdock directed at Syd baffled Face. Why was his friend angry at her? She was the victim in all of this.

“Fuckin’ independent bullshit,” Murdock muttered.

Sydney purposely caught Murdock’s eye. “I mean it, Murdock. Stay the fuck out of it.”

Murdock’s jaw clenched and Face realized there was an undercurrent to the conversation that he had missed. What the hell was going on?

Looking at Syd, Face asked, “Are you going to try to get Lew to let you come to Hawaii?”

Syd shrugged. “I haven’t seen a whole lot of Lew since we got back – we’re overdue for a talk.”

Kate murmured something in Murdock’s ear and then gave him a peck on the cheek, saying in general, “I really gotta get moving. We’ll see you guys later. Come on, Syd.”

Face watched Kate and Syd walk out of the tent. It was a relief that Syd was acting more like herself. She even seemed to be getting over the worst of her upset regarding Murdock’s relationship with Kate. She’d tensed when Kate had kissed Murdock goodbye, but the reaction had been mild enough to be unnoticeable. 

Nudging him in the arm, Murdock said, “Let’s get some food. I’m starving.”

As Face followed his friend to the chow line, he asked, “Do you really think Lew’s going to let Syd come to Hawaii with us?”

“Hell no.”

“So we still need to move forward with alternative arrangements.”

“We aren’t doing anything,” Murdock said sourly. “Syd won’t allow it.”

“What?”

Murdock shrugged. “I didn’t get much more than that. Syd’s being her usual stubborn, independent, maddening self. She can be a real pain in the ass. I’ll have to get the story outta Katie later.”

Face sighed. “I bet she doesn’t want us getting in trouble if the plan goes south. That seems like a Syd kinda thing to do.”

“You’re pr’y right,” Murdock grunted, frustration tightening his face noticeably. “Much as it pisses me off, I have to admit it kinda makes sense. Lew’s gonna be expecting trouble from us.”

Face grinned. “Yeah, but he’d never suspect a coupla females of trying to pull one over on him – especially not Kate. That might just work with no need for bloodshed.”

Shoulders relaxing, Murdock actually chuckled. “You got a point there, Faceman. These women we’re hangin’ with sure are crafty.”

“And Lord knows I love a crafty woman,” Face said.

“Amen, brother!”

Hawaii was going to be a blast.

sssss

Outside of the mess tent, Sydney gathered her hair, twirled it into a knot at the nape of her neck and pulled a pencil out of her pocket to shove through the center. 

“Ah, that’s better. Forgot I had that in my pocket.”

Kate raised an eyebrow at her. “Face certainly was enjoying running his fingers through your hair…”

“Face was just goofing around,” Syd said with a shrug. 

“Really? Well, HM didn’t think it was a joke,” Kate said. “He was about ready to launch across that table and throttle his best friend.”

“Why?”

Kate shook her head. “Sydney, you are so clueless where men are concerned.”

“I am not.” Sydney considered that for several seconds, then shrugged. “Ok, maybe a little clueless. But not where Face is concerned. He and I are just friends.”

“We seriously need to have a talk about the difference between a friend who is male and a boyfriend, Syd.”

“This from the woman who is blurring those lines as we speak.”

Kate gave a bark of laughter. “Point taken.” 

“Murdock is not happy with me,” Syd said.

“Sweetie, trust me, once you get to Hawaii, HM will forget all about what a pain in the ass he thinks you are at times.”

“I’m a pain in the ass?” Syd asked.

“Actually, I believe he called you a stubborn, independent pain in the ass.”

“Ah. Well. That’s better.”

Kate laughed. “He adores you, Sydney. He’ll get over it. Come on, Jak’s been as worried about you as the rest of us, with far too much time on his hands to imagine the worst. He really is anxious to see you.”

Syd felt comforting warmth spread through her chest. It was slowly sinking in that she had some truly great friends. 

More than she had ever realized.

kkkkk

Kate stepped past the curtain, her gaze immediately seeking out Jak. He was sitting up on the edge of his bed, playing cards with the man next to him.

“Jak!” 

He turned at the sound of her voice, his handsome face breaking into a wide smile. 

“Katie!” Jak stood and started across the room. “Sydney, is that you?”

Kate turned as Syd entered behind her. They met Jak in the center of the room. He gave Kate a light kiss on the cheek and then turned to scoop Sydney up in a bear hug.

“How ya doin’, sweetheart? I been worried ‘bout ya.”

Sydney grinned at him as he set her feet back on the floor. “Likewise, flyboy. Heard you got yourself shot up – a regular invalid.”

“I’m just ‘bout good as new. Don’t know who you’re gettin’ your information from.” Jak’s tone was teasing, but turned serious a moment later as he took one of Syd’s hands. “I heard you got into a bit o’ trouble too. How’re ya really doin’, sweetheart?”

Syd shrugged. “Not bad. Not great, but not bad.”

Tracing the bruise still evident along the curve of Syd’s neck with his free hand, Jak emitted a low growl. Anger burned in his brown eyes as he met Syd’s gaze. 

“Is he dead? Because if he ain’t, I’ll hunt him down.”

Taking his free hand so she held each of his in one of hers, Syd gave him a soft smile. “I don’t know if he’s dead and it doesn’t matter. I’m alright, Jak. Really.”

He stared at her silently for several seconds before lifting her right hand to his lips and then releasing it. He led her toward the bed. 

“Come sit with me for a bit, sweetheart, and tell me all about how ok you are until I believe you.”

“Smart ass.”

Kate kept herself busy checking the other patients in the infirmary, but couldn’t help watching as Jak and Syd sat side by side on his bed, heads bowed together as they talked quietly. And even though she knew the truth, it bothered her. In fact, it bothered her a lot.

Now she understood exactly how Syd had felt for the last few days.

sssss

Syd and Jak were lying on their backs, side by side on the bed flipping through a magazine Jak’s mother had sent from home. It had been a pleasant afternoon, sitting and chatting with the pilot and catching up on the happenings around base. Jak had told her some hair-raising stories from his short tenure as Murdock’s second, including the story of the mission that had landed him in the infirmary – and resulted in Paul’s death. Jak was still having trouble coping with survivor’s guilt, but he said that the therapist that was working with him was really helping a lot.

“Well, it looks like you’re having a good day, today, Lieutenant Jakowski.”

Snapping the magazine down on his chest, Jak squinted up at the slim, scholarly-looking man standing at the foot of his bed. 

“Hey, Doc! Wondered if you was gonna show up today.”

Jak swung to a sitting position on the side of the bed and then helped Syd up, keeping an arm firmly around her as he pulled her beside him.

“Doc, I’d like you to meet my girlfr-uh, my friend, Sydney Wilson. Syd, this is Dr. Arliss.”

Sydney stood and shook the man’s hand. “It’s nice to meet you, Doctor. Jak’s told me how much you’ve been helping him.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Sydney. I’ve heard a lot about you.”

“You have?” 

Looking at Jak, Syd recognized amusement in his face even as she felt the heat in her own. 

“I told ya I been worried ‘bout ya, sweetheart.” Jak stood and wrapped an arm around her. “Feelin’ loads better since seein’ ya with my own two eyes, though.”

Syd smiled. “Same here, flyboy.”

Jak winked at her and then fixed the doctor with a questioning look. “Did ya get my message, Doc?”

“Yes, I did. In fact I just came from a meeting with Colonel Vickers and Colonel Smith, both of whom agree that an extended R&R is warranted before you’re returned to duty.”

“Great!” Jak said. “Hawaii, here we come! Did Face and Murdock tell ya ‘bout it, sweetheart?”

Syd opened her mouth to respond, but the doctor beat her to it.

“I’m afraid Sydney has not been cleared for R&R in Hawaii. Her supervisor won’t allow it.”

“What?” Jak’s brows drew down over eyes darkened with obvious anger. “Why’s Lewis gotta go and be such a kill-joy? Syd’s part of the Team – she’s gotta come with us.”

Doctor Arliss looked down at Sydney. “I’m very sorry, Sydney. SA Lewis was quite adamant that you were not going to Hawaii with Colonel Smith’s unit. They had a rather heated discussion about it, as a matter of fact.”

“I can imagine,” Sydney said. In fact, she had a good idea what the course of the argument had been even without having been there.

“This is bullshit,” Jak muttered.

Giving Jak’s waist a squeeze, she said, “It’s alright. You’ll have a good time in Hawaii and I’ll see you when you get back.”

“No,” Jak said. “I’m not goin’ without you. Forget that shit. I’d rather stay here than go to Hawaii without you. You need the R&R as bad as the rest of us.”

“Jak, you need to get away and shut down,” Dr. Arliss said. 

“Not without Syd.” 

The stubborn set to Jak’s jaw was enough to convince anyone that there was no arguing with him on this point. Still, Syd was going to try.

“Jak –”

Putting his hands on her shoulders, Jak fixed her with a no-nonsense look. “I said no. I ain’t goin’ without you and that’s final. Listen, Syd, I know what you been tellin’ me, but I’m tellin’ you – I love you. And you need to get away. We need to get away. Everybody else be damned – including Lewis.”

“Brave words for a flyboy.”

Sydney turned in surprise at the sound of Lew’s voice. How had Kate managed to arrange for Lewis to come in?

“Um, Syd, SA Lewis stopped by looking for you.”

Kate appeared behind Lewis wringing her hands, eyes wide and worried. It looked like Lew’s presence was just plain, dumb luck. And Jak’s timing couldn’t have been more perfect. Now Syd just needed to bring it home.

Lew’s expression was bland and his voice dispassionate, as always. “Went by your hooch and you were gone. I was worried.”

Syd crossed her arms and faced him. “I’m fine, Lew. What did you need?”

“Well, I had planned to talk to you about the leave situation before you heard it from someone else. Appears I’m too late, though.” 

Lew shot a quelling look at the doctor, who shrank back. 

Jak’s hand landed protectively on Syd’s shoulder. “Why you gotta be such a prick, man? Syd’s got a right to leave just like the rest of us.”

Lew didn’t even spare Jak a glance, keeping his sharp eyes trained on Sydney. 

“And she’ll get it, just not in Hawaii. Japan, Polynesia, even the Real World – all are doable. But Hawaii is out of the question.”

“Because Murdock’s going to be there,” Syd said flatly.

Lew shrugged.

Sydney heaved an exasperated sigh. “He’s going with Kate, Lew.”

Disbelieving amusement contorted Lew’s face into a frightening smile.

“You’d like me to believe that, wouldn’t you? I thought we understood one another better than this?” He stepped close to her and gripped her chin, his voice low and ominous. “It isn’t nice to lie to your partner, Sydney.”

His grip was uncomfortably tight, as he forced her to look into his odd eyes. Syd managed to suppress the automatic flash of fear and meet his gaze with an unwavering challenge. The last two months had taught her quite a bit about the man standing in front of her. But what frightened her more than anything was the recognition that she still had a lot to learn. 

With a forceful sweep of her arm she knocked Lew’s hand away and sneered at him. “You’re losing your touch, Lew. I’m not lying to you. I wish I was, but I’m not. I hope you’re happy – you’ve cost me one relationship. Now you’re working on another.”

Allowing her gaze to stray to Jak, she let her frustration over the current situation crowd her thoughts. When she looked at one pilot, all of the longing and need she felt for the other poured out of her. This had to work.

She turned to glare at Lewis, again. “Or are you going to make him off limits, too?”

Holding her gaze, Lewis searched her face intently. He finally gave a little snort.

“You want Jakowski, have him, Sydney. I know the truth. Take your pick of R&R destinations. Anywhere you like… except Hawaii.”

“Do you enjoy playing games with my life, Lew?”

Lew leaned even closer and Syd felt Jak’s hand tighten on her shoulder. Neither thing caused her to flinch, though. Whatever she did, she was determined not to show weakness in front of Lew – not unless it served her purposes. She held his gaze steadily and was surprised when his face broke into a leering grin.

“As a matter of fact, Sydney, I do. I most definitely like playing games with you. Isn’t that what we’re good at… Partner?”

Lew spun away from her and stalked out of the infirmary. He threw one last parting comment over his shoulder.

“Don’t forget to let me know where you want to go on leave with your new pilot, Sydney.” He was chuckling as he disappeared from view.

Sydney took a deep, steadying breath as Jak draped an arm over her shoulders.

“Ya done good, sweetheart. Real good.”

Jak’s breath tickled her ear as he whispered into it. Syd wasn’t sure if the involuntary shiver that raced up her spine a moment later was caused by that, or was a reaction to the danger that she knew Lewis represented. Still, this encounter could definitely be listed in the win category. 

Sydney nodded. I did good enough, anyway.

“Japan, here we come.”


	37. Confrontations Abound Aboard and Abroad

Syd folded the last of her clothes for the trip and began piling everything into her duffel bag. It was Friday, and Jak had told her that their flight for Japan left midafternoon. Glancing at her watch, she noted that it was just about time for the Team to get on the transport taking them to Hawaii. 

The knock on the door was expected. Jak was coming to collect her so they could see the Team off. But she grimaced a moment later when she turned to find Lewis stepping into her hooch.

“Lew?”

“Hello, Sydney.” 

“What do you need now?”

“Just stopping by to check on my partner.”

Syd pressed her lips into a thin line and turned back to continue her chore. 

“Stopping by to make sure I’m not stowing away with the Team, you mean.”

“That might have had something to do with it.”

Holding up a folded shirt, she said, “Well, I’m not even packed yet and they leave in less than thirty minutes so I guess the joke’s on you.”

She jumped a moment later when Lew’s voice sounded close to her ear, low and goading. 

“Oh, I know you’re capable of making that flight if pressed, Sydney. Or perhaps you already packed a bag and this one is just for show. Don’t play me for a fool. It’s insulting.”

“Hey, Syd! You ready to go?”

Jak’s cheerful voice was a welcome change, and Syd shoved past her partner to meet him as he walked through the door. They shared a lingering kiss and then Syd responded.

“We better go or we’re going to miss them,” she said, pushing Jak back outside into the overcast day. At least it wasn’t raining. Yet.

“You forgot your bag, Sydney,” Lew said. 

“We’re just going to see the Team off,” Sydney said, barely slowing her pace to look back at Lew through the screen. “We won’t get to see them for over a week so we thought we’d at least tell them goodbye.”

Dropping the bag just inside her door, Lew followed them as they hurried toward the airfield. 

“Is he taggin’ along again?” Jak hissed, glancing over his shoulder uneasily.

“Until the Team is in the air, he’s going to be hard for me to shake,” Syd said. 

“Guess that makes sense,” Jak murmured, then scowled. “In a perverted, stalker sort of way.”

Syd shrugged and chuckled.

“You get used to it.”

mmmmm

“Kate, Murdock, you gotta get on the plane.”

Murdock waved Face off. “I just checked in with the crew and Jameson’s still goin’ through pre-flight. We got a little time. Go ahead and we’ll be on board in a couple minutes.”

Meanwhile Kate was bouncing on the balls of her feet and looking into the distance. “Where could they be?”

Face said, “You realize they might not make it. Lew’s been stuck to Syd like glue for the last twenty-four hours.”

“That wouldn’t stop them from coming,” Kate said certainly.

Murdock gave his friend a reassuring smile. “I’ll listen for the power up. We’ll make the plane. Trust me.”

“Fine. We’re down in the officers’ lounge.” Face’s grin was self-satisfied. “In fact, we have it all to ourselves!”

As Face hurried away, Murdock turned and put a hand on Kate’s shoulder. “You know he’s right, sweetheart. They may not –”

“There they are!” Kate bounced and waved a hand.

Sydney was the first person Murdock saw, the sway of her hips and tilt of her head at once familiar and beguiling. Jakowski walked next to her, an arm slung casually across her shoulders. Even knowing the truth, an automatic flash of unreasonable anger surged through Murdock. That initial, irrational spark flared into full-blown rage upon noticing the tall, dark figure dogging Syd and Jak’s footsteps.

“Yeah and looky who’s with ‘em,” he muttered.

“You knew he would be,” Kate said matter-of-factly.

Then Syd and Jak were there with Lewis hovering in the background. While Murdock and Jak shook hands, Kate wrapped Sydney in a warm hug. 

“Aw, Syd, I wish you were coming with us.”

With a tight smile, Syd pulled away from the nurse and said, “We’ll compare notes when we get back, Kate. Have a great time.”

Jak stepped away from Murdock, shoving his hands in his pockets. Murdock suspected it was to force himself to behave as he approached Kate. He leaned down and gave the nurse a chaste kiss on the cheek. “You have a fantastic time, Katie-did. Gonna miss ya.”

Murdock looked down at Sydney and considered putting his hands in his pockets, too. But he was seriously thinking about misbehaving. That was when she tilted her head and gave him a no-nonsense look. 

“Behave yourself on the islands, flyboy.”

It was like she could read his mind. He gave her a crooked grin. “Aw c’mon, Syd, that ain’t no fun.” 

The movement of Lewis close behind her distracted him. Looking directly at the agent, Murdock flashed him a goading smirk before taking Syd’s hand and leaning down to give her a deliberate, if brief, kiss smack on the lips. 

“Gonna miss ya, sugar.”

“Goddammit, Murdock,” Syd muttered under her breath as she started to pull away, nearly running into Lewis.

“You’ve said your goodbye, Murdock. Now get on the fucking plane.” 

Murdock’s grip on Syd’s hand tightened. Lewis glared at him and he glared right back. 

“Why don’t you fuckin’ make me, Lewis?”

Sydney hissed at him, “Please just get on the plane, HM.”

He looked down at her. He knew this wasn’t part of her plan, but he had decided it was part of his. He was tired of Lewis fucking with them. If nothing else, this little display should support the illusion that they were going in different directions.

“This is bullshit, Sydney, and you know it,” he snapped. “You and Jak belong in Hawaii with the Team. What’s the point in abiding by the goddam off-limits rule if the asshole is still gonna pull this kinda shit.”

Syd tried twisting her hand out of his grip. “Let go, HM!”

He released her hand just as she jerked away and at the same moment that Lewis had stepped forward to intervene. Syd ended up slugging Lewis in the gut inadvertently. Murdock snorted.

Lewis shoved Sydney aside and kept advancing. “Fucking flyboy.”

“Lewis, stop this!” Syd grabbed Lew’s arm. She barely slowed him down.

That was when Kate appeared, positioning herself between Murdock and Lewis and pushing him away from the obviously irate agent. 

“Come on, HM. We need to get on the plane.”

Murdock was just about to put Kate aside when Face arrived and grabbed his arm. 

“Let’s go, buddy. The pilot’s threatening to leave without you.” 

“Let me go, Face,” Murdock muttered to his friend.

At the same time, Sydney pretty much launched herself at Lewis, pushing him back. “You’re letting him push your buttons, Lewis. Just stop!”

“He’s not worth it, bud,” Face said intently, planting a hand on Murdock’s shoulder and maneuvering him forcefully back toward the plane.

Lewis crossed his arms, glaring at Murdock over Syd’s head. “Your friends just saved your ass, Murdock. At least this time.”

“All right, all right, Face, I’m gettin’ on the plane,” Murdock said to his friend, who let him go, hands raised. 

“Keep walking, you chicken-shit flyboy,” Lewis snarled.

Face started to restrain him again, but one look from Murdock and his friend backed off. Striding toward Lewis, Murdock pointed at the agent with a hand shaking in barely restrained fury. 

“We’ll continue this conversation when I get back, Lew. You can fuckin’ bank on it.”

Murdock stopped just short of running into Sydney, who still stood between him and Lewis. She shot an irate glare at him.

“Get on the goddam plane, Murdock.”

It was several seconds before Murdock managed to grind out, “Anything ya say, sugar.”

He turned and jogged away, past Kate and Face, up the steps and onto the plane. The adrenalin was still pumping as he dropped into the seat and watched Kate sit down next to him. His legs bounced in time to the thrum of the engines as the plane began to taxi. Face hadn’t been kidding, Jameson must have been ready to leave without them.

“Buckle your seat belt, HM,” Kate said, voice wavering slightly.

Startled, he looked down at the ashen nurse. “You ok, darlin’?”

Her lips formed a thin line as she shook her head. “Provoking Lewis like that was stupid, HM, and you know it.”

Murdock pulled a sour face. “Was bound to happen eventually.”

“Stupid,” Kate muttered. “You’re going to blow it.”

With a smug grin, he leaned down and whispered, “I was just solidifying the ruse, Katie. Lew would have known something was up if I wasn’t pissed as hell. Lucky for us, I am pissed as hell and all I had to do was let my instincts take over. No acting necessary.”

Kate’s shoulders relaxed and she shook her head, giggling nervously. “HM, I think you’re going to be the death of me.”

Noticing Hannibal looking over at them, Murdock pressed his lips to Kate’s forehead. “Sorry, sweetheart. Didn’t mean to scare ya.”

Kate sighed. “Well, you’re the one that has to deal with the wrath of Hannibal. He looks furious.”

“Yeah,” Murdock said with a grimace. “I noticed.”

As soon as they reached cruising altitude and the announcement came over the loudspeaker that they were free to move about the cabin, Kate unbuckled and stood.

“I think I’m going to get a drink at the bar and settle my nerves. Can I get you anything, honey?”

Murdock was watching Hannibal, who was speaking in low tones to Face. Based on the cajoling expression on his best friend’s face, Murdock figured he was pleading his case. Like that would do any good.

“HM? Can I get you anything?”

“Huh?” He looked up at Kate, and slowly shook his head. “Naw, sweetheart, I’m fine.”

Hannibal motioned Face toward Kate, and then made a beeline for Murdock. With a resigned sigh, Murdock mentally prepared himself to face his CO. He unbuckled and shifted.

“Get comfortable, Captain. You and I need to have a talk,” Hannibal said as he sat down in the seat Kate had just vacated.

Murdock tried duplicating Face’s cajoling expression. “Face did good gettin’ us the lounge, huh, Colonel?”

“Great. You, not so much. What the hell was going through your head, Murdock?”

“Lew pisses me off, Hannibal,” Murdock said sullenly. “This whole fucking mess is his fault and I’m sick of it.”

Hannibal sighed. “I’m taking this as a sign that Sydney didn’t manage to get things arranged to make it to Hawaii?”

“Huh? What?” Murdock stared at his CO in surprise. How did Hannibal know? “I mean, I don’t know what –”

“Don’t insult me, Captain.”

“How did you know?”

“I’ve talked to Sydney about it a couple of times, but she’s almost as cagey as you. Told me to stay out of it. And keep the Team out of it.”

“She… told you…” Murdock sat back, shaking his head and chuckling. “Un-fucking-believable.” 

“You’re telling me,” Hannibal said. “For a woman, she has one hell of a set of balls. And as much as it annoys me, I have to admit I admire her. Now, do you know if she’s going to make it to Hawaii?”

Murdock shrugged. “Not sure, but Kate keeps tellin’ me not to worry about it.”

Hannibal’s jaw dropped. “Kate?” 

Smirking, Murdock nodded. It took a lot to catch Hannibal off guard but Kate and Syd had managed it. 

“It’s all Kate and Syd, Hannibal,” Murdock said. “Syd warned Face and me off a couple days ago. I really don’t have a clue what the plan is, or if it’s even going to work, but Katie keeps tellin’ me to trust her. Best I can do.”

Hannibal’s gaze drifted to Kate, before those icy eyes turned on Murdock again a few seconds later, the look calculating and curious. 

“So, Murdock, what’s the deal with the nurse anyway?”

Murdock managed to maintain his relaxed posture, and kept his mouth securely shut. He found it damn near impossible to lie to Hannibal. Normally when forced to lie, Murdock babbled like an idiot. It was a ploy that had always worked well for him. But if he pulled that shit with his CO, Hannibal would know something was up. Your best bet is to keep it zipped, asshole.

“Yeah, I’m kinda wondering about that, myself.”

Ray’s voice at Murdock’s elbow caused him to jump. Double teamed. Shit.

“This is a private conversation, Lieutenant,” Hannibal muttered.

Ray chuckled. “We were officially on leave as soon as we left the ground, so don’t go pulling rank on me, Hannibal. Come on. I’m curious too.”

Hannibal leveled Ray with a measuring gaze, shrugged, and refocused on Murdock. Double shit.

“Fair enough. So, Captain, what’s up with Kate?”

Wishing he could disappear, Murdock knew he was going to have to say something. Keep it to the bare minimum. 

“I ain’t sure whatcha mean, Colonel.”

Snorting, Hannibal said, “Playing the dumb country hick is not your style, kid.”

“I like Kate,” Murdock said.

Hannibal nodded. “You like her. Like you like Sydney?”

Murdock shook his head, avoiding Hannibal’s eyes. “Syd and I are just friends. Kate’s… more than a friend.”

“And yet you don’t look at Kate like you look at Sydney,” Ray chimed in. 

Hannibal smirked. “My thoughts exactly.”

Jumping to his feet, Murdock turned to glare at Ray and Hannibal. 

“And how is it that I look at Sydney, huh? I’m not allowed to be more than friends with her – so that’s all we are. Friends. What else do you want to know?”

Hannibal caught and held his gaze for several very long seconds. With a soft snort and a shake of his head, Hannibal broke the eye contact. 

“With a poker face like that I’m amazed the CIA let you go, kid.”

With an internal sigh of relief, Murdock muttered, “So what else do you want to know, Colonel?”

“Let’s say I’m buying that you and Syd are just friends,” Hannibal said with a thoughtful frown as he pushed to his feet. “Let’s revisit my first question. What the hell was that little pissing match with Lewis about back on the ground?”

Face walked up holding a martini and escorting Kate who immediately moved to Murdock’s side. 

Smirking at his friend, Face said, “I’ll tell you what happened, Murdock couldn’t let it go. What was that shit about continuing the conversation later, anyway? You know Lewis could kick your skinny ass from here to Hawaii and back. Do you have a death wish or somethin’?”

Murdock pressed his lips together in irritation. Face was supposed to be on his side.

“I don’t know about that,” Ray said, gazing at Murdock appraisingly. “I’d lay even odds in a fight between Murdock and Lewis. Murdock has one hell of a lot of rage on his side, and he’s really been pumping up the last few months.”

And then Gravy was there, adding his two cents. “Hell, yeah! Timoun been taking out lots o’ frustration in the gym lately. I t’ink he ‘bout ready to take Lewis on!”

“Still a skinny white boy,” BA muttered. “No way he can take Lew without backup.”

“I’m taking bets,” Face said with a grin. “I might even be willing to weigh the odds a bit on Lew’s side for the suckers.”

“Enough,” Hannibal said, shaking his head. “Nobody is taking bets and Murdock is going to stay the hell away from Lewis. Got it?”

Sheepish nods met Hannibal’s direct gaze around the tight circle of men. Then his eyes fixed on Murdock. “Got it, Captain?”

“Yes, sir,” Murdock mumbled. Yeah, right.

“Good. Now I’m going to ask one more time, since Ms. Evans has joined us, are Syd and Jak going to make it to Hawaii?”

Kate nodded. “They’ll be joining us in two days.”

Turning to look down at the diminutive nurse, Hannibal’s hands dropped to his side. “So you did help Sydney.”

“Actually it was mostly me, though once I convinced Syd to go along with it, she kind of took the reins.”

Hannibal turned a piercing look on Murdock. “And you stayed entirely out of it?”

“Well… not entirely…” Murdock trailed off.

“He helped very little,” Kate insisted. “He never even spoke with Syd about it – she refused to let him get involved. Said it had nothing to do with him.”

Hannibal leveled Murdock with that intense gaze of his, and Murdock felt his heart rate kick up in response. John ‘Hannibal’ Smith was no dummy. Murdock was once again afraid to open his mouth. Keep. It. Zipped.

Crossing his arms, Hannibal turned to face Murdock square on. All of his other men moved back deferentially, as if making way for a shoot out.

“And I suppose you’d still like me to believe that you and Sydney are just friends.”

“We are.” 

Murdock was proud of the fact that he said those two little words and nothing more. He even managed to do it without flinching. Kate slipped an arm around Murdock’s waist and he draped his arm across her shoulders, incredibly grateful for the prop she provided.

She cast an appalled look at Hannibal that was worthy of Bette Davis. 

“Are you suggesting what I think you’re suggesting, Colonel?”

Hannibal’s eyes flickered to Kate before fixing on Murdock again, waiting, searching. Murdock shifted under the scrutiny but kept his mouth firmly shut. It felt like the silence lasted an eternity, but he knew it was only a minute or two. Murdock’s relief was intense when Hannibal finally broke the stare-off with a shake of his head. “You’re good kid, I’ll give you that.”

Murdock felt Kate’s shoulders sag and stifled a nervous chuckle. She was just as uptight about this as he was. Hannibal looked down at Kate.

“A couple days, you say? I suppose you already have their lodging arranged.”

“Yes,” Kate said, a self-satisfied smile curving her pert little mouth. “I upgraded the lodging for all of us – we’re staying at the brand new Hilton Hawaiian Village right on Waikiki Beach.”

Hannibal’s eyebrows shot into his hairline. “We’re all staying there?”

When Kate nodded, Hannibal turned to Face with a wide grin. “This little lady could give you a run for your money, Lieutenant.” 

Face gave an accepting shrug. “You don’t hear me complaining.”

Ray snorted. “I don’t think any of us will be complaining. I can’t wait to tell Trish!”

Still looking at Kate, Hannibal’s expression had turned ruminative. “I’m assuming Sydney will contact you when she arrives.”

“My father will bring them to the Hilton when they arrive in Hawaii.”

“Your father?” 

Hannibal looked surprised. Murdock was too. Kate gave a little shrug.

“While I managed to convince Sydney to go along with this little plan of mine, she was still hesitant about the whole thing because she’s very worried about what Lewis will do if he finds out.” Kate cast an irritated glance at Murdock. “After what happened at the airfield I imagine she’s even more worried, now.”

“Dammit,” Murdock uttered in realization. Glancing at Kate, he grimaced and mumbled, “Sorry.” 

He was such a fucking idiot sometimes. Why hadn’t he just walked away from Lewis? He could have kicked himself. It wasn’t too late for Sydney to opt out of the whole plan. After all, she didn’t have to hop on a plane to Hawaii. She and Jak could just stay put in Tokyo.

“Anyway,” Kate continued, “to make sure Sydney didn’t back out on me, I sent my father to Tokyo to retrieve her and Jak on his private jet. He’ll make sure they both arrive safely, and outside of military auspices. He’ll get them back to Tokyo the same way.”

“Your father has a private jet?” Face asked.

“Yes. It’s a Boeing VC-137.” She patted Murdock’s stomach and grinned up at him. “I found that out just for you, honey.”

“A Stratoliner like Air Force One?” Murdock could barely contain his excitement. “I hafta see it! Do ya think he’ll let me take ‘er up, darlin’?”

“He might,” Kate teased.

Murdock gave Kate’s shoulders a light squeeze and planted a kiss on her forehead.

“Have I told you lately that I love you?”

Kate reached up for a kiss on the lips. She grinned at him as she pulled away.

“You don’t have to, HM.”

“Definitely convincing, I’ll give ‘em that,” Hannibal muttered and then cleared his throat. “As soon as Syd gets to Hawaii, I want her to come see me. We need to talk contingencies upon return to Nha Trang. I want to make sure we all have our stories straight and present a unified front.”

“Of course, Colonel,” Kate said primly. 

“Thank you, Kate,” Hannibal said. Looking at Murdock he added, “As for you… someday, kid, I really do hope you’ll start to trust me.”

Murdock watched in dismay as Hannibal turned to head toward the bar. He obviously suspected the truth, and Murdock was torn. As much as he wanted to tell Hannibal what was really going on, he was hesitant to implicate his CO, or the rest of his Team for that matter, in disobedience of clear orders. 

It wasn’t that they were Boy Scouts when it came to obeying the rules. As a team they played it pretty loose in the field, mostly out of necessity. But this… this was personal and it seemed wrong to ask them to take a chance with him. He felt bad enough about Kate and Jak being involved. And he was certain Sydney felt the same way. Hell, she was even trying to protect him.

He jumped when Kate stretched up to whisper in his ear. “I think we did it.”

Murdock gave a little sigh. It did seem like the whole plan was coming off without a hitch so far, but it was still early and he was afraid it was an illusion. A trick of fate to lull them into a false sense of security. He refused to be taken in. They still had ten whole days for something to go wrong. He pressed his lips to Kate’s ear.

“Don’t get cocky, darlin’.”


	38. Taking That First Step

Sydney kissed Jak at the door to his hooch and jumped when a wolf call sounded behind her. Jak gave a low chuckle.

“It’s just Aaron,” he said. “Him and Kris are over there watchin’.”

Syd had turned around to look, and sure enough, Aaron and Kris were lounging outside of their barracks and waved, each sporting a wide grin. Raising a hand, she returned the greeting with a big smile and then turned back to Jak.

“So I’ll meet you at the airfield in a couple hours so we can hop a chopper to Da Nang. But what I want to know is how the guys wrangled a transport from Nha Trang when we have to go to Da Nang?”

Jak shrugged. “Apparently Murdock knew the pilot and called in some favors.”

“He and Face are two of a kind,” Syd said with a shake of her head. “See ya in a couple hours, Jakowski.”

With a parting wave at Jak, Syd headed back to her own hooch. Lewis seemed to have disappeared, but she suspected he wasn’t far away. Her biggest fear at this point was that he would hop the plane to Japan with them. 

That would suck.

In fact, Lewis was the only potential hang-up remaining in the plan to get to Hawaii. Sydney really wouldn’t put it past him to travel with them. Thoughts of justifiable homicide swirled through her mind. And I was worried about Face and Murdock, she thought with a smirk.

One last glance around checking for Lewis, and Syd ducked into her hooch and closed the door. Maybe he’d think she was still somewhere with Jak. Already packed and ready to go, she had one last thing she wanted to take care of before she left for ten days of R&R.

She sat down at her desk, opened the drawer and pulled out the stack of letters that had awaited her upon her return from the boonies. Sorting through them, she put them in date order, and then lifted the earliest one and slit it open.

Dearest Sydney,

I miss you terribly…

It was definitely from Quinn. She flipped through the stack. Six letters. But one looked like it was really from Lee. She sighed. It had been a while since she’d translated code. 

This was going to take some time.

An hour and a half later Sydney stood and stretched. Her brain was in overdrive with the information that Quinn had sent her. How he had managed to intercept Campbell’s body and have an autopsy performed was totally beyond her, but the findings he had shared were interesting. The doctor who examined the body had noted one significant thing – Colonel Ryan Campbell was left-handed. While it wasn’t unheard of for a left-handed person to shoot right-handed, it was unusual. That was something Sydney might be able to check out. And while it wasn’t conclusive evidence that Campbell had been murdered, like the oddly-placed gun, it was another indicator. 

The gun. That was the next big clue. The serial number that Syd had gotten from the gun in Campbell’s hooch hadn’t matched the service revolver issued to the colonel, but had matched the service revolver issued to his second, Dan Miller. While that might be explainable, it wasn’t the most interesting thing that Quinn had found.

Because not only had Quinn managed to get hold of Campbell’s body, he had also obtained the service revolver itself. It turned out that the slide and the frame serial numbers did not match. One of the serial numbers was for the service revolver issued to none other than Colonel Lionel Warrington.

And then there was the MP’s investigative report. While the serial number on the gun slide had been checked, there was no mention of the mismatched frame serial number. There was, however, a plausible reason given for the odd placement of the gun below Campbell’s right hand. Apparently, Morrison’s assistant, Corporal Crane, claimed that he had found Campbell’s body and had moved the gun without thinking. He had then, supposedly, left to find Morrison and tell him what had happened, thus explaining why Hannibal thought he was the one to discover the body. 

In Syd’s opinion, it was weak. And the fact that it was Morrison’s assistant that was providing the fabrication seemed suspicious. In fact, the whole thing stunk to high heaven. But the only thing she had linking any of it to the smuggling was the encounter between Cartwright and Warrington, and even that was tenuous. So should she be worrying about it or not?

If it weren’t for the pileup of circumstantial evidence linking what she was now personally certain was Campbell’s murder and the smuggling ring she was investigating, she might have been inclined to write it all off as a personal vendetta against Campbell. The fact that the base MPs, and possibly even General Morrison himself, were complicit in the cover-up of the murder was very disturbing, though.

And then there was the revelation in Dien Bien Phu regarding Reynolds’ death. She wasn’t sure what to make of that. If Reynolds was killed by an American, like the NVA commander, Kyeh, seemed to think, that raised all sorts of questions. Was it related? Could Cartwright have been the one who killed Reynolds? Or perhaps Lewis – though Sydney was loathe to entertain that possibility too seriously.

She was still turning this all over in her mind and considering the need to draft a letter to Quinn to let him know about Reynolds, when there was a knock on the door. Pulling it open, she wasn’t surprised to see Lew standing there.

“Come on in, Lew,” she said, leaving the door hanging open and walking casually back to the desk to gather up the scattered letters so she could put them away.

Lew startled her when he picked up one of the slips of paper just as she was about to add it to the pile. 

“And who is Lee Zemekis?”

Snatching the letter out of Lew’s hand, she snapped, “It’s none of your fucking business. I’ll thank you to stay out of my mail.”

Lew’s calculating gaze was provocative. “You seem a little cranky, dearest Sydney. Is this Lee Zemekis another of your boy toys? I have to admit, I’m impressed, and maybe a little curious. Did you really care about Murdock or were you just using him for sex?”

Sydney shoved the letters into a drawer of her desk and closed it, smirking at the idea of Murdock as a boy toy. It wasn’t a half-bad idea. 

Leaning on the desk, she crossed her arms and leveled a bland, emotionless look at Lewis.

“Since you seem so curious, Lee was a classmate at Quantico. And I’m afraid he was more… invested in our relationship than I was. It was regrettable, and while he was a very nice man, I had absolutely no desire to accept his proposal of marriage.”

She tilted her head thoughtfully. “As for HM, I was just getting to know him when you put an end to what started as a dalliance, but might have become something more. I guess we’ll never know, now, will we? Though I have to admit, the sex was pretty amazing.”

Lew’s breathing had become shallow, and his eyes burned with a lasciviousness that made Sydney question the wisdom of her little monologue. He stepped close to her. Though she was becoming accustomed to his invasion of her personal space, it still took a concerted effort to keep from recoiling.

“So, Sydney, what about your new pilot? Is Jakowski a good lay?”

“I don’t know yet.”

“Hm, interesting. Saving that first encounter for when you get to Tokyo?”

“He just got out of the infirmary yesterday, Lew.”

“I imagine Jakowski will need to regain some of his strength before taking you on in the sack. Something tells me that even at his best that boy isn’t up to satisfying a woman like you, Sydney.”

“A woman like me?” Syd kept her voice level, with just the slightest lilt of question in the tone.

Lew took a deep breath, his eyes closing briefly. When he opened them again, those amber orbs burned with an intensity that made Sydney swallow convulsively. There were times when Lew could scare the shit out of her without saying a word.

“My kind of woman, Sydney,” he murmured hoarsely. “Someday I will show you what you’re really missing.”

“I need to get going.” 

Sydney was proud at the even tone of her voice as she pushed past Lewis. This was the kind of encounter with her partner that made her think the off-limits rule was a damn good thing. 

Despite the fact that it had kept her and Murdock apart for the last several months, it had also drawn a line in the sand that Lewis seemed unwilling to cross. She had no illusions about Lew harboring feelings for her like HM seemed to. No, Lew’s intentions were purely physical, and just the thought of what those intentions might include caused Sydney’s entire body to go cold. 

Fortunately, though Lew came awfully damn close to edging over that line at times, he had yet to actually cross it. Unsure what she’d do if Lew did decide to flaunt the off-limits rule, she found herself wondering what it would take to make him take that step.

She was afraid it might be less than she thought.

mmmmm

Murdock dropped Kate’s and his bags in the closet and gazed around the luxurious accommodations that Kate had arranged for them. The south wall of the room had a double set of French doors that led out to a wide balcony overlooking Waikiki Beach.

“Sweetheart, you are a miracle worker,” he breathed to Kate as he threw open the doors and walked out onto the veranda.

Following him out, Kate leaned on the railing, her face turned into the breeze, eyes closed, and a little smile on her lips. “It is beautiful, isn’t it? I can’t wait until Jak and Syd join us.”

Murdock leaned back and let out a long sigh. “Me too! Where are they stayin’ when they get here?”

The self-satisfied smile on Kate’s face made Murdock smile.

“They’ll be right next door, in the adjoining room.”

“Adjoining?” Murdock’s smile widened. “Hell yeah.”

Gaze turning serious, Kate looked at him and said, “We’ll have to agree how we’re going to work this if we’re going to keep the ruse up in front of the others, though.”

There was a loud knock on the door, and then Face’s voice. “Hey, you two decent in there?”

“And that,” Murdock said with a sigh, “is going to be the biggest challenge. First order of business is going to have to be finding Face some female distraction.”

“You mean companionship,” Kate said with a giggle.

“You call it what you want,” Murdock said as he headed back into the room.

“Come on, Murdock, open up,” Face said. “Ya got a whole week of warm sultry nights for sex. It’s still early. Let’s hit the beach!”

Opening the door, Murdock looked at his friend. Wearing flipflops, bikini briefs and a colorful Hawaiian shirt that hung open to reveal his muscular chest, Face looked every inch the cool surfer dude. The only thing missing was the long, stringy hair – a cool surfer dude wouldn’t be caught dead with the impeccably neat hairstyle Face always sported.

Face gave him a disgusted once over. “You’re still in your fucking fatigues. Come on. We’re burnin’ daylight.”

“I’ll go get on my suit,” Kate said. She laid her suitcase on the bed, quickly finding her carefully folded suit and beach towel. She then ducked into the bathroom with a little wave. “I’ll just be a minute.”

Face looked at Murdock expectantly. “How about you?”

“I’ll wait ‘til Kate’s done in the bathroom,” Murdock said as he dug in his duffel bag where it sat, pulling out the wad that was his bathing trunks. He turned to Face. “Think the hotel has towels?”

“Yeah, they do. Why don’t you just change? It’s not like Kate and I haven’t seen it before.” Face leaned against the desk and looked at Murdock curiously.

“Uh, sure.” 

Murdock quickly undressed and grabbed his trunks, relieved to pull them up just as Kate walked out of the bathroom. For her part, Kate didn’t even bat an eye. She was handling this whole act better than he was.

Giving Murdock a light pinch on the butt, Kate grinned at him. “Ready to go, honey?”

Eyebrows raised, Murdock looked after Kate in surprise. I suppose we do need to make it look good.

“I’m all set,” he said. “How ‘bout you, Faceman?”

At Face’s affirmative nod, Murdock rubbed his hands together. “Then let’s get a move on!” 

With an Indian whoop, he headed for the door, grabbing Kate around the waist and hauling her with him. She giggled and wrapped her arms around his neck, planting a warm kiss on his lips. After all, they had to be convincing.

Especially in front of Face.

sssss

Syd stood on the sidewalk outside of the welcome center in Tokyo and took a deep breath. It was a relief to have a few countries, not to mention some ocean, between herself and Lewis. 

But even on the flight and at the welcome center his specter seemed to hover every time they had to pull out their identification and go through their travel plans – repeating the lie again and again until it felt like the only truth. Finally they had been handed maps and directions, and told to have fun, but to make sure they returned in time for the transport back to Vietnam.

Now they were free of the military trappings and out in Tokyo city proper. Jak took her backpack and slung it over his free shoulder, grabbed her hand and pulled her along. 

“C’mon, sweetheart, let’s get a move on. I am past ready to start this vacation!”

Syd grinned and allowed him to lead the way to the train station. Once there she could tell that Jak was more than a little overwhelmed by the crush of people. It reminded her of home, and a wave of nostalgia washed over her. Though she had no desire to return to Chicago, nevertheless it was the only home she had ever known and in a way she missed it. 

It registered that Jak was frozen in place, looking around in awe or confusion or maybe both. Sydney laughed and squeezed his hand.

“Come on, country boy,” she said teasingly. “This big city girl will show you how it’s done.”

“How’n the hell do you know which way to go?” Jak asked, as Syd pulled him into the stream of humanity. “Jesus H. Christ, I feel like a fuckin’ head o’ cattle!”

“There’s where we need to go,” Syd pointed. “Just don’t lose me.”

Jak’s grip on her hand tightened. “Trust me, sweetheart. That’s the last thing I wanna do.”

Syd chuckled at the deer-in-the-headlights look on Jak’s face. “If we do get separated, just stay put and I will find you. Ok?”

Jak just nodded mutely. 

They made it to their stop without incident. The gulp of air Jak sucked in upon emerging onto the Tokyo street made Syd wonder if he had held his breath the entire time they were enroute.

Jak shook his head. “Geez, it ain’t much better up here. There are people fuckin’ everywhere in this place. I’m not so sure about this…”

“Come on,” Syd said, tugging on his hand. “We’re almost to the hotel.”

Where they had reservations was only a block away from the transit hub that provided a gateway to the entire Tokyo metro area. It couldn’t have been more perfect for their purposes, since over the next two days Jak and she needed to gather all of the trappings of ten days in Tokyo. That meant a whirlwind tour of the city, complete with pictures and souvenirs. It was going to be exhausting, expecially for her overwhelmed companion, but it was an absolute necessity if they were going to keep Lewis in the dark – or at least in doubt about his suspicions.

They checked in and headed up to the room. Though their lodgings had just undergone renovation, the rooms were small and utilitarian. But the bed was comfortable and the space was more than adequate especially considering they wouldn’t be spending much time there.

Jak dropped their bags on the floor at the foot of the bed and flopped across it.

“Ok, I seen enough of the big city already,” he said.

He leaned up on his elbows, eyes following Sydney as she walked to the window to take in the view.

“It isn’t that bad – a little busier than I remember Chi-town being, but the same hustle and bustle. I didn’t think I’d ever miss it…” Syd gazed down at the street, several floors below, and sighed.

“You miss the threat of being trampled by a herd of humanity at any minute?” Jak asked. “Sweetheart, you gotta come out to OK and spend time somewhere that you can breathe – where you can walk for miles and not see another soul.”

Syd dropped on the edge of the bed and grinned at Jak. “Sounds like heaven. I’ve never been anywhere like that. I grew up in that – different city, but same basic herd.”

“I feel sorry for city folk.” 

“Well, I hate to tell you this, but we need to head back out into that rat race. And we should take a couple changes of clothes.”

“Changes of clothes?” Jak sat up.

“Yeah. So it looks like we took the pictures over several days.”

“Oh, yeah, sure. I get it.” Jak sighed. “Do we hafta?”

“Get outta your fatigues and let’s get moving, Jakowski.”

“I’m not e’en gonna tell you what that had me thinkin’, Syd,” he said with a laugh.

Grabbing a pillow off the bed, she threw it at him. “Smart ass.” 

He caught it, a wide grin on his face. “Even if you offered I wouldn’t bite, sweetheart, so don’ worry. Murdock scares the livin’ shit outta me.”

“HM wouldn’t hurt you,” Syd said, picking up her bag and tossing it on the bed.

Jak stripped off his shirt and snagged another out of his duffel.

“Oh, I don’ know about that. I pinched your butt within sight of him yesterday and he threatened to break my fingers. Tol’ me not to take the act too far.” Jak shrugged. “I have to admit, he’s always very proper with Kate, least when I’m around. Which is a damn good thing, because I’m not sure I’d be as forgiving.”

Syd smiled at him gratefully. “I really appreciate everything you and Kate are doing for us. Really.”

“Don’ worry ‘bout it, sweetheart,” Jak said with a wink. “I’ll thinka some way for ya ta pay us back.”

Laughing, Syd said, “Well, you’ll have to let me know. Now get a move on, sweetheart. We have less than forty-eight hours to make over a week’s worth of memories.”

There was a knock on the door, and she and Jak froze, staring at each other. 

“Shit,” Jak murmured. “You don’t think…”

“I don’t know what to think.” 

Syd glanced around the room. How had Lewis found them so quickly? She had steadfastly refused to tell him where they were staying. In fact, she had told him it was none of his business what she did on her leave. None of his fucking business!

Her heart sank as all of her plans for the next ten days ran into the brick wall that was her overbearing partner. Plans that had included soaking in all of the warmth and comfort that not only HM, but the Team as a whole, offered willingly. But most of all she would miss the promise of long, intimate nights spent basking in the refuge of HM’s arms.

The knock sounded again, this time more forceful and more insistent. Syd groaned out loud.

How did he find us?


	39. Tokyo Turning Point

“Syd, sweetheart, you better open the door.”

Jak’s matter-of-fact statement pulled Syd out of her spiraling thoughts about what she would be missing in Hawaii. There was no avoiding the inevitable. It was only a couple steps to the door, and she pulled it open.

In the hallway stood a short, rotund man in a chauffer’s uniform. He gave a slight bow. “Ms. Sydney Wilson?”

Syd stared for several seconds before stuttering, “Y-yes. I’m, uh, Sydney Wilson.”

Jak’s hand landed on her shoulder. “Who is it, sweetheart?”

The man smiled at Jak. “Mr. David Jakowski?”

“Yessir, that’s me.”

“Mr. Evans asked me to come retrieve you.”

“Mr. Evans?” Sydney was drawing a complete blank. Did she know a Mr. Evans?

“Yes. Mr. Kurt Evans. Kathleen Evans’ father.”

“Kate’s daddy, well I’ll be jiggered. Whew, what a relief, huh, Syd?” Jak squeezed her shoulder.

“We’ll, um, be right out,” Syd said. “We both need to get changed.”

The man gave them a tight smile. “I will wait out here to escort you down to the car.”

Closing the door, Sydney turned and leaned against it, heaving a huge sigh. They were still going to make it to Hawaii. It took a couple of minutes for the shaking in her limbs to subside enough so she was sure she could move without falling on her face, so intense was her relief.

Jak stripped off his pants and pulled on a pair of shorts. “C’mon, sweetheart, let’s move it. Don’t wanna keep Mr. Kurt Evans waiting.”

Syd stared at Jak. “Did you know he was coming?”

“Kate mentioned it,” Jak said.

“Not to me she didn’t.”

Jak’s smile was sheepish. “Well, Syd, I think she was a little worried you might… back out.”

Shaking her head, Sydney started to laugh.

“Katie is one smart cookie.”

hhhhh

Hannibal sat in the shade of an umbrella on Waikiki and closed his eyes. Total relaxation was a foreign concept to the career Army man. Without the sensory input of his eyes, his other senses took over, becoming more acute to compensate. 

The salty scent of the ocean was a pleasant undertone to the more immediate odors of body sweat and coconut oil. Someone had started a bonfire nearby, and the sharp tang of the smoke mingled with the earthy smell of the sand and trees. All of this was acknowledged and catalogued effortlessly by the resting man.

Then there were the sounds. It was early evening and the crowd on the beach was thinning. The pounding of the surf was like white noise, making it possible to ignore the other sounds, but to Hannibal it was just something to filter out. In amongst the murmur of dozens of voices he could easily pick out those of the people he knew. Face and Murdock were tossing a football. Stretched out on a blanket nearby, Kate’s even breathing indicated that she was snoozing. A sleeping Gravy in the adjacent lounge was much noisier about it, periodically startling himself with his own snores.

Hannibal sighed in contentment. Married to the Army, this team was the closest thing to family he had ever known. And though Morrison kept warning him about becoming too invested in the Team, Hannibal knew his CO was more than pleased with the results. It was precisely because his men were tight that they worked so well together. 

“Hey, Hannibal. What are we doin’ for supper?”

Hannibal squinted up at Ray and his wife, Trish. Standing close to the lieutenant, Trish had a slim arm wrapped securely around his waist as if she didn’t plan to let go. The two had disappeared as soon as they had checked in several hours before. Apparently hunger had won out over intimacy, at least for a little while.

“There’s a luau on the Tiki Deck at nine. BA should be back with his mom by then.”

Looking at his watch, Ray said, “Well, it’s just after eight now. Should we gather the troops and get headed that way?”

“If you can lure the boys away from the water, I’m all for it.”

“Face is still unattached, huh?” Ray asked, gazing out toward the surf, where Murdock and Face’s football toss had migrated. “Amazing.”

Hannibal snorted. “Yeah. He hasn’t tried too hard this afternoon and I think Kate’s presence with him and Murdock has slowed him down some, too. I don’t imagine he’ll have any trouble tonight at the luau, though.”

Kate sat up, giggling. “Actually, my presence didn’t slow him down at all. He made plans with a young lady to hook up at the luau tonight.”

“If she hookin’ up wi’ Face she won’ be a lady much longer,” Gravy said with a snort.

“And what about you, Sergeant? You planning to indulge in some female companionship while we’re here?” Hannibal asked the question even though he knew the answer.

“Naw, I jes gonna enjoy some down time. Sucks that Anh couldn’ come wit’ us.”

Gravy had gone so far as to propose to Anh so that she was his fiancée and still the Army hadn’t allowed her to travel with them. But Hannibal, as usual, wasn’t above a work around. And unlike Sydney, Anh had welcomed his help. He suppressed a grin. Anh would arrive late that night on a red-eye flight. Hannibal planned to pick her up at the airport himself.

That would leave only Syd and Jak to get to the islands.

The plan was slowly coming together.

jjjjj

The knock at the door echoed through Jak’s head. He cracked an eye open and fumbled for his watch on the side table. Six in the fucking morning? What the hell?

Syd was already up and out of bed. She opened the door, spoke to the chauffer, whose name they had learned was Yost, and closed the door.

Jak groaned. “When does our vacation start? I feel like I jus’ spent the last twenty-four hours on ass and trash. Not really what I had in mind for R&R.”

Chuckling, Syd smacked his feet where they stuck out from under the sheet. “Keep your eyes on the prize, soldier. Thanks to Kurt’s help yesterday, I think we’ll be able to leave for Hawaii today instead of tomorrow. We never would have covered that much ground on our own.”

Jak rolled to a sitting position on the edge of the bed. He peered up at Sydney, who had stripped off her tank top and was putting on a bra. The bruising was still visible and every time he saw it, a tight ball of anger would fist in his gut. If something like that ever happened to Katie he’d want to hunt the asshole that did it down like the animal he was.

Katie. God, he missed her. He stood up and started getting dressed.

“Hey, Syd,” he ventured as he pulled on a clean t-shirt, “do ya think Katie’s daddy knows… everything?”

“You mean do I think that he knows you’re dating Kate?”

“Um, yeah. Do ya think he knows ‘bout me and Kate?”

Pulling a sleeveless button-down over a clean tank top, Syd gave a shrug. “I’m not sure. Kurt is pretty cagey. Friendly enough, but it’s hard to tell what Kate’s told him.”

Stepping into a clean pair of shorts, Jak grimaced. “Ya don’t think I came off as too much of a hayseed yesterday, do ya? I never been in a stretch limo afore and nobody I know has ever thrown money around like Mr. Evans did. It felt like I spent the entire fuckin’ day gaping at everything like a dumb country hick.”

“You aren’t dumb, Jak.” Sydney finished zipping her shorts and put her hands on her hips. “But I hate to tell you this – you are a country hick – a very sweet, handsome, and intelligent country hick. There’s nothing wrong with that.”

He sat on the edge of the bed and dropped his head in his hands with a groan. “I was afraid of that.”

“Afraid of what? Being yourself? Come on, Jak. Kate fell for you. Are you really that worried about what her father thinks?”

“Hell yeah, I’m worried,” Jak said, looking at Sydney who had sat down to put on her shoes. “Look at what she grew up with, Syd. How can I ever give ‘er anything that compares? I’m not good enough for Katie.”

He jerked in surprise when Sydney slapped the back of his head.

“Wha? What was that for?”

Sydney glared at him. “For thinking that Kate is that shallow and materialistic.”

He looked at her in surprise, mouth hanging open. “That’s not the point.”

Face softening, Syd sighed and said, “Well, then, it’s for having your head up your ass and being such a man. If I had to bet, Kate doesn’t care what her father thinks, anyway.”

Jumping to her feet, Sydney turned purposely toward the door. “Let’s go, hayseed. I wanna get this whirlwind tour over with so we can head to Hawaii.”

Jak shoved his feet into his deck shoes and grumbled. “Alright. I’m ready.”

She turned with her hand on the doorknob.

“You know, Jakowski, regardless of how Kate’s father feels about you, I’m betting she’ll be more than happy to show you just how she feels about you once we get to Hawaii.”

Syd pulled the door open and walked out into the hallway. Jak stared after her, his entire body short-circuited by thoughts of how Kate would show him how she felt. The stolen kisses they had shared before leaving Nha Trang had been just enough to about drive him insane with longing for the petite nurse. 

“You comin’, hayseed?” Syd stared in at him.

He sighed, consciously dousing the flame of desire that thoughts of Katie tended to ignite. First things first – they needed to wrap up this chore and get to Hawaii. Then he could find out if Kate felt for him like he felt for her. Because if she did – and he hoped like hell she did – Sydney was right.

What her father thought wouldn’t matter.

kkkkk

“Wanna go for a dip, Katie?” 

Kate looked up at Murdock, who was covered head to toe in sand and seaweed, and shook her head. “Not now, HM. I just want to relax here in the shade. You go ahead.”

“Are ya sure?” He pouted when she confirmed her decision, and then gave a carefree wave. “’Kay, see ya later.”

He turned and ran off into the waves. Early in the day he had attracted a group of children, who had been playing with him in the surf, and then had convinced him to let them bury him in the sand. The pilot’s seemingly endless energy exhausted her.

“He’s like a big fuckin’ kid, ain’t he Kate?” Ray said with a laugh, standing over her. “I’m going to get my lovely wife one of those fancy tropical drinks with the umbrella. Can I getcha anything?”

“I’d love one, Ray. Thank you!” Kate said sincerely.

Trish giggled as Ray walked away. Out in the ocean, Murdock was now playing a game of Marco Polo with a couple of the older children. “HM is so much fun to be around. You got yourself quite the catch there, Katie.”

Gazing out at the tall, handsome pilot, Kate’s thoughts strayed to another pilot – the one she was anxious to have arrive. As much as she enjoyed HM’s company, it was like spending time with a larger-than-life little brother. He certainly didn’t make her heart race the way Jak could. 

Just thinking of Jak made her entire body flush with pent-up need. The few kisses they had shared in dark corners of the base had cemented her certainty that David Jakowski was the man she wanted to spend the rest of her life with. And the rest of her life couldn’t start soon enough.

One more day to go.

mmmmm

This was the hardest time of the entire day. Out in the sun and sand, he could keep himself busy enough to ignore that gaping void that seemed to yawn open in the dark, threatening to consume him. 

The sound of the surf was a steady backdrop to the soft sighs of Kate asleep next to him. And therein lay the problem. Kate was lying next to him. If he closed his eyes he could conjure a picture of Sydney, but the memory of her scent wasn’t enough to overwhelm the immediate smell of roses and hairspray that was Kate.

It shattered the dream every time.

He gave up and slipped out of bed. Out on the veranda, the sound of waves and wind was soothing. It was a beautiful, clear night and the light of a half moon along with the pinpricks of thousands of stars reflected brilliantly on the water. It brought to mind memories of the poem his mother used to tell him when he was a child, about Winken, Blinken, and Nod with their nets of silver and gold fishing on a sea of dew. 

“Hey there, flyboy.”

He spun toward the voice. “Syd?”

“Yeah. The door’s locked and we weren’t sure if you and Kate were awake or asleep –”

“I’ll be right there!” He turned away, and then looked back at her. “Don’t move.”

“I’m not going anywhere.”

As he practically ran through the bedroom, he said, “Kate, they’re here!”

He pinched himself, hard, just before opening the connecting door. It hurt.

He wasn’t dreaming.


	40. Greetings, Intimate and Otherwise

By the time Sydney stepped back into the room, Murdock had stormed through the connecting door.

He didn’t break stride until he reached her, folding her into him with an audible sigh.

Syd’s entire world imploded into the comforting shelter of HM’s embrace. Hooking her elbows under his arms and curling her hands up over his shoulders, she buried her face in his chest. The familiar scent of leather and musk was enough to make her head swim. She hadn’t realized just how much she had missed this – missed him like this – until this moment.

“Ah, sugar,” he murmured against her ear, his voice deep and resonant with emotion, “I missed you so much.”

“I missed you too, HM,” she admitted softly.

“Katie-did!”

“Jak!”

Syd and Murdock jumped at the outbursts from their two forgotten companions. Their heads automatically swiveled Kate and Jak’s direction as Jak scooped Kate off her feet in a bear hug. Kate giggled and wrapped her arms around his neck. Then their lips met and the ensuing silence was profound.

Looking down at Sydney, Murdock grinned. 

“Ya know, sugar, I think they got the right idea.” 

The promise in that husky voice was enough to make her forget everything, but Sydney’s eyes had been drawn to the hallway entry to the room they were all standing in. She frowned.

“The door is wide open.” 

The little groan from Murdock as she pulled away almost stopped her, but not quite. If they weren’t discreet about this little arrangement of theirs the whole thing could blow up in their faces. She was determined to make sure that they made it through the next eight days without providing any angle that Lewis could exploit in his quest for Murdock’s head.

She hurried over to close the door, muttering, “We have to be more careful.”

Jak and Kate didn’t seem to notice.

Syd breathed a sigh of relief as the door clicked shut. They were just fortunate that it was nearly three in the morning and no one was up at that hour. 

A knock sounded on the door, making her jump. Who’s knocking at this time of the morning? She stopped and peeked out into the hallway through the peephole. Kurt Evans waited patiently with a woman who had to be Kate’s mother.

Glancing over at Kate and Jak, still wrapped around each other and seemingly oblivious to the world around them, Sydney hesitated. She looked back at Murdock and mouthed ‘Kate’s mom and dad.’

Murdock walked over and flicked Jak’s ear. “Hey, Petey, the lady’s parents are waitin’ out in the hallway. You might wanna take your tongue outta her throat.”

Sydney’s eyes widened and she said, “HM Murdock, that was crude.” 

Then she had to press her lips together to keep from laughing. Lord, but he could crack her up. If there was one thing she truly adored about HM it was his quirky, in-your-face sense of humor.

Approaching her, a sarcastic slant to the smile on his handsome face, Murdock gave a shrug.

“Jus’ sayin’.”

As he wrapped an arm around her, Sydney buried her face in his shoulder, silent laughter making it impossible to speak.

kkkkk

Kate could barely breathe she was laughing so hard. Luckily, it was accompanied by no real sound. The mortified look on Jak’s face just added fuel to her nervous hilarity. She waved Sydney and HM away from the door as another knock sounded. It took her a moment to compose herself before she opened the door, smiling warmly.

“Mum, Daddy, it’s so good to see you!”

Hands placed delicately on her mother’s slim shoulders, Kate kissed each of her cheeks and then embraced her. “Oh, Mummy, I’ve missed you.”

“Ah, my sweet little Kathleen.” Her mother gave her a warm hug and then held her out at arm’s length, giving her an appraising once over. “You look well, darling. And very happy.”

“I am.” Turning to her father, she grinned. “Hi, Daddy. Thank you so much for getting Jak and Syd to Hawaii. It means a lot to me.”

“Anything for my Katie,” he said affectionately, wrapping her in his arms.

Kate sighed as she rested a cheek against her father’s chest. But she pulled away a moment later, glancing over at Jak who hadn’t moved since the abrupt end to their kiss.

Stepping away from her father, she returned to Jak’s side, slipping an arm around him.

As much as she enjoyed her father’s hugs, being in Jak’s arms was like a little slice of heaven. 

It was where she wanted to be.

jjjjj

Jak was still reeling from Murdock’s rude interruption of their kiss. Coupled with the fact that Kurt Evans had just walked into the room escorting an older version of his Katie-did, Jak knew his current train of thought needed to come to an immediate halt. Luckily, Kurt Evans’ presence had the desired effect, and the standing hard-on Jak had developed during the kiss wilted as Kate greeted her parents. Thank God.

But when Katie moved back to his side his reaction was immediate and intense. He smiled softly at her and pressed his lips to her forehead. There was no denying that he had fallen hard and fast for his Katie-did.

Kate wrapped an arm around his waist and patted his stomach. “Mum, Dad, I’d like you to meet Lieutenant David Jakowski. But we all just call him Jak.”

Kate’s mother stepped forward, taking Jak’s free hand and pulling him down to kiss his cheek. “It’s wonderful to finally meet you, David. Please, call me Kathryn.”

“It’s a real pleasure, ma’am… uh, Kathryn.” 

Jak smiled gratefully at the woman who had brought Kate into this world. He’d never be able to thank her enough but he sure as hell was going to try.

“I know who he is,” Kurt Evans said gruffly. “I met him in Tokyo… spent two days with the boy.”

At a sharp glance from Kathryn, Kurt cleared his throat and added, “But it is nice to finally be formally introduced to Katie’s new beau.”

He stuck out his hand and Jak took it in a firm handshake. “Likewise, sir.”

“And you may call him Kurt, David,” Kathryn said primly. “We don’t stand on formalities in the family.”

“No one calls him David, Mum,” Kate said with a little giggle. “Everyone just calls him Jak.”

Jak shrugged. “S’ok, Katie-did, my mom al’ays calls me David, too. Don’t bother me none.”

“David it is, then,” Kathryn said happily.

Smiling, Jak couldn’t help but feel gratitude toward the diminutive woman. She was almost as warm as Kurt was cool, and it gave him some hope where his and Kate’s relationship was concerned. A glance at Katie turned into a full-blown stare when he recognized the love and deep affection in those beautiful slate-gray eyes. 

He knew in that moment that he didn’t have anything to worry about.

His Katie-did loved him as much as he loved her.

mmmmm

As sweet as the family reunion was, Murdock was impatient for the Evanses to take Jak and leave. He just wasn’t sure how to make that clear without being rude.

He cleared his throat, and couldn’t help but grin at the cute little glare Syd shot in his direction and which he pointedly ignored. Hey, Kate was the one who had designated this as the room he and Syd would share. Kate, et alia, just needed to be prodded to leave.

Kate started, and cast an apologetic smile at him. “I’m being so rude. Mum, Dad, you haven’t met Captain HM Murdock and SA Sydney Wilson, yet.”

That wasn’t really what he’d had in mind. Pushing Syd gently forward, he said a hasty greeting and fidgeted while Sydney took her sweet time. Kurt Evans seemed to be rather fond of her, and their greeting lingered. Let’s get this over with.

“We really appreciate everything you did for us, Kurt,” Sydney said.

Kurt smiled warmly at her. “Like I said before, anything for my little Katie and her friend.”

“I don’t know what we would have done without all of Kate and Jak’s help. They are truly great friends,” Syd said, smiling at the couple.

Murdock sighed in frustration, even while recognizing the need to express his own appreciation. He was incredibly grateful to have Sydney there with him in Hawaii, and he knew it wouldn’t have happened if it hadn’t been for Kate. But he really thought the thank-you’s could wait until tomorrow.

“Yeah, we’re real grateful. And it’s been nice meetin’ you folks, really,” Murdock said, and then made a show of yawning. “But it’s awful late. We all oughta be hittin’ the sack. Doncha think?”

Kate made a strangled sound and Murdock glanced in her direction. She was obviously struggling not to start laughing out loud. Ok, so maybe sleep wasn’t all he had in mind.

Managing to get her mirth under control, Kate said, “We should move into the other room and let HM and Syd… get some sleep.”

“Yeah, right,” Jak murmured, suppressing a smile.

“Of course,” Kathryn said. “But we will see you tomorrow?”

“Yes, Mum, we’ll all see each other tomorrow…”

“Actually, today,” Jak said, chuckling as he steered the small group through the adjoining door.

Kate nodded, “Today. But remember, Mum and Dad, when we’re out in public I’m with HM, not Jak. We have to be careful to keep up the ruse around the others.”

“Oh, I know, dear. Your father has filled me in on your little scheme…”

The voices became muffled as Jak closed the door between the rooms with a wave and a wink.

Murdock heaved a relieved sigh and turned to wrap both arms around Sydney.

“At last,” he murmured as he buried his face in her mop of hair and inhaled the intoxicating scent of lavender and light musk that was the woman he loved. 

Sydney sighed as she relaxed against him. He tightened his embrace, pulling her body into his. As always, he marveled at how well they fit one another. Despite their height difference, they melded together as if two halves of the same whole.

This was more like it.


	41. Finally

Sydney closed her eyes and allowed herself to relax fully, secure in the refuge of the man who held her. This was what she had been craving ever since returning from her foray north with Lewis. 

She wanted – needed – to have HM hold her, touch her, ‘love’ her – overriding the memory of what had happened to her in Dien Bien Phu. Cam Ranh was too long ago to suffice as a palliative for that nightmare.

The glaring lights that were still on in the room filtered into her awareness first. Then her memory was pricked by a glimpse of the room door, which hadn’t been locked after the Evanses’ arrival. She opened her eyes and pulled away from the warmth and comfort that HM presented, noticing with a start that the curtains over the doors to the veranda were wide open. 

As much as she wanted to lose herself in HM, it was imperative that she retain her guard enough to ensure the integrity of the plan. First things first.

Sighing, HM allowed her to leave his arms entirely.

“What’s botherin’ ya, sugar?” he asked, eyes following her to the window.

As she closed the curtains, she answered, “I just don’t want to take a chance that someone will see us.”

Curtains closed, she headed back toward the door. HM put a hand on her arm as she walked by, stopping her.

“Syd, Lew isn’t here. And the guys aren’t going to say anything. You can trust them. I really think keeping them in the dark about the whole thing is… well, I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s kinda pointless.”

“Protecting the Team from potential fallout is hardly pointless. I thought for sure that was a point we could agree upon.”

Murdock’s jaw clenched, his irritation evident in his voice as he said, “We haven’t really agreed on anything, Sydney. And as happy as I am that you made it to Hawaii, it really kinda ticked me off that you totally cut me out of the process of getting you here.”

“Lew doesn’t need any more fuel where you’re concerned, HM. You know as well as I do that Lew would have been expecting something out of you and Face. I figured that was why you enlisted Kate.”

Murdock snorted. “I didn’t enlist Kate. She volunteered. You may find this hard to believe, but it really was all her idea.”

“Fine. It was all Kate’s idea.”

“You don’t believe me.” He crossed his arms and looked at her narrowly. “Perfect. You know, I’m startin’ to think Lew is wearing off on you, Syd. There are times when I swear that cold bitch façade is more than skin deep.”

That one hurt, and Sydney lashed back without thinking. “Lew’s wearing off on me? And what was your pissing match with him at the airfield about? Talk about stupid, macho bullshit, Murdock. And you fucking know it.”

He threw his hands up in the air and turned away. “Aw, Christ, I knew you were gonna bring that up. Give me a break, Sydney. Personally I think I’ve shown amazing restraint not tearing Lew’s fucking head off his shoulders.”

Sydney turned away from him, her eyes landing on the door. Remembering why she had left Murdock’s arms in the first place, she strode over, locked the deadbolt, and hooked the chain. Then she turned back to look at HM, pacing next to the bed in his boxers and t-shirt. His sleeping attire left little to the imagination, and her irritation melted away in the flush of desire. 

How the hell did he do that? And did she care? Was this really how she wanted to spend her first few hours in Hawaii – arguing with him? She sighed as the chaos of emotions that she associated with the handsome pilot threatened to overwhelm her again. Hadn’t this been what she wanted – to lose herself in him?

“HM, I don’t want to argue with you, especially not right now,” she said quietly.

Turned away from her, he bowed his head for a few seconds. She held her breath waiting for him to respond. The apologetic look he leveled her with a moment later made her smile. 

“I don’ wanna argue either, sugar. I’ sorry I even brought it up.”

“I’m sorry too.”

With a quizzical little smile, he said, “So, the curtains are closed, the door is bolted and chained. Are we good?”

“You think I’m being overly cautious.”

HM shrugged and with a teasing frown said, “I don’t think you’re cautious… a tad protective perhaps, maybe even a little on the paranoid side. But I’d never call ya cautious.”

Syd walked over to the bed and picked up a pillow, hitting him with it. 

“Smart ass.”

He caught the pillow on her second swing and used it to reel her within reach, hooking one hand around her waist and tossing the pillow aside with the other.

“Tell me somethin’, sugar,” HM murmured, stroking her cheek with his thumb as he pulled her closer. “What made ya come?”

Staring up into that handsome face, the answer left Syd’s lips without thought.

“You.”

“I love you, Sydney,” HM murmured, his lips skimming her cheek in a caressing kiss.

Sydney turned her head just enough to brush her mouth against his. When he pulled back, she found herself looking into his eyes. From a distance the warm chocolate brown color appeared solid, but up close the subtle variations in shade became apparent. From golden brown to almost black, HM’s eyes were true windows into his beautiful soul – a part of which she recognized she now harbored. And while she knew that the part of her soul that HM held was in safe hands, she couldn’t help wondering at his foolish faith in her.

“Why?” she whispered.

Leaning his forehead against hers, he gazed intently into her eyes. 

“Still doubting me?” 

Unable to think clearly any longer, Sydney sighed. “Never, HM. I’ve never doubted you.”

He grinned at her. “Good. Now, do ya think if we turned off the lights we could maybe open the curtains just a little to let in the moonlight?”

She felt light-headed at the thought and gave him a dreamy little smile. “I think that might be ok.”

He gave her a brief kiss and then left her standing next to the bed to go to the main light switch. Then at the window he left the sheer curtain pulled, opening only the heavy, insulated drapes. Coming back, he scooped her up and she wrapped her arms around his shoulders.

“That’s much better,” HM said, nuzzling her neck. “Now I just gotta do something ‘bout all these clothes you have on.”

“If you put me down, I’ll meet you in the bed naked and we can resume this conversation in more appropriate… lack of attire,” Sydney said with a little giggle.

HM looked in her face, one eyebrow cocked. “Now that sounds like a promise.”

Placing her hands on his cheeks and smiling, she teased, “It could become a reality if you’d let me go.”

He kissed her nose and then let her go. “I’ll race ya!”

“No fair! You have on way less clothes than I do.” Sydney pouted as she unbuttoned her shirt.

“Beat ya.”

Already undressed and in bed, HM looked up at her with an admiring smile. 

“Think I’ll jus’ enjoy the show.”

The low timbre of his voice coupled with the sight of his lean, muscular form unclothed and stretched across the bed made Syd’s entire body flush with desire. Part of her wanted him to do more than watch but the anticipation of his touch was painfully exquisite.

She slowly undid the last button and turned to give him a good view.

mmmmm

The stiff points of Syd’s nipples were evident even through her tank top and bra as she slipped the button-down off her shoulders. The recognition that she was as turned on as he was made Murdock catch his breath. Months of pent up longing were threatening to overwhelm his control, but he managed to keep himself still and just watch as she gripped the botton edge of the tank top and slowly lifted it over her head.

Swallowing convulsively as her shirt hit the floor, Murdock leaned up on an elbow. “Need some help gettin’ tha’ bra off, sugar?”

Smile teasing, Sydney shook her head. “You just stay put. I can manage.”

He groaned and flopped on his back. “I think I’m sorry I started this li’l game.”

But a moment later, he rolled to his side to continue watching the strip tease. She had more than managed the bra, which had already joined the growing pile of clothes on the floor. In the dim, ambient light, the bruises that were still evident, albeit fading, in good light were all but invisible, allowing him to enjoy the sight of her warm-hued skin without that blatant reminder of what had happened.

It was easy to relegate that to the back of his mind as Sydney undid the button of her shorts. She slowly lowered the zipper and slipped her hands inside to push the shorts off her hips. When she bent over to step out of them, the view of her breasts, swaying like hypnotic pendulums that ended in tiny, tight rosebuds, just about did him in.

He closed his eyes and drew in a ragged breath. “Yer gonna make me cum wi’out e’en touchin’ me, sugar.”

“Just about there,” she whispered.

He wondered if that meant she was as close as he was. God he hoped so. By the time he got control of himself enough to chance another look at Sydney, her panties were gone and she was moving toward the bed. 

It really tested his control when she knelt on the bed, reaching out one small hand to run along his torso. The light touch caused him to catch and hold his breath. He was afraid to move.

Afraid if he did he might just burst at the seams.

sssss

As much as Sydney had enjoyed the little game of strip tease, she was more than ready for the tactile experience. HM’s skin was warm, his muscles rippling under her touch. The involuntary twitch of his erection toward her intensified the persistent ache between her legs. 

HM rolled to his back, causing her hand to skim his abdomen as she inched closer. Splaying her hand, she slipped it into the coarse hair at the base of his penis, and then trailed her fingers lightly up that magnificent, throbbing shaft. The deep moan that rumbled through HM’s chest echoed in Sydney’s core.

God, she wanted him inside of her.

msmsms

Unable to endure any more teasing, Murdock grabbed her hand before she could stroke him again. Urging her closer, he said, “I wan’ you, sugar. Now.”

Sydney obliged, straddling his hips and slowly lowering herself over him. She was so wet from anticipation that her well accepted every throbbing inch of him without resistance.

The relief of that initial coupling was intense. Lying down, Sydney’s mouth met HM’s, tongue sliding in to meet his while their arms wrapped around one another. Sliding her legs along the outside of his, she hooked her ankles under his knees and stretched her feet down his calves, effectively locking their bodies together. Small adjustments to body position on both their parts served to maximize the resulting skin contact between them.

Probing kisses and exploring caresses all too quickly led to mounting tension where their bodies met. Sydney shifted in an attempt to stroke, unable to resist the need for release any longer. Reluctantly acknowledging that it would be impossible to ride him without sitting up, Sydney made to push herself off HM’s chest.

Arms tightening around her, he pulled her back down to him as he rolled on top of her. Sydney’s surprised giggle ended in a blissful groan as HM’s weight came to bear between her legs, pressing him harder against her. Her legs widened, back arching, encouraging him to sink deeper. His groan echoed hers as the tip of his penis met soft resistance deep inside of her.

Intent on prolonging the connection, they rested, locked together, but the approach of climax was inexorable. No outward movement was necessary – the pulse of their bodies against one another was all that was required to bring on the first ripples of pleasure.

HM pulled out slightly, hoping to prolong the intimacy, but Sydney’s arms and legs tightened, pulling him back in, even deeper than before. That marked the beginning of the end, as he let go inside of her, the pulse of his ejaculation matched by the rhythmic clenching of her vaginal fist around him.

mmmmm

Even when the orgasm waned, Murdock found he was still stiff enough to remain inside of her. Maybe there was something to be said for several months of abstinence.

The feel of Sydney relaxing underneath him made Murdock worry that he was crushing her. Leveraging himself up onto his elbows, he looked down into her face. Wide blue eyes sparkled like sapphires in the moonlight, gazing at him with profound feeling.

“I love you, Sydney,” he whispered, brushing his lips against hers.

She reached up and stroked his cheek, her feelings now camouflaged by confusion. “Is that what this is, HM?”

“Do you doubt that I love you?” 

Smiling, she blinked and shook her head. “No, it’s not that. I just… I feel a lot of different things when I’m with you. Right at this moment, here, with you like this, I think I understand what love is. But other times…”

She trailed off, and he chuckled, propping his head on one hand and lifting the other to brush the hair out of her face. He suspected he knew what she was thinking.

“Other times I piss you off and make you want to scream?”

Sydney’s responding gaze was apologetic. 

“Exactly.”

“Part and parcel to the whole deal, sugar,” he said, leaning down for a soft kiss before continuing. “You tick me off sometimes, too. But in the end, there’s nothing you could do – nothing that could ever happen – that would make me wish you away from me. In fact, the thought of my life without you by my side is… well, it’s downright unbearable.”

The provocative smile that Sydney flashed at him next had him holding his breath in anticipation.

“Will you show me again how much you love me?” 

He chuckled. 

“Sugar, you don’t ever hafta ask.”


	42. Keeping Up Appearances

“Murdock.”

Eyes popping open, Murdock looked up at Jakowski leaning over him. 

“What the –”

“You gotta get next door, man. Face is knocking.”

The weight on his right arm shifted, snagging his sleep-sluggish attention away from Jak. Syd stretched, the movement causing the sheet that haphazardly covered them to slip down. While Murdock liked the view, it dawned on him that Jak was still standing there.

Sydney looked up at him in confusion as he reluctantly untangled himself from her and the sheets. He was careful to cover her as he sat up on the edge of the bed.

“You said Face is next door?”

“Yes! Get your ass over there before Katie has a heart attack.” 

Murdock pulled on his boxers and snatched up his t-shirt flipping it over his shoulder. Before leaving, though, he leaned down and gave Sydney a kiss.

“Guess that’ll hafta do me ‘til tonight. See ya later, sugar.”

“We’ll probably see each other in a few minutes, flyboy,” she said with a chuckle. The affection evident in those beautiful blue eyes of hers made him sigh in contentment. He leaned down and kissed her again. And one last time for good measure.

“HM, you need to get next door. Before Face suspects something.”

“Yeah, right.”

Her tone became stern. “Murdock.”

“I’m goin’.”

I wish she’d get over trying to protect the Team and let me tell ‘em the truth. Then we could be together all day, every day, for the next week.

As incredible as that sounded, he knew Syd had a stubborn streak a mile wide. He’d just have to cope.

Before closing the connecting door, he glanced back. Jak was climbing into the bed, with Syd still lying naked in it. He pointed a finger at his peter pilot.

“Go to the bathroom and let the lady get decent, asshole.”

Syd sat up on the edge of the bed, holding the sheet around herself, though her back was enticingly bare. Jakowski noticed that too, and made a beeline for the bathroom. Smart kid.

“Chill out, HM. You have Jak believing you’re going to kill him any minute.”

“I won’ kill ‘im,” Murdock said. “Jus’ maim.”

He closed the door just before the pillow hit it, grinning.

Inside, Kate was standing at the entrance to the bathroom. In a loud voice, she entreated, “HM, please answer the door!”

“I’m gettin’ it,” he muttered.

A moment later he was face to face with his best friend. 

“Hey, Face,” Murdock rubbed his eyes as he spoke, then squinted into the light of the hallway. “What the hell time is it?”

Already in his bathing suit, with a towel wrapped around his neck, Face said, “It’s after ten. You already missed breakfast.”

Stifling a yawn, Murdock mumbled, “Syd and Jak got in early this mornin’… didn’t sleep real well.”

“Ya got all week to catch up on your sleep,” Face said. “Think Syd and Jak wanna head to the beach?”

“Don’ know,” Murdock said. “Why doncha go next door and ask while Katie and I get dressed.”

“Ok. See you out here in, like, five minutes.”

Waving his friend away, Murdock shut the door and yawned again.

Katie came out of the bathroom and handed him his bathing suit. “You look tired.”

He just nodded as another wide yawn nearly paralyzed him. He was tired. And the thought of snuggling in bed all day with Sydney sounded like heaven on earth. He sighed as he heard the muffled knock next door.

Obviously the all day sleep-in was a pipe dream.

sssss

Syd yanked the door open and left it wide. “Come on in, Face.”

“You made it!” Face scooped her up in a bear hug, catching Syd by surprise. “I was wondering if you would.”

Giving him a peck on the cheek, she said, “Have a little faith in me, Face.”

“In us,” Jak corrected, stepping out of the bathroom in his swim trunks.

Making for her duffel, Sydney dug in it looking for her swimsuit. Face startled her, again when he fingered it as she passed by him on her way to change.

“You know, Syd, that suit has seen better days.”

Brow furrowing, Syd took a critical look at it. A plain blue one-piece that she’d had for several years, it wasn’t anything fancy but sufficed for the few times she had ever gone to the beach. She shrugged.

“It works.”

“I guess.” Face looked at her dubiously. “Listen, I’ll wait for you out in the hall.”

“I’ll just be a minute.”

They all gathered outside the rooms, then Face led the way down the elevator, and out the beach side of the lobby. Walking with Jak, behind HM and Kate, Syd couldn’t help but notice that Kate’s suit was far more stylish than hers. She sighed. Fashion had never been something she paid much attention to – partially because she’d never been able to afford it.

HM had an arm slung casually over Kate’s shoulders and he looked anywhere but at Syd. She sighed, again. Days were going to be painfully long.

But the nights were more than worth it.

hhhhh

Their group had taken up semi-permanent residence on a stretch of beach about two hundred yards away from the hotel entrance. It was far enough to be out of the main crowd and provide some privacy, but close enough to be convenient. 

BA was picking up shells with his mother, a voluptuous and handsome woman who adored her only son. Not one to be intimidated by anyone, Hannibal had to admit that Adele Baracus was one imposing lady.

Gravy and Anh were sound asleep under a nearby umbrella, wrapped together and apparently content. Ray and Trish cuddled under another umbrella, talking and not talking as the mood moved them.

That left the youngest of the crew. After breakfast Hannibal had sent Face to fetch Murdock and Kate, knowing full well that Sydney and Jak had arrived early that morning. He had seen them drive up just as he was leaving to pick up Anh from the airport. 

It would be interesting to see what configuration the couples came out in. In Hawaii, with the person responsible for the off-limits rule half a world away, Hannibal was very curious whether Murdock would continue the charade with the nurse – and Hannibal was ninety-nine percent certain it was a charade.

Then he saw the last of their group exit the hotel. Murdock was walking with Kate and they only seemed to have eyes for one another. Syd and Jak were equally myopic. In fact, the two couples seemed almost too internally focused. 

But could he be sure?

Ok, maybe he was more like ninety percent certain that the apparent couples were shams.

Ray appeared with Trish at the end of Hannibal’s lounge as Hannibal stood to greet the new arrivals. 

“Jak. Syd. Glad to see you made it.”

“Hey, Hannibal.” Jak shook his hand.

Meanwhile, Ray was engulfing Sydney in a hug. “Syd, ya had me worried for a little while.”

Sydney grinned at him as she pulled away. 

“Did you really think I’d I miss spending a week lazing on the beach with my favorite team of soldiers?” Turning to the blonde beauty by Ray’s side, Sydney held out a hand. “You must be Trish. It’s so great to finally meet Ray’s better half.”

Trish ignored the hand and wrapped her arms around the little woman. “It’s wonderful meeting you, Sydney. Ray just adores you, you know. I feel like I already know you.”

The sincere surprise on Sydney’s face wasn’t lost on Hannibal’s second lieutenant, who chuckled.

“Trish is like a long-distance big sis to the entire Team, Syd. You’ll get used to it.”

Releasing Sydney, Trish patted her on the shoulder. “We have an entire week to get acquainted and I’m looking forward to it. It helps a lot knowing Ray has such good friends around him when he’s so far away.”

“Oh, and Trish, this is Dave Jakowski… Jak. He’s the fool that decided he’d take over Ky’s spot as Howlin’ Mad’s co-pilot.”

Trish grinned at Jak. “You must be very brave.”

“Or very foolish…” Ray smirked.

Hannibal lost the thread as Sydney moved to stand in front of him. She gave him an appraising look and then smiled. “You look rested, Colonel. I almost didn’t recognize you out of your fatigues, and… relaxed.”

With a snort, Hannibal replied, “You’re a real comedienne. I’m very glad to see you here, Sydney. Kate kept telling us not to worry, but I really wondered if you’d take the risk.”

“Some things are worth the risk,” Sydney said. “Besides, I really don’t think I have much to be concerned about. I’m more worried what the ramifications to the Team could be.”

Hannibal shook his head and chuckled. At least she was consistent. 

“We’re big boys, Syd, we can take care of ourselves. But… we need to talk about our strategy when we get back to Nha Trang. I’m not looking for trouble, but I do want to be ready for it if it comes.”

“Always prepared?” Sydney asked. 

“Always.”

“Fine.” 

Murdock’s loudly muttered exclamation caught and held Sydney’s, as well as Hannibal’s, attention. Watching as the pilot walked away from Kate, he was struck by the look on the nurse’s face. Her irritated little frown reminded him of a mother looking after a wayward child. 

Gaze shifting back to Sydney, Hannibal gave a smug little snort. She was watching Murdock walk away, too. For the moment, her guard had dropped, and the open affection with which she gazed after his pilot firmed his suspicions about the couples. He cleared his throat.

The shade dropped almost immediately in Syd’s eyes as they slid back to him, handily hiding the heart she had been wearing on her sleeve mere moments before. 

Averting her eyes, Sydney spread out a towel next to Hannibal’s lounge and dropped a book on it. When she looked back up at him her face was tight, eyes sparking in challenge. 

“Don’t you trust me, Colonel?”

Recognizing the dare in that question, Hannibal considered his answer very carefully. Sydney was still testing the waters where he was concerned. While he wanted to reassure her of his personal trust he was unwilling to concede control of a potentially volatile situation. Lewis was not a man to be underestimated.

“This has nothing to do with trust, Sydney,” he said slowly.

Her shoulders seemed to melt under his firm look. She dropped onto the towel and picked up her book, flipping through it idly. Several seconds passed before she looked up at him, her expression emotionless. 

“I did my best to ensure that there was no evidence leading anywhere near the Team, Colonel. If Lewis finds out I was in Hawaii, and I really don’t think he will at this point, but if he does, all he’ll be able to uncover is that I worked it out on my own and took Jak along for the ride. He might be able to uncover Kate’s part in it, but I can’t see him taking any kind of retaliative action against her. As for the Team, you all just have to act as if you were pleasantly surprised that I joined you.”

“So that’s your plan. To pretend it was all you.”

Hannibal was relieved when an obviously-amused smile curved her lips. The emotionless mask was more than a little unsettling on that pretty face.

“But that’s the beauty of it, Hannibal, nobody has to pretend because it’s all true. The Team wasn’t a part of getting me to Hawaii.”

With a sigh, Hannibal sat down on his chair, feet to the side as he looked at Sydney. “I don’t like you taking this on alone, Syd. I thought you understood that after our little talk at dinner.”

“I did,” Sydney said. She glanced away, her eyes focusing on the football toss between Murdock, Face, and a couple of teenagers. 

He touched her shoulder, dragging her attention back to him. “You aren’t acting like it.”

Jaw clenching, Sydney stared at him for several seconds before responding. “I know I can come to you, Hannibal. But this was between Lewis and me. I may be attached to your team – whatever that means – but I still answer to Lew. It really isn’t your place to get involved in a dispute between partners.”

“As recon attached to my team, I expect you to act as a member of the team,” Hannibal said, leaning elbows on knees and holding Sydney’s gaze. “And a dispute between you and your partner, or you and your boss for that matter, is certainly my concern. I run this team as a tight-knit unit and I expect you to participate fully. Am I understood?”

She didn’t answer immediately and when the emotionless mask dropped back into place, Hannibal knew to take her next words with a grain of salt.

“I understand, Colonel.” She stood and brushed herself off. 

Turning, she looked down at Jak, who had stretched out on a towel between Sydney and Kate, eyes closed. She nudged his foot.

“Hey, Jak, Wanna go for a dip?”

“In a bit, sweetheart. First I think I’m gonna take a little snooze. I am whooped.”

“Suit yourself,” Syd said. “Just don’t get burned.”

As Sydney turned and walked away, Kate poked Jak with a tube of sunscreen. “She’s right. If you’re going to sleep on the beach, we better make sure you have a good layer of this on.”

“A’right,” Jak muttered, pushing himself up and yawning. “Can’ get my back, Katie-did. Would ya do that for me?”

Settling back into his lounge chair, Hannibal let his eyes close to narrow slits as they followed Sydney’s progress out to the surf. Murdock and Face left the football toss upon her approach and joined her in the ocean. The three of them played in the surf like a group of teenagers, their laughter and shouts echoing up the beach to him clearly. 

Meanwhile, next to him, Kate was rubbing Jak’s shoulders. Letting his eyes close, Hannibal decided that was enough interfering for today. He’d let the kids have their little secrets.

For now.


	43. Recognition of Love

Hugging her knees to her chest, Sydney stared into the bonfire and sighed in contentment. She couldn’t remember the last time she had felt this relaxed and happy. On one side of her, Jak held a marshmallow on the end of a long fork over the fire – a treat that Trish and Mama Baracus had collaborated to bring them from home – s’mores. And they had brought enough to feed an army.

Sydney had never had the gooey treats until tonight. At the moment she was stuffed full, having eaten them as fast as Jak could make them at first. Now Jak was working on catching up to her. Neither of them had a chance of catching Murdock, though, who was still going strong.

On the other side of Kate from Sydney, Murdock was sitting in a pose similar to Jak’s, explaining in detail the method for achieving the perfect roasted marshmallow for a s’more. 

“… and if ya keep the fork turning, ya get nice even color and it’s nice ‘n warm through n’ through. I’m tellin’ ya, it’s an art.”

“Gason, you de only one I know kin talk tha’ much ‘bout roastin’ a fuckin’ marshmella,” Gravy said from the other side of the fire. 

“Remington Lee Gravois, you best watch your mouth,” BA’s mother said sternly.

Gravy’s face fell and he looked at the matronly woman contritely. “Regret, Maman.”

“It’s not just you, Remmy,” Mrs. B said, voice much gentler. “You boys all got mouths on ya like I have never seen. Even my Scooter has slipped up a couple times. And I know he was taught better.”

“I apologize, Mrs. B,” Hannibal said. “I’m afraid the language around base gets pretty rough at times, and we all pick it up. We forget we’re back amongst civilized people. We’ll try our best to be more respectful. Right, guys?”

Hannibal’s tone allowed no room for argument, and all of his men nodded silently. Sydney found herself following suit, knowing she wasn’t any better than the rest of the Team. Of course, there was a time when her mother could swear with the best of them. Syd had never really been taught any better.

For the first time in several months, Sydney found she could think of her mother without sadness or guilt. Having never truly allowed herself to grieve openly, she could look back over the past year and recognize that she had gone through the various stages of grief, nevertheless. She had experienced shock, followed by pain, and then anger before dipping into a deep depression over being alone in the world. 

But sitting here, with this rag-tag group of people that had become more important to her than anything in her life, she finally felt a glimmer of hope for the future. Her future. 

Laying her head on her knees, she found herself studying HM’s profile. His smile was wide and the firelight reflected in his eyes, which literally appeared to dance with amusement. He caught her gaze and gave her a surreptitious wink before continuing his chat with Trish and Ray. She closed her eyes and basked in the warmth that that little show of affection had spread through her body. 

She could imagine her life with him back in the Real World, and it was as warm and vivid and comforting as the man himself. It was more than she had ever dared hope for in the past. HM made her want to be the kind of person who deserved that life… who deserved him.

Her eyes popped open and she turned to frown into the fire. Digging her chin into her knees, she wondered what kind of person that would be. Was it someone like Katie, who selflessly helped those around her? Sydney was no Katie – never could be.

“Hey, sweetheart,” Jak said, rubbing Syd’s shoulder and giving her a light hug. “You ok?”

Looking up at Jak, Syd shrugged. “I’m ok. Just… thinking.”

Jak kissed her forehead. “Don’t hurt yourself.”

“Smart ass,” she said as she dug an elbow into his side.

“Sydney!”

Grimacing, Sydney said, “Sorry, Mrs. B.”

“Call me Mama, baby.” BA’s mother said, then waved a dismissive hand and chortled. “Ah, it’s alright, anyway… I mean, when you’re right, you’re right.”

“No doubt!” Katie said with a giggle.

Jak sat up, eyes and mouth wide with indignance.

“Hey! I think the ladies are gangin’ up on me over here.”

“Whatcha complainin’ ‘bout, Petey?” HM asked with a grin. “They only speak the truth.”

Trish snorted. “Talk about the pot calling the kettle black, HM.”

With an accepting shrug, HM glanced around the fire. 

“Hey, speaking of smart asses, where’s Face?”

Anh reached behind Jak and tapped Syd on the shoulder. Speaking in rapid Vietnamese, Syd caught the woman up on the teasing conversation. Anh’s English had improved rapidly while they were traveling together, but Syd knew she still had trouble when the conversation went too quickly.

Anh smiled at her and said, “Thank you,” in clear English.

Syd gave her a thumbs-up, and then looked up when HM stood and brushed himself off.

“Really, did anybody see where Faceman went?” HM asked, tone now worried.

“He went ta get ‘is chick aftah dine,” Gravy said. “Said she had ta work tonight.”

HM dropped back to the ground. “Oh, that girl that was with ‘im las’ night… what was ‘er name?”

“Lilly,” Kate supplied. “She seemed… nice enough.”

Glancing over at Kate, Syd could tell her friend didn’t think much of the woman Face had picked up. Not that Syd was surprised. 

Kate’s definition of ‘nice’ was very different from Face’s. 

fffff

Face rattled the ice in his empty glass with a suggestive smile at the brunette bombshell. Lilly was leggy and curvaceous, with breasts that could make a grown man weep. Face had spent some quality time exploring those lovely, firm mounds last night and was hoping to get another chance at them tonight.

Lilly had been more than happy to accompany him back to his room the night before. They had spent a few intimate hours assuaging one another’s loneliness until they were exhausted enough to fall asleep. It had been just the remedy that he needed after dinner.

The night before had been nothing compared to tonight’s dinner. With the arrival of Syd, Jak and Anh, there were now four happy couples to cope with. Ray and Trish were one thing – at least being happily married they had an excuse for hanging all over one another. But Murdock and Kate were cozy enough to about make him puke, let alone Gravy and Anh. He preferred not to even think about Sydney and Jakowski – that one bothered him way more than it should.

“Hey there, soldier,” Lilly purred as she set another whiskey in front of him. “I just talked to the boss. He said I could take off early tonight. What do you say to making love under the stars on your veranda?”

“My friends are having a bonfire tonight out on the beach,” Face said. “I was thinking we could join them for a little bit before heading up to the room.”

Sliding into the adjacent chair, she gave him a tight smile. 

“You know this is all just for fun, right, Temp?”

“Yeah. Sure.”

“It’s not that I mind playing girlfriend, but it really isn’t my style. In fact, I’m usually more of a one-night-stand kinda woman.” Her smile turned alluring as she drew tiny circles on the back of Face’s hand. “But, I really think you’re worth making an exception to that rule. You are… remarkably talented.”

Face returned the smile. “I guess we could skip the bonfire tonight.”

Lilly floated to her feet. “I just need to cash out, and then we can head upstairs.”

Watching his buxom lover glide away, Face picked up the whiskey, his mind preoccupied with thoughts of the evening ahead. He took a sip and wrinkled his nose as he swallowed.

It was watered down. 

rrrrr

Ray kissed Trish’s head, inhaling the scent of sand, sea and eucalyptus with a contented sigh. She squeezed his waist and smiled up at him.

“I wish this could last forever,” she said.

Her gaze drifted forward, and Ray followed it up just ahead of them. Jak, Sydney, Murdock and Kate walked in a loose group. Ray found the arrangement of the couples telling, and wondered idly if Trish noticed it, too.

“Ray, I’m a little… confused,” Trish murmured.

Smirking as Murdock and Syd bumped together, slightly leading Jak and Kate, who talked to one another behind them, Ray wasn’t surprised by her bewilderment. A moment later, Sydney glanced over her shoulder. She flashed him a tight smile before shifting closer to Jak and lacing her fingers into his. Jak pulled her to him and wrapped an arm around her shoulders, pressing his lips to her temple.

Ray urged Trish forward. “Yeah, I imagine you are, honey. Somethin’ tells me that our young friends up there might be kinda confused themselves.”

As they approached, Ray caught the puzzled look that Murdock was casting at Sydney. The pilot then seemed to notice that he and Trish were there and quickly moved to Kate’s side, dropping an arm around her waist.

“Hey, Ray. Trish. Didn’t realize you two were still here,” Murdock said casually. “Figgered you’d be headed back to the room for some privacy.”

Ray leveled Murdock with a challenging smirk. “Kinda like you are?”

“I s’pose,” Murdock said, tone cautious.

Waving a finger between the two younger couples, Ray asked innocently, “You all have connecting rooms, don’t you?”

Murdock’s mouth gaped slightly as he turned a pleading look on Ray, his head shaking imperceptibly. 

Sydney answered, her tone clipped. “Our rooms are next door to each other.”

“But I don’t think they connect, do they?” Kate asked, voice just a tad shrill.

Beside him, Trish pressed her lips together in censure and then hissed, “Ok, Raymond. You’ve made your point. Now you can stop.”

Ray gave Kate a little shrug. “Guess ya might not’ve noticed.”

Trish tugged on Ray’s arm. “C’mon, tiger, this is our stop. Let the kids run along and have their fun.”

Looking down at his wife, Ray caught the stealthy wink she directed at Murdock, as well as the grateful smile Murdock flashed her in return. That was when he noticed the hard set to Syd’s jaw. His pushing had obviously set her on edge. Shit.

“You’re right, honey,” Ray said hastily. “We’ll see you all tomorrow. Have a nice night.”

Murmured ‘good nights’ followed them through the side door nearest their room. 

Ray sighed as they started up the stairs. “You don’t think I screwed things up too much for Murdock, do ya, babe? Syd looked more than a little uptight about my questions.”

“There are times when you don’t seem to know when to keep your mouth shut, that’s for sure,” Trish said.

“Dammit.”

Patting his stomach, she smiled up at him. “Based on what you’ve shared with me, HM and Sydney have overcome worse things than your teasing to be together. I wouldn’t worry too much about it, honey.”

“You’re right,” Ray said in relief. “I do wonder why they’re keeping up pretenses here, though. Lew’s nowhere around.”

“They must have their reasons,” Trish said. “I’m looking forward to getting to know Sydney this week. Maybe I’ll be able to get the truth out of her.”

Ray snorted. “Good luck with that. Syd’s mighty evasive.”

“But I’m very persistent.”

He couldn’t argue with that.

mmmmm

Murdock closed the hallway door and leaned against it. Damn Ray, anyway.

“I think Ray knows,” Kate said.

“No shit? Really?” 

Kate wrinkled her nose at him. “Sydney’s right. You are a smart ass.”

“Stating the obvious, once again.” Murdock pushed off the door and headed toward the connecting room just as that door opened.

Jak came through, followed by Sydney. Making a beeline for Kate, Jak flashed Murdock a sympathetic smile as he passed. 

Eyes tight with worry, Sydney had her arms crossed as if trying to hold herself together. Thanks a million, Ray.

With a sigh, Murdock walked up and wrapped his arms around her. Keeping her arms stubbornly crossed, Sydney resisted the embrace. He sighed and put his hands on her shoulders, looking into those beautiful, blue pools intently.

“C’mon, sugar. It was kinda inevitable that one of the guys would figure it out.”

Sydney grunted. “Hannibal suspects something, too. We’re so screwed.”

“Ray and Hannibal knowing really doesn’t bother me. We’d be screwed if Lew knew something,” Murdock said. “I told you I thought it was pointless keeping the guys in the dark, anyway.”

“I agree,” Jak said. “Ray ain’t gonna rat us out.”

“And neither will Hannibal,” Kate said. “In fact, I get the impression he’d really like to help.”

Syd shrugged off Murdock’s hands and paced away from him. Her back and shoulders were stiff, jaw clenched, fingers drumming erratically on her arm.

“You are all missing the point,” she snapped, making them all jump. “I’m not worried about keeping the guys in the dark. I’m worried about being able to keep up this ruse in front of Lewis. If we can’t pull it off here, how the hell are we going to pull it off back at Nha Trang with Lew breathing down our necks?”

Murdock closed his eyes. He should have known what she was up to. Why she was being so insistent about maintaining appearances. She was treating this like a trial run. It was a test to see if they were capable of maintaining the charade. And they had failed miserably.

He took a deep breath and turned to look at her. 

“So we talk to Ray and Hannibal. See what tipped ‘em off and learn from our mistakes. We still have most of the week to work on it, and a couple more oblivious teammates to use as guinea pigs.” He flashed a cajoling grin at her. “Honest to God, sugar, if I’d known this was the final exam I woulda studied harder.”

Sydney’s shoulders finally relaxed, and she met his grin with a tired smile. “More like a midterm, but we did pretty damn awful.”

A nervous giggle from Katie drew their attention. 

“Are we ok?”

Syd smiled softly at the nurse. “Let’s not worry about it anymore tonight.”

Jak wrapped an arm around Kate, and raised an eyebrow. “And tomorrow?”

Murdock felt Syd’s hand slip into his and heaved an internal sigh of relief. She tugged him back toward the connecting room. 

“Tomorrow we’re back to the drawing board,” Syd said firmly. “Let’s agree to meet in here tomorrow morning at seven a.m. We can regroup then. Until morning… no worries.”

“Seven a.m.?” Jak groaned.

“We’ll see you then,” Murdock reiterated sternly, unwilling to chance upsetting Syd anymore tonight. 

“Fine,” Jak said. “Seven a.m. We’ll order in some breakfast.”

“It’s not that early, Petey,” Murdock said as he followed Syd toward their room.

“It’s early ‘nuff,” Jak muttered. “Now get the hell outta here so’s we can enjoy a few hours alone afore you’re knockin’ on the fuckin’ door again.”

“Thank you, Jak.” 

Sydney’s voice was gentle and sweet, and Jak gave one of those aw-shucks kind of shrugs and flashed her an affectionate smile.

“Anythin’ for you, Syd.”

Murdock was about to make a wise-ass comment when Sydney closed the door in his face. She wagged a finger under his nose.

“Don’t go there, HM Murdock. I’m warning you.”

“Jus’ wonderin’ what ‘anything’ might include…”

“I said ‘don’t,’ so don’t.”

“Just how friendly are you and Jak, sugar?”

“Friendly enough that he and Kate are willing to go to one hell of a lot of trouble to help the two of us. Need I say more?”

Murdock pressed his lips together and shook his head. “Nope.”

“Good.” 

Sydney took both of his hands to steady herself as she stood on her tiptoes to give him a warm, inviting kiss.

“What do you think about a shower?” she murmured as she pulled away.

“I could stand to wash off the salt and sand,” Murdock said in agreement. 

He watched in fascination as Syd headed toward the bathroom. She didn’t miss a beat, slipping the straps of her bathing suit off her shoulders and pushing it down over her hips as she walked. She stepped out of the suit as she was stepping through the doorway. Turning, she looked back at him, the come-hither smile on her face bringing his slowly-stiffening member to a full, throbbing hard-on. 

“Are you coming?”

He couldn’t even form a coherent response to the simple question, so he just nodded, stumbling after her while at the same time trying to get his bathing trunks off. The eight inches of rock-hard flesh standing upright between his legs seemed to be in control, pulling the rest of his body forward. His suit kept getting hung up on his erection as it twitched toward the beautiful siren that was luring him to the shower. 

Sydney chuckled and ducked into the bathroom as soon as she saw that he was following. He finally managed to trip out of his bathing suit, stepping through the door in time to watch Sydney lean over the tub to adjust the water temperature. The creamy, pale skin of her firm buttocks parted to reveal the pink folds of her womanhood, swollen and moist, promising easy entrance.

Placing his hands lightly on her hips he was pleasantly surprised when she broadened her stance. He took it as a tacit invitation, deciding to tease her. He slid his hardness between her legs, sighing at the silky feel of her crevice, her juices providing frictionless passage of his member along her slit. Though the angle was wrong for entry, he didn’t mind. This was just a prelude to what he knew would be a long evening of immersion in one another. For now, it was enough.

He leaned over her back and cupped her breasts in his hands, kneading her nipples to stiff points as he teased the back of her neck with his lips. 

God, he loved this woman.

sssss

Moaning, Sydney pressed back into him. Still bent over, she braced one hand on the edge of the tub, reaching between her legs with her other to massage HM’s length, using the motion to push him harder against her clit.

He rocked his hips back and forth in a series of shallow strokes, intensifying the need that was mounting between Sydney’s legs. She used her hand to maintain the pressure against her clit until she could no long deny the desire for more. On the next stroke, she guided him into her well, groaning with relief as he finally slid into her.

His arms wrapped around her as she braced herself more securely against the tub. Straightening somewhat, Syd positioned her hips to allow HM deeper penetration. She threw her head back against his shoulder nipping at his ear and smiling at his sharp intake of breath as she sank further onto him. 

He pulled her body tight to his with one arm as he reached between her legs with his other hand. She gasped when he found her clit, bringing her to orgasm within seconds. Each additional stroke of his long fingers jolted her entire being with electric shocks of pure pleasure that left her trembling and clinging to the arms that held her. 

She was dimly aware that he now supported her fully, gripping her firmly against him as he thrust further into her pulsing well, straining for his own release. He came moments later, exploding deep inside of her, rejuvenating her waning orgasm with another surge of pleasure that left her gasping with the intensity of the coupling.

The feel of his spent member slipping out of her brought her back to her senses. HM had taken a seat on the toilet and shifted her to his lap, cradling her like a child against his chest. Steam from the shower was thick in the air as she looked up at him, seeing the same contentment on his handsome face that she felt deep in her soul.

He smiled and stroked her cheek with his thumb.

“Wow, sugar, I was just planning to tease ya a little before our shower. That…” He leaned his forehead against hers, looking deep into her eyes. “That was mind blowing.”

Still reeling from it herself, she could only nod in agreement. Cupping his face in her hands, she pulled him in for a kiss that she hoped conveyed the depth of her own feelings for him. Feelings that she couldn’t put into words, but that she’d do anything to hold onto. Being with HM like this was the most wonderful thing that had ever happened to Sydney in her entire life. She wanted nothing more than to have it go on and on and on.

If only that were possible.


	44. Regrouping

Sydney kept her eyes closed, stubbornly resisting the tug of wakefulness that was pulling her out of the heavenly little cocoon she was wrapped in. Snuggling into the warmth of the man beside her, she sighed when HM shifted so he could wrap his arms more securely around her. 

Giving in to the urge to see him, Syd opened her eyes. She felt her lips curve up at the sight of his handsome face, still relaxed in slumber. Even asleep, he held her as if he’d never let go. She wished that they could stay here, just like this, for the rest of their lives.

“Mornin’, sugar.” 

She started and then chuckled. “I thought you were asleep.”

“I am.”

“Liar.”

His eyes popped open and he gave her a crooked grin. “Tell me somethin’, sugar. You ever find yerself wishin’ time would jus’ stop so’s you could hold onto a moment forever?”

It was disconcerting to have her thought spouted back at her so casually. 

“Like right now?” She smirked at him. “Did anyone ever tell you that you’re corny?”

“Once or twice,” he said. “But you didn’t answer my question.”

She sighed, deciding that there was no point in lying – to herself or to him. 

“Only when I’m with you.”

Grin widening, he pulled her tighter against him and kissed her nose. “See there? Ya do love me.”

“Did you ever consider the possibility that I might take it as a challenge to resist the admission? To resist you?” She poked at him playfully, her smile teasing.

The rumble of amusement in his chest vibrated through her body, leaving a pleasant tingle of happiness in its wake. 

“Thought mighta crossed my mind. But you’re here. That’s what’s important to me.”

“Me too.”

Squirming closer, she tucked her face into the curve of his neck. Under her lips she could feel the strong pulse of his heart, and the scent of his musk coupled with the ever-present hint of leather was intoxicating. Here in his arms she felt safe… happy… content… this had to be what love was.

Didn’t it? 

mmmmm

Drifting in and out, Murdock resisted the urge to look at the clock. It didn’t matter anyway. Years of telling time by his location and the angle of the sun made him acutely aware of the approach of seven a.m. without the aid of an electric time piece.

Syd was still snuggled into his side and he truly didn’t want to let the world intrude. Earlier they had spent some time talking sporadically about everything and nothing. She had finally slipped back into sleep around five-thirty and he had followed suit. 

But his sleep was fitful, and he found himself tracking the passage of time between brief, dream-filled bouts of slumber. Most of the dreams were pleasant reflections of the intimacy that he had enjoyed with Sydney during the previous two nights – intimacy that he planned to enjoy with her for the coming five nights as well. But the violence of their past intruded, too, the nightmares reminding him rudely of the reality that awaited both of them back in Nha Trang.

The muffled knock heralding the delivery of breakfast next door made it impossible to ignore the need to get moving. He kissed her lightly.

“Time to wake up, sugar,” he murmured, cheek pressed against her forehead.

“I don’t wanna.”

He chuckled. “Guess I need to remind you that this was your idea.”

Groaning, Syd cracked an eye open and looked up at him. “Go ahead. Rub it in.”

“I just did.”

She stretched, rolling away from him in the process. He sighed and pushed himself to his feet, resigned to getting dressed to go next door. That was when he remembered that he only had his swim trunks with him.

“Dammit.”

“What’s wrong?”

He turned and looked down at Syd. During the night sometime they had kicked off the sheets, so there was nothing impeding his view. The flush of desire was hard to disregard.

“All I have to wear is my swim suit.”

The appraising look she raked him with made him acutely aware of the growing physical evidence of his need. 

“Seems a shame to put on even that.”

There was a knock at the door.

He glared at it. “Dammit.”

Syd rolled to her feet and padded to the bathroom. A moment later his swim trunks came flying out and hit him in the chest.

“Get the door, flyboy.”

Pulling on his suit, he shifted to get himself situated into an almost-comfortable position before opening the connecting door. Jak leaned there, and gave him a pained smile.

“Breakfast’s here.”

Murdock jumped when a hand kneaded his butt. Then Syd ducked past him and through the door.

“Great! I’m starving.”

Murdock blew out a frustrated breath, knowing the bulge in the front of his suit was obvious. 

“Dammit.”

Adjusting himself, Jak grunted in agreement.

“Kate ain’t no better,” he muttered. “Women don’t know how good they got it bein’ able to turn it on and off like that.”

Murdock smirked at Jakowski as he moved into the room.

“Trust me, kid. They know.”

ttttt

Trish shaded her eyes with her hand, watching as her husband went to join his teammates in a game of beach volleyball. Hannibal’s idea, the game hadn’t really been optional. The naturally competitive nature of the men had ensured full participation, anyway. 

“Nice view?” 

Sydney’s teasing tone made the words sound like something between a statement and a question. Trish chuckled. 

“Definitely. Mind if I join you? You have a much better vantage point for the volleyball game than I do.”

“Be my guest,” Sydney said. “Kate, Anh and I are just enjoying the eye-candy.”

Trish spread out her towel and settled next to the three young women. Hannibal was refereeing the game. The men had split into two three-man teams, Ray, BA and Gravy on one side and HM, Jak and Face on the other. 

“Where’s Mama B?” Trish asked.

“BA said she was checking out a hula class this morning,” Kate said. “I’m kind of anxious to hear what she thinks.”

“That sounds like fun,” Trish said. “Maybe we could take a class together. What do you think?”

“What is hula?” Anh asked.

“It’s a native Hawaiian dance that tells a story,” Sydney said. “And while it does sound interesting, I was born with two left feet. I couldn’t even master the box step. No way am I going to be able to handle the hula.”

“Sure you can,” Trish said, nudging the younger woman. “Besides I think the guys would get a kick out of it if we danced for them. Come on, Syd, it could be fun.”

Sighing, Sydney said, “Let’s see what Mrs. B has to say. Something tells me that if she decides it’s something we should do, we aren’t going to have a lot of choice in the matter.”

“Game starting,” Anh said.

All eyes turned toward the court. Trish grinned. “Dang. I think I could get used to this.”

The seven men preparing to play were all dressed in swim trunks with nothing else on. The variety in the male form was amazing, and Trish found all of them attractive in their own way. Of course, she was partial to Ray, whose solid, muscular build, medium height and affable, handsome features were just about perfect in her eyes.

In contrast, BA was built like a tank, with shoulders broad enough to carry the bulky muscle mass of his ebony body. As intimidating as he appeared, when BA smiled you just couldn’t help but smile, too. She had known him longer than any of the others, and he held a special place in her heart, as did his mother.

Gravy jumped in front of BA, capturing Trish’s attention next. He was built similarly to Ray, but was shorter and more compact. Unlike BA, his skin was a warm, chocolate color, matching his eyes which always sparked with mischief. His homely face was literally transformed when he smiled, and he tended to smile quite frequently. 

Her gaze wandered to Hannibal. Since the game had started, he was the only one standing still at the moment. His feet were planted shoulder-width apart, arms akimbo, icy blue eyes scanning the playing field out of a rugged, bronzed face framed by wavy white-blond hair. The only thing Trish thought was missing to complete the image was a thunderbolt. Hannibal as Zeus, the embodiment of strength, courage and justice, appealed to her.

“Fault!” Hannibal bellowed and then pointed at Face. “Contact with the net. That’s a point. You better settle it down, boys, or you’re gonna end up giving the game away.”

Hannibal waved a hand at Ray’s side of the net. “That’s two, zip. Gravy’s serve.”

“I’ll take experience over youth any day,” Ray taunted.

“Don’ pay to get cocky, Ray,” HM said just as Gravy served.

HM set and Face spiked the ball, which hit the sand between Ray and BA. The two young men performed a leaping chest bump and then exchanged high fives with Jak.

Hannibal laughed. “Two, one. Jak’s serve. Still early in the game, boys. Let’s pick it up.”

Jak’s serve hit back court and Gravy easily returned, setting up a lengthy volley that ended when Jak passed to HM who set for Face’s spike. The ball hit the very edge of the net, and then rolled back to their side. Ray guffawed, as HM, Face and Jak stared at the ball rolling to a stop in the middle of their side of the court.

“Nice try.”

“Three, one. Ray’s serve.”

Face returned Ray’s serve with ease and then BA set Gravy for a spike, which HM returned with a diving save. This set up an erratic volley that had the ball going short and long and sideways, and ended with a wild out-of-bounds hit by BA. Murdock took off at a jog to retrieve the ball which rolled to a stop near where the women were sitting in the shade of the trees.

Sydney stretched out a leg and kicked it toward him. HM flashed her a tight smile as he scooped it from the sand.

“Thanks, Syd.” Glancing around, he asked in general, “Are you ladies enjoying the game?”

“Definitely!” Katie said with a smile.

Leaning over the petite nurse, Murdock said, “How’s ‘bout a kiss for luck?” 

Katie obliged with a peck on the lips before Murdock straightened to jog away, backward. 

“Thanks, darlin’.”

“Murdock!” Hannibal called. “Get your ass back in the game! It’s Face’s serve. Three, two. Let’s pick it up!”

Trish gave a thoughtful smile as HM spun and ran back to the court. Tall and lean in a gangly sort of way, with sinewy, well-defined muscles, Trish knew that he was deceptively strong. Warm brown eyes, set in angular features and a generous mouth that was quick to quirk up in a smile, HM was the kind of down-home handsome that women often overlooked. Chancing a furtive glance sideways at Syd, it was obvious there was at least one woman who recognized it though.

Murdock tossed the ball to Face for the serve. Murdock’s quiet good looks paled next to his best friend, who was drop-dead gorgeous. Face was like the bronzed Adonis to Hannibal’s Zeus. Clear blue eyes, chiseled, classically-handsome features, and golden hair, with a smile that could charm a snake, Face was the epitome of the ideal Greek male form. Coupled with a body that was toned and perfectly proportioned, it was no surprise that he managed to get just about any woman he wanted. 

Finally there was Jak. She didn’t really know him at all. Of course, she had never met Kyle, Jak’s predecessor. If she hadn’t known better, she would have entertained the possibility that Jak and HM were related. With brown hair, brown eyes, and the same comfortable features and ready smiles, they could easily be mistaken for brothers. Jak was shorter than HM and more heavily muscled, but their general body type wasn’t all that different. It was uncanny.

A heavy sigh caught Trish’s attention, and she chuckled at the dreamy smile on Kate’s face.

“They are all quite handsome in their own ways,” Kate said. “We’re very lucky women.”

“Yes. We are very fortunate,” Anh said.

Syd turned to look at her friend. “I heard that you and Gravy are engaged, Anh, but you haven’t spoken of it…”

Anh’s face tightened. “Gravy did ask for my hand in marriage and my mother consented.”

“Really?” Kate squealed. “That is definitely something to celebrate. How wonderful!”

“But we are not engaged. I have not agreed to marry him,” Anh said quietly.

“Well, for heaven’s sake, why not?” Kate asked in surprise. “You two seem so much in love…”

“Gravy wants to take you back to the States, doesn’t he?” Syd asked gently.

Anh nodded. “And I cannot… I cannot leave my family. They need me.”

Sydney reached across Kate and squeezed Anh’s hand. “It will all work out, Anh.”

“I love Gravy. And I love my family. I do not know what to do.”

“Aw, sweetie, what a horrible choice,” Katie whispered.

Sydney nodded. “You and Gravy need to talk it out, Anh. I’m sure he’ll understand.”

As the three young women continued to speak in hushed tones, Trish studied them. Anh tended to be very quiet, likely due to the language barrier. She was most animated and communicative with Sydney. Based on what Ray had told her, that was no surprise – the two women had spent quite a bit of time with one another under dangerous, stressful conditions. Trish found it difficult to even imagine what they had been through traveling together in North Vietnam. An experience like that was bound to form a close bond.

In her normalcy, Kate was the true oddball of the group. From a well-to-do background, she came across as kind, caring and sweet, if naive. Ray had mentioned her as HM’s new love interest, and left it at that. Though he didn’t say it, she suspected that, because of his fondness for Sydney, Ray resented Kate’s relationship with HM. Of course, after last night it was obvious that the relationship was a hoax. It made Trish very curious about the woman who was apparently complicit in a subterfuge from which she gained nothing.

That left Sydney. Trish studied the young woman who had become the most recent nonconformist addition to the Team. She felt as if she knew her already through Ray’s letters. But what Ray had shared of her most recent adventures chilled Trish to the bone. It seemed difficult to believe that the quietly pretty, petite young woman sitting next to her was a working CIA recon agent in war-torn Vietnam. That she had endured the horror of rape and could still sit there calmly watching a volleyball game and offering heartfelt sympathy to a friend seemed truly amazing to Trish, who had lived her life in a small town sheltered from such harsh realities.

With a start, Trish realized Sydney was looking at her curiously.

“Any words of wisdom, Trish?”

Trish gave Anh a compassionate smile. “I think Sydney’s right. You need to talk to Gravy. Together, you’ll find a way to make it work.”

Anh’s smile was tight. “I hope you are right.”

“I hope so too,” Trish said.

Kate stood up and held out a hand to Anh. “Come on. I’d like to introduce you to my parents.”

Standing, Anh said, “I would be honored to meet your parents, Kate.”

Linking arms with Anh, Kate said, “And I just know they’ll adore you, Anh.”

Sydney shook her head as she watched the two young women walk away. 

Trish gave her a little smile, head tilted in curiosity. “What is it?”

Hugging her knees to her chest, Syd shrugged. “Kate thinks she can fix everything with her daddy’s money. It’s sweet, but in the long run it’s pretty unrealistic.”

“Is that what she did for you and HM? Use her father’s money to fix everything for you to be together?”

Snorting, Sydney turned to look directly at Trish. “She hasn’t really fixed anything. In fact, in the end, she’s probably just made the inevitable that much more difficult.”

The intensity in those blue eyes startled Trish. “What’s the inevitable?”

Syd stared at Trish for several seconds before answering.

“The inevitable parting of the ways. The reality of my situation back in Nha Trang will not allow the relationship to continue past this week in Hawaii. The fact that you and Ray figured it out so easily clinched it. I don’t think we can pull it off back in ‘Nam and keep Lew in the dark.”

Trish sighed. “Lew – that’s your partner, right?”

“Partner. Boss.” Sydney turned to watch the game, squinting. “I’m too close to him. He’d know it was a lie. Just like you and Ray knew. Like Hannibal knows.”

“Ray and I didn’t really know, Sydney, we suspected. There is a difference.” Trish looked at her narrowly. “Is that why you were keeping on with the scam here? Ray wondered why…”

“I figured if we could do it with the Team there would be hope for when we got back to ‘Nam.” Syd sucked in a breath. “Now… well, suffice it to say I have my doubts.”

“We’ll help, Sydney.”

Sydney had turned her head pointedly away to watch the game. Trish imagined that she was only really watching one person. In Syd’s unguarded moments, how she felt about HM was as evident as the nose on her face. But those times were rare. She seemed to be pretty well practiced at hiding her true feelings.

Trish figured that was a good thing.

mbmbmb

Stepping out of the hotel, Mama B shaded her eyes to look for her Scooter. He was easy to pick out, playing volleyball with the rest of his team.

Her gaze roamed on up the beach to where Trish and Sydney sat watching the game. As she made her way toward them, she wondered idly where the other girls were. Kate and Anh seemed like real nice girls. And Trish had held a special place in Mama’s heart since the day they’d met. 

However, she wasn’t too sure about Sydney. The girl was a little strange. Scooter seemed to think quite a lot of her, which was normally enough for Mama. She was just having a hard time warming up. But she’d keep trying.

“Hey there, girls! Enjoyin’ the game?”

“Hi, Mrs. B. How were the hula lessons?” Sydney asked.

“How many times I gotta tell you to call me Mama like all the other kids, baby?”

Sydney’s smile disappeared and she glanced away. “I’m sorry…”

Mama leaned down and put a hand on the young woman’s shoulder. “I don’t want you to be sorry, baby. I just don’t want ya to feel like you have to be all formal with me.”

“Mrs. B isn’t all that formal,” Sydney said quietly.

Mama dropped into the lounge chair by Sydney and looked at her narrowly. “Why don’t you want to call me Mama?”

Pressing her lips together, Sydney kept her blue eyes averted. She seemed uncertain and nervous.

“My mother just passed away this past year and I don’t feel right calling someone else Mama.”

“Well for goodness sakes, baby, why didn’t you just say so?” Mama asked. “How’s about you call me Adele, then. If’n that makes you more comfortable.”

The smile that graced Sydney’s face was warm and grateful. “I’d like that, Adele. Thank you for understanding.”

Mama smiled and gave her a wink. “We’re all family, whatever you call me, Sydney. Don’t you forget that.”

“Ladies.”

Hannibal’s voice was close, and Mama looked up at her Scooter’s CO with raised eyebrows. The boys were still playing volleyball, so she was surprised to see him.

“Would you like your seat back, Hannibal?” she asked.

“Not at all, Mrs. B,” Hannibal said. “The guys aren’t willing to concede that they’re evenly matched. They’re determined to come to a winner. Could be a long afternoon. But I need something to drink. Can I get you anything?”

Mama settled back into the lounge chair with a sigh. “I could stand a great big glass of sweet tea, truth be told.”

“Trish? Sydney?” Hannibal asked.

“Iced tea does sound heavenly,” Trish said.

Sydney jumped to her feet. “I’ll help you, Hannibal.”

Mama didn’t miss the meaningful look that Hannibal cast at Sydney. He smiled.

“Thanks, Syd. I appreciate the help.”

As soon as they were out of earshot, Mama asked, “Tell me, Trish, you think Hannibal’s got a handle on that girl?”

Trish chuckled. “No, Mama, I don’t. Syd’s throwing the whole unit for a bit of a loop. But I have faith in them. They’ll figure it out.”

“Did you know about her mama bein’ gone?” 

“Yes. Ray told me. I should have warned you. I didn’t even think about it.”

“What happened?”

“Apparently her mom had cancer. It was a lengthy illness, and in the end there wasn’t anything they could do. I don’t know much more than that. HM probably does…”

Mama smirked. “HM, eh?” 

“Um, yeah.”

“Templeton, too, I imagine,” Mama said. “Scooter says those two boys are real protective o’ Sydney.”

Trish nodded. “I think it goes both ways.”

“Thought o’ that little girl protecting anybody seems downright silly.”

“That little girl is no one to be trifled with,” Trish said. “Ray said she’s survived two forays deep into North Vietnam, already, not to mention holding her own with one of the most experienced recon agents at Nha Trang. There’s more to Sydney than meets the eye, Mama. Don’t underestimate her.”

Mama looked toward the hotel, catching a glimpse of Sydney as Hannibal held the door open for her to go into the lobby. Next to the colonel’s tall, substantial form, Sydney looked like a child.

“Foul! BA, get on your own side of the net!” Murdock’s voice choked off toward the end of the sentence.

“You did that on purpose, fool!”

“BA, put Murdock down.”

Mama pushed herself to her feet with an amused chuckle.

“Seein’ as how Hannibal’s gone, I guess I best go get those boys back in line.”

“At least save HM,” Trish said with a laugh.

“Yeah, I’m rather fond o’ that boy myself.”


	45. Reality Intrudes on Paradise

“So what do you want to talk about, Sydney?” Hannibal asked, looking down at the little spook as they sat at the bar waiting to place their order.

She chuckled. “Am I that transparent?”

“Actually, no. You’re pretty damn good at hiding things. To be honest, it tends to piss me off.”

“I’m not that good at hiding things.”

Her smile had disappeared and she sounded disgusted – with herself. Hannibal pursed his lips and studied her silently for several seconds. Her guard was down, and she appeared to be in an unusually candid mood. Maybe he could get the truth out of her. There was certainly nothing to be lost in trying at this point.

“You know, kiddo, if you’re talking about you and Murdock – that was an exercise in futility. It had nothing to do with the mechanics. You’ve both… all… been putting on a damn good front. But I know Murdock. His turnabout on this one was way too smooth and uneventful. He never gives in that easy – especially not where Lewis is involved.”

“I thought things got pretty eventful at the airfield just before you left for Hawaii.”

Hannibal snorted. “Both Murdock and Lewis walked away without throwing a punch. That was a non-event.”

Sydney sighed. “The problem is that I think Lewis will figure it out, too. You know how closely I’ve ended up working with him. I can’t pull it off.”

So the whole thing was a sham. Hannibal felt his lips turn up in a self-satisfied smile. Sydney and Murdock were together. He couldn’t really explain it, but something about Murdock with Kate had felt very wrong. Knowing it was a hoax made Hannibal feel more comfortable with the overall situation. Yeah, this is more like it.

“What’ll you have?” 

Hannibal looked up to find the bartender looking at him expectantly.

“Couple shots of your top shelf whiskey, to start,” he said.

The drinks appeared and Hannibal pushed one in front of Sydney. He picked his up and held it out to her. “Cheers.”

Syd picked up her glass and clinked it against his. “Cheers.”

He took a small sip, determined to thoroughly enjoy the premium drink. In contrast, Sydney knocked the entire contents of hers back in a single shot. Setting the empty glass down, she cast a calculating look at Hannibal. 

Clearing her throat, Syd said, “That’s not what I wanted to talk to you about, anyway.”

“It isn’t?” 

The bartender had unobtrusively refilled Sydney’s shot glass. She swirled the amber liquid, looking into it as if it were a crystal ball. 

“No. I… I’ve been wanting to talk to you about Campbell.”

Hannibal had been slowly savoring the deliciously oakey top shelf whiskey, but mention of Campbell caused him to toss the remainder back in a single swig. He wasn’t sure if he was up to this particular topic of conversation.

He slammed the glass back to the bar and motioned at the bartender. His voice was rough from the sear of the liquid coursing down his throat. “Campbell committed suicide. Case closed.”

Out of the corner of his eye, Hannibal could see the disbelieving look on her face as Sydney stared at him, lips parted, eyes narrowed. 

Avoiding looking directly at her, Hannibal stopped the bartender as he turned from filling his glass. “Leave the bottle.”

Shaking her head, Sydney muttered, “Bullshit.”

She once again shot her drink and then snatched the bottle from where the bartender had just set it. Turning toward the booths at the back of the bar, Syd strode away. Hannibal stared after her for a few seconds before pounding his own drink and then following. If they were going to talk about Campbell he was going to need a lot more booze.

Top shelf was probably an expensive call.

Sitting down in a secluded booth, Syd filled her glass and then filled Hannibal’s as he took a seat across from her.

The bottle hitting the table startled Hannibal, who was contemplating his drink. He looked up to find Sydney peering at him with an intensity that just didn’t fit the setting. It did, however, suit the subject and he met the gaze with a determinedly thick expression.

“What?”

“You don’t believe that any more than I do, Hannibal.” 

“It doesn’t matter what I believe. It’s what the Army believes and so it’s the truth.” 

Hannibal smirked at the irony of the statement, even as Sydney responded. 

“’Unthinking respect for authority is the greatest enemy of truth,’” Sydney quoted and then cocked an eyebrow at him. “And it definitely isn’t your style.”

Hannibal sat back, chuckling. With each passing encounter with Sydney, his certainty that she belonged on his team solidified. But what she was delving into was dangerous in a way far removed from the war and he wasn’t sure either one of them was equipped for combating this particular enemy.

“Quoting Albert Einstein at me isn’t going to change the official truth. Campbell is home and buried by now and his family deserves some peace.”

“His family deserves to know that he didn’t die a coward,” Sydney spat, eyes flashing in a sudden show of anger. “Ryan Campbell may not have been squeaky clean, but he was killed for trying to do the right thing. He did not commit suicide.”

Hannibal’s eyes narrowed. “What the hell do you know that the rest of us don’t, Sydney?”

A slow blink hid the brilliant blue of her eyes for several seconds, and then she looked away. She had said more than she intended. 

“What is it, Syd?” he asked gently.

“I know you warned me off, Colonel…”

She sounded apologetic, and Hannibal sighed.

“It’s ok, kiddo. Truth is I knew you’d be hard pressed to stay away from it once I got you involved. It’s my own damn fault.”

“Actually, I would have been involved with or without you,” Syd said. She met his gaze steadily. “The morning of the debriefing, I overheard part of a conversation between Campbell and Morrison that piqued my interest. I was determined to talk to Campbell afterwards, but hadn’t managed it. Then, of course, he was dead…”

“And you had to know why,” Hannibal finished. “Tell me about this conversation.”

Sydney related what she had overheard between Morrison and Campbell. In fact, it sounded like she was repeating it verbatim.

“You’re sure you’re remembering correctly?” Hannibal asked.

Sydney’s expression was confident, if grim. “I’m certain. Of course, I didn’t know about what had happened on the mission until afterwards. Murdock never said anything, but Ray told me they tried to pin it on him. Is that true?”

Hannibal ground his teeth. “Campbell stuck to his story until it looked like Morrison was going so far as to send the case to an Article 32 hearing with Murdock in the crosshairs. That was when he finally stepped forward and took full responsibility for what had happened. He even pulled me aside and apologized, telling me what an exceptional officer he thought Murdock was. The whole thing was fucking weird.”

“When did all of this happen?” 

“The Wednesday before the debriefing.”

“The day before Campbell was killed?”

Nodding, Hannibal said, “When I first found Campbell’s body my biggest concern was that Morrison would push forward with the hearing and try to court martial my pilot. But he backed off and I…”

Hannibal stopped and looked at Sydney who gave him a tight smile.

“You tread softly over the Campbell thing because you didn’t want to prompt further investigation into the death of Campbell’s men.”

“It wasn’t worth risking Murdock’s career over, Syd,” Hannibal said.

“I wonder if that was the plan all along, or just a collateral benefit,” Sydney said, tone bitter. “I think when Campbell flaunted the initial plan it pissed someone off and shifted the target off Murdock and onto the colonel. It was a warning to others – fall in line, or else.”

Hannibal stared at Sydney in consternation. “Others? What others?”

What the hell was she talking about?

sssss

Weighing the wisdom of opening up to Hannibal, Sydney knew she was taking a calculated risk. Despite Quinn’s orders to trust no one, Sydney did trust Hannibal Smith – almost as unreservedly as she trusted Murdock. She was tired of putting all of her faith in a ghost supervisor that had done little to help her thus far. She needed some flesh and blood support moving forward.

But she still needed to be careful.

She sat back and looked at Hannibal narrowly. “I’m not sure, but Cartwright is involved, as is Lionel Warrington. I overheard them the day after the debriefing, talking in Campbell’s hooch. Cartwright said Campbell was an example to the entire network and that Warrington had better heed the warning – especially after the cleansing up in Da Nang. Warrington told Cartwright to tell the boss he wanted his money and then he wanted out.”

“Cleansing? That sounds ominous. And exactly what is this network that Warrington apparently wanted out of?”

Syd shrugged, letting the silence stretch as Hannibal processed the information she’d provided. The colonel poured himself another drink and sipped it. Finally, he looked at her directly.

“What else?”

“Right after Warrington left him, Campbell went to see Morrison.”

Jaw clenching, Hannibal asked, “So?”

“So… that’s all I’ve got. Cartwright made me. Morrison wasn’t in anyway. Cartwright took off after that, and I couldn’t follow him.”

“Why are you telling me this, Sydney? What do you want from me?”

She spoke slowly, choosing her words with care. “I want… you… to be very careful where Morrison is concerned.”

“You think Morrison is involved in this… network somehow?”

Chewing her lip, Syd hedged. “I don’t think it can be disregarded as a possibility.”

Hannibal leaned forward. “Spoken like a true spook. Tell me, SA Wilson, did you hang up your USO costume for a recon agent disguise?” 

Syd lifted her eyes and stared at Hannibal, unblinking. She might trust him, but she was resolved to maintain her current ‘cover.’ 

“No. But at the end of my undercover stint with the USO I took a lot of heat. The smuggling network that I was investigating imploded at Da Nang. Does that sound like ‘cleansing’ to you? I don’t believe in coincidence, Colonel. And while I left that assignment behind to take this recon position, it doesn’t mean I’m fucking blind to the implications of what I’ve witnessed.”

Hannibal leveled her with a piercing look. “General Morrison is a highly-decorated career Army man and these are very serious allegations you’re making, Sydney. You have no hard evidence and all of your proof is your own hearsay, so basically it’s your word against his. You could be making the whole thing up.”

Sydney was stung to the quick by Hannibal’s apparent lack of confidence. “If that’s what you think then I guess we have nothing further to discuss.” 

She slid over in the bench seat so she could stand.

Hannibal’s chuckle stopped her. “Stay put, Sydney. I’m not saying that I think you’re lying. I’m just trying to demonstrate how flimsy your case is.”

Slumping back into the seat, Sydney sighed. “I know.”

Hannibal sat forward. “Do you? Given the lack of evidence, I’m… concerned about you revealing yourself as the only witness to these meetings. You are wading into shark-infested waters if you pursue this. And as an old shark myself, you look like tender, fresh meat to me.”

“Are you warning me off, again?”

“Would it do me any good?”

“No.”

“I didn’t think so,” Hannibal said, a small smile playing around his mouth. “You are one maddening young woman, Sydney. I admire that.”

Syd flushed at the odd praise but was unsure how to proceed. “I think that finding out what happened to Campbell, and why, could lead further up the ladder of the smuggling organization.”

“Is that your plan?”

“I… don’t really have a plan, per se…”

“Moving forward without a plan in this situation is like committing suicide, Sydney. I will not allow you to join Campbell in the morgue.”

“What do you suggest?”

“I suggest proceeding very cautiously.”

Sydney grimaced. “That doesn’t really help, Colonel.”

Hannibal’s responding chuckle was self-deprecating. “How about you give me some time to digest what you’ve told me. By the time we head back to Nha Trang I’ll have some suggestions for you. Meanwhile, there is still the more immediate issue of you and Murdock that we need to address.”

Pressing her lips into a thin line, Syd crossed her arms and scowled at him. “I told you. I work too closely with Lewis. If we couldn’t pull it off with you and Ray, how the hell am I supposed to pull it off with Lew?”

“You can do it, Sydney. I know you can. And in this particular situation we have one luxury – time. You just need a little more coaching and practice and we have the rest of the week for that.”

Sydney sighed in resignation. She wasn’t going to get out of this discussion as she had hoped. 

“What do you have in mind, Hannibal?”

hhhhh

Hannibal grinned and rubbed his hands together. Despite being very concerned about what Sydney had told him, he relegated that to the background where it could brew until he had time to come up with a path forward. The problem of Murdock and Sydney, he already had a plan to address.

“Now, Face doesn’t know – I know because I talked to him this morning and he was still blissfully ignorant. Personally, I think that alone is quite the feat given how close he and Murdock are. So, I’m thinking we can use him as our litmus test. If you can keep him in the dark the rest of the time we’re in Hawaii, then you’ll be ready for Lewis.”

“Face doesn’t know?” Sydney’s eyes went wide with surprise.

“He doesn’t have a clue. In fact, he was pretty darned resentful about you and Jakowski. It was kind of funny…”

Hannibal stopped. He’d found Face’s reaction to talk of Syd and Jak rather perplexing. While he knew Face considered Murdock his best friend, the response had seemed excessive. 

“I don’t know, Hannibal…”

Hannibal drained the last of his current shot and filled his glass again. Sitting back, he looked at Syd over the rim of the glass as he took a sip, letting the whiskey slide around his tongue so he could savor the flavors that tickled the various taste centers. Damn, that’s good stuff. 

“Let’s take this one step at a time, Syd,” Hannibal said. “We have six more days in Hawaii –”

“Jak and I only have four more.”

“Four more days in Hawaii to work on your game faces,” Hannibal continued smoothly, as if uninterrupted. “Ray, Trish and I have already discussed your tipoffs so we can coach you. Once we’re back in Nha Trang we’ll play it cool and get a feel for Lew’s level of suspicion.”

“He’s going to be suspicious.”

“In preparation we can develop some tactics for use back on base to reinforce the illusion that you’re with Jak and Murdock’s with Kate. I already have some ideas there…”

“Hannibal –”

“We can strengthen the separate vacations fairly easily, too. It sounded like you and Kate had that pretty well in hand already but with a little bit of effort we can make it nearly irrefutable.”

“Hannibal, I don’t think –”

He cut her off with a sharp glance. 

“Don’t argue with me, Sydney.”

sssss

Syd took a deep breath, picked up her drink and tossed it back. When Hannibal went to refill her glass, she prevented it by flipping it over and slamming it back to the table. 

“You need to listen to me, Colonel.”

His responding smirk was the last straw. She’d had enough – of both booze and Colonel Smith’s damned interference in her private life. 

“So tell me, SA Wilson, just what do I need to listen to?”

So we’re going formal, huh? Syd shrugged in acceptance.

“This is a personal matter, Colonel Smith,” Sydney said stiffly, holding Hannibal’s gaze. “While I appreciate the help, don’t go overboard. A little guidance on keeping up appearances is all we’re really asking for.”

“We’ve talked about this independent bullshit, Wilson,” Hannibal said. “We’re a team – both on and off the field – that’s what makes this work.”

“Shuai-jan?” Sydney couldn’t disguise her snide tone. “It’s a nice ideal, Colonel, but in practice it’s hardly tenable. We all have to stand on our own two feet once in a while. Given my peripheral attachment to the Team, that’s especially true for me.”

“But when under attack, we always pull together,” Hannibal said softly. “I think this qualifies.”

“I don’t want the Team embroiled in a mess over my relationship with HM.” 

Looking at Hannibal with what she hoped was a stern, uncompromising expression, Syd could see the wheels turning behind the colonel’s icy blue gaze. He wasn’t done arguing, that much was obvious.

He was a difficult man to argue with, and she was worried that she was going to lose this one. If something happened to the Team because of her, she wasn’t sure she could live with herself.

“Alright, Sydney. Here’s the deal. Even if I told you I’d stay out of it, you know I wouldn’t,” Hannibal smirked. “Kind of like you won’t leave this Campbell business alone. So… I’d say we’re at a stalemate. You tell me – how are we going to get past this?”

She stared at him, tears pricking at her eyes. As much as she wished he would stay out of it, she couldn’t deny that his persistent interference was personally touching. 

Sighing, she said, “I don’t know, Hannibal. But I do appreciate your candor.”

Hannibal chuckled. “I’m nothing if not candid.”

Nodding in agreement, Sydney said, “Since we’re being candid, I’m kind of surprised you let me into the Team. We seldom seem to see eye to eye on anything.”

“I’m not interested in recruiting people that see the world the same way I do, kiddo,” Hannibal said with a grin and wink. “I mean, really, where’s the fun in that?”

Syd raised her eyebrows at him. “You didn’t recruit me. I showed up on your doorstep and refused to be ignored.”

“Which was an interesting and unusual first step,” Hannibal said. “Most of the guys showed up in the stockade and I recruited them from there. However, I think you might have been on your way to the stockade if Lewis and I hadn’t stepped in.”

Sitting back, Syd admitted, “You could be right…”

“You know, come to think of it, that’s about where I found Murdock, too,” Hannibal said with a chuckle. “His CO was ready to court martial him when I stepped in. Kid thought I did him a favor, but really, he’d done me a bigger one already – and many more since.”

“Waxing philosophical now, Hannibal?” Syd asked with a smile. The whiskey was definitely making the colonel more open than usual. And she was really enjoying the conversation.

“You want to talk philosophical? My philosophy can be wrapped up in one simple word.” Hannibal held up an index finger and waved it in her face. “Dare.”

“Dare?” 

A vivid light burned in the colonel’s eyes and he turned the full intensity of that gaze on her.

“Dare to be different. Dare to tell the establishment that it’s full of shit. Dare to do what others say can’t be done. Dare. It’s a powerful word, Sydney. And you… you are the embodiment of that philosophy. You are a woman daring to make your way in a man’s world when nearly everyone around you is saying that you should be a good girl and go home.” Hannibal thumped a hand on the table. “I respect that.”

The pride that swelled Syd’s chest was directly proportional to her admiration of Hannibal. He was responsible for the development of an alpha team that was second to none in Vietnam. Unlike the standard command and control structure of most of the Army, Hannibal had dared to make his team about mutual respect and selflessness.

She grinned as a thought occurred to her.

Colonel John ‘Hannibal’ Smith was the ultimate daredevil.


	46. Unresolved

Trish stood and brushed herself off as Mama walked in her direction with six dripping men following her. After dressing them down for bickering, she had sent them into the surf to rinse off sweat and sand. They looked like a band of bedraggled street urchins following a matronly mission worker.

“Honest to goodness,” Mama huffed. “You boys need to chill out. It is a game.”

“But, Mama, we tied. The game ain’t over,” BA said.

“It’s over ‘cause I say it’s over, Scooter,” Mama said. Heaving an exasperated sigh, she looked at Trish. “Where is Hannibal?”

Trish shrugged. “He and Syd haven’t come back yet.”

“Well, howdya like that? C’mon, y’all, dry yourselves off and we’ll take the party to them,” Mama said. “We all need to get somethin’ cool to drink, anyhow.”

The guys toweled off and then they started toward the hotel.

“Hey, Trish,” Murdock’s hand touched her shoulder. “Where’s Katie?”

Smiling at the pilot, she said, “She took Anh to meet her parents.”

Jak said, “Oh, they must be out at the pool.”

“There’s a pool here?” Face asked. “Why do they have a pool with this gorgeous beach?”

“Some people, like Katie’s parents, don’t care for the sand and salt,” Jak said.

Face’s brow furrowed. Trish had to stifle laughter at the furious look HM flashed at Jak. Putting a hand on his peter pilot’s shoulder, HM wedged himself between Jak and Face, turning a cajoling smile on his best friend.

“Yeah, Katie was talkin’ ‘bout that at breakfast this morning – how her folks hate gettin’ all sandy and salty. They prefer the sterile setting of the pool ‘cause of it. No accountin’ for taste, huh, Faceman?”

Face shrugged. “Guess not.”

fffff

“There they are,” Face said.

There was no mistaking Hannibal’s white-blond head of hair, even from the back. And by now, Syd’s broad, expressive features were comfortably familiar to him. Face grinned at her as he stepped into the seat of the table behind her. Climbing over the shared back of the adjacent booths, he rested his feet on Syd’s bench as he planted his butt on the connecting back.

“Hey, Syd, Hannibal? You two get lost?”

Hannibal lifted the bottle. “Sydney and I were just enjoying a few drinks and… a friendly debate.”

Having crawled into the adjacent booth to perch immediately behind Syd, arms resting on the connecting back and chin propped on a hand, Murdock gazed at their CO.

“And what’re ya debating, Colonel?”

Syd tipped back her head with a chuckle. “Wouldn’t you like to know?”

“I would,” Murdock answered. “Or I wouldn’t have asked.”

Nudging Syd with a knee, Face said, “C’mon, Syd, spill. Half a bottle of whiskey had to have made for an interesting debate no matter what the topic was.”

“What are we debating?” Jak asked as he slid into the seat next to Sydney.

Jak smiled at her and dipped his head for a quick kiss. Face scowled at him.

He was really starting to dislike Jakowski. Turning back to focus on his CO, Face prodded.

“Well? Are you gonna share?”

hhhhh

Hannibal cocked an eyebrow at Face. Certain that the kid’s blatant dislike for Jak had nothing to do with Jak himself, Hannibal wondered about the apparent intensity of that dislike. It wasn’t Face’s style to be so indignant on behalf of someone else. Not that Hannibal questioned Face’s friendship with Murdock – the two young men were as close as any brothers – but Face just didn’t usually exhibit that much selflessness. No, something else was up there.

“Sydney and I were just discussing events back at Nha Trang. Not really anything that concerns you guys,” Hannibal said dismissively.

“That was a surefire way to keep them curious, Hannibal,” Sydney said with a laugh.

Hannibal grinned at her. “Like there was anything I could have said that would stop that.”

“Good point,” Syd conceded.

“So what was the topic?” Murdock persisted.

Hannibal exchanged a look with Syd, who shook her head slightly; glanced at Face who shifted forward, blue eyes glinting with curiosity; and then shrugged as he met Murdock’s unwavering gaze.

“We were discussing Campbell’s death.”

Murdock’s entire face tightened. “I don’t wanna hear any more.”

Shoving out of the booth, Murdock strode away without a glance back. Syd’s eyes followed him to the bar. There he ordered a beer before joining Ray and Trish who had taken seats on nearby stools.

“Way to drive him away, Hannibal,” Face said sourly. “You know Campbell’s a sore subject.”

“He asked,” Hannibal responded mildly. It was difficult to ignore Sydney’s obvious irritation with him, though.

“Besides,” Face said, “you said it was a debate. Campbell committed suicide. What’s to debate?”

“Nothing,” Sydney said, voice flat.

Sliding down onto the bench next to Syd, Face leaned forward. He looked up into her eyes, searching, “You don’t think Campbell committed suicide.”

Jak’s gaze swept the three other occupants of the table curiously. “Campbell? He’s that colonel that shot hisself in his hooch a couple months ago, ain’t he?”

“Yes,” Hannibal said. “But Syd doesn’t think he shot himself.”

Face was still staring at Syd intently. “Why?”

The simple question was followed by several silent seconds as Syd and Face’s eyes met and locked. To the casual observer, their soundless battle of wills could easily have been mistaken for a tete-a-tete between two lovers.

Shaking his head, Hannibal had to admit that he found their relationship mystifying, at least on Face’s part. His first lieutenant generally had two modes for interacting with a woman that was his age – on and off. Trish and Anh he was definitely off with. Though he would make pleasant conversation with them, even Trish couldn’t truly engage him. Hannibal had always assumed that this was because neither young woman had anything to offer the conman aside from nice scenery – they were both totally out-of-bounds as sexual partners and therefore uninteresting to the lustful young man.

But Face was different with Sydney and Hannibal couldn’t quite put his finger on it. From a sexual conquest standpoint she was as off-limits as Anh or Trish, and yet Face interacted with her on a far more personal level than either of the other two women.

He was still puzzling over this when Sydney blew out a breath and scowled at Face. “It’s a long story and I just got done telling it. I need a glass of water. Look out, Jakowski.”

The three men were left gaping after Sydney as she moved to join Mrs. B who was talking with the bartender.

Jak leaned on the edge of the table and rubbed his side where Syd had elbowed him. “She can be one cantankerous little filly when she wants.”

Face gave Jak a sour look and then turned to Hannibal to ask, “So what the hell is Syd getting herself into now?”

With a dry bark of laughter, Hannibal provided an answer to what was becoming a rhetorical question where their little spook was concerned.

“Trouble.”

mmmmm

Murdock’s gaze followed Syd to the bar before roaming back to study Hannibal.

“What’s wrong, kid?”

Ray’s voice startled him out of spiraling thoughts about what had happened nearly two months ago. The whole thing had shaken his confidence and made him paranoid to boot. Having finally put it all in the past, Murdock wasn’t thrilled with the idea that Syd was dredging it up by asking questions about Campbell’s death.

Looking down into his beer, he mumbled, “Nuthin’.”

“You know, HM, there are times when you lie horribly,” Trish said with a gentle smile.

He grinned at Trish, but when he met Ray’s gaze, Murdock knew he wasn’t going to be able to avoid answering the question.

“Syd’s askin’ questions about Campbell’s death,” he said with a resigned sigh. “And you know that’s bound to lead to questions about my involvement in what happened to Campbell’s men…”

Ray grimaced. “Dammit, I told Syd to leave it alone.”

With an unamused snort, Murdock said, “You really thought tellin’ her to leave it alone was gonna work? Man, Ray, you ain’t as bright as I thought.”

“Shut up.”

Murdock tilted his head to the side. “When was this?”

“It all happened right after the mission debriefing…”

“Right around when Campbell shot himself,” Murdock said with a smirk. “I shoulda known. How’d Syd get involved?”

Ray pressed his lips together, brows knitted over apologetic brown eyes, but Murdock didn’t get an actual answer to his question. Trish’s gasp caught both their attention. She looked totally mortified.

“Someone shot themselves? You didn’t tell me about that, Raymond!”

Ray shushed her, hand moving in a soothing caress up and down her arm. “No, I didn’t. Because it didn’t really involve the Team, babe. There’re lots of things I don’t tell you...”

That had been the wrong thing to say. Ray seemed to realize it a split second later than Murdock and started to back-pedal immediately.

“I mean, I always let you know about what’s going on with the guys –”

“But not about HM and Campbell’s men?” She looked directly at Murdock. “What happened, HM?”

Frowning, Murdock said, “It’s complicated, Trish.”

“HM didn’t do anything wrong,” Ray said sternly. “It was a case of simple miscommunication –”

“That involved me, Ray,” Murdock said flatly. “Who knows? Maybe I did tell Campbell the wrong time.”

“You did not.” Ray’s voice was low and intense. He turned and looked at Trish. “And the whole mess happened two fucking months ago. Murdock was cleared and Campbell is dead. The subject is closed.”

Trish’s eyes narrowed, gaze straying from Murdock’s face to look behind him, as she said, “Obviously Sydney doesn’t agree.”

Glancing over his own shoulder, Murdock watched Syd move with Mama to join BA and Gravy at the high tables that overlooked the patio. Behind them, sand and ocean stretched to the horizon, the view serene and calming. Unfortunately, the topic at hand was just the opposite, dredging up unresolved feelings of self-doubt and paralyzing guilt.

Why the hell did Syd have to go and bring this up?

sssss

Unable to force herself to ignore Murdock, Syd was immediately cognizant of the accusing look he directed at her.

Damn Hannibal, anyway.

Why had the colonel been so blunt? They could easily have diverted the guys with some innocuous subject. There was no reason to reveal the true nature of their discussion. No reason whatsoever.

“Hey, li’l sis, look over there,” BA said, his wide smile infectious as he motioned in the corner behind the bar. “They got a piano in here. You oughta show Mama how good you play.”

“You play pie-ano, baby?” Adele beamed. “I just love listening to the pie-ano. Reminds me of my mama.”

Grateful for the distraction, Sydney asked, “Did your mother play classical or modern, Adele?”

With a hearty laugh, Adele said, “She played ragtime, baby.”

Syd grinned, “Hm, I’m not sure which that would be…”

“Me neither,” Adele chortled. “Me neither.”

“Did I hear somebody say Syd was gonna play piano?” Face asked as he walked up, followed closely by Hannibal.

Jak trailed after them, looking at Syd questioningly. “You play piano, Syd? That’s so cool!”

“Not only does she play piano, but she’s got a pretty decent set o’ pipes,” Murdock said.

Trish clapped her hands as she and Ray joined them. “Oh, I would love to hear you play, Sydney!”

“So what do ya say, kiddo?” Hannibal asked, an eyebrow cocked at her. “Gonna give us some free entertainment?”

“Um…” Syd glanced around the group. “I’m sure the hotel doesn’t let just anybody play…”

Murdock turned and waved at the bartender. “Hey, you got a problem if our friend here borrows yer piano for a while?”

“Be my guest. Our piano player flaked out a week ago and the thing’s been gathering dust ever since.”

The challenging grin Murdock turned on her was not only annoying, but beguiling. “See there. Piano’s all yours.”

“Go on, baby,” Adele said with an encouraging smile. “Why doncha play for us?”

Wiping her hands down her thighs as she stood, Syd approached the piano slowly. She hated being put on the spot like this, but the thought of losing herself in music had a definite appeal.

She hadn’t played since she’d left Da Nang, and she missed it. Playing had always been a panacea for whatever was stressing her. She had spent much of her early childhood sitting next to her mother on a piano bench. Some of the best times of her life had been when her mother was working as a lounge musician. Though she had been glad when her mother left that life behind to focus on raising her daughter, the influence of the music had forever left its mark on Sydney.

Sliding onto the bench of the beautiful, ebony baby grand, Syd flexed her hands experimentally and looked around. The lovely piano was the centerpiece of a low circular stage in the octagonal atrium behind the bar. It was strategically situated such that it was somewhat apart from the bar, but its music would easily filter throughout the large room and on into the lobby, drawing in customers.

She ran her fingers up and down a few simple scales, the rich tones reverberating around her, vivid and rejuvenating. She smiled.

“Any requests?”

The entire group had followed, but her gaze was inevitably drawn to HM’s handsome face. She knew that that fact alone was probably revealing about their relationship, but it was something that she could not seem to control. Deliberately turning away from him, she found herself looking at Jak who gave her a lopsided grin.

“How’s ‘bout you pick, sweetheart? I jus’ wanna hear ya sing.”

Syd played a few random chords and then grinned. “Have you ever heard of Laura Nyro?”

Most of the crew gathered around the piano shook their heads, except HM.

“Yeah! Eli and the Thirteenth Confession – amazing album.”

“Never heard of her,” Face said.

“You pr’y know her music though, Faceman,” Murdock said.

Syd nodded agreement as she began playing.

_I’m not scared of dyin’ and I don’t really care._   
_If it’s peace you find in dyin’ well then let the time be near._   
_If it’s peace you find in dyin then when dyin’ time is near,_   
_Just bundle up my coffin ‘cause it’s cold way down there._   
_I hear that it’s cold way down there. Yeah._   
_Crazy cold way down there._   
_And when I die and when I'm gone,_   
_There'll be one child born and a world to carry on… to carry on._

“Wait a minute,” Face said. “That’s Blood, Sweat and Tears.”

“Actually, Peter, Paul and Mary recorded it first, but Laura Nyro wrote it – when she was like sixteen years old,” Murdock said. “She also wrote _Eli’s Comin’_ –”

“Three Dog Night recorded that!” Jak said. “They’re one of my favorite bands.”

“You boys need to hush up and let the girl sing,” Mama said sharply, then she gave Syd a warm smile. “You go on, baby.”

By the time Syd finished that song, the bar was starting to fill up and more people had gathered around the tiny atrium that the piano was in. The crowd forced their group to gather closer to Sydney, Face and Jak perching on either side of her on the bench and the others pressing in around them.

“Hey, Syd, do ya know _Stoned Soul Picnic_?” HM asked to the fading smattering of applause that accompanied the end of _And When I Die_.

She smiled at him. “Yes. But I think I’ll need help with that one.”

And with that, Syd surried into a relaxing afternoon of music. She didn’t even think about Campbell, or Lewis, or any of the unpleasant things that awaited her back in Vietnam.

But it still fermented at the back of her mind.

fffff

Having sat down next to Syd when she first started to play, Face found himself totally hemmed in. Jakowski had made his way around to sit on her other side. Luckily, Syd was totally wrapped up in the music, and pretty much ignored Jak. Of course, she was ignoring him, too, but Face didn’t mind much.

It was now early evening, and Face’s stomach rumbled. He leaned in and spoke in Syd’s ear as she wrapped up a rousing rendition of an old drinking song called Quiet Whiskey.

“Where’d you learn all these songs? That one was hilarious.”

Syd turned and gave Face a wide smile. He couldn’t help but grin back.

“You know, Face, it’s particularly funny to someone who’s had too much to drink.”

“That would include me!”

“I know this,” Syd said, laughing as she indicated the collection of empty beer bottles lining the piano in front of Face.

“Hey, Syd, we’re starvin’ here,” Murdock called from where he was wedged into the space between the bench and the wall.

“Please, Syd,” Kate said. “I promised Mum and Daddy that we’d meet them at the hotel restaurant at seven and it’s almost that now.”

Kate had managed to work her way into the space between Murdock and Jak, which had to have been quite the task given the press of people around the piano and the fact that she’d arrived only about an hour before. Glancing to Murdock’s left, Face saw that Anh had joined Gravy, and next to them Ray stood with his arms wrapped around Trish.

Just fucking great.

“How about you? You ready for food, Face?”

He realized with a start that Syd was talking to him. Her blue eyes were fixed on him as she waited patiently for an answer.

The stupid smile on his face was involuntary. “I’m hungry.”

“I’m getting pretty hungry too. But how are we gonna get outta here?”

“That’s easy,” Face said. Pushing to his feet, he stuck his index fingers into the corners of his mouth and let loose a shrill whistle. The rumble of voices in the bar silenced. “Alright, folks, that’s the end of the show for tonight.”

A chorus of ‘aw’s accompanied the announcement. Face raised a hand. “I know, I know, but the lady’s gotta eat sometime. If you could, please, make a path so we can get out of here, we’ll leave you to enjoy the rest of your evening.”

Slowly a path opened up extending from Face to the door. He held out a hand and bowed. “After you, my lady.”

“Thanks, Face.”

He followed close behind her, fending off Jakowski as well as a couple of guys that tried to pick her up on the way out of the bar. In the lobby Syd stopped to wait for the rest of their group to gather. Jak moved to her side, wrapping an arm around her waist. Grinding his teeth, Face allowed the others to crowd in front of him.

Glancing back toward the bar, he considered finding Lilly. But given how busy it was, he knew she wouldn’t be getting off early like she had the day before.

“Are you coming, Face?”

He looked down at Sydney, who had left Jakowski’s side to come back and pluck at his arm. Looking over to where Jak was standing talking to Kate and Murdock while they waited for the restaurant hostess, Face grimaced.

“What’re ya doin’ with Jakowski, Syd?”

Syd’s eyebrows shot up and she put her hands on her hips. “The only thing I’m doing right now is trying to get something to eat. I thought you were hungry.”

“I guess.”

Tucking a hand into the crook of his elbow, Syd pulled him toward the restaurant.

“I don’t understand what’s up with you the last couple days, Face,” Syd said with a shake of her head. “It’s like you don’t wanna hang out with us.”

“That’s not true.” At least not totally.

Accompanying her reluctantly, Face took a couple steps before resisting being pulled into the midst of the four couples again. Instead, he steered Syd to the side and away from the group. The only thing that made the prospect of dinner tolerable was that Syd was currently hanging on his arm instead of Jakowski’s.

Kurt and Kathryn Evans appeared and stopped to talk to Kate and Murdock. Syd patted Face’s arm.

“I should go say hello to Kurt and Kathryn. Have you met them, yet?”

Holding back, Face forced Syd to choose whether to join the others or stay with him. He was gratified when she stopped and cast a questioning look at him.

“What is it, Face?”

“I’m just not sure I’m ready to meet Murdock’s future in-laws,” Face said with a well-timed grimace.

“They’re Kate’s parents, not Murdock’s future in-laws.”

“There’s a difference?”

“Are you still being indignant for me, Face?”

“Come on, Syd, I’m not stupid, and I’m definitely not blind. I know the truth.”

“You do?” Syd snapped.

“Of course I do,” Face said quietly. “You’re one of my best friends. You may be with Jakowski, but I know you’re still carrying a torch for Murdock.”

“Oh.” Syd’s face fell, and she sighed. “Face…”

“Don’t try to deny it, Syd. Casual sex between friends isn’t a new concept. I’m sure Jakowski doesn’t mind. I mean, what guy would?”

Sydney stared at him mutely for several seconds before shaking her head. “So let me get this straight. I’m having casual sex with Jak, as opposed to the serious sex I might have with Murdock?”

Face shrugged. “Sex with Murdock is always a serious matter. That’s why I’m pretty sure Kurt and Kathryn Evans are his future in-laws. He just doesn’t sleep with a woman casually. He doesn’t have it in him.”

“No, he doesn’t,” Syd agreed quietly.

Her gaze slid to Murdock, who was making conversation with Kate’s parents. It was difficult to tell what was going through Syd’s head, but Face suspected she was still coming to grips with the earnestness of Murdock’s relationship with Kate. He put an arm around her shoulders and squeezed.

“It’ll all work out, Syd. I just really don’t think that… Jak is the guy for you.”

“You don’t?”

“No. I don’t.”

“Are you two coming?” Hannibal walked up to them and waited expectantly as the others followed Murdock, Kate, and Kate’s parents into the restaurant. “Kurt got us one of the private rooms in the back. They’re seating us now.”

Putting a hand at the small of Syd’s back, Face guided her after Ray and Trish, with Hannibal bringing up the rear. Around a corner and down a short hall, they went through a set of curtained double-doors. There a large table awaited them. By the time Face walked through with Syd and Hannibal, everyone was taking a seat – except Jakowski.

“There ya are, sweetheart,” Jak said. “I lost ya for a while.”

Holding out the chair to the right of the head seat for Syd, Face strategically blocked access to the empty adjacent chair. As soon as Syd was comfortable, Face quickly slid into it, forcing Jakowski to sit across the wide table from Sydney. They wouldn’t even be able to hold hands. Face smirked.

Dinner tonight wouldn’t be so bad.


	47. Friends and Frustration

After dinner Syd had begged off on the evening activities, despite Face’s persistent wheedling to go drinking on the beach. Instead, she had gone back to the room with Jakowski. She suspected Jak wanted to spend time with Kate and her parents. Besides, she needed to talk with HM – explain that her interest in Campbell had nothing to do with him.

“Murdock’s furious with me,” Jak said, folding himself into one of the easy chairs.

Sydney sat down across from him with a dry snicker. “Well, that makes two of us.”

“You think he’s pissed ‘bout that Campbell thing?”

“Seemed like it.”

Jak snorted. “Irritated at first, maybe, but I don’t think Murdock is capable of being really pissed at you. The guy’s got it bad for ya, Syd.”

“I know,” she said, shaking her head in disbelief. “But I still don’t get it.”

“Don’t get what?”

Standing, Syd paced toward the French doors leading to the veranda. 

“What’s the allure? Why is he so hellbent on being with me? It doesn’t make any sense for us to be together – either personally or professionally.” Striding back toward Jak, she squared her shoulders and said resolutely, “We’d both be better off if we walked away.”

Jak smirked at her. “You don’t believe that.”

“Yes, I do…”

Syd blew out a breath and wilted into the chair. The truth was not black and white. She really did think they’d both be better off if they walked away from their relationship, at least professionally. But at this point she knew that personally there was no way she could do that. In fact, the thought of living her life without HM in it made her feel physically ill. 

Jak sat forward and fixed her with a no-nonsense look. “You and me wouldn’t be sittin’ here if you really felt that way, Syd, and you know it.”

Wrinkling her nose at him, she snipped, “Fine. You’re right. Feel better?”

Relaxing back into the chair, Jak gave her a benevolent smile. “I do.”

“I think Murdock is rubbing off on you, Jakowski.”

There was a knock at the connecting door. Jak jumped up with a wide smile. 

“They’re back.”

Syd stood as Jak shoved their suitcases aside and opened the door. Her anxiety over the Campbell issue was nothing compared to the automatic excitement she felt at being able to spend time with HM without subterfuge. She lived for the quiet time they got to spend together at night, and it had been a particularly long day.

She was ready to have HM all to herself for a while.

mmmmm

“Murdock!”

The pilot turned to find his best friend hurrying to catch up with him. 

“Where are you going?”

“I was thinking about heading back to the room to check on Katie…”

“She said she has a headache, Murdock,” Face said. “That’s female-speak for you ain’t gettin’ any tonight. Come on, let’s go to the bonfire. Hannibal was headed over to light it.”

“Oh, ok.”

“Do ya think we could drag Syd away from Jakowski to hang out?”

Murdock looked at Face, “Huh? Where’s Syd?”

“She and Jakowski said they were going back to their room.” Face shuddered. “I just don’t get Syd’s interest in that country bumpkin. He’s really not her type.”

Murdock shrugged and murmured, “Jak’s a good guy.”

But his thoughts were elsewhere. Syd was already back at the room. He felt guilty as plans for ditching Face to go join her crowded his mind. As much as he wanted to do that, he wasn’t going to. If they were going to keep Face in the dark, then it was probably best if he stayed. It would look suspicious with all four of them going back to their rooms at the same time. 

Face motioned toward the fire pit. “Think there’re any of those s’mores left? I missed out last night.” He grinned. “Lilly was worth it, though.”

“You gonna see her again tonight?” Murdock asked as he fell into step with his best friend.

“Probably. She got off early last night, but given that the bar was busy tonight she probably won’t get off until eleven-thirty.”

“Eleven-thirty?”

“Yeah. Figure I’ll head over around eleven. Meanwhile, we can hang out. It’s really too bad Syd isn’t here. We haven’t had our evening of drinking together on the beach, yet.”

Murdock sighed.

“Yeah. It’s too bad.”

sssss

The connecting door closed on Jakowski, leaving Syd standing by herself in the room. No Murdock. Was he staying away on purpose? Maybe he was really pissed at her for raising the whole Campbell subject. She sighed.

Walking out onto veranda, she leaned on the railing and looked out toward the section of beach that their group had claimed. The flickering light of the bonfire was just visible, the shadowed forms around it barely discernible, though she easily picked out HM standing next to Face out of familiarity. The two men appeared to be talking and laughing together and she wanted nothing more than to go down there and enjoy their soothing company.

But fear of raising suspicion kept her from moving. She turned her face away from the beach view to look out toward the water. The lengthening rays of the sun dipping below the horizon reflected off the sky and ocean in brilliant hues of pink and orange. But those were quickly fading into the deep blue of evening. 

Closing her eyes, Syd let the ocean breeze caress her from head to toe. The soft, floral scent that seemed to underlie every second of time in Hawaii tickled her nose with its heady richness. She could not remember ever being this happy and content in her life. There was only one thing missing to make this moment in time perfect.

HM.

She opened her eyes and stared at the horizon, again weighing the wisdom of going out to the bonfire. No, it would be too suspicious – Kate and Jak together in the hotel, while she and HM were together on the beach. Face would be sure to notice that. She would just have to wait for HM to come to her.

But how long would that take? If he was still upset over the Campbell subject, he might choose to stay away all evening. 

Her gaze had wandered back to the bonfire. She shook her head and turned resolutely away. She needed to stop obsessing about HM, and find something to distract herself until he came in. 

Maybe a good book would do the trick.

mmmmm

Leaving Face at the entrance to the bar with a parting wave, Murdock hastened his leisurely pace as soon as his friend was out of sight. It was after eleven, over three hours since dinner had ended. He was over the whole togetherness thing and ready to spend some time with Sydney – alone.

He nearly bypassed the room he ostensibly shared with Kate and just entered Syd’s room through the hallway door. The pleasantries that would be expected with Kate and Jak and Kate’s parents were just another delay to being with Syd. Unfortunately, he knew that entering from the hallway would freak Syd out and he definitely did not want to do that. Pleasantries it was.

With a brief rap on the door, he pushed into the room. Kurt was the first to notice him and gave him a perfunctory greeting. Murdock suspected that the proper gentleman found the whole situation his daughter was in rather disturbing. What father wouldn’t?

“Hello, Mr. Evans,” Murdock said, reaching out to shake the reluctantly-offered hand. “Have you had a nice evening?”

“Yes, young man, we have. It’s nice to get to spend some time with our daughter and her real beau,” Kurt said gruffly.

Murdock gave him a rueful smile. “Syd and I really appreciate everything that Jak and Kate are doing for us. They’re real good friends.”

“They are,” Kurt said. “And my Katie has a very generous soul. She’ll do anything for a friend. Just mind you don’t take advantage.”

“I wouldn’t want to do that, sir,” Murdock said.

“HM! When did you arrive?” Kate walked in from the veranda and straight up to him, planting a friendly kiss on his cheek. “I figured for sure you were already next door.”

“I couldn’t get away from Face,” Murdock said. “He finally went to meet Lilly.”

“He’s seeing her again? Must be serious. That’s three days in a row,” Kate said with a laugh.

“As serious as Face ever gets,” Murdock agreed with a shrug. “Listen, I’ll head next door and let you get back to your evening.”

He didn’t give either Kurt or Kate a chance to respond, striding to the connecting door and slipping through. The room was dark except for the floor lamp between the two easy chairs near the French doors. Syd was curled into one with a book open on her lap, but she was staring out the open doors at the star-studded night sky.

“Hey, sugar,” he whispered as he made his way toward her.

Jumping to her feet, she let the book fall to the floor, forgotten, and rushed into his arms.

“I’m so sorry, HM,” she murmured.

Engrossed in the feel of her body pressed against his, it took a minute for what she had said to register. He pulled back and brushed the hair out of her face. 

“What’re ya sorry for?”

Syd sighed. “For bringing up that whole Campbell mess…”

“Oh. That.” 

He tried shrugging off the automatic unease mention of Campbell tended to elicit to focus instead on the woman standing in his arms. Syd could be maddening at times, but her burning intelligence and curiosity were part of what he loved about her. Intellectual stimulation heightened the physical arousal, and it was definitely a huge part of her appeal to him. He just needed to figure out how to cope with her tendency to preoccupy herself with unpleasant situations in which she suspected deception. Personally, in this instance, he’d rather just put it in the past and move on.

“Hannibal explained what happened, HM.” Syd’s tone was apologetic, but the determined set to her jaw was telling. “I don’t want to cause you problems, but if Campbell was murdered I think it’s very dangerous to ignore the issue. There is something fishy going on at Nha Trang…”

Murdock placed a hand over her mouth to stop her. “Yeah, I definitely wasn’t thrilled about that topic of conversation. And to be perfectly honest I don’t really wanna talk about it now, either, Syd.”

As he lowered his hand, she sighed. “I just wanted you to understand. But enough said. If you don’t want to talk about it, I get it.”

“It’s not that I don’t want to talk about it, ever,” Murdock said, allowing his appreciative gaze to slide down to the swell of her breasts before locking eyes with her again. “But right now I just want to enjoy being with you, away from all of that.”

She smiled softly at him. “I want that, too.”

Lacing his fingers together at the small of Syd’s back, he smiled down at her. “Did ya miss me this evening?”

The come-hither smile she returned made his heart race. Her cool hands slid over his bare shoulders to wind together behind his neck, pulling him down for a warm and promising kiss that deepened temptingly for several seconds before she pulled away. The mischievous glint in those beautiful blue eyes was his cue to the rib that was coming.

“Absolutely… not.”

Murdock chuckled as he lifted a hand to caress her cheek. 

“You are a tease.”

“If I were a tease you’d be sleeping alone tonight.”

“Point taken.”

He cupped one hand along her square jaw, letting his fingers slip into the silky hair behind her ear. As he leaned down and pulled her closer with the arm still wound around her waist, he inhaled the familiar scent of her. That unique blend of lavender and heady musk was all that was needed to turn him on. Closing his eyes, he allowed his lips to whisper across her cheek, then nibbled briefly at her opposite ear lobe before settling his face into the curve of her neck.

sssss

The feel of his warm breath across her shoulder caused an involuntary shiver of excitement to race up Sydney’s spine. She melted against him, running her hands lightly down the corded muscles of his bare back. Stopping at the waistline of his suit, she groaned in frustration.

“We have too many clothes on.”

“I couldn’t agree more.”

HM’s husky response made her breath catch as he took her hand and led her back into the room. Near the bed, he let go of her and slid off his bathing trunks. As she quickly undressed, he took a seat on the edge of the bed. The smile playing around his full mouth was captivating. She lifted a hand to stroke his cheek, allowing her thumb to gently trace that smile as she moved to his side.

“Do you have any idea how beautiful you are?” he murmured as he cupped her hips with his hands, positioning her so she stood immediately in front of him. His gaze caressed her from head to toe, and her entire body reacted to the promise inherent in that look.

Lifting her other hand, she cupped his handsome face and leaned down to look into his eyes. She cocked a disbelieving eyebrow.

“You’re just infatuated.”

“I’ll show you how infatuated I am,” he growled as he gathered her into his arms and rolled her back onto the bed. 

Before she could register what was happening, Syd found herself flat on her back, with HM hovering above her, supported by his knees and hands. A mock pushup brought his lips to hers, and she closed her eyes to revel in the intensity of the kiss. Snaking her arms around his chest, she pulled him down, sighing as he sank onto her, the kiss deepening as his tongue probed her mouth, insistent and demanding.

HM stretched out his legs along hers, his hardness teasing her throbbing core with its nearness. Sliding her hands down to his hips, she urged him to shift so she could open her legs to him. But HM resisted, instead holding her legs closed while grinding his thick, rigid member high on her pubis. His hips pulsed against her, pressing his balls into her clit, her slick juices flowing from the stimulation. The persistent pressure of him against her was threatening to bring her to orgasm without him even being inside of her. And God, but she wanted him inside of her.

Turning her head from his ravaging kiss, she gasped, “HM, please…”

mmmmm

The movement had exposed her neck, and Murdock lowered his mouth onto the creamy skin like a starving man. Nipping and lapping at her he slowly moved lower and lower, his body slipping between her legs, which she had opened wide to him. But he was intent on his oral exploration, and moved lower still until he encountered her nipple. Unable to satisfy himself with just the tiny, tight bud, he opened his mouth wide and suckled at her entire breast while teasing the nub with his tongue. 

Her gasps and writhing under him eventually registered and when her fingers wound into his hair, he finally decided to give in to the all-consuming desire to become one with his beautiful Sydney. 

Shifting his weight onto his hands, he thrust his hips forward as he pushed up. His entire shaft entered her well which was lubricated and slick. His mouth watered at the thought of tasting her, but that would have to wait for another time. They were both too aroused at this point for any more teasing.

“Oh, Jesus, I… um, it’s Face…”

With a groan, Murdock sank onto Sydney, doing his best to cover her with his body. 

Looking back over his shoulder, Murdock muttered, “Jakowski, I’m going to fucking kill you…”

Jak had closed the connecting door, but the damage was already done. Through the crack, he hissed, “But Face is at the door and he wants you. What do you want me to do?”

“Goddammit,” Murdock muttered. Syd began to quake under him, and he looked down to find her dissolving into laughter. “This is not funny.”

“No,” she sputtered. “It’s hilarious.”

Frustrated, he shifted and thrust strongly into her, eliciting a moan of unsatisfied desire. He smirked at her. “Hilarious, huh?”

“Now who’s being a tease?”

“Murdock, come on. Face is knocking!” Jak whispered urgently.

Reluctantly, Murdock pushed himself out of Syd, and rolled to the edge of the bed. He had been so close that he ached with the need for release. Damn, Face.

He pulled on his swim trunks and trudged to the connecting door. Ripping it open, he forced Jak to slide by him as he strode into Kate’s room. Her parents stood there, expressions mildly shocked, but he was too frustrated to be embarrassed or apologetic.

At the entrance to the room, he opened the door as Face was knocking on it. His friend looked up, startled.

“Good time?” Face asked.

“What do ya think?” Murdock said irritably. “I thought you were spending the night with Lilly.”

Face shrugged and looked away. “She, uh, had… other plans tonight.”

fffff

What Face didn’t say was that he had entered the bar to find Lilly lip-locked with a muscle-bound jarhead. Face had lost it and shoved the guy out of his chair. That was how the fight had started.

If the simpleton had fought with his head instead of his brute strength he might have had a chance. As it was, Face had easily bested him. But when he turned to smile smugly at Lilly, she was rushing to the moron’s side, offering simpering sympathy and yelling at Face to go back to his little piano-playing girlfriend. 

That had shocked him into silence. Unable to come up with a witty response, he had just walked away, wandering around the outside of the hotel for a while. Though the walk had allowed him to work off the adrenalin rush, it had done nothing to help him understand the jumble of emotions that had arisen inside when Lilly had referred to Syd as ‘his little piano-playing girlfriend.’ He finally decided that it was time to remind himself that there was more to life than getting laid. He needed to spend some time with his best friend – friends, both of them – and just chill out.

That was what had led him to knock on Murdock’s door at midnight. Given the presence of Kate’s parents, he honestly couldn’t figure out why his friend looked so pissed. Was it that bad to interrupt a visit with the future in-laws? He’d have thought Murdock would be grateful.

“What do ya want, Face?” Murdock asked through gritted teeth.

Face shrugged. “Well, I thought, if you weren’t asleep, we could go get Syd and enjoy a fifth out on the beach.” Looking his friend in the eyes, he added, “We said we’d do that while we were here. The week’s half over and we still haven’t managed it even once.” 

As he watched, the burning anger evident in Murdock’s eyes dissipated, his shoulders slumping. He turned and took Kate and her parents in in a single glance. “Do you all mind if I go with Face?”

Kurt Evans pursed his lips and raised his eyebrows. “Go right ahead.”

Casting an irritated look at her father, Kate hurried forward and gave Murdock a quick kiss on the lips. “Go ahead, honey. We’ll be fine. I think Mum and Daddy are just about ready to go anyway, and I still have a bit of a naggy headache. I’ll see you when you get back.”

Murdock smiled warmly at her. “Thanks, Katie. You’re a peach.”

He stepped out into the hall with Face and closed the door. “Have you talked to Syd yet?”

“No.” Face glanced uneasily at Syd and Jak’s closed door. “Do you think they’re asleep?”

“Only one way to find out…”

Murdock strode to the door and rapped on it. “Hey, Syd, you busy?”

It was a full minute before Jakowski opened the door, his rumpled hair and haphazardly donned attire a testament to what they were busy doing. 

“What the hell, Murdock?”

“Face and me was wondering if Syd could come out and play,” Murdock said with a smirk.

Syd appeared, and slipped under Jak’s arm and out the door. She was dressed in a tank top, with no bra, and a pair of short athletic shorts. She had obviously just tossed on whatever was handy.

“What do you need?” she asked.

“Aw, geez, Syd…” Jak muttered.

“Go on back to bed, Jakowski,” Sydney said absently.

Face stepped forward. “We’re gonna grab a fifth and head out to the beach, Syd. Wanna join us?”

Glancing over her shoulder, Syd considered Jakowski. “Do you mind, hon?”

“Does it matter?” Jak asked sourly.

Turning back into the room, Syd walked over and leaned down to plant a kiss on Jak’s lips. “It’s only for a little while. I’ll wake you when I get back.”

Hand slipping behind her head, Jak pulled her down for another, more intense kiss, then looked into her eyes. “Promise?”

She smiled. “I promise.”

Lips turning up in a lazy smile, Jak nodded. “It’ll give me a chance to recharge, sweetheart. You wear me out.”

Syd turned and sauntered toward them. Face couldn’t help but notice the way Jak’s eyes followed her, fixed on her back side. As nice as he knew the view was, he still thought it was rude of the guy to be so blatant about it in front of Murdock and him. Didn’t he have any couth at all? 

Coming through the door, Syd pulled it shut behind herself as she joined them in the hall. Face’s irritation with Jakowski melted away as soon as the peter pilot was out of sight. Face grinned at his two best friends.

“All set? Let’s go!”


	48. Forever Fades to Finale on Faith

It only took a couple logs to stoke the dying embers of the fire to life. Having resigned himself to spending a couple hours on the beach with Face and Syd, Murdock found his frustration at the interruption of his planned activity for the night fading into the enjoyment of relaxation with his two best friends. Either way he got to be with Syd, and that alone was enough to make him happy.

Face had pulled a low stool to one side of the fire, and set three glasses and a fifth of whiskey on it. Next to the table, Syd spread out a beach blanket that she had retrieved from the front desk. Grabbing a couple cushions off one of the lounge chairs, Murdock propped himself up on the far corner of the blanket, stetching out his legs along the edge with a sigh. 

Sydney carefully cleaned the sand off her feet before walking to the middle of the blanket and taking a seat. Reaching over her, Face handed one of the glasses to Murdock.

“I splurged on a bottle of good single malt Irish whiskey,” Face said, as he handed a second glass to Sydney. He then raised his own glass and looked down at them. “To good friends and good times.”

Murdock and Syd both raised their glasses and repeated, “To good friends and good times.”

The drink was smooth and went down easy, but Murdock choked on the last bit when Syd poked him in the side. 

“You gonna share those cushions with me and Face?”

“Naw. I’m pretty comfy.” He grinned at her. “You’re welcome to use me as a pillow any time, though, sugar.”

The quirked eyebrow from Syd was a silent warning, but Face was all over the idea.

“Yeah, Syd! You lean on Murdock, I’ll lean on you.”

Murdock stifled a chuckle at the surprised look on Syd’s face, but she didn’t protest. She scooted closer to Murdock and laid her head on his stomach, shifting until she was comfortable. Face followed her example, getting situated so he could rest his head on Syd’s midriff.

After several seconds of silence, Face said, “There’s only one problem with this arrangement.”

Leaning up on an elbow, Face looked up towards Syd’s face and ended up nose to boob with her. 

“Problem with the view?” Syd asked with a smirk.

“Um, well, actually, that’s not really a problem, at least not for me.” Face grinned at her, lifting his head higher and turning a bit more so he could wink at Murdock. “No, you see, my problem is that when I’m lying down like that I can’t drink my whiskey.”

With one arm propped behind his head, Murdock said sagely, “Now that, my friend, is a big problem.” 

“Exactly.”

Murdock shrugged. “I am a little jealous of the view, though.”

“Too bad for you,” Face said as his head dropped back to Syd’s middle. He sighed.

“You’re both impossible,” Sydney said. “I saw Lilly, Face. I’m like the foothills to her Himalayas. Give me a break.”

“Lilly does have nice breasts,” Face said thoughtfully.

“Eh, more than a mouthful just gets in the way,” Murdock said. “My opinion, you’re jes’ ‘bout perfect, sugar.”

The sharp elbow in his side was another warning, but he just ignored it. Face was oblivious to the fact that Murdock’s teasing was based in their intimacy. No harm, no foul.

With a frustrated grunt Syd shifted to an elbow so she could take a sip of her drink, disturbing Face in the process.

“You’re right, Face. This arrangement is a problem.”

Murdock upended his glass and reached toward the table, but it was out of reach.

“Not only that, I can’t reach the booze,” Murdock said.

Rolling to his feet with his own empty glass, Face said, “Well, we can’t have that.”

Face picked up the little table and set it down on the blanket next to Murdock, then filled all three of their glasses before moving back to his seat.

Nudging Syd, Face urged her to move so she could lean higher on Murdock’s chest. Murdock shifted sideways, knowing that having Syd snuggled any closer to him was going to be far too tempting. 

He propped himself on an elbow resting on the top cushion, pushing the stack of two slightly askew in the process. Syd shifted so she was lying at less than a right angle to him, with her shoulders supported by the lower cushion and her head resting on the top cushion. Face harrumphed.

“What about me?”

“Oh for goodness sake,” Sydney said. 

She pushed to her feet, set her glass on the table, and motioned to both of them to get up. Moving the cushions to the center of the blanket, she dropped down and settled herself so that her shoulders and head were propped on the cusions with her feet stretching out over the edge of the blanket. 

“Now you can each have your own side,” she muttered. 

Grunting, Murdock scowled at his friend. “Way to go, Face. Now neither of us gets to enjoy the view.”

“Shut up, Murdock. And hand me my drink,” Sydney snipped.

Murdock splashed a couple more fingers of whiskey into her glass before handing it to her. Then he rested on the edge of the cushions to Syd’s right, stretching his body out at a right angle to hers. Before settling down to Syd’s left, Face moved the table one more time, placing it within Murdock’s reach.

They all tipped their heads back with a collective gasp at the riot of stars overhead.

“Beautiful,” Sydney breathed.

“Amen,” Face said.

Glancing sideways at the enraptured look on Syd’s face, Murdock murmured, “Absolutely gorgeous.” 

Syd’s eyes shifted to meet his gaze. She smiled and reached a hand down to grasp his where it lay on the blanket.

He twined his fingers into hers, caressing the palm of her hand with his thumb. A content smile settled on his face as he looked skyward again.

Life didn’t get much better than this.

fffff

“How can anyone doubt the existence of God when you look up at those stars?” Face asked quietly.

“It does give one pause,” Sydney said. “But I’ve seen too many things in my life that call into question the existence of some benevolent deity to take the night sky as some sort of irrefutable proof.”

Murdock snorted. Face knew it was likely that his best friend felt the same way. A self-proclaimed agnostic, Murdock liked to say that while he wasn’t willing to bow down and worship God, he also wasn’t about to deny His existence outright. 

To a devout Catholic, it was a total copout. But after getting to know Murdock, Face had decided it was pointless to argue with him. For one thing, the pilot’s unwaivering logic tended to shake Face’s faith.

“Don’t go tryin’ to reason ‘bout Christianity with the Faceman, sugar,” Murdock said. “You’ll just end up talkin’ in circles for the next coupla hours. Trust me. Been there, done that.”

“There’s nothing wrong with Christianity, per se,” Sydney said. “I’m equally suspicious of all religions. According to the Jewish Talmud, religion is one of the three universal reasons for war. That alone is a good reason to abstain.”

Face groaned. “Sorry I brought it up.”

Murdock laughed. “You’re the one that got her started, Face.”

Turning his head so he could look at Syd, Face was surprised to meet her eyes. She flashed him a thin-lipped, rueful smile.

“Sorry, Face. I didn’t mean to belittle your religious beliefs. It’s just that… well, I don’t think I can share them.”

Reaching back over his shoulder, he gave her a forgiving pat. “It’s alright, Syd. We can still be friends… even if you are a heathen.”

Sydney’s responding giggle made Face smile. Despite their differences, he was closer to Syd and Murdock than he had ever been to anyone. He firmly believed that God had brought them into his life for a reason, and even though neither of them was a believer, his own faith had to be strong enough for all of them.

Because if Heaven didn’t have room for his two best friends, there was absolutely no sense in believing in its existence.

And Face firmly believed in Heaven.

sssss

“I don’ know, Face, guess it all depends on your definition of ‘heathen,’” HM said. “Some folks might think you’re a heathen.”

“What the hell do you think ‘heathen’ means?” Face asked.

“It’s meaning can be as simple as ‘immoral,’” HM said. “Way you sleep ‘round would be immoral in a lot o’ folks’ eyes.”

“A ‘heathen’ is someone who does not believe in God,” Face said firmly.

“Your God or someone else’s god?”

Syd’s eyes drifted shut as she listened to Face and HM continue their debate. While religion offered endless fodder for philosophical discussions, her own interest in the topic at hand had already waned. With someone as devout as Face obviously was there seemed little point in debating. No one was going to change Face’s mind about the existence of God. And there was nothing wrong with that. Face was entitled to his beliefs, especially if they helped him make it through this crazy world with his sanity intact. 

HM’s thumb still traced lazy circles in the palm of her hand, and she focused on the touch. The frustration of their pre-empted sexual encounter lingered in the tightness between her legs. His touch, no matter how casual, tended to do funny things to her. But right now, the feel of his hand in hers anchored her on the beach with her friends even as she drifted in the relaxed twilight between sleeping and waking.

fffff

A soft snore from Syd made Face chuckle. “I think Syd’s asleep.”

“Must be all the exercise she’s been gettin’ with Jak,” Murdock said.

Face grimaced. “Can we not talk about that?”

“Syd and Jak’s sex life?” Murdock asked. “Does that bother you, Face?”

“I just have a hard time seeing Syd with Jakowski. He’s not her type.”

“So what is her type?”

Face’s shrug made the cushions move slightly as he said, “Well, obviously, you’re her type…”

“Jakowski and I could practically be brothers, Face,” Murdock said, tone reasonable. “We’re both pilots, both southern hicks… hell, we even both got brown hair and brown eyes. If I’m her type, then Jak’s her type.”

“The things you share with Jakowski are all on the surface – only skin deep,” Face said. “You and I are more like brothers than you and Jakowski are, despite our outward appearance.”

Murdock chuckled. “No arguin’ with ya there, Faceman.”

Lapsing into silence, Face gave some serious consideration to why he was so certain Jak was all wrong for Syd. For one thing, though Jak was no dummy, he wasn’t nearly as sharp as the guys on the Team. And he definitely didn’t have Murdock’s versatility or genius when it came to covert ops. Hell, Face found it a challenge holding his own when it came to matching wits with his best friend. There was no way Jak challenged Syd’s intellect the way they could.

But most importantly, Jak was boring. He was talented in the air, but that was it. He didn’t perform on-the-ground ops, and he certainly wasn’t true alpha team material. Every member of the Team wore more than one hat – it was what made them such a versatile force to be reckoned with. Jak might be Murdock’s choice for a second in the chopper, but he’d never be anything more than that – a second, in the air or on the ground.

Syd deserved better than Jak had to offer. She deserved Murdock.

Or someone like him.

mmmmm

Sydney’s soft, sleepy sounds made Murdock smile. Shifting slightly so he was closer, his shoulder brushed hers, and if he turned his head, the scent of her shampoo filled his nose. He closed his eyes as he slipped his fingers out of hers and engulfed her hand protectively. If Face hadn’t been there, he’d have wrapped himself around her like a cocoon. 

“You want another drink, Murdock?” 

The cushions shifted as Face stood. Murdock sat up quickly, releasing Syd’s hand in disappointment. Their movement jarred Syd awake – kind of.

“HM?” she murmured, turning bleary eyes in his direction. 

Glancing at Face, Murdock was relieved to see that his friend was concentrating on pouring the whiskey. He leaned down and shook Syd’s shoulder.

“Wakey, wakey, Sydney,” he said gently. “Face is pouring another round.”

Sydney blinked and sat up, stretching. Her bared midriff, coupled with thick, tousled hair spilling over big, dreamy blue eyes made Murdock’s breath catch. She is so beautiful.

A rough nudge to his arm made him realize Face was standing next to him holding out his drink. His friend looked mildly annoyed.

“So, you gettin’ along with Katie’s parents ok?” 

Why was Face bringing up Kate now? Murdock knitted his brows.

“Uh, not bad, but not great. Kathryn is a sweetheart, but Kurt is a tough nut.”

“Yeah, I noticed,” Face said with a snicker. “He looked less than thrilled with you tonight when we left your room.”

Murdock shrugged. Kurt wasn’t very happy with him, but not for the reasons Face thought. Luckily the faulty interpretation worked for their purposes. It didn’t make Murdock feel any better about lying to his friend, though.

“Hey, Syd, ready for another drink?” Face asked.

Having pushed herself to a halfway sitting position, Syd nodded. But a wide yawn kept her from actually verbalizing. Face chuckled and carefully placed a glass in her outstretched hand, waiting until the yawn had passed and Syd had a firm hold on it before he let go.

“Thanks, Face,” Syd said.

Face filled his glass again before dropping back to the blanket. He leaned on an elbow propped near Syd’s knees and looked up at her. His teasing smile was affectionate.

“You’re such a lightweight.”

With a soft snort, Syd responded, “Two months in the boonies sans alcohol will do that to you.”

Chest tightening with the mixture of rage and fear that threatened his cool every time he thought about Syd’s experiences in North Vietnam, Murdock grunted. 

“Not to mention the fact that you lost at least twenty pounds, were… attacked, and then forced to walk miles to a rendezvous point to hell and gone from where you were…”

“Don’t, HM,” Syd warned.

He took a deep breath. Counted to ten. Sighed. “Sorry.”

She looked up and gave him a soft smile. “I’m alright.”

“No thanks to Lewis,” Face muttered.

“Amen,” Murdock said. His best friend’s face reflected the same fury that he felt. Locking eyes, they both nodded.

“Predictable,” Sydney said. 

Murdock jerked his head down to look at her, gaze quizzical. “Huh? What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You… both of you are so overprotective it isn’t funny,” Syd said. “It wasn’t Lew’s fault – we were both doing our jobs. The important thing is that I’m fine. And I’m here. And I really don’t want to talk about it any more.”

Her voice had become more and more stressed, the last sentence strangled with tension. Face put a hand on her knee and squeezed. 

“We’re sorry, Syd. Consider the subject dropped.”

Placing a hand on her shoulder, Murdock lowered himself beside her, kneading the tense muscles under his fingers. The flesh over her bones was still frightfully thin, but he put the thought aside and murmured near her ear. 

“S’ok, sugar. We just worry ‘bout ya, tha’s all.” 

sssss

The shiver that slid up her spine had everything to do with HM’s warm breath washing across her neck. But Face didn’t know that. He moved quickly to sit beside her, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. 

“You’re safe now, Syd,” he said softly, tucking her under his arm.

Meanwhile, HM shifted to her other side and slid an arm around her waist. The three of them sat there in silence for several minutes – enough time for the warmth from the two men to seep into her both physically and emotionally. No matter what happened when they got back to Vietnam, they’d always have each other.

Syd had faith in that.

s

It was some time later – after the whiskey was gone – that they finally called it a night. Being gentlemen, Murdock and Face escorted her to her room first. 

“Thanks for a great night, guys.”

Syd turned to face them at her door, and reached up to give each a kiss on the cheek – first Murdock and then Face.

“Sleep tight,” she said, then yawned widely. “I know I will. I’m exhausted.”

“’Night, Syd,” they said in unison.

Ducking into the room with a hasty goodnight, she glanced around. Quickly noting that the room was empty, Syd hurried to the connecting door and knocked softly.

She was just about to knock again when the door opened. She stepped back, expecting to see Jakowski. She was therefore pleasantly surprised when HM walked through before closing the door softly behind him. 

When he turned toward her, his grin was infectious. “Told Faceman I was whooped and slipped into the room and closed the door before he could say anything else. Jak and Kate are sound asleep.”

They moved together, wrapping around one another. Syd sighed as her cheek came to rest on HM’s chest, the coarse, curly hair there tickling the side of her face. One of his arms pulled her tight against him, while the other gently gathered her hair away from her face. He leaned his head down to kiss her temple.

“Ya know,” he breathed, pressing his cheek where his lips had been, “as frustrated as I was when Face showed up, I really did enjoy spending time down on the beach together. We gotta do that more often.”

“I enjoyed it too. You and Face are the best friends I’ve ever had,” she murmured.

“You do think o’ me as a little more than jus’ a friend… don’t ya, sugar?” Murdock asked softly, lips whispering across her brow.

She lifted her head to look up into his face. Struck again by the depth and dimension of his warm, brown eyes, Syd lost herself. Her response came out as a spontaneous reaction to the strength of the emotions that HM awakened within her.

“Yes, you are definitely more than a friend. You’re… everything.”

His responding smile was pleased. “I think that might be even better than admittin’ ya love me.”

She chuckled and pulled away from him in an effort to regain some of her self-possession. HM could compromise her independence in a way that was more than a little unsettling.

“Call it whatever you like,” she said as she walked toward the French doors leading to the veranda. Glancing over her shoulder, she added, “You can still piss me off sometimes.”

“That goes both ways, sugar,” he said, following her out onto the veranda. 

Leaning on the railing, she looked out toward the dim coals of the burned out bonfire. Her worries about HM’s anger at her earlier seemed silly now. His arms circled her from behind and he rested his chin on her head.

“This is a little risky, isn’t it?” he asked, teasing. “What if someone sees us?”

“Face’s room is right downstairs so he’s probably already in it and asleep. And I’m certain everyone else is still asleep. I think we’re safe.”

HM sighed heavily. 

“What is it, HM?”

“I don’ like lyin’ to Face.”

“Neither do I.”

HM turned her so she was facing him, his look earnest. “Then let’s stop this, Syd. It’s the guys. We don’ need to keep secrets from them… ‘specially Face.”

“I wish it was that easy, HM, but Hannibal agrees. Keeping Face in the dark is part of the strategy. Only Hannibal and Ray realize what’s going on at this point… well, Trish knows, too.” Sydney paused, took a deep breath, and plunged on. “But the point is that if Face and BA and Gravy all react genuinely to you being with Kate and me being with Jak it’s going to lend a lot of credibility to the lie once we’re back in Nha Trang.”

“But I’m sure they’d all play along, Syd.” HM’s hands slid from her shoulders, down her arms, to grip her hands.

She pressed her lips together, nodding her head. “I know they would, but not nearly as convincingly as if they weren’t playing.”

HM screwed his mouth off to one side, his eyes rolling down and away before fixing on her again. “Hannibal agrees, huh?”

“Yes.”

“Alright, then. Guess that’s the way it needs to be. Don’ mean I gotta like it.”

Squeezing his hands comfortingly, Syd said, “I’m not thrilled either, HM. But if it’s the best way for us to be together while we’re at Nha Trang, I’ll take it.”

He smiled at her. “You don’ know how happy it makes me to hear you say that, sugar.”

She reached up and pressed her lips to his, the brief pressure enough to start her heart racing. Stepping back, she looked up at him. Was there any point in denying it anymore?

Smiling, she admitted, “I think I love you, HM Murdock.”

HM pulled her into his arms and Sydney melted willingly against him. The gentle wind coming off the ocean carried the ever-present scent of tropical flowers, its cooling effect welcome given the heat of their coupled bodies. Laying her head on HM’s chest, she could hear his heart racing in time to hers. She laced her fingers together at the small of his back and closed her eyes. 

The feel of his lips against her ear raised gooseflesh across her body, his whisper as soft as the breeze, but infinitely more provocative.

“I already knew that, sugar.”

She pressed a kiss to the hollow of his throat and then gave him a little nip on the neck. He sucked in a breath in surprise. 

Looking up at him, she murmured, “Smart ass.”

His teasing smile had become very familiar to her by now, and her lips turned up in automatic response. 

Eyebrow quirking up, he said, “But I’m your smart ass, sugar – forever and always.” 

Despite the tongue-in-cheek delivery, the promise of that statement settled as a comforting truth deep inside of Sydney. And the reciprocity of the basic sentiment was undeniable.

“Yours, forever and always.”

THE END


End file.
